3 days before she went missing

25th April 2018

Today wasn't a day to stay in bed. My hands were constantly shaking with both nerves and excitement. I was finally spending a whole day with him. After so long of trying to get this to happen, it finally was.

Downstairs, George was already in his work clothes, ready to leave as he placed the plate of breakfast on the island. As much as it pained me to think about him working hard and me, betraying his trust and love, I was too eager to go out today than to think about the hurtful side of this.

This was going to be the day, where I don't have to think about anything, where I don't have to focus on my life and finally just be care free. Something, I haven't felt in a long time.

He embraced me in his arms, kissing me on the cheek before stepping out the door to leave. This time, I was not devastated that he left. I was (in a way) glad that it was coming closer to 09:00am and that soon, I would be on my way to Skegness.

After devouring my breakfast quickly, I raced upstairs to get ready. The red lace dress fitted perfectly on my body, outlining all of my beautiful curves. My black hair tied up into a bun as I applied some touches of make up. Today was going to be a good day. It had to be.

I left the house not too long ago, too eager to wait. The breeze was gentle and warm as it caressed my skin. Thankfully, the sun was out and spending the day on the warm beach would be even better.   

My car was parked not too far away from Botham's. I couldn't imagine driving his car, not when knowing his past history of cars. A part of me felt a tinge of pain every time I thought of the fact that I had to ask him for help. I knew that if I asked anyone other than him, they would ask questions and maybe even try to persuade me out of this. But I didn't want to be told what to do. Instead, I wanted to follow my heart, or at least one half.

It wasn't long till he strode over to me with a bag in hand. His smile spread across his face, wider than I've seen it before. His blue t-shirt covered by his denim jacket that matched the colour of his black jeans. Those blue eyes staring into mine, causing butterflies to fly around my stomach profoundly.

"I see my gift suits you well, since you look more stunning than usual." he said as he neared closer towards me.

I tried my hardest not to blush, but I was terribly unsuccessful as my face felt hotter.

"You don't look too bad yourself." I teased and a small chuckle escaped his lips.

"We should get going, if we want to make the most of today."

Nodding, we both lowered ourselves into the car and began to drive away. Never would I have thought this would happen, that I would be going somewhere with a man, that isn't my husband, but life gives many surprises. And I chose to pick this one.

A small nudge against my shoulder woke me up from the sleep I was in. We were already parked outside of the hotel as he stopped the car. I didn't remember falling asleep, but I was glad he woke me up, for it wasn't a nice one. The face of my husband scowling and shouting at me for what I had done appeared the moment my eyes closed. But I didn't want to think about that. Not right now.

Pulling out a cap and sunglasses from his bag, he placed them on. I tried not to laugh at him attempting to be in disguise like some spy from a movie.

We both stepped out of the car, with him following after me into the large hotel. No one was in the reception room, which I was thankful for. Despite the joy of being here with him, I prayed silently in my mind that no one who knew me would be here. Today wasn't about my husband or my family. It was just about us.

"Hello, my name is Luke. How may I help you?" the receptionist asked from behind the desk.   

"We are here to sign in to room 14." I said, giving him our details.

He checked them on the computer, with my mister staying silent the entire time and not making much eye contact with the receptionist. A small beep came from behind his desk as his hand reached into the draw and pulled out a set of keys.

"Here you go. Enjoy your stay."

"Thank you." he placed the keys into my palm, and we both set off into the elevator.   

This was really happening. The entire thing still didn't seem real and maybe this was still all a dream, and I was still sleeping away in bed, dreaming about what we could have had.

But as he gripped my hand in his, I knew this was all very much real. The elevator doors opened to a hallway with a stained carpet that reminded me of teenagers on a drunk night out, spilling their drinks everywhere while laughing.

We made our way down the hallway and towards the door to our apartment that we had booked for the door. The size of the living room or kitchen didn't matter. None of it mattered, apart from us.

"For us two, this place is perfect." he said, guiding me towards the bedroom.

"It is." I whispered as his mouth crashed onto mine. Our hot breaths brushing the side of our faces as the hunger for one another deepened.

Gently picking me up, he placed me onto the bed, his body towering over me without breaking the kiss. Everything we had wanted, was right here. All of the stress, the lies, the joy we had with one another were all thrown into this kiss. Our hands glided over each other's body, and we had no intentions of stopping. After years of hurt and pain, the hole in my heart getting wider each year with Elijah gone, it finally felt whole again. It finally felt like I could breath again. All of that pain was left behind and right now, I just wanted him.

Hours had passed with us both sitting in each other's arms on the bed, gazing out the window and towards the sun beams that were gleaming down on us. With the window slightly open, the sounds of kids cheering and screaming as they all played on the beach could be heard. His fingers drew circles around my arm as we sat in silence, enjoying the moment between us.

I knew we couldn't sit here all day. We shouldn't watch the day go by in bed when this opportunity wouldn't come up for a long time. But even though I knew we should be up doing something together, I couldn't bring myself to pry my body out of his warm arms.

Instead, we sat there for half an hour, listening to the sounds of the waves washing up onto the shore and the kids splashing around in the water while their parents asked if they wanted any ice cream.

"We should probably get up and do something. It's already 12:00am and soon the day will be over before we know it." He kissed my lips before jumping out of the bed to put his clothes back on.

Soon I followed after him, placing the red lace dress back on and slipping my feet into my high heels. Holding his hand, we skipped back into the elevator where another couple was inside - holding hands themselves too. They smiled sweetly as we stood next to them in silence. I'm sure they thought we were a couple and that our lives were perfect. They probably thought we were going to plan our lives together, buy a house or have kids together.

But none of that was going to happen. In all honesty, I didn't know where this affair was going or what he wanted out of it. Despite the secret meetings and the secret kisses we shared, he must know that a part of my heart still belonged to George. He had to know, right?

Before I had chance to answer the question myself, the elevator door swung open, and we all strode out into the waiting area before walking out into the blazing hot sun. Thank god I was wearing a dress instead of jeans.

Our hands were still linked together as we stride down the pavement with our couples and families together too. Seeing all of these couples with rings around their fingers, made a strike of shame pierce my heart at the fact that I was with a man, that was not my husband. If only they knew what I was doing, then maybe they wouldn't be shooting sweet smiles my way.

For another couple of hours, we ate in restaurants and drank in pubs. We played in the arcades on the racing machines and bowling machine (which I won every time) before taking a walk along the coast with shoes in hand.

The gentle waves slid over my feet, emerging them into a pit of warmth. Seagulls flew above our heads, looking out for any sign of food they could steal. Our hands were intertwined, our sweaty palms pressed tightly together. When the waves folded back, away from my feet, the warmth disappeared and the pit of guilt submerged my head again.

 Even though I've enjoyed today, the time we spent together and the long walks, my mind wouldn't let go of the life I was trying to escape from for one day. George's voice rattled my mind every time I began to enjoy myself.

 Couples were sat on the beach smiled when we made eye contact. Their eyes lighting up at the sight of another happy couple. But we weren't a couple. Not really. All we were, were two people who wanted to escape, who wanted to feel something other than the endless pain.

 My feet began to slow down as we trudged further along the coast. He quickly noticed and paused to look at me. To see the sadness that had washed up on my face as quickly as the waves had washed up on our bear feet.

 "What's wrong?" he asked, staring with intensity in those blue eyes.

 I paused, staring at a kid standing behind him. The small boy, who would be about the same age as Elijah, was sat building a sand castle as his parents watched from afar.

 That could have been me. That could have been my own little family. They all looked so ... happy, as if nothing would tear them apart. No matter how big a hole in their heart was.

 What would Elijah think of me? Looking down on me, he might have thought I was a monster, betraying George by being with another man. And he was right.

 No matter who I kissed; no matter what I did, the wide hole in my heart would never be sealed unless I worked through the pain. Unless I faced it.

Raking my hands in my hair, everything I had done with him no longer seemed good. It no longer seemed like my heart was whole again, but instead, it was cribbling to the ground. This shouldn't be happening. What had I done?

 "What is wrong?" he repeated again after looking at where I was staring at a few moments ago.

 "Everything. All of this. It's all wrong." I muttered, pacing back and forth along the water that had moved its way up the beach.

 "Everything that is happening, it's all wrong."

 "I don't understand. You're not making any sense." he said, studying my moves as worry flickered across his face.

 The wind had picked up, circling us like a hurricane. Like a storm was coming.

 "I want to go home." I said, staring back at him through the hair that whipped across my face.

 "What? How about we just sit down and talk about it? We can get through this."

 He reached for my hand, but I staggered back and away from him. This shouldn't be happening. I realised that now.

 All of these families and couples were here out of love, and I was here because I was lonely, hurt and in pain. I was here to get away from everything that was suffocating me. But it wasn't my life that was suffocating me. It was him. It was this affair and the guilt that came with it.

 "No, no, no. I can't. I don't want to, please. I want to go home." I begged, hoping he would listen, and we could leave.

 For the first time, rage flicked across those eyes that I gazed into so many times. Rage that made my toes curl. The storm he had kept at bay while with me, finally crashed against his eyes.

 "Come on, we can talk about it somewhere else, maybe even back in the hotel room."

 "I'm only going back there to pack. I don't want to be here anymore."

 I was going to say his name, shout it out, but the last time I said his name, his lips crashed onto mine to silence me. And right now, I didn't want to feel the touch of his lips.

 "Stop being ridiculous and let's talk about this, Tanisha. You're acting crazy."

 My heart stopped. The man I had come to for comfort was now spiting insults out in my face. Crazy. Ridicoulos. The words I had heard from people whenever I let people see the broken part of me. The desperate part of me.

 "I want to leave." I shouted, silencing couples around us who no longer smiled towards us.

 Quickly glancing around, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me along the coast and back towards the hotel. Relief washed over me as soon as we stepped into the hotel room. He placed his black hat and glassed back on as I stared at the bed. The bed where we did everything a married couple should have done. A bed which me and George should have shared. Not with him.

 The silence between us reflected the tension that was now in the air. He hadn't said anything as we left the hotel or as I signed us both out. Silence was all he gave me.

 We reached the car, and quickly drove away with force. At each corner and traffic light at which we stopped out, I flew forward in my seat at the sheer force of him, stopping too quickly.

 "Be careful. Stop." they were the words I repeated to him as he slammed his foot onto the brakes time after time.

 "You wanted to go home. We are going home, quickly." he snarled.

 For the rest of the car ride, we didn't speak. All I wanted was to be in George's arms. Though, I still wasn't sure if I could tell him. I knew I should, that it was time. But seeing his face, witnessing how broken it would be when I told him, made me think I couldn't do it.

 Soon, we arrive back at Sherwood Forest, and we both step out of the car. I wanted to explain, tell him why I wanted to leave, but by the time I turned around to face him, he was already walking through the trees. Then, he disappeared into the shadows without even saying good bye.

 Texting Botham where he could find his car, I slammed my fists onto the steering wheel. I didn't try to stop the tears from streaming down my face. I didn't try to stop myself from screaming at the mess I had made. What had I done?

 As I drove back home, tears were still rolling down my face, unable to stop. I was glad that when I returned home, George wasn't there and I still had a chance to make it seem like today was normal. Like I didn't sleep with another man.

 I quickly raced upstairs to change my clothes and get in the shower. No matter how many times I washed myself, I would never be able to wash the touch of his hands over my body or the kisses on my lips. He left his trace on both my body and mind. And nothing would wash it off.

 Afterwards, I had changed into some baggy clothes and slouched onto the sofa with a bottle of wine in my hand. It wasn't long till George joined me and slouched next to me.

 Exhaustion seeped through him and before I could get a word out to him, snores came from his mouth. I didn't know when I would tell him about my affair, but I know I would.

 It didn't matter that my mister was angry that I wanted to leave. What mattered was my marriage, and I was going to make sure I fixed it and that everything would go back to normal.

 It was time, to fix my mistakes. For Elijah. For George. And for myself.