How—how—could she have been so stupid? Shulay was right: the cow wouldn't walk down the stairs.

Arialain tried. She had tugged Pearl out of Shulay's chamber and guided her to the top of the largest staircase. Though she barely tugged the rope, the cow locked legs and mooed loudly, refusing to even attempt the first step. She could not be budged.

"So now, besides tending this beastly door, I've got to go to Shulay's chamber twice a day to milk the cow and shovel up mess." Arialain sat with Tofer in the window niche, their knees touching. "Then I have to haul buckets of milk and waste downstairs, but not at the same time. It's horrible."

Tofer shrugged. "Don't do it."

"What do you mean?"

He rolled his eyes, which always wounded Arialain a little. "I mean, ignore the cow. You know Shulay won't be able to handle that. She'll take care of it herself."

Arialain shook her head. "Maelyn will be mad."

Tofer raised his eyebrows. "And?"

Doom! Doom! Doom!

Arialain opened the door. Mondays were considered Merridell Day, worst day of the week for Maelyn. That's when the nobles came before her, determined to make every problem in the kingdom her fault. It always put Maelyn in a terrible mood, which trickled down through the princesses.

Four young ladies at the door, dressed in the new fashions coming from Grunwold. Arialain greeted them by name. It could be unpredictable with the younger nobles, those of the same general age as the nine princesses. Some had inherited the scornful attitudes of their parents; others seemed to not care at all about the princesses' origins. Only one girl disdained Arialain's greeting.

Tofer watched the young ladies as they crossed the entry hall. Arialain had noticed this about him: he watched other girls. Not in a way that made her worry... much. But she still didn't like it.

He returned his attention to Arialain. "I was saying, who cares if Maelyn gets mad? What can she really do to you?"

"She could put me in the dungeon."

"Would she actually do that? Has she ever done it before?"

Arialain shook her head.

Doom! Doom! Doom!

She returned to Tofer a minute later, barely remembering who had knocked. An old lord and lady, maybe. Tofer gestured at the door. "As you just illustrated, Maelyn needs you too much to lock you away. Even if she tried, who could force you to go down there?"

"Heidel."

Tofer laughed. "Heidel is a blob. You have so much more power than you think, Ari. You just need to fight back."

Arialain sighed and looked through the diamond-shaped window panes, annoyed to see another man coming up the hill. Maelyn was having a busy day.

She didn't want to fight her sisters. It never seemed to work out. Somehow, they always spun things around and made Arialain the one who suffered most. She couldn't win against them, no matter what she did.

"I tried," Arialain said. "Putting the cow in Shulay's room—that was fighting back. And it only made everything worse. I'm not going to stop milking the cow. Shulay will think of a way to get her out."

Tofer smirked. "I can think of a very good way that would involve a lot of tasty meals for everyone."

"NO!" She had to interrupt herself for the man who had finally arrived at the door. "Pearl is our milk cow. Shulay would be devastated. Her animals are like her children." Her eyes trailed to a large black cat sprawling at one side of the hall. The castle cats were always in sight.

"Then what do you want, Arialain?" Tofer's tone grew annoyed. "Tell me that. What do you want to happen? To you. In your life."

Arialain shook her head. "I don't know."

"Think about it."

She shrugged. "I want things to not be like this."

"Like what?"

"Like this. I want the servants to come back."

"Why?"

Arialain shrugged again. "It was better."

"What was better about it?"

"Lots of things." But when she thought about it, she hadn't felt much different. She had had more to do. Lessons. Riding. Dancing. Playtime... usually with Ivy. Quiet evenings spent with her parents. Always, always, always wanting attention from her father. Never getting enough to satisfy her.

"I want to not be the Door Princess," Arialain said. "I want to not be the youngest. I want my sisters to treat me with respect. I want them to stop scolding me for everything."

Tofer reached for her hands. He spoke in a softer voice. "Keep going."

Arialain felt the sting of tears in her eyes. "I just want to feel... good. On the inside. About who I am. I want to feel that I have worth." She looked at Tofer, now blurred by a wet coating over her eyes. "I feel worthless."

She'd never put it into words, but realized how true it was. She felt worthless. Though her family had loved her. Though she had grown up as royalty. She felt as worthless as a dead leaf. She always had.

Tofer was smiling. He leaned toward her and softly kissed her cheek. "You are worth more than all your sisters combined. We just have to show them that."

"I don't know how." Arialain wiped her wet eyes with her fingertips.

"Well, you could start by telling them who you really are."

"SHUSH!" Arialain shot a look up the empty hall and stared at Tofer with wide eyes. "I told you not to talk about that!"

"It would make them treat you differently," Tofer said.

"It would make them hate me! And act weird around me. It won't change anything else." She sometimes regretted having told Tofer her Big Secret. He didn't see the same urgency as she did to keep it under lock and key. He'd even used it to blackmail her in subtle ways, such as making her stay out late with him. That's why she couldn't tell him her New Secret. Well, there were lots of reasons she couldn't tell him that.

Arialain searched for an argument that would sound convincing. "It's not about them and what they think of me. It's about me. I need to do something that will feel important. Like conquer a kingdom, though I don't mean that literally. Save people in danger. Or slay some horrible beast, if I could find one. Something great. The kind of thing a knight would do."

"Is that what you want? To be a knight?" Tofer asked eagerly.

Was that it? She liked swordplay—loved it actually—but never thought about becoming a knight. The armor didn't look comfortable. Female knights were a rare thing, but not unheard of. One had even become famous last century. But girls who became knights were usually taller and tougher than Arialain, girls who had never played with dolls or wore tiaras. Arialain still liked those things.

Still, this was the easiest way she could do something great. Prove to her sisters she had strength and power. Maybe even save them from their new enemies. That had to make her feel better about herself. Right?

Arailain smiled at Tofer. "Yes. I want to become a knight."