Kyoto, September 1924

Yukari found herself staring at the photographs of her mother and older brother hanging on the wall, just like on the countless other days since she'd first moved to this city with her father and grandmother.

It was a mere shed compared to the large and elegantly furnished house that she used to run through while being chased by Yutaro, squealing in excitement until he tackled her to the floor and was scolded by their mother.

The memory filled Yukari with a paralysing sadness that left her unable to finish breakfast. She pushed her bowl aside and stood up from the floor, not caring anymore that she would go hungry later.

I don't deserve to be alive anyway, Yukari thought to herself, echoing what her father had expressed one evening when she'd failed to understand his attempts to explain her schoolwork. I'm just an idiot and a burden...

She stumbled towards the corner of the room and grabbed the heavy leather satchel containing her schoolbooks, then grimaced when her grandmother protested again as usual.

"Yukari, come back here and finish your meal. Think about what your father will say when he finds out later."

The look of hatred he had given her that fateful night came back to haunt Yukari, and she flung her loaded satchel straight at the thin wall, causing it to shake slightly. She turned and glared at her grandmother, then rushed out of the apartment to face another bleak autumn day.

As usual, Yukari attracted unwanted attention the moment she entered her drab classroom. A few girls whose names escaped her, raised their heads, and regarded her the same way one would a pile of rotting garbage.

"Hey look," said one with long and silky hair adorned by a white ribbon. "The she-goblin has arrived. We should prepare a cleansing ritual."

The others snickered as Yukari retreated to her spot at the back of the classroom. Contrary to the high reputation of this school, the girls here could be every bit as needlessly cruel as boys, and it was best to avoid confrontation if she wanted to stay in one piece.

Granted, there was some truth to what her classmates said. The strong features that many considered handsome on her father, only looked hideous on a young girl like herself, so she let her head sink against the desk, wishing she could have been blessed with a beautiful and elegant face like her mother, whom she still expected to show up one day with a smile, as if the earthquake of the previous year had never happened.

Yet, every afternoon when classes came to an end and Yukari walked home alone, the only person to greet her at the door was her nagging grandmother, who instead of offering protection from her father's short temper, always took his side without fail, causing her to feel trapped and helpless in her own home.

It seemed like no matter where she went, misfortune would follow, and she feared that the only escape would be to disappear forever.

She managed to straighten her back and envision a vast sea in which she could wade until there was no hope of returning to the shore. Then, she would simply give up and feel the air leave her lungs as she sank into the depths, never to be found again.

Such was her yearning for this fate that she remained oblivious to the presence of her teacher until everyone else had risen in preparation for singing the national anthem.

"Miss Tanimura," Mr. Yoshida bellowed, striking fear into Yukari's heart as she became aware of her surroundings and bolted to her feet while pushing her chair back with a screech.

The last thing she wanted was to be caned in front of the class a third time, so she bowed her head as a way of acknowledging her wrongdoing. "I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again."

To her relief, Mr. Yoshida simply rolled his eyes, then resumed watching over the class like he was a hawk, and they were all at equal risk of becoming his prey. She awaited the moment when he would gesture for them to start, and her voice would become just another in the crowd, one of the few moments in the day where she felt a semblance of comfort.

Then, it would be back to sitting straight at her desk in fear that she would be reprimanded for something as minor as breathing too loud. And when it came time to leave the school building for lunch, she knew that the same classmates who traded quips about her masculine appearance, would pelt her with pebbles and rubbish while telling her to go back to the slums from which she apparently came.

The reasonable way to solve this predicament was speak to a trustworthy adult, but there was no longer any such person in her life. Her grandmother was a feeble old woman with little understanding of modern society, while her once capable father spent much of his spare time moping, drinking, and then losing his temper if something didn't go his way.

As a consequence, Yukari allowed her imagination to drift once more towards the boundless ocean. The voice of Mr. Yoshida became incomprehensible as time dragged on, and she turned the pages of her schoolbook in imitation of those around her. Eventually, class came to an end, and they were given a poem to memorize by Monday the following week.

Yukari packed up her belongings and shuffled along to the ringing of a bell in the adjacent hallway. The bodies of her classmates knocked and pushed against her, increasing her sense of hopelessness.

Tears flooded her eyes and clouded her vision. She came to a stop and leaned upon a desk to catch her breath, but it was pointless. Nobody would offer sympathy even if she cried, and that was how it would stay for the foreseeable future. 

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Chapter Note: Although difficult, I did my best to research what Japanese elementary schools were like during the early twentieth century. Corporal punishment was apparently quite common and seen as a legitimate way to discipline children, and while bullying is still a problem these days, it was probably worse back then. 

Class photos from the time also suggest that girls and boys were segregated, though most teachers seemed to be male.