Chapter 53~ Lost
Enjoy! I thought this one got heated, but turns out it's the next 😁 Anyway! I'm still early lol
Chapter 53
All my life, the only thing I'd seemed to excel at at was fucking up. But I'd outdone myself. Never in all my twenty-six years of existence had I made as colossal a mistake as taking off into the woods, at night, in nothing but a wet bikini and no real direction.
I want to keep you.
He always wanted to keep them.
It dug into my brain and wouldn't leave. Every word he'd ever said to me, everything he'd ever done, replayed in my mind in a new perspective, and I couldn't take it. It triggered instincts that had gone dormant since he came along to... protect me.
I ran.
I just needed to get as far away as I could. But it wasn't something I could run from, and a sanctuary didn't exist to protect me from the truth. Still, I ran anyway, desperately and aimlessly through the trees. I ignored each stab of the twigs and rocks beneath my feet. I welcomed the scratch of a tree limbs. Branches reached out to slap me in the face as if Mother Nature herself was trying to stop me, but I didn't even slow. It was better. For a split moment it took me away from the ache inside my chest. My heart had been so full, for the first time in my life, and to have all that joy sucked away at once felt like torture.
I slid to a stop, heaved lungful after lungful of burning air, and the chill my racing had kept at bay took its chance to settle across my skin.
I rubbed my arms and looked around. The trees seemed more dense in the night. They formed a canopy above my head and blocked out the sky.
I'm lost.
I trudged forward, face turned upwards. But when the trees finally broke apart, clouds took their place. No stars to guide me. Just silvery black, and the occasional peek at the moon.
I wrapped my arms around myself and took a long look around. "Fuck." A shiver echoed down my spine, and the moment it started, it wouldn't stop. I pivoted on my heel and rushed to retrace my steps. If I could just go the way I'd came, I could make it back to camp. My ears stayed primed for the sound of the stream, but all I heard was rustling leaves, and the hoots of a distant owl.
The further I went, the more lost I felt. Endless trees. Empty sky. Unfamiliar.
I wasn't built for this.
I didn't have survival skills when it came to the wilderness. All the street smarts I'd acquired meant nothing out here. I walked for hours at a steady pace, thankful that it at least kept me warm, but my legs objected the task. They grew heavier with each step, until the pain through my thighs was too much. I dropped down beside a tree, and pulled my knees into my chest.
I'm so fucked. As if in answer, the cold hugged tighter. It sunk down to my bones.
I grabbed whatever I could. Leaves, Moss, dirt, anything and everything within reach, I piled onto myself. It barely helped.
I let my head fall back against the tree. Of all the ways I'd thought I'd die, freezing to death on a mountain definitely wasn't one of them.
It could be worst, inner Jessie called, and I had to agree with her. This wasn't so bad in comparison to what I'd thought would take me. There'd be no torture. Drake wouldn't get the satisfaction, and this place... I looked around and my heart clenched again.
All my happy memories live here.
I closed my eyes, huddled in tighter and allowed sleep to take me.
"Tequila!" Large arms jerked me up, and a set of hands ran up and down my arms. "Shit, she's freezing!"
I opened my eyes to find a panicked Bard yanking his shirts off. He draped the flannel over my shoulders and pulled me close.
I sunk into him and sighed. He feels so much warmer than usual.
"I'll build a fire here. Head back and let everyone know we found her."
"Here," Zeke said. I cut my eyes over to meet his concerned gaze, and he had his own flannel held out for Bard to take.
Bard jerked it from his hands without looking away from me, and Zeke hurried back through the trees.
"Hold on. I've got you." Bard took off his other shirt, pulled the flannel and damp bikini away from me, then wiggled the material of each article over my head. He pulled them tight and rubbed his hands over me, quick motions that jarred my whole body. "Don't worry." His voice wavered, hands shook.
He sat me down and slid across the dirt and leaves, gathered sticks as quick as they came in reach and threw them into a half hazard pile. Each motion he made was jerked and rushed. He fumbled in his jean pocket and pulled out the special rocks. "Just another minute, Jessie. I got you."
He hit them together, cursing each spark that didn't catch, until a flame finally burst to life. The orange illuminated the deep lines of his face as he blew against the flame, cupped it from the wind. It crackled to life, and he scrambled back over to where I sat and dragged me closer. "Get warm." It was a command, as if he could demand my temperature rise, and my body would comply. Judging by the sound of his voice, I almost believed it would.
He pulled me into his lap and held me close, hands still rubbing, chest still heaving with adrenaline fueled breaths.
I could practically feel his heat seep into me. It slowly chased away the cold, and between him, the fire, and time, my teeth stopped chattering. My muscles relaxed. I burrowed deeper into the flannel, curled up like a cat and pushed closer to him.
The shivering stopped after a long while, and Bard seemed to calm. He continued to hold me, body stiff and muscles tensed.
We sat like that for what felt like an eternity, before his hand hooked beneath my chin and titled my face up. "What happened?"
His face was a mask of lines, and his eyes seemed heavy with exhaustion. He'd saved me. Again.
All of Amber's words rushed to the forefront of my mind, and the pain in my chest returned even stronger than before. "I just needed to be alone."
He scoffed, eyebrows lifted, mouth opened in disbelief. "You can't just..." His mouth clamped shut, jaw clenched. He pulled me up by my arms and forced my eyes level with his. Those eyes cut, even deeper with my soul so fucking exposed. "What if I hadn't found you?" It was a rumble more than a question. His grip tightened, eyes like razors. He held me still as if I'd float away if he didn't. "God, Tequila. What the fuck were you thinking? You could have died!"
But you saved me.
A flicker of my own anger burst to life, and I stoked it like he had the flames at my back. . "This is what you like isn't it, Bard?" I clutched his neck, leaned closer. "You got to save me. Now you can nurse me back to health. My fucking hero." I spat the words. They tasted vile and made my chest ache with a new intensity.
His brow furrowed as I spoke, and a look of total confusion crossed his face. "What the hell are you talking about?"
I jerked away from him and immediately regretted it. The moment his warmth left my skin, the chill crept back to fill it's place. I scooted closer to the fire. "I had a talk with Amber. She said it's no wonder you like me. Even when you were a little boy, you'd save all the sick and injured things."
Bard's eyes cut. "You think that's how I think about you?" He snorted. "Tequila, you're a lot of things, but broken isn't one of them."
"You said you wanted to keep me. Is that what I am to you? Just some broken bird you found at the bar? There was nothing about me even remotely appealing, so what other reason could you have had? I was a mess, barely fit for indoors..."
He moved closer, slow, as if he really were approaching a wounded animal. "Jesus, Tequila." His eyes softened. He picked a leaf out of my hair and dropped it to the ground beside us.
I swallowed hard. The way he was looking at me. It was the same look he always got. It warmed me more than any fire could have, despite how much I fought against it. My heart thawed as if it'd been encased in ice, and I couldn't cope.
He cupped my cheek.
I shook my head.
"Don't." He held me hostage in that piercing gaze. "Don't push me away now. After everything. I don't think I'd survive it."
I opened my mouth, but he didn't give me a chance to speak.
"There's a flaw in your theory, Tequila. You didn't need saving. You were doing that just fine on your own." He leaned closer, eyes sharp, as if trying to drill it into my head. "You saved me."
I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat.
"Just look at me. Look. Can't you see it?" His other hand lifted to cup the opposite side of my face, and he held me there, eyes locked, so many emotions swimming in his. "I love you, Jessie. I love you so fucking much it eats me alive. You're all I think about. When I wake up, when I go to sleep, when I dream. It's always you."
My heart thundered within my chest, beat away at my ribs, fighting to break free. It wanted him, even if I was telling it no. "But she said–"
"I don't care what she said. She's not what matters." He hoisted me up against his chest and released a heavy sigh. "You scared the fuck out of me. When we couldn't find you, I thought..." His voice broke.
I broke apart, ripped at the seams. The doubts still circling my mind didn't matter anymore when he clung to me, needed me. I ran my hands down his back and pulled him closer. "I don't want to be someone for you to pity." Even as I said it, I sounded pitiful. My jaw clenched.
Bard huffed in disbelief. "You're the strongest woman I've ever met. What on earth could ever make you think that I would pity you?" He pulled back and stared down at me, eyes lighter. "You make me feel a lot of things, but not pity. Never pity." His Adam's apple bobbed. "I admire you more than anyone I've ever met, so please, stop torturing me. I promise you, the only person who's going to be broken, is me if I lose you."
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