It was New Year's Eve, and for the seven hundredth time this year, Chuck wished he had a bigger house.

The Novaks always had a little party on New Year's Eve, cause why not? It had started with just him and Amara, celebrating that they had survived another year with their sanity and without accidentally killing a child. But the party had grown from there to include the kids, then Charlie, then Chloe, and now...

Now the entire Winchester family was present, along with Anna's latest fling (Some dude named Josh who Chuck already hated with a passion), Chloe and Jo had snuck their way in, and Balthazar had bought Chastity for another holiday, something no one could really object to because hey, she was on the Christmas card, and that made her family. 

And to top off the chaos of having seventeen people crowded in the living room, Michael of all people, had shyly asked if he could have someone over as well.

"OOOOO," Gabriel started immediately. "MIKEY'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND!!"

"No I don't!" Michael said defensively, immediately regretting it cause it would only set his siblings off further.

"No, you're right, he doesn't," Lucifer agreed and Michael gave him a weird look. Since when was Satan kind? "He's bringing his BUDDY-"

"NO."

"BUDDY SYSTEM FOR LIFE, BROTHER!" Michael grabbed a pillow and started beating Satan with it while Lucifer cackled. 

"WILL YOU STOP CALLING IT THAT!"

"I will when you give me a better description of your relationship," Lucifer insisted and Michael went red.

"THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP. I DON'T DATE."

"Buuuuuuddddddyyyyyy-"

"SATAN I WILL PISS IN YOUR PIG'S BLOOD."

"Please don't," Chloe begged. "You have no idea how difficult it was to get that shit."

"Why-" Chuck started, only to stop himself and sigh. "You know what? I don't even want to know. Michael! Who's your buddy?"

"NOT YOU TOO-" Michael groaned.

"YES!" Lucifer cheered. "Her name is L Y D I A." Michael dropped to the floor and buried his face in his hands.

"Why did I ever think this was a good idea?" He asked.

"Lydia?" Cas echoed from his seat, which happened to be Dean's lap. "That's a pretty name. What's she like?"

"She's...." Michael waved randomly. "A person."

"She seemed nice when I saw her," Chloe insisted.

"Wait YOU'VE MET HER?" Chuck demanded. "AND I HAVEN'T? HOW??"

"I met her at a party that Luci and Chloe crashed," Michael explained. "And she doesn't really like parties, so I would APPRECIATE IT, if you would all BEHAVE AROUND HER." The entire party stared at him.

"Is behaving still a thing?" Balthazar asked, braiding his prostitute's hair. "I thought it went out of style years ago."

"Mike," Hannah said gently. "You're bringing her to meet your family; a family that includes God, Balthazar, a future stripper, an ACTUAL STRIPPER-"

"PROSTITUTE," Balthazar corrected.

 "-and SATAN. I want you to think about what you're asking of us." Michael groaned.

"This was a horrible idea." 

And then the doorbell rang.

"I'LL GET IT!" Lucifer charged for the door, flung it open, and then dipped into a bow. "Greetings, good madam." Lydia stared at him, then stepped over him and into the house.

"Uh, hi?" She offered as the whole house stared at her.

"Daddammit, Michael," Anna swore. "WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SHE WAS PRETTY?!?" Michael sighed.

"Lydia," He started. "Welcome to Hell. I'll introduce you and then I'm going to slowly shred myself in the sink's garbage disposal. Sound good?"

"Sounds wonderful," She said, lopping an arm through his. "Introduce and shred away."

"That's Chuck, he's God. Also my dad." Chuck waved excitedly.

"Hello!" He said happily. "It's awesome to meet you!"

"That's Amara, my aunt." Amara held up a beer in salute and then proceeded to chug from it.

"You've already met Chloe and Satan- that's Anna, and her chair is...Wait what's your name again?"

"Josh." Josh said.

"Yeah, that's Josh, don't bother remembering him. That's Balthazar and his prostitute for the evening."

"SHE HAS A NAME, YOU KNOW," Balthazar yelled. "Although hello Lydia dear, you look positively lovely, and here I thought only trolls would befriend my brother, how wrong I was."

"Thank you?" Lydia said, confused.

"You're welcome. Call me if you need a ballgown. I make ballgowns now."

"They're really pretty too," Hannah said. "Also hi! I'm Hannah! Vote for me for president!"

"You seem a bit young to be running for president," Lydia insisted.

"Yeah, but it's never too early to start campaigning and nabbing votes. Can I count on your support?"

"Depends. What's your campaign focus?"

"Equality, but I'm also in the process of drafting up a bill that forces all schools to have at least one gender neutral bathroom and locker room."

"Hannah you're fifteen," Chuck reminded her. "You can slow down."

"NEVER!" 

"ANYWAYS," Michael went on. "That's Cassie and his boyfriend Dean."

"Hello."

"That's Charlie, her girlfriend Jo, and that's Mary."

"Hi!"

"And that's Gabriel and his side piece Sam."

"HEY!" Sam cried, offended. "I am not a side piece!"

"He's my boyfriend," Gabriel said cheekily.

"No I'm not."

"Liar Liar, Mom on fire."

"My mom's not on fire."

"You're right. LUCI GET THE TORCHES." Mary slid a little closer to the door, just in case a quick exit was needed.

"And I think that's everyone," Michael said. "Now I'm gonna go die before they say anything embarrassing about me." Lydia raised an eyebrow.

"You mean like cute baby Michael stories?" She asked hopefully.

"Oh no-"

"OH YES," Chuck declared. "Come with me, sweetie, I've got SCRAPBOOKS."

"DAD NO."

"DAD YES. I have so many embarrassing pictures of ALL of them."

"Wait, including Luci?" Chloe asked.

"DUH."

"I WANNA SEE!" She and Lydia ran for the scrapbooks with Chuck as Lucifer sighed.

"Why has my Satanness forsaken me?" He asked.

****

The party raged on as the clock slowly ticked closer to midnight, and everyone eventually split up around the house, making it seem less crowded. Michael and Charlie got wrapped up in the idea of video game development while Jo and Amara argued over the best kinds of alcohol. Lydia, Anna, and Hannah began an in depth discussion about the future of the country while Lucifer took Josh outside and attempted to set him on fire through various games. Chloe sat close by them with a fire extinguisher. Chastity, Chuck, and Mary played a drinking game in the kitchen while Balthazar, Dean, and Cas debated which classic rock singer Lizzo could beat in a fight. Forgotten about in the insanity, Sam and Gabriel snuck upstairs to Gabe's room and locked the door behind them.

"Are you sure about this?" Gabriel asked. "Cause I'm not sure you're aware of what you're getting yourself into here."

"Oh, I'm sure," Sam grinned. "I'm ready and willing if you are."

"Oh, I am."

"Good, then let's do this." Gabriel grinned and went to kiss him, but Sam stopped him. "Not so fast- you promised me a dance first." Gabe groaned.

"You're not SERIOUSLY gonna hold me to that, are you?"

"Hey, when Gabriel Novak offers to do a sexy dance for you, you accept, and I want to see it."

"You're so annoying."

"Oh? What else?"

"Obnoxious."

"If I'm so obnoxious, why are you gonna sleep with me?"

"Because you're obnoxiously attractive and I like you, but I don't see why we can't just get to that part first-"

"Because you PROMISED a dance, and if you want access to me then that's the admission fee."

"You're not gonna make me do this every time, right?"

"Eh, we'll see how good you do. Dance for me, Gabe." Gabriel let out a long suffering sigh and Sam sat on the bed with a stupid smirk to watch him.

Gabriel shrugged off his shirt and started off key singing.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt," He sang, moving in a way that attempted and epically failed to be sensual. "Too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it HURTS-" Sam burst out laughing. "SHUT UP OR YOU'RE NEXT-And I'm, too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan-"

"Okay, you win, you can stop," Sam said, still laughing.

"Oh really?"

"Yes, that was totally worth it." 

"You realize now I have to kiss you so hard you get brain damage and forget all about that, right?"

"Understood and still worth it."

"I hate you."

"If you hate me so much why don't you come over here and kiss this grin off my face?" So Gabriel walked over, and did just that.

******

"LAST FIVE MINUTES PEOPLE!" Hannah yelled in an attempt to get people into the living room. Michael and Lucifer crashed onto the couch on either side of her, Chloe and Lydia perching on the arms.  Chuck, Amara and Mary took the other couch while Anna and Josh crammed into the armchair. Balthazar flopped on the floor with Dean and Cas while Chastity sat on the steps attempting to light a cigarette. Charlie and Jo stood behind the couch and Chuck looked around, counting everyone to see who they were missing.

"Wait, where are Sam and Gabriel?" He asked.

"Probably fucking," Balthazar said bluntly, only to be followed by a mass amount of screeching and horror filled cries.

"BALTHAZAR WHAT THE FUCK-" Dean yelled.

"THEY ARE NOT," Chuck and Mary shouted at the same time. Anna clamped her hands over her ears.

"EW EW EW-" She cried. Balthazar only shrugged.

"Well if they're NOT, then where are they?" He asked. The group paused.

"They're definitely fucking," Chastity called from the stairs.

"THANK YOU, LUCINDA, I KNEW YOU'D BACK ME UP."

"Oh my god why are we still talking about this?" Michael asked, burying his face in his hands. 

"Three Minutes!" Hannah yelled.

"You know," Lucifer started. "If you play 'Sincerely Me' from Dear Evan Hansen at exactly 11:59:21, the line "kinky" will play exactly at midnight." Hannah started at him and then immediately started pulling up YouTube.

"We're starting this year off right," She muttered.

"GABRIEL!" Balthazar called. "CUM AND GO OR YOU'RE GONNA MISS THE BALL DROP!" Chuck stared at the ceiling, unwilling to meet Mary's eyes.

"Your children have quite a....colorful vocabulary," Mary commented, finishing off her drink.

"Yes they do," Chuck sighed. "But I love them."

"You know what, sugar," Chastity said seriously. "I like y'all. I think I'll do holidays for free around here. You do feed me." Balthazar gasped.

"You swear it?" He asked.

"You bet, hun." Balthazar hugged her.

"You're the best, Lucinda!"

"What did I say about calling me that while I'm working?"

"ONE MINUTE!" Hannah yelled.

"SAM!" Dean shouted, a last ditch attempt to get Sabriel in the room. They stumbled down the stairs just as the countdown started.

"THERE you are," Amara said, rolling her eyes at their disheveled appearance.

"Gabe, settle a debate for me," Balthazar pleaded. "Were you two fucking?"

"WHAT!" Gabriel yelped as Sam's eyes widened.

"That is NONE of your business-" Sam started.

"Just ANSWER THE QUESTION-" Balthazar said.

"Oh my god, Balth," Anna groaned. "Just leave it alone for once!"

"You want to know too!"

"Yeah but I'm not gonna ASK THEM EMBARRASSING QUESTIONS IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE FAMILY-"

"31...30..." Hannah started counting as a shouting match exploded around the room. 

"WHY DOES IT MATTER-"

"BECAUSE I WAS RIGHT-"

"AND FURTHERMORE-"

"CAN EVERYBODY JUST SHUT UP-"

"JOOOOOOSSSSHHHHH!"

"5....4...."

"IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION. GABRIEL WERE YOU OR WERE YOU NOT SCREWING SAM?" Gabriel threw up his hands.

"YES, ALRIGHT! WE WERE FUCKING!"

"Kinky!"

"HAPPY NEW YEAR."

The room went quiet for a moment as the people on the TV cheered and started playing Auld Lang Syne. Then, slowly Hannah started laughing.

"Kinky!" She said, giggling like a maniac. Lucifer broke next, shortly followed by Chloe and the rest of the siblings until the whole room was full on laughing.

"Happy New Year everyone," Chuck sighed, shaking his head.

"Happy New Year indeed," Balthazar said smugly. He raised his cup. "Congrats on becoming a man, Gabriel!" Gabriel dumped soda on him, and the party raged on.