Chapter 44

Warm. I'd never been so perfectly warm and comfortable. A soft pressure started at my hairline and slowly works it's way through my hair, only to disappear and return where it started. It tingled my scalp and sunk me deeper into the calm. I snuggled closer, felt smooth skin and dusts of hair against my cheek.

The touch left my hair and a large arm curled around and pulled me closer. I cracked an eye open and leaned back enough to see Bard's face.

A smile curved his mouth, and his chest expanded on a heavy breath. "Good morning, Tequila."

The sun shone bright through the window behind the bed, and I felt like I'd slept for days. "What time is it?"

Bard lifted one shoulder. "Don't really care."

I flopped back down to the pillow, took in the naked chest and shoulders poking above the blanket, then my own lack of clothing.

I jumped off the cliff.

This was the bottom.

It was nicer than I'd thought it would be.

"We're not training?"

Bard shook his head. "I thought we'd take a day off. You've earned it." He propped his head onto his hand and looked down at me. "How do you feel about getting away from this cabin for a while?"

"You mean into town?"

He jerked his head to the window. "No. I mean further out."

"Like camping?"

"Yeah." His lip twitched again, and his eyes softened. They didn't cut, or search, or probe. They absorbed and ran over my face with a sense of the same warmth surrounding me.

I swallowed hard. Drake had never looked at me like that. Drake had never caressed my hair while I slept.

"I mean... sure. I guess. If you want to."

I was falling. I could feel the wind whipping up around me. See the shards of jagged rock below. I was falling fast and hard, and I wasn't sure there was anything to grab hold of to stop myself. I needed to stop myself. I wanted him. I took him. I was more than ready to have him again, but I couldn't let myself get too attached. I had to keep something of myself. I had to keep something to protect me when things changed.

I couldn't be naïve.

Never again.

Bard smiled and rolled off the mattress. I stared at his back, all of his back, and watched as he snatched his jeans from the floor and pulled them on. He turned back, bare chested and barefoot, the button of those pants far too low on his waist.

I'm falling.

"I'll let you get cleaned up and dressed. Pack a couple changes of clothes, and I'll take care of the rest."

I nodded because it was the only response I could come up with. When he walked out of the room, I released a shaky breath and clutched my hair.

I'm a fucking idiot.

A satisfied idiot, inner Jessie added.

I bit my lip. Everything about the night before had been perfect. Bard had been perfect. For a long, long time. He'd been doting. He'd been generous. He'd caressed and held and murmured words too sweet for any man to form. Drake had never been so attentive, even in the beginning.

We didn't have sex.

My eyes widened.

Bard made love to me.

I stood in a daze, grabbed my bag, then set about throwing clothes into it.

Now he's taking me into the wilderness. He'll show me more stars, probably other things too. He'll make it really hard not to lo- like him.

I zipped the bag and bundled a set of clothes to wear against my chest. The vision of Bard stood in a field, calling to the wildlife with his rich, smooth tone, conjuring the wind with a graceful move of his arm.

You're being excessive.

I was, but it felt like he could. It felt like I'd found myself trapped in the middle of nowhere with a man set on stealing what I'd only just gotten back from the last asshole. Only this one was better. This one was more.

I peeked out the door to see if the hall was clear, then slipped my way into the bathroom. The shower I took was much longer than necessary, but my thoughts wouldn't stop drifting. Each time I'd notice some huge difference, I'd pause to linger on it, then I'd panic again at what it meant.

I wasn't sore. There were no bruises. No aches. No pain. I didn't have finger marks on my arms or thighs. There were no scratches or tender spots across my scalp where my hair had been pulled too hard.

Bard was so much larger, so much stronger and wilder. One look at him would be enough to make anyone think twice about challenging him. I'd seen him angry. I'd seen those hands take a man and beat him half to death. I'd seen him slam a man like Boe against the wall without so much as straining.

Yet, he'd been so gentle.

I dressed in the jeans and shirt I'd left out and took a deep breath. I needed to get it together. I needed to keep a clear head. I was overthinking it. It was just sex. Just really good sex.

A soft tap sounded against the door. "You alright, Tequila?"

I pulled it open and tried to smile. "All set. Just let me grab my shoes."

Bard studied my face, as if he could read every thought I'd had for the past hour, but he didn't make a comment. "Here." He handed me a granola bar. "I figured we'd skip a big breakfast since I plan to have us hike a ways. But I've got some plans for lunch when we get there."

I took the bar and nodded. "Sounds good."

He stepped back to allow me through, then took the duffle from my hand as I passed. "I'll carry it."

I smiled again and nodded, then all but ran for the living room.

I sat in the chair and laced up my boots, all the while feeling the warmth of his gaze on my profile.

"You sure you're okay?"

I looked over at him, at his cutting eyes and furrowed brow. It wasn't his fault. He'd been the... best, and I was punishing him for it. He didn't understand that I was emotionally unavailable. He couldn't have known that by being sweet, he'd unknowingly scare the hell out of me.

"I'm fine, Bard." I smiled at him, a real one.

His shoulders relaxed, but his eyes still held reluctance. "I didn't..." He paused and cleared his throat. "I wasn't too rough, was I?"

I barked a laugh and shook my head. "No, Bard." I smiled to myself, finished lacing my shoes, then stood and walked over to him.

He watched me approach, silent as the day I'd met him, eyes just as sharp and searching once again.

I laid a hand across his chest, took note of the pace of his racing heart, then sighed. "You were too good."

For a fleeting second, surprise coated his face, but no sooner did it happen, it disappeared. His lip twitched. "Too good?"

"Yes. Too good." I narrowed my eyes at him. "Too good at talking. Too good looking. Too good at sex."

"These are complaints?" His lips curved, eyes danced.

"Yes. They are." I pushed aside the little voice that alerted me that I sounded crazy.

Bard rumbled a laugh and shook his head. "Alright. I apologize. I'll try to work on that." He walked over and snatched a pack propped against the wall, then motioned with his head for me to follow. "C'mon, Tequila. It's going to take a while to get where we're going."

"Where are we going?" I asked as I followed his steps.

Bard bounded off the steps, seeming much younger when he did so. He turned to shoot a blinding smile at me, walking backwards with light, sure-footed steps. "It's a surprise."

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