"Catherine? Catherine, did you not hear what Mama said just now?"

"Sorry?"

It was a dull August afternoon around four months after Catherine's return to Warwick, and her spirits were about as cheerful as the drizzle outside. Catherine's brothers were home from school for the summer and driving the ladies to distraction, so Mr Taylor had decided to take them out for the day, giving Mrs Taylor and her daughters the chance to spend some quality time together. They were currently taking tea in the Donbroke sitting room - but not for the first time since her return from Somerset, Catherine had found herself unable to engage in their conversation, eventually drifting off into her own thoughts entirely.

"Mama was asking whether you would care for some more tea, Catherine," said Bessie now, raising a stern eyebrow at her sister.

"Forgive me, Mama," muttered Catherine, turning to her mother with a faint blush of embarrassment. "I was completely lost in thought and did not hear a word."

"That was plain to see," interjected Bessie.

"Now, Bessie," chided Mrs Taylor gently, before turning to her eldest daughter with an expression of motherly concern.

"You certainly did look lost in thought, dear – as you so often do these days. I wonder if you might unburden yourself a little by telling us what troubles you so."

Catherine's stomach clenched unpleasantly at her mother's words, and she averted her eyes hastily. How could she begin to explain the plethora of miserable thoughts occupying her mind? In her current heartbroken state Catherine had managed to convince herself that nobody could possibly understand the pain she was suffering, and so remained determinedly silent about her woes. If she could just try to stop thinking about him, she told herself, maybe the hurt might begin to go away.

If only things could be that simple.

"You are quite changed since returning from Broxcliffe Park," murmured Mrs Taylor with a heavy sigh.

"It is true," added Bessie sullenly. "You no longer seem to find pleasure in anything – not even playing the pianoforte!"

Of course Catherine no longer wished to play the pianoforte; the first time she had sat herself at the instrument since returning to Donbroke she had found herself overcome by a flurry of memories so painful she had been reduced to a tearful mess slumped at the keys. After that distressing experience Catherine vowed not to partake in any activity which might remind her of the person she wished to forget – only to find it proved far more difficult than she had anticipated, since everything seemed to form a connection with him.

So, defeated, exhausted and utterly miserable, Catherine had found herself retreating into a cold shell of numbness, displaying a general apathy towards life in order to pretend that she did not care about the man who had broken her heart. But from her mother's anguished expression, she was not to be convinced – and in all honesty, Catherine was hardly even convincing herself.

"Are you perfectly sure nothing happened during your stay at Broxcliffe Park to upset you?" pressed Mrs Taylor. "I trust my brother cared for you well?"

"My uncle treated me with perfect kindness, Mama," replied Catherine exasperatedly. "He ensured that my every need was seen to; in particular when Bessie was so ill."

"Then perhaps someone else upset you?" continued Mrs Taylor relentlessly. "You will forgive me for prying, Catherine, but I am your mother, and I wish to make sense of what could have possibly happened to bring about such a drastic change in your character. I only want to help you, my dear, for it grieves me to see you so melancholy."

"I am perfectly well, Mama," Catherine began to insist, but her mother was having none of it. In fact, Catherine began to wonder if perhaps Mrs Taylor had engineered her sons' day out in order to conduct a thorough inquisition into Catherine's wellbeing; the barrage of questions being thrown her way certainly sounded well-rehearsed. If anything this infuriated Catherine even further, and made her all the more reluctant to comply with her mother's wishes and provide her with the information she so desired.

"William mentioned something about a Lord Russell in one of his more recent letters," said Mrs Taylor delicately, eyeing Catherine tentatively as she spoke. "Such a terrible to-do that was in Bath; I feel desperately sorry for his disgraced relatives.

I – I wonder, Catherine – did you have any involvement with this man?"

"No, I most certainly did not!" cried Catherine indignantly, feeling heat rise in her cheeks as they grew scarlet with rage. "If you are under the impression that I am pining for that odious creature, then you are very much mistaken – for I could see as soon as I met him what a dreadful man he was! Unfortunately the same cannot be said for Julia, so perhaps you should instead be quizzing her on the matter!"

A tense silence followed this outburst, during which Catherine's breathing slowly returned to a normal rate as she succeeded in calming herself a little. Never had she spoken to her mother in such a rude manner in all of her twenty years - whatever had come over her to make her behave in such a way? She had never been known to possess such a foul temper; why, amongst her family she was known to be a most patient and gentle creature!

It terrified Catherine to witness such a change in her own disposition, intensifying as she caught a brief flicker of apprehension in Mrs Taylor's eyes. Her dear Mama was fearful of her; what an unbearable notion! Catherine instantly made to apologise – but just then, Bessie spoke up quietly from over by the window.

"It is not Lord Russell causing Catherine grief, Mama – but rather her professor. I believe I am correct, Catherine, in thinking it is he who haunts your thoughts so often?"

"Do not call him that!" burst out Catherine before she could stop herself. "He is not 'my professor' – he never was!"

In that moment, all the emotions Catherine had been forcing herself to suppress could not be ignored any longer, finally bubbling up inside her like a hot spring. The floodgates opened, and all the tears she had refused to cry over the past months rapidly began to pour out in such a violent burst of hysteria that she was rendered quite speechless. Too caught up in the raw anguish encompassing her heart to care what her mother and Bessie thought of this display, Catherine simply leapt to her feet and fled from the room.

"I will talk to her," Catherine heard Bessie sigh exasperatedly as she began to climb the stairs.

"No, allow me," Mrs Taylor replied gently, Catherine just catching her mother's response before disappearing out of earshot and making her way mindlessly up to her bedchamber.

By the time Mrs Taylor caught up with Catherine she was slumped on her window seat, head resting against the cold windowpane as deep, shuddering sobs shook her delicate frame. So wrapped up in her grief was she that she barely noticed her mother taking a seat beside her, until Mrs Taylor extended an arm and took her daughter's small, pale hand in her own. At this gesture of tenderness Catherine turned her tear-streaked face to her mother's anxious one, before wordlessly nestling into her warm embrace as she had often done when seeking comfort as a child.

"My strong, brave girl," murmured Mrs Taylor softly, stroking her daughter's chestnut locks lovingly. "Venturing to Barnbury alone cannot have been easy for you."

Catherine made no reply. She hardly felt particularly strong or brave at this moment, positively drowning in misery as she currently was.

"You think it impossible that I could understand your current suffering," Mrs Taylor continued, the rhythmic motion of her caressing Catherine's hair causing her daughter to melt into her bosom comfortably, "yet you forget that I am the daughter of a baronet – I spent my childhood and adolescence in high society, and remember well how tedious and tiring it could be. I was most relieved, in fact, when your father and I married, enabling us to begin our family away from all the tattle and social expectations."

"Yes, you were happy because you found Papa," mumbled Catherine miserably. "I shall never find such happiness of my own."

"Now, Catherine – whatever is the meaning of this maudlin talk? You are a beautiful young woman of only twenty years – there is still time yet for a lovely young gentleman to come along and offer for you."

Hearing her mother speak this way was what did it for Catherine. Yes, it was attempting to imagine losing her heart to another gentleman that finally made Catherine realise what she had been trying to deny to herself since returning from Barnbury – and the crushing blow of it hit her as if she had been physically struck.

"I still love him!" she wailed, saturating her mother's gown with tears as she clung to her as if for dear life. "Despite knowing he will never care for me, I am such a senseless creature that I still love Professor Lawes!"

Catherine fully expected her mother to openly scold her for such a foolish display of sentimentality; however, Mrs Taylor merely regarded her daughter with a look of pained sorrow.

"I think you had better tell me exactly what has gone on between Professor Lawes and yourself," she said gently.

Catherine hesitated just a brief moment. But after keeping all her emotions so tightly wrapped up for so long, she found it was such a relief to finally express how she was feeling – and so it was not long before the whole, sorry tale tumbled out. She supposed it was likely Bessie had taken the liberty of filling their mother in on Catherine's relationship with the professor during her first spell in Barnbury, so she concentrated on the events after her return to Somerset: her growing affection for Professor Lawes, followed by Miss Russell's warning that he did not truly love her – and then her final meeting with the professor up on the Mendips.

"...so I strode away down the hill, and we never saw each other again before I quitted Somerset!" concluded Catherine tearfully a few minutes later.

Mrs Taylor considered her daughter's tale thoughtfully, and it was several minutes before she spoke. Meanwhile Catherine remained contentedly silent; emotionally exhausted after releasing some of the burden she had not allowed herself to acknowledge she was carrying. She knew now how foolish it had been to believe she could forget about the man who had captured her heart, and pretend as if none of it had ever happened. When she left Barnbury she had been furious at the professor, mistaking it for indifference towards him – but in reality she still loved him, and feelings of that nature would take much longer to overcome.

"From what you have told me, it seems you believed Professor Lawes to be in love with you until your distressing conversation with the viscount's sister," said Mrs Taylor eventually. "Is this correct?"

"Yes – yes, I suppose so," replied Catherine sullenly. "I believed it until the very moment Miss Russell brought it to my attention that he only became interested in me once her family fell from grace."

At this Mrs Taylor heaved a great sigh.

"Did you ever consider the possibility, my dear Catherine, that Miss Russell might have been telling falsehoods in order to create ill-feeling between Professor Lawes and yourself?" she inquired.

"Oh yes," said Catherine earnestly, "I can assure you I gave that thought most careful consideration, Mama. She spoke with such sincerity, though, that I felt she must have been telling the truth. Besides, what had she to gain by preventing a union between the professor and myself?"

"I cannot think of any direct gain," admitted Mrs Taylor. "However, it is clear that at the moment Miss Russell made her declaration regarding the professor's feelings towards you, she was a very troubled young lady who had just received a most harrowing piece of news. It is known under such circumstances for people to sometimes speak without thinking."

"Are you saying, Mama, that you believe Miss Russell told me a falsehood in order to hurt me as she was hurting?" cried Catherine, completely aghast.

"I am merely speculating; we shall never know the girl's motives for speaking as she did. I will, however, say this: unfortunately, some people can act in a malicious way towards others for they simply enjoy creating trouble. From my experience, I have had the misfortune of meeting several such people amongst the gentry."

"I could easily believe Miss Russell to be such a person," muttered Catherine sourly. "Yet I cannot believe the same of Professor Lawes. That is one of the reasons I love him - he does not seem to take any interest in social politics."

Mrs Taylor nodded her approval.

"An admirable quality," she said. "I do not think, therefore, that there is any real proof that what Miss Russell said was true."

Catherine scarcely dared to believe her mother's words.

"So, you think – you believe it possible that Professor Lawes truly did love me?"

"You are a very sensible young woman, Catherine, but when dealing with matters of a romantic nature I fear you are rather naïve, dear. From what Bessie told me about the way Professor Lawes wrote to you when she was so unwell, along with the way he behaved when you returned to Barnbury – yes, I believe his actions were those of a man in love."

"Oh, Mama!"

Catherine could hardly believe her ears. She felt as if she were soaring, her heart was lighter than it had been since her return from Somerset. It was like realising her love for Professor Lawes all over again; only even more incredible this time as her mother believed he might also love her! Now it was no longer a fantastical idea which existed only in Catherine's head – her fairy-tale future could in fact become reality!

Moments later, however, Catherine had a very horrible realisation – and her heart dropped with a jolt as all her hopes were instantly extinguished.

"I left him," she said hollowly, turning to face her mother with an expression of twisted pain. "He may love me, yet I turned my back on him! Oh, mama – what a senseless creature I am! For now I shall never see him again, and my heart shall be broken forever!"

"Oh, my poor, poor dear," murmured Mrs Taylor softly, rocking her daughter gently as her heart shattered with the pain of first heartbreak. "There is no loss felt quite so extremely as that of one's first love, in particular at your age - and there is unfortunately nothing to be done but to endure it.

It afflicts you terribly now, darling – I know that – yet I tell you, things will get better. In time you will begin to heal, and the memories of Professor Lawes will fade. Eventually, then, you will learn to find happiness with another..."

"No!" cried Catherine, horrified. "No, I shall never find happiness with another man! Not ever!"

Mrs Taylor smiled gently at her daughter. In her mother's eyes, Catherine felt certain she appeared no more than an irrational child, swept up in the drama of first love. But Catherine knew that what she said was true; she felt it in every fibre of her being. Never before had she met such an interesting, genuine and humble man as Professor Lawes – and if she could not share her life with him, she would not marry at all.

"If you truly mean it, Catherine, I must be perfectly honest – the chance of a reunion between the pair of you is very slim, particularly after you behaved so rudely during your last encounter. However," she continued hastily as Catherine's face fell, "it is not impossible. I have found that in life, these things have a habit of righting themselves somehow."

Catherine dearly hoped her mother was right. For if she and Professor Lawes never met again, she felt certain she would be enduring the rest of her life in a state of perpetual misery.