5 days before she went missing

23rd April 2018

The morning was the same as usual. It always was. Get up, say goodbye to George once again and then go to work. It never really changed, but soon it would. Soon, my day would be different and I could finally spend it with him.

 When I got to work, the day was steady, people walking in and out with books in their bags. Sometimes, they would come in to look at the books – not intending to buy any – but walk out with a pile of books.

 Regulars wished me a happy birthday before they left, even though they didn't have to. I was looking forward to tomorrow, but what I was looking forward to more was spending time with my mister. I would be away from this life, living it as if I was someone else. I could finally stop pretending and enjoy the day away from the life that brought me pain and grief. A part of me was being consumed by the guilt. I kept picturing what George would think of me if he found out, the disgrace and disapproval covering his face. He didn't deserve this, to be lied to and betrayed, but the other part of me had overrode the other part. It was stronger, more dominant and it had taken over my brain and heart utterly.

 But I couldn't think about that, not right now. If my mind got lost in the sea of those thoughts, then I would never resurface.

 As the day of working came to a close, Alton came up to me, his blonde hair being brushed aside. On his lap, a book with an orange background and a time glass on the front read, They both die at the end plastered on the front.

 "What's that?" I asked, even though I could clearly see what it was.

 "It's a book," he laughed, "it's a birthday gift and since I've seen you re-read that book so many times, I thought it would be time for you to read another."

 He pushed the book into my chest, not allowing me to have the chance to refuse. Not expecting him to give me a present, I smiled back at him before admiring the cover.

 "Thank you, but you didn't have to."

 "Oh I know, but I wanted to and do not even think about trying to repay me. It's a present." he barked before pushing his wheelchair away and back to the counter where he began to count the change.

 Despite me not wanting to admit it, I did want to buy him something in return, to show my gratitude, especially because I didn't ask for it. But he was right. This was a gift. When it comes to his birthday, I will just buy him more gifts as a thank you.

 Once the book store was shut and me and Alton said our goodbyes, I hopped into my car and drove away. Botham had sent me the address after I called him and thankfully it wasn't a hard place to find.

 The cafe was right outside the town of Nottingham and smelt of cakes and strong coffee as you walked through the door. Not many people were sat inside and I imagined most people would still be at work. The bell rang loudly behind me and as I turned to see who walked through the door, it wasn't who I hoped.

 He was no where to be seen. Maybe he decided to bail on me, to run out of fear for what I wanted and held over his head. He didn't know what I knew, he was utterly perplexed, and when he found out what will be held over his head like a rainy cloud, he'll be shocked to the bone.

 A woman with blonde hair that rested on her shoulders, were stood behind the counter. Her smile was warming, one I hadn't seen in a long time. Her smile wasn't sympathetic or sad because she didn't know my story. She didn't know the terror I had endured, and I was glad. For the first time in a while, this one smile from a woman I have never met made me feel like I wasn't a broken piece of glass.

 She spoke gently as I ordered a red velvet cake with icing on from the counter and sat down on one of the spare chairs. It was soft and fitted my plump body perfectly. My back ached with pain, but before I had long enough to rest it, he strode through the door.

 Anger filled my body just at the sight of him, and I could only imagine how it would heighten at the sound of his voice. His black afro bounced up and down before he sat down opposite me. Those mahogany eyes stared sharply into mine, but they weren't the same ones I was accustomed to. Instead, they were clear with a new light inside them. The ones I used to see were covered in clouds of thoughts and had dark bags under his eyes.

 "It's been a long time." he said in an edgy tone.

 His leg bounced up and down with his hands constantly moving. After all this time, and he still couldn't sit still. Though I doubted it would be because he was nervous. He must be hating this, not being in a pub with alcohol and actually having to drink something else. When we were together, which felt like a different century, it seemed like that was the only thing he would ever let smooth down into his mouth.

 "You look good." he looked me up and down, trying to break the awkward silence.

 "Let's be honest, neither one of us are here for a catch up." I barked not wanting to hear more of his voice than I had to.

 His eyes darted to the floor, hurt. But I didn't care. He had hurt me more than anyone else had and it was time for him to feel the tip of pain too.

 "You said you needed a favour. What is it?" he asked still not making eye contact with me.

 "I need your car. It's important."

 His eyes quickly darted back up to mine. His brows were furrowed and wrinkles formed on his face, the confusion out in the open.

 "I thought you had a car of your own."

 "I did. Then, you crashed into my own, so I had to buy a new one. But I can't use that, I need yours."

 The puzzled look on his face couldn't be any clearer as he looked at me closer, hoping I would give some idea as to what I wanted.

 "If you have your own, then why can't you use it? Look, Tanisha, I don't know what you've got yourself into to, but I don't want any part of it."

 Placing his hands on the arm rests of the chair, he got ready to lift himself up, to leave this cafe and me behind. But I wasn't finished and until I was, he would be going no where.

 "You will be. Or do you want everyone to know your deep, dark secret?"

 His eyes glared at me as he lowered himself back down, removing his hands from the chair. Finally, I had his attention.

 "What are you talking about?" he asked, his foot bouncing quicker than before.

 "The night my son died. I was told a drunk driver hit my car. That the driver ran away, leaving me and my son in the wreckage. I saw the care before it hit us. I didn't have time to move out of the way, but I saw the car and who was driving it." I explained trying to keep the anger in my voice quiet, so people around didn't hear.

 His eyes widened and his foot stopped bouncing. Quickly looking around, he leaned forward and opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out.

 "I know it was you. The car looked familiar and when I looked up, I saw you in the driver seat, a bottle of vodka gripped in your hand. You caused that accident and you killed my son."

 I never told anyone about that before. Even if I did, what could they do? They couldn't bring my son back. They couldn't reverse time, so they could warn me not to take Elijah with me or not to go at all. There was nothing they could do. I was going to go to the police, to shout it in their ears, that he killed my son, and they were letting him get away with it. But what was the point? The police wouldn't believe me. To them, I was this injured, frail and weak woman who was too blinded by grief and just looking for someone to blame. The world we live in is cruel and it breaks my heart, knowing that even the police wouldn't protect or believe me.

 He sat like a statue, unable to move from the information that I was pinning over his head. For the first time in all the years I've known him, this was the first time he displayed any sign of fear. And I was loving every second of it.

 Leaning forward, I took a bite out of my cake and whispered, "I can easily go to the police. Tell them everything."

 For now, he wouldn't know that they wouldn't believe me. The word 'police' was enough to spike fear through his heart.

"Unless, you give me the keys to your car. And we can forget about all of this. The police won't have to know, and we can go back to the way it was, not speaking ever again."

 He finally moved and looked at the cake I was moving around on the plate, playing with my food like a tiger , ready to tear it apart and so far, Botham was in pieces.

"What do you even need it for?" he said quietly.

 My eyes darted to the floor and when they looked back up at him, a sly smirk crossed his face. Even though he was in the worst spot, he found amusement in my weakness. The moment he asked, he knew instantaneously.

 Though the amusement didn't last when he realised that the information I had was much more devastating than mine. He could ruin my marriage, but I could ruin his life.

 His hand reached deep into his pocket. A rattle of key rings and keys filled the room as he held the key chain in front of him. A black circle with a metal block coming out of it was pulled off the chain and was thrown into my lap. Buttons were embedded into the circle. He finally caved. Now, I had his keys.

 "I hope you know what you are doing. This game you are playing between this mystery man and your husband," he said, pointing to the ring on my finger as he stood up, "it won't end well. In fact, it'll end in chaos." 

 He quickly turned his back to me and strode out of the cafe and across the street. A breath that I had been holding in for far too long, finally escaped my mouth. My heart sank low into my chest as I knew he was right. This was dangerous and not just for me, but for everyone involved. 

 Knowing that this should end quickly, that this affair shouldn't have happened in the beginning left my mind at the sight of him. He was here, standing in the doorway, watching me. His hands were bawled into fists with his knuckles turning white.

 His narrowed eyes stared at me with a hate inside them that I hadn't seen before. The clenched jaw only added to his harsh look and for the first time in knowing him, I was afraid.

 He strode over to me and stood in front of my chair, looking down upon me.

 "Who was he?" he asked with anger laced in his voice.

 "Oh, he was nobody. Just the person I got the car from." I rattled the key in front of his face, which instantly softened.

 His hands escaped the fist structure and his whole body began to relax. A small smile crossed my face, knowing that he got jealous.

 "For a moment I thought there was someone else, besides the husband of course. So, where's the car?"

 Leading him out of the cafe and into the car park, the wind brushed against our faces, making my hair fly across my face and his black jacket fling open.

 In the car park, a red car sat in the corner, away from the rest. It wasn't a big car, but for us using it for one day would be perfect. His eyes lit up and so did mine.

 "We really doing this? We're finally having a day together."

 "We really are." I gleamed and turned to face him, our hands entwined.

 "Did it bother you when I was with that guy?" I asked because I wanted to know, I needed to.

 "Of course it did. Even though you're married, we have something special."

 My heart was split into two parts once again. A part of me was thrilled to know he cared about me and felt glad to be around me. However, the other part dreaded the fact that he was catching feelings. I still loved my husband, but he made me feel happier and more at peace with everything that happened. He makes me forget about the life I have and that I can finally be Tanisha Clive and not a wife, a mother of a dead son or the person everyone expected me to be. With him, I could be who I wanted to be.

 We talked for a while longer, sitting in the parking lot as I watched the sun slowly go down. The sky turned a stunning orange colour with the hint of yellow and red. I wished we could stay like this, watching the sun go down and enjoying the late night between us, but we had to go.

After saying our goodbyes, I headed back home and the drive felt shorter than usual. I guess my head was in the clouds that I had forgotten about everything else.

George's car wasn't outside the house, so I guessed I still had time to act like I've been here the whole time. As I walked through the door, I grabbed a bottle of wine and sat down on the sofa, not bothering to drink it out of a cup. If I was going to get through tomorrow, I'll be needing lots of this.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm excited for tomorrow and to see what George has planned for us, but I can tell that everyone will be making a fuss and everyone will be all over me. I wouldn't get a chance to by myself and for the entire day, I would have to put on a brave and happy face. This was something I was accustomed to.

 The front door swung open and George waltzed in, planting himself beside me with his arm draping over my shoulder. He landed a kiss on my cheek before turning the TV on and putting his feet up on the coffee table.

 My heart ached and I knew that my affair (if he ever found out) would break him.