Dinner at the Novak house.

Well, then Cas could just kiss his chances with Dean away, cause there's NO WAY he'd keep dating him after meeting his mess of a family.

Well, technically Dean had already met Satan and he hadn't seem too bothered by that, so that was something. And Hannah and Michael would be civil because they were usually well behaved, and Gabriel wouldn't stir anything up because he was in the same boat of panic that Cas was...

Anna and Balthazar though....

Those two worried him. Maybe he should duct tape their mouths shut for dinner, just to be on the safe side. Amara and Chuck would be disastrous too, but he couldn't do anything to stop adults from embarrassing him. 

Well, maybe he could. Maybe Sam and Dean already had plans for dinner! Like for every night! For the next thirty years! They're busy people, God, what are you gonna do, they can pencil you in for Thursday the 19th, 2074, but not a second sooner.

Gabriel and Cas wandered over to the Winchester boys at the beginning of the school day, as it seemed pointless to ask them separately when they were literally right there together.

Gabriel slid up like his shoes had wheels in them, shooting a smirk at Sam as he tucked a cherry lollipop in the boy's front pocket. Dean gave him a wary look.

"Greetings, Samuel," Gabe grinned. "You're looking dashing as always." Sam went red and started investigating the locker doors rather than making eye contact.

"Hello Dean," Cas said. He didn't have anything flirty to offer. Gabriel functioned like a walking pick up line book when he was interested in someone, and whatever gene he had gotten to do that, Cas had clearly missed.

"Cas," Dean nodded. "What's up?"

"So here's the plan, moosie," Gabriel explained, reaching over to twirl Sam's hair. "You. Me. My house. Friday. Don't bring pants."

"Oh my god," Sam facepalmed in a poor attempt to hide his smile as Dean recoiled in horror.

"GABRIEL," Cas shouted. "That was NOT the plan."

"Maybe it wasn't YOUR plan, but I work faster, Cassie," Gabriel muttered. Dean turned to stare at Cas.

"Can I punch him?" He asked. "Pretty please?"

"NO." Sam and Gabriel objected at the same time.

"Not in the face," Cas offered. Dean shrugged.

"I'll take it." He wound up his fist and Gabriel let out a yelp and hid behind Sam, clinging to his moose.

"So what's the actual plan?" Sam asked. "The one that involves pants?" Cas sighed.

"Our dad wants to get to know you guys better so he told us to invite you and your mom over for dinner on Friday."

"Soooo like an interrogation," Dean said.

"Exactly."

"Will Satan be there to torture me?"

"Oh please," Gabriel said. "The only person Lucifer tortures is Chloe, but she enjoys it."

"GABRIEL." Cas yelled again.

"WHAT, THAT'S TRUE!"

"AND UNNECESSARY."

"IT WAS A JOKE!"

"NOT EVERY JOKE NEEDS TO BE SAID OUT LOUD."

"But she does enjoy it, everyone knows it."

"GABE."

"WHAAAAAT?" Cas buried his face in his hands and Sam and Dean exchanged a look.

"Alright," Dean said finally. "We'll be there."

"Wait really?" Cas asked. The Winchesters shrugged.

"Why not?" Sam said. "I'm curious to meet the rest of your siblings. Hannah was cool and I've heard good things about Satan, so..."

"Don't tell Hannah she's cool, it'll go right to her head," Gabriel complained. 

"It'll be nice to meet your dad and stuff too," Dean admitted. "And you get to meet our Mom at the same time, so now we only have to suffer through one awkward 'meet the parents' dinner."

"Oh god, I didn't think about that," Cas said, his eyes widening. "How concerned should I be about meeting your mother?"

"I don't know- how concerned should we be about meeting your whole family?" Gabriel and Cas stared at them for a moment.

"VERY." Gabriel declared. 

"That's ominous," Sam said.

"You're meeting Aunt Amara. She's scary. She's the only member of the family that might physically harm you."

"And then there's Balthazar," Cas went on. "He's not scary, per se, it's just...."

"He's Balthazar."

"There's no way to prepare yourself for him."

"Absolutely no way."

"I mean the whole family might physically harm you if they don't like you, but you're pretty likeable so I wouldn't really worry about that."

"Oh shoot they're gonna meet Chloe at the same time too, that'll be interesting."

"Who's Chloe?" Sam asked.

"Satan's mistress," Dean whispered. 

"Girlfriend," Cas corrected.

"She prefers the term Queen of Hell," Gabriel insisted. "You'll love her."

"She was pretty cool," Dean confirmed. "I think we'll survive dinner."

"Dear Dad I hope so," Cas muttered.

******

Chuck had bought plates.

They weren't FANCY plates or anything, but they weren't plastic either. He hadn't bought a whole set, but he hadn't had much of a choice, seeing as there were going to be 14 people at this dinner and after an incident involving Gabriel, a skateboard, and the china cabinet, they only had eight good plates left from their actual dining sets, which was convenient because that left one plate for everyone that lived in the Novak House except for Gabriel, who couldn't be trusted.

But the Winchesters were coming to dinner and he wanted make a good impression so they deserved good plates. And Chloe too. Chloe deserved nice plates. Whatever it took to subconsciously convince her that marrying Lucifer was a good idea.

Although that idea was rather pointless seeing as Satan had no plans on proposing any time soon because "TWENTY ONE IS TOO YOUNG TO GET MARRIED, DAD."

Weak. That excuse was weak, Lucifer, and Chuck would not accept it. Chlucifer would sail one day. Or was it Luchloe? Chlocifer? He'd have to work out the best ship name with Hannah another time.

But his Lucifer x Chloe fantasy was suddenly not important because the doorbell rang and all hell broke loose.

"I'LL GET IT-" Castiel immediately yelling, bolting down the stairs with Gabriel on his heels, both of them shouting "I'LL GET IT I'LL GET IT-"

And then Balthazar opened the door, that BASTARD.

The Winchesters stood on the porch, entirely unaware of the tornado they were about to walk into. Mary Winchester had even dared to bring a bottle of wine. Poor girl. They'd eat her alive, roast her extra crispy. Sam and Dean, the smarter two, stood behind her, slightly wary of entering.

"Hello," Mary said politely as Cas and Gabe shoved past Balthazar to stand in the doorway.

"Welcome to Hell, Mademoiselle," Balthazar offered, plucking the bottle of wine from her hand. "I'll find some glasses for this."

"Balthazar you're not drinking that," Chuck called, rushing over to the door. "Boys, at least let them into the house before you corner them."Cas and Gabriel went red and ran from the doorway, letting the Winchesters inside.

"You must be Chuck," Mary concluded. "I'm Mary, Sam and Dean's mother."

"It is so nice to meet you," Chuck insisted, shaking her hand. "Your boys are all the kids seem to talk about lately."

"Yeah that's cause of the doll-" Anna started, Cas and Gabriel clamping her mouth shut before she could finish talking.

"I'd introduce you to my hellspawn, but as usual they're all over the place," Chuck went on. "But for now, that's Anna, Castiel, Gabriel, and Balthazar. Lucifer's downstairs with his girlfriend, and I don't know where Hannah, Charlie, and Michael are but they'll turn up for food eventually. My sister's bringing dessert, she makes a mean apple pie." Dean immediately whipped towards Cas.

"Your aunt makes PIE?" He demanded.

"Uh, yeah?" Cas raised an eyebrow.

"I LOVE pie."

"Good to know."

"Especially apple." Cas grinned.

"Then you're in for a treat."

"I would've made something," Mary insisted. "But I'm a terrible cook, the boys can vouch for that-" Sam and Dean shuddered. "I try my best though."

"I don't blame you," Chuck said. "It's hard enough to find time to cook when juggling everything else, but hey, that's what I get for being a single parent."

"I know exactly what you mean. Everything just falls on you when you're the only parent-" Chuck and Mary kept talking and the kids glanced at each other.

"Is it just me or are they getting along really well?" Anna asked.

"They are," Sam agreed. "I haven't seen Mom smile this much in a conversation in awhile."

"Oh my god," Balthazar said, his eyes widening. "What if they date? What would that do to your love lives?" Sam, Dean, Cas, and Gabe immediately let out shrieks of horror and disgust.

"NEVER!" Gabriel declared. "That is NEVER HAPPENING."

****

An hour later, dinner was in full swing, introductions had been made, and Cas was actually pretty sure that, not only had the Winchesters made on a good impression on his family, (Balthazar had made some raunchy joke and Sam and Dean had lost their minds laughing, it didn't get better than that) but that he might have met Mary's requirements as well (She called him a polite young man, didn't that mean approval??).

"So Chuck," Mary started. "How long have you been a single parent?"

"Uh," Chuck thought for a moment.

"Nearly 16 years," Amara supplied. "The day he became one I lost my sanity entirely, so I always remember."

"You didn't lose your sanity," Chuck rolled his eyes.

"Yes I did, I hold a vigil on its death date every year, you can ask my neighbors."

"Sixteen years is a long time," Mary commented. "Have you ever tried dating again?"

"I KNEW IT!" Balthazar suddenly yelled, and the rest of the kids screeched in horror and freaked out. Chuck raised an eyebrow at them.

"What's got you all working up?" He asked.

"We're not even gonna say it, we're just gonna FORBID IT," Gabriel declared. "YOU TWO ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO DATE." Mary choked on her drink and started laughing and Chuck's went wide.

"Is that what you thought I was doing?" Mary asked. "Oh no, I'm sorry- Chuck- I-...I have a friend who's a single mom with a daughter around Cas and Dean's age and she mentioned that she's interested in getting out there again so I thought I might try to play matchmaker." The kids breathed a sigh of relief and Chuck smiled.

"Well, as much as I appreciate the effort," He insisted. "Most people tend to run for the hills the second you say 'seven kids', so I'm not the dating type, I'm afraid. The single life has been good to me and I'm happy to stay that way."

"He's just saying that because the last girlfriend he brought home to meet us was ten years ago and it was a total disaster," Lucifer explained.

"That too."

"Wait a second," Charlie started. "Is your friend by any chance Ellen Harvelle?"

"Yes," Mary confirmed and Cas flung himself over Anna in order to cling to Charlie.

"As in JO Harvelle's mother??" He hissed and Charlie nodded frantically.

"Do you know her?" Mary asked.

"We know Jo," Cas explained. 

"Well I wouldn't say we KNOW her," Charlie insisted, flop sweat already pouring. "I mean she's in a couple of my classes and we've talked a couple times but I don't really think that I'm qualified to say that I KNOW HER know her, it's just-"

"Charlie," Dean deadpanned. "Relax, she has a crush on you too." Charlie stared at him.

"What." Cas demanded.

"Jo and I are like best friends, and she came to me literally SCREAMING about how she got a date with you and she was so nervous about messing it up she nearly puked." Charlie let out a squeak and collapsed to the floor.

"Is she alright?" Mary asked worriedly. Anna quickly took her pulse.

"It's official," She confirmed. "You killed her."

"Oh well," Sam waved it off. "Now if we can go back to the whole 'you're trying to set Ellen up with Chuck Novak thing,' we need to kill that because there's only one man good enough for Ellen Harvelle and that's Bobby Singer." Mary groaned.

"Just because they were high school sweethearts doesn't mean they'll ever get back together-"

"IT'S TRUE LOVE," Sam and Dean yelled. 

"Hang on," Hannah interrupted. "You mean to tell me that you two are trying to get the owner of the town diner and the town mechanic to date?"

"Yes, cause they're soulmates." Dean said.

"....Oh my god, we have to make this happen."

"No-" Mary started.

"Give up now," Chuck suggested. "They've already decided."

"YES!" Gabriel declared, standing on the table. "WE WON'T REST UNTIL THEY'RE MARRIED!"

"I wonder what would happen if they put this much effort into your own love life," Amara muttered.

"God, I hope they never do," Chuck insisted.

"Can't pray to yourself, brother."

"Shut up or I'll tell them you love the Pizza Delivery man."

"Don't you dare, I'm already banned from Domino's for life, remember?"