It was the last week of school before Christmas break, and Sam discovered very quickly that out of all the holidays, Gabriel took Christmas the most seriously.

So the second the Novaks wandered into school, Anna, Hannah, Balthazar, and Castiel ran away, not wanting to be associated with their brother.

For Gabriel was wearing a springy Santa hat, had Christmas themed stickers all over his face, and was wearing the single most obnoxious, hideous Christmas sweater to ever exist in all of mankind.

He'd had the sweater specially made. It sang Grandma got run over by a Reindeer anytime someone said the word "Christmas".

He was also carrying around a stick that had a sprig of mistletoe tied to it, and he dangled the string over unsuspecting pairs all day.

Oh yeah. Gabriel was a Christmas nightmare, and Sam honestly didn't know why he was surprised. Especially when his eye assaulting boyfriend walked into their Spanish class, and stuck the mistletoe stick in one of the ceiling tiles so that it would permanently hang between them.

"Oh no!" Gabriel gasped, faking dismay. "I guess that means we'll just have to make out for the whole class!" Sam rolled his eyes.

"You get one kiss." He told him.

"Two?"

"No."

"One and one for good luck?"

"Nope."

"How about one for every day you've loved me?" Gabriel leaned in and Sam shoved his face away.

"In that case you get none." Gabriel burst out laughing.

"Yeah right. C'mon, I want my one. Better make it good." Sam sighed and tugged Gabriel in by his obnoxious sweater and kissed him good. Gabriel, ever the little shit, kicked one of his legs back in true cliche fashion.

"Does that meet your mistletoe requirement?" Sam asked.

"Hmmm, I don't know. I think I have short term memory loss. We should kiss again so that it really sticks in my brain."

"Not while you're wearing that Christmas monstrosity-"

"GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEEEEEER-" The sweater started, and Sam stared at him as Gabriel tried REALLY hard not to laugh.

"So what you're saying is," Gabriel insisted. "I have to be shirtless for you to kiss me."

"How you even got to that point-"

"Well I'm SORRY, SAMUEL, but I can't violate the school's dress code!" 

"I'm 100% positive you're violating it right now-"

"But I would be HAPPY to indulge your fantasy in a more appropriate setting. Like the girl's bathroom, where no one will see us."

"You're so ridiculous I can't even wrap my head around it."

"You just have to roll with the insanity, baby...So was that a yes on the bathroom-"

"NO."

"Why?"

"Because it's a BATHROOM."

"Hey, the first place we ever made out was a bathroom, don't tell me NOW you've raised your standards." Sam buried his face in his hands to hide his blush.

"What am I going to do with you?"

"Preferably? Love me, fuck me, give me candy- I'll let you pick the order." 

"Wow."

"Hey, you said you liked honesty."

"There's honesty, and then there's you."

"Don't hear you complaining."

"And the fact that I can't means there is something very, very wrong with me."

"The only thing wrong with you, my dear moosie, is that I'm not kissing you right now."

"Maybe it's mistletoe poisoning."

"And maybe its Maybelline. We'll never know for sure."

"It's definitely mistletoe poisoning."

"That's ridiculous, you can't get poisoned from mistletoe."

"Gabe, it's a SUPER poisonous plant."

"Wait....really?"

"YES." Gabriel paused and Sam froze.

"Don't tell me-"

"SAM WHAT DOES MISTLETOE POISONING LOOK LIKE? AM I GONNA DIE??!?! WHY HAS SANTA FORSAKEN ME!?!?"

*****

Lunch rolled around, and the Novaks rounded up at their usual table, already complaining about the 'Christmas themed lunches' which was really just an excuse to hide the green of the rotten food they were being served.

Hannah, Anna, Cas, Dean, Charlie and Jo picked at the latest concoction warily until Balthazar made his entrance.

And by entrance, I mean that he was literally carried inside on the shoulders of two football players while various people danced around them and threw confetti, glitter, and flower petals.  Regal music played. Balthazar wore a frilly robe and a flower crown. The whole cafeteria watched.

The minions dispersed after Balthazar sat down at the table, although one guy stayed behind to feed him grapes and said nothing.

"What the actual fuck-" Dean started.

"The perk," Balthazar explained. "Of being the school whore is not only getting laid a lot, but also having so many people worship you that they'll do things like that in exchange for Christmas handjobs. OH SHIT I SAID CHRISTMAS." He covered his ears, awaiting the blow of Grandma got run over by a reindeer that never came. "Wait, where's Gabriel?"

"Nurse's office," Hannah offered.

"Did Sam finally attempt to kill him?"

"No. Mistletoe poisoning."

"That moron-"

"WAIT A SECOND," Jo said. "Back up. You promised all those people HANDJOBS for CHRISTMAS?"

"Yes."

"In exchange for a pointless one minute entrance to the cafeteria?"

"Well, no. We paraded around the whole school. They recorded it for me. It's actually my project for History on Charismatic Leadership."

"Wow." Balthazar shrugged.

"You'd be amazed what people do for me."

"It's creepy," Charlie insisted. "It's like he's a cult leader." Balthazar gasped.

"I could start a cult..." 

"NO." Cas objected.

"I COULD START A CULT!"

"HELL YEAH!" Hannah agreed. "But don't make people shave their head and drink poison kool aid, okay? That's not cool."

"Of course not," Balthazar said. "But there could be orgies-"

"You have a problem." 

"You call it a problem, I call it 'living my best life'."

"Balth-" Cas started.

"No, no," Dean interrupted. "He's got a point."

"DEAN."

"I'm just saying!"

A/N: Guys.

I don't wanna alarm you but-

*whispers* I made "Don't tread on my gay love affair" merch

Link in the comments 

(And yes Gabriel is featured on it, how could he not be)