Cas pushed the internal crisis into the back of his mind. He'd wonder more about his absent mother later, but now he was gonna spend time with Dean.

Because Dean was hot and Dean was in his bedroom and holy shit was Cas grateful he had remembered to clean his room the day before.

Well, his half anyways. Gabriel's side was a bit of a trainwreck as usual, but at least there was no dirty underwear in sight.

"Let me guess," Dean said with a grin. "The clean side's yours?"

"Whatever gave it away?" Cas said. "Sorry about Gabe's half. He's the messiest one in the family next to Dad."

"I can tell," Dean looked around the room, his eyes landing on Cas's bookcase, the shelves lined with well worn paperbacks and other toys and trinkets he and Gabriel had thrown there over the years. "Oh cool, you've got a magic eight ball?"

"Technically it's Hannah's, but yeah," Cas explained. "When she was seven she went a week deciding everything with that thing, and I mean EVERYTHING. Dad recruited us to steal it after she asked it if she should eat dinner and it said no."

"Good idea," Dean grabbed the magic eight ball and shook it. "Will I have pie for dinner?....'The stars say no.' Well, this thing is obviously broken."

"Maybe you're not asking it the right question," Cas suggested.

"Alright..." Dean shook the ball again. "Will Cas's family like me?....'Better not tell you now' That's helpful."

"Okay, it's broken," Cas agreed. "Cause my family will love you. You're probably gonna run into most of my siblings while you're here anyways, but Dad's at work so you'll have to meet him another time."

"You mean I don't have to stress about being threatened by an angry father? Wonderful!" Cas rolled his eyes as Dean set the magic eight ball back on the shelf and kept looking at the bookcase.

"Chuck won't threaten you," He insisted. "He's not that kind of Dad....unless it comes to Hannah, then he's all murder. No, the people you should be worried about are my siblings and Aunt Amara."

"You have a million siblings, surely there's some I don't have to wear body armor around?"

"Gabriel's mostly harmless, but he might prank you so check your chairs before you sit down, and Michael might give you one warning because he's my older brother, but if he likes you, and he will, then you'll get along fine. Hannah will be too happy that I'm going on dates with somebody to have any negative feelings towards you, but Balthazar, Anna, and Lucifer have the most potential to be hostile if they deem you not up to their standards. But you've already passed the test with Anna and Hannah, so they'll keep Balthazar in check, and if everyone else likes you, then Satan should behave."

"How does Anna already like me if I've never met her?"

"She's seen your car." Dean spun around, intrigued.

"Anna likes my car?"

"She's planning to steal it from you."

"I like Anna."

"Most men do." Dean took one last glance at the bookcase and raised an eyebrow.

"Is that a G.I. Joe?" Cas's eyes widened as Dean took the blond haired, green eyed soldier doll off the shelf. 

Shit shit shit.

"I haven't seen one of these since Sammy was in elementary school," Dean commented. "Is this yours or Gabriel's?" 

SHIT SHIT SHIT.

Cas's face went red.

"Uh, it's mine," He admitted, immediately kicking himself for saying it. He needed to get Dean Winchester the human FAR FAR AWAY from Dean Winchester the beloved plastic figure, like NOW.

"What happened to his arm?"

"It, uh..." Cas rubbed at his neck awkwardly. "That particular G.I. Joe used to be fought over a lot between me and my siblings, especially Michael and Anna, and when I was five, we were all yelling and pulling at him and Anna ripped his arm off by accident, so I put it back as best I could."

"Huh. For a five year old, you did a damn good job."

"Yeah, I kinda impressed myself with that one."

"I wasn't even allowed to use glue when I was five."

"Why not?"

"I thought that if I put glue on my hands, I could climb the walls like Spiderman. Got about halfway up the drainage pipe in the backyard before I fell and broke my arm. Mom banned me from using any kind of adhesive til I was eight."

"Ouch. I was banned from using any sort of kitchen knife until I was thirteen."

"Seriously? Even butter knives?"

"Yep. Dad purposefully hid them in different places all over the kitchen so I couldn't find them."

"What did you DO?"

"Well it wasn't just me! All my siblings have some sort of knife related accident, it's amazing we all still have ten fingers. But mine was because I used to sleep walk and one time I got all the way to the kitchen and grabbed a REALLY sharp knife."

"Oh my god, my hair's going grey just thinking about that."

"Nobody got hurt!"

"Thankfully!"

"Well....nobody got SERIOUSLY hurt."

"Oh my god... Do you still sleep walk?"

"Not anymore, but I still get night terrors every once and awhile, and those things aren't fun either."

"Geez, what sleep paralysis demon did you piss off?"

"Ethan Nestor."

"That'll do it." Dean looked back at the doll. "Is it just me, or does this thing kinda look like me?" 

SHIT. SHIT. SHIT.

MISSION CHANGE THE SUBJECT= COMPLETE AND TOTAL FAIL.

Cas laughed nervously, mentally beating the shit out of himself. Why had he left the doll out in the first place? WHY DID HE EVEN STILL KEEP DEAN IN HIS ROOM? 

WAIT THAT SOUNDED WRONG. 

WELL NOT REALLY, CAUSE THERE WAS ONE DEAN HE WANTED IN HIS ROOM AND IT WASN'T THE PLASTIC ONE.

OH MY CHUCK, CASTIEL, GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF.

"Maybe a little bit!" Cas said, his voice much louder than he wanted it to be. "I mean....A little bit, like you both happen to have blond eyes and green hair- wait-" Dean laughed.

"I think you got your English a little mixed up there."

"Just a tad....But I mean, you're not THAT similar to the doll."

"Oh yeah? I'm not muscular enough?" Cas's face went red and Dean grinned.

"Well I didn't say THAT...I more meant that you have a ton of freckles and Joe over there doesn't."

"Did you really call him Joe? My brother used to give them all weird names. Derek was his favorite."

"Oh yeah, Dad used to name the dolls when he gave them to us. He had a ton of fun with it, although I think he got a bit carried away when he named Anna's barbie Queen Vanelope Calandrea The Second of Third."

"That's a mouthful."

"It was worse when Anna kept screaming the full title."

"This is why I'm glad I don't have any sisters."

"Try having three of them. I mean two- well.... Charlie's basically my sister at this point, so sure. Three."

"Honestly Cas, with so many siblings I don't know how you've stayed sane this long...So what did your Dad name this one?" He set G.I. Winchester back on the shelf.

FUCKSHIT FUCKSHIT FUCKSHIT.

Cas's eyes went wide.

"Uh-" 

"CASSIE I'M HOME AND I'M ORDERING PIZZA, THE FUCK YOU WANT ON IT?" Lucifer yelled from downstairs, the door slamming behind him.

THANK YOU SATAN, HALLELUJAH, PRAISE THE UNDERWORLD.

".....What do you like on your pizza?" Cas asked. Dean shrugged.

"Anything but anchovies or pineapple."

"One pineapple anchovy pizza coming up."

"You're a monster." They headed downstairs to the kitchen and Cas made a mental note to send Satan a nice fruit basket after Dean left.

"The fuck you want on it," Chloe echoed. "Real subtle and nice there, Luci." Satan shrugged.

"Hey, it got the point across. What do YOU want on the pizza?"

"You tell me."

"How should I know?"

"Consider it a test of how well you know me; what do YOU think I want on my pizza?"

"Bacon, obviously." Chloe gasped.

"You do love me."

"Of course he does," Cas interrupted, heading over to get a drink from the fridge with Dean following close behind. "Satan's always been a romantic at heart, right Luci?" Lucifer glared at him then turned his attention to Dean.

"Who's this?" He asked, like he didn't already know. 

"Satan, this is Dean," He began. "Dean, this is my eldest brother, Lucifer, and his girlfriend Chloe." Lucifer's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

"Dean?" He echoed. "As in THE Dean Winchester?"

"I guess," Dean offered. "Nice to meet you, Satan, Sataness." Chloe grinned.

"Oh, I like him," She insisted.

"He hasn't spoke ten words to you yet," Lucifer reminded her.

"Yeah, but he called me Sataness, which means he already knows enough to make me like him, and besides he's cute." Lucifer gaped at her.

"And what does that make me, chopped liver?" He demanded. Chloe rolled her eyes.

"NO, it makes you my sexy boyfriend, but I can acknowledge that Cas has a good eye and picked out a cute one, didn't you, Cas?" Cas went bright red.

Castiel exe. has stopped working.

"It's okay sweetie, you can admit he's cute," Chloe insisted.

"I wouldn't call him cute," Cas said, finally regaining the power of speech. Dean looked over at him, mildly offended. "Puppies are cute. I'd say Dean's rather hot."

"That's better," Dean agreed. "Wait why am I on a list on your fridge that says "To Be Dismembered?""

Cas sank to the floor, immediately regretting all of his life choices that led to this moment.

"That would be my doing," Lucifer explained. "I make a point to attempt to murder all my siblings' crushes, so you should probably start running." Dean laughed.

"Makes sense." Lucifer stared at him. "....Oh, you were serious." Lucifer reached into his pocket and pulled out a small knife, flicking it open.

"Very serious." Dean ran for the door.

"LUCIFER!" Chloe and Cas shouted in unison.

"I'm just gonna talk to him," Luci insisted.

"LUCIFER."

"I'M JUST GONNA TALK TO HIM!" Satan yelled back, running out the door after Dean. Cas buried his face in his hands.

"The one nice guy I meet that actually wants to go out with me and Satan guts him," He mutters. "Figures."

"He won't hurt Dean," Chloe promised.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Cause if he does, I'll cut off his dick." Cas stared at her. "What?"

"Why the fuck has my brother not married you yet?"

"Cause weddings are fucking pricey."