//This all happened on Discord btw//

Hermione Granger: Welcome to "The (not so) Wonderful Wizarding World! I'm your host, Hermione Granger! Let's get started

Mary McDonald: ...F*ck

Hermione: Mary...

Mary: ...yes? 

Hermione: l a n g u a ge

Mary: e n g l i s h

Hermione: Moving on! Today's episode is about what it's like to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community. I'm joined here by Mary McDonald and Victoire Weasley. *Points mic at them* What are your pronouns and sexualities?

Mary: Sup bitc- I meannnnnnn, hello people! I am a female she/her and I am the gayest b*tch to ever live-

Hermione: *Glares* Language!

Dorcas Meadowes: THIS IS THE GAY EPISODE?

Mary: YES

Hermione: yep

Dorcas: LET ME IN ON THIS

Victoire Weasley: *blink* I'M SHE/HER AND I'M A CHAOTIC LESBIAN

Dorcas: WE'RE ALL CHAOTIC LESBIANS. I'm GAY and in love with MARLENE.

Hermione: I— can we actually do the interview?

Mary: ..mAyBe-

Dorcas: sure- 

Hermione: Great! Now, who wants to go first?

Dorcas: Me?

Hermione: What's your name?

Dorcas: My name is Dorcas Meadowes. Oh, and I go by she/her.

Hermione: And what's your sexual/romantic orientation?

Dorcas: I'm into girls in every way and exclusively. So, I'm a lesbian

Hermione: Mary, you're next. What are your pronouns? And what's your sexual/romantic orientation?

Mary: She/her and I prefer to go by the term "gay" rather than "lesbian."

Hermione: Good to know! Victoire, you're next!

Victoire: Mine are she/her. I'm also a very chaotic lesbian.

Hermione: What was your coming out story?

Victoire: So, basically I went to Hogsmeade and blasted Girls by girl in red, and yeah.

Hermione: ...how inspiring

Dorcas: What's girl in red?

Hermione: A singer

Victoire: Muggle music

Dorcas: ...AH- gay muggle music?

Victoire: yEs

Mary: yes-

*Scorpius Malfoy has entered the chat*

Hermione: ...I guess you could call it that. Let's just get back on track! Oh, hey Scorp!

Scorpius: Er, hullo Minister!

Dorcas: Is that a Malfoy— 

Hermione: We don't discriminate based on parentage!

Victoire: I'm not discriminating!

Dorcas: It wasn't a judgemental question. His hair is so blonde it's GLOWING!

Scorpius: Er- what have I walked into?

Hermione: It's an episode of "The (not so) Wonderful Wizarding World"

Dorcas: IT'S BLINDING! HIS HAIR IS BLINDING!

Scorpius: Oi! It's not that bright

Hermione: Dorcas!

Victoire: Shall I play... THIS? *blasts girl in red*

Scorpius: Is that a muggle band?

Dorcas: Actually, just a singer- a GAY singer.

Scorpius: Gay?

Mary: g a y 

Scorpius: ...right I'm out-

Victoire: DONT YOU WANNA BE INTERVIEWED

Mary: NO, DON'T TAKE THE NIGHT LIGHT AWAY-

Hermione: ...

Dorcas: *Clears her throat* Excuse us, minister-

Scorpius: Interviewed for what??

Dorcas: Being gay! Are you gay?

Scorpius: I'm not gay! Wait..okay. Maybe.

Hermione: Acceptance is everything, Scorp

Mary: Welcome to the gay club. We have cookies!

Scorpius: ...I want cookies

Mary: JOIN US ON THE DARK SIDE, WE HAVE RAINBOW COOKIES-

Hermione: *Clears throat*

Mary: r a i n b o w *shuts up*

 *Awkward silence*

Hermione: Anyway! Welcome, Scorpius! What are your pronouns?

Scorpius: He/him, thank you.

Hermione: And your romantic/sexual orientation?

//The following has been removed from the final cut//

Scorpius: Uh...I like albus. Does that count?

Dorcas: Albusexual-

Hermione: I- what?!

Scorpius: WAIT! I DIDNT SAY THAT!

Hermione: Oh merlin-

Scorpius: *Shrinks in chair*

Dorcas: Hermione, please cut that out of the episode-

Hermione: Definitely!

//The episode will continue as normal//

Scorpius: I looked it up. Pansexual works, thank you.

Hermione: Pansexual? That's valid! Have you come out yet?

Scorpius: Uh... no

Hermione: Scorp...you know that this is on video, right? People are going to see this.

Scorpius: Huh. Hullo Mum!

Dorcas: SCORP IS EXACTLY LIKE I WAS IN 3RD YEAR-

Mary: WOW I WAS SO GAY IN THIRD YEAR-

Victoire: GAEGAEGAE

Hermione: *CLEARS THROAT*

Dorcas: SORRY MINISTER-

Scorpius: I give up

Hermione: Me too, Scorp. Me too. *Sigh* Next question! What was the best part about coming out?

Dorcas: I got to date Marlene!

Mary: Girls, lots and lots of girls

Scorpius: Minister, are YOU queer?

Hermione: Me? Er, yep. I'm bisexual.

Dorcas: Ayy!

Scorpius: Oh! Is that why you and Ms.Parkinson were snog-

Hermione: ...what?

Dorcas: *Wheezes with laughter*

Scorpius: My auntie's gay and THAT'S OKAY!

Hermione: I honestly thought it was common knowledge?

Victoire: *Blink* i completely forgot my godmother was pansy

Scorpius: Hey! Mine too! And when Minister marries Pansy, she'll be our other godmom!

Hermione: I— *aalkfdsjl* Let's not get ahead of ourselves!

Dorcas: Mary, how old are we?

Mary: ...let's not count the years dead.

Dorcas: I don't want to be an old lady-

Mary: You already own cats, Dork.

Dorcas: SHUT UP

Hermione: GUYS BACK ON TRACK

Dorcas: Victoire, I'm like 80 years old...

Scorpius: You're still quite nice, Ms. Meadows!

Hermione: OKAY, EPISODE OVER *Uses wand to lower the curtians*

Dorcas: That was great!

Hermione: I need a therapist—

Dorcas: ... She's not gonna let us on ever again, is she?

Mary: Never

Hermione: Nope

Scorpius: Thank merlin-

I'm still recovering.