It was late in the morning the day after Cas and Gabriel had snuck out to see the Winchesters, and the Novak kids had gathered in front of the TV to watch cartoons while passing boxes of cereal back and forth to refill their bowls when they got empty, cause there is nothing better on a weekend morning than cartoons and cereal.

But then Gabriel started talking.

"You know, Cassie," He said, smirking wider than usual. "It's a good thing we decided to end our Winchester bets at just becoming boyfriends with them."

"Oh?" Cas asked, refilling his bowl with a mix of Cherrios and Peanut Butter Captain Crunch.

"Yeah, cause if we made a bet about who could get further with them, well then, you've already lost."

"What?"

"Cause me and Sam have gotten PRETTY far, if you know what I mean." Cas stared at him, blank faced.

"I have no idea what you mean." Gabriel stared back at him.

"Wait, seriously?"

"Yes, what are you talking about?"

"I got further with Sam than you have with Dean."

"....Like, if we were racing or something?" Anna spit out her cereal and burst out laughing as Hannah shrieked and picked fruit loops out of her hair.

"Oh my god." Gabriel went on. "You pure, innocent bean." Cas rolled his eyes.

"I'm not innocent."

"YES YOU ARE!"

"Just because I don't understand your metaphor-"

"Alright then fine, I'll try another one. Me and Sam made it further around the baseball field than you and Dean have." Cas's eyes widened.

"Gabe-"

"You two probably haven't even made it to first, while Sammy and I are hitting home runs."

"EW!"

"Yay, you got it!"

"GABRIEL, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU I DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE WITH SAM WINCHESTER."

"Well duh...I'm just saying I have a better sex life than you do, since, you know, I HAVE one." Lucifer started laughing.

"Sure you do," He offered, rolling his eyes.

"I DO!"

"Uh huh."

"Hey it's better than Cas's! He probably doesn't even know what second base is!" Cas's face went red.

"I KNOW WHAT SECOND BASE IS," He insisted. "And YOU know nothing about how 'far around the baseball field' I've been because I DON'T GO AROUND TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT IT!"

"A lady never kisses and tells," Anna said.

"Bullshit," Balthazar declared. "You kiss and tell EVERYONE."

"So do you!"

"I tell half."

"Why not all?"

"The other half scares people."

"...Fair enough."

"I'm JUST SAYING-" Gabriel started and Michael took the liberty of dumping his bowl of cereal over Gabriel's head.

"You've said enough." He suggested and Gabriel screeched and lunged at Michael. 

"Yesss!" Hannah turned so she could see them better. "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"So, Cassie," Lucifer started. "How far HAVE you and Dean-"

"OH LOOK THE MAIL'S HERE!" Cas shouted. "I'LL GET IT." He jumped up and ran out the door, leaving Satan cackling behind him.

***

The mail had the usual stuff. Bills for Chuck, the newspaper, something for Lucifer, the Hot Topic catalog...

Cas flipped through it anyways, just in case he had gotten any college junk mail, but one envelope made him stop.

It looked like just another bill, and was addressed to Chuck, but the return address...

It was a sticker, one of those official return ones that came on a big sheet the post office sent you sometimes. Neatly printed on it was a name and an address.

Naomi Milton.

24 Ingals Avenue.

Bismarck, North Dakota.

Naomi Milton.

Wasn't that what Michael had said their mother's name was? It had to be. Cas stood by the mailbox, staring at the envelope. He knew that his mother must've paid child support, but he never thought he'd actually see one of the checks in the mail, let alone his mother's name and address right in front of his face.

He had her address. The knowledge hit him like a truck. He had his mother's address. He knew where she lived. He could-

He could go see her.

Suddenly she wasn't just some mysterious blob he had wondered about, then a name he had googled and guessed on. No, now she was real. She was a real person, grounded in a specific place he could actually go to.

But was going to see her something he actually wanted to do? And how could he even do it?

Sure, he had a driver's licence, but they only had two cars, and one was Michael's and one was Chuck's. He'd never be able to borrow one of them long enough to trek all the way up to fucking BISMARCK and back. And if talking about Naomi to Chuck was a no no, then explaining to him that he wanted to go all the way to North Dakota to meet her couldn't possibly go over well.

But one day in the future, when he had the means....

It was possible.

Cas snapped a picture of the return address on his phone, not wanting to risk tearing the envelope. He slipped the envelope to the middle of the mail pile and went back inside, like nothing had ever happened.

"Anything good in the mail?" Balthazar asked. Gabriel and Michael had stopped trying to kill each other, so that was something.

"Boring junk for dad mostly," Cas insisted. "Something for Satan though." He handed Lucifer a small package and Satan let out a cheer as he tore into the packaging.

"What's that?" Michael asked as Lucifer started laughing.

"It's my License! I'm officially ordained!!" Satan cried. His siblings raised an eyebrow in confusion and Lucifer held up an official looking piece of paper with a large pentagram at the top. "I joined the Satanic Church!"

"You WHAT-" Michael's eyes widened.

"Oh come on, my name is literally LUCIFER. I'm Satan, you all know that! Why WOULDN'T I join a church dedicated to my own worship?"

"Luci I don't think it works like that-"

"Yes it does. I filled out this thing online, and now that I've got my membership kit, I'm officially a Satanic Priest. I'm going to convince the whole religion that I'm actually the Devil so that they'll make me their leader." They all stared at him.

"Satan that sounds like you want to start a cult," Cas insisted.

"What's so wrong with that? You get devoted followers-"

"Cult leaders end up in PRISON or DEAD-"

"Yeah, that's cause they're obsessed with 'ascending' or drinking the kool aid. I don't want to hurt anybody. I just want to be recognized as who I've always been- Satan."

"Just when you thought he couldn't get any crazier," Hannah muttered.

"Who's allowed in your cult, Luci?" Gabriel asked.

"Everyone," Lucifer explained. "None of that picky stuff like in other religions. I will make Satanism accepting to all people, of all backgrounds, genders, and sexual orientations. I'm also getting rid of the goat thing cause I don't have hooves and goats look weird." Hannah buried her face in her hands. "What?"

"Why is your idea of Satanism more accepting than major religions?" She cried.

"Because, if you'll remember correctly, Satan was the first person to insist on equal rights."

"STOP CONVERTING ME."

"NEVER."

"That's it," Anna said. "That's officially it, I think this is the tipping point in which we descend into actual insanity. We've finally, completely, lost all of our minds."

"Wait, you had a mind to begin with?" Balthazar asked.