Tanisha

6 days before she went missing

22nd April 2018

It was the next morning and I could hear George moving about downstairs. The radio blasting throughout the house, telling me to get out of bed.

 Stretching my arms out, I sat at the edge of the bed when a ping came from my phone. At first, I thought it would be from that anonymous person again, but thankfully it wasn't. Instead, it was labelled under 'mister' and my heart felt lighter. I know it was wrong to be having an affair, but I couldn't help it. When I met him in that bar when I was drowning my sorrows with alcohol, he came up to me, and we talked all night. He let me pour my broken heart out to him and it felt nice, knowing that this stranger wouldn't judge me and that I probably would never see him again. That was not true. We exchanged numbers and ever since then, we have been seeing each other after my shift finished. Part of me felt dreadful about what I was doing, after all I did have a husband who loved me. However, the other part of me enjoyed this excitement and feeling of mischievous behaviour. It was as if the gaping hole that was left in my heart was finally beginning to be filled with something else. 

 Opening the text up, it read: Hey, missing your gorgeous face. Wanna meet in Sherwood Forest after your shift? I smiled and respond with a yes and deleted the messages as soon as it showed he read them. I don't want George finding out and I would cover my tracks no matter what.

 Don't get me wrong, I love George or at least I tell myself I do, but he's never home anymore. I'm always left by myself, alone and isolated from everyone else while he's off working. I couldn't keep feeling like that, and he helps me feel connected to the cruel world that we all live in. He fills the hole in my heart that George cannot.

 Walking down the hallway and stairs, George is stood in the kitchen all ready for work with his briefcase by his foot and plates of food in his hands.

 "Morning darling. Made you some breakfast before I head out. Just think, tomorrow, I'm yours all day." he said as he kisses me on the cheek and grabs his suit off the wall rack, placing it on himself. 

 Smiling back at him, I watch him walk out the doors once again. His routine never changes. It's always the same and I'm left alone ... again. Though I decide not to dwell on the lonely feeling for after work, I'll see him again. 

 Quickly eating my breakfast, I wear the same clothes as yesterday, not bothering to change outfits. As I walk out those doors and start the engine, I feel ready for the day. 

 My day at work was the same as usual. Some people walked in and bought books. Others returned them or sat reading them on the table in the centre where Alton had to repeatedly tell them they would have to buy the book or leave. After all, this isn't a library. 

 It was a steady day with not much excitement, so when we were quiet, I sat in the corner reading a book of my own which I would take with me everywhere. I can't remember how many times I would read this book, but each time I would get more engrossed in the world I wished I lived in. It was much better than the harsh, cruel and dark world we lived in.

 As my shift began to close, Alton wished me a happy birthday and hoped I would have a good day, which I wished back. When I reached my car, I grabbed a make up bag out of my handbag and applied a few touches of make up on my face before setting off for Sherwood Forest.

 My car bounced from the small stones and the gavelled path, leading to the car park. Out the corner of my eye, I can see him, standing with his arms crossed and his muscular arms exposed. A smile forms on my face once again and as I step out of the car, a smile forms on his face as well.

We walk side by side through the woods, birds singing around us and bringing twigs back to their nests, providing for a family that I cannot have. Our arms linked together as we jumped over fallen twigs in unison. 

 "I'm glad I got to see you again. Been missing you." he said as we stopped in front of a river.

 Not far from the river, there was a small town which was where we first met at the bar. It's not very big or busy, but that's the best part. No one will recognise us there. We were just strangers, waltzing in their bar, but now we were much more than that.

 "Me too. Though I wish we could go somewhere other than this forest. Not that I don't enjoy our walks through the forest, but it would be nice to go somewhere else. You know, have a proper day with each other." 

 "I know what you mean. I think we've walked all around this forest." he laughed and walked closer to the river, placing his hand in the cold water.

 We were so deep into the forest that no one came this far. We were utterly alone, but together, and that's what we wanted. 

 My mind wandered away, trying to think of a day that we could spend together without George finding out. He couldn't see me tomorrow as George will be with me all day and so will my family. Then, as if a lightbulb went off in my head, I smiled at him.

 "I know a day we can spend together. The day after my birthday, I took the day off work."

 "Really? Won't George know or figure it out?" he asked as he stood up and walked back from the river.

 "He'll be at work. I didn't tell him and even if I did, he wouldn't notice or check up on me. He'll be too busy with work. What do you think?"

 "I think it's perfect. Where'd you wanna go?"

 We talked by the river about all the places we could go to. Having all day together would be one of the best things to happen. I wouldn't have to pretend to be this strong and perfect woman that everyone wanted me to be. No one would want me to break down or talk about my problems. But he did. He didn't mind me crying or shouting about what happened. He would sit there, listening to every word that came out of my mouth without judging me and that was the best gift anyone could ever give me. With him, I could be me.

 Not too long after, we walked back up to the cafe where there was Wi-Fi and ordered ourselves a coffee. The cafe was built out of wood to give it a more outdoor feeling and had pictures of trees and woodland creatures hanging around. Wooden tables were scattered around with people sat indoors and for people outdoors on the metal chairs and tables, chattering away. A small lady behind the counter took our orders and walked behind a door which I assume would lead to the kitchen. Cakes were on display, which all looked incredibly delicious. The waitress brought us our coffee, and we drank them, gazing into each other's eyes. 

 "Now we finally have some Wi-Fi, let's look at some hotels." he stated, pulling his chair closer to mine, his leg brushed up against my own.

 My heart rate quickened and I could slowly feel myself blushing. We weren't usually close in public in case someone we knew recognised us, but glancing around at the people who were inside, no one I knew was here. In fact, no one even looked at us as we edged closer to each other.

 It seemed like we were scrolling for hours through possible hotels where we could travel to and from in a few hours. I had to make sure I was back home for 7:00pm so George didn't suspect anything.

 "What about that one?" he asked, pointing at one of the hotels on my phone.

 It was a small room with only one bed and was cheap for just one day. It was located in Skegness, which was just a few hours away. I remember when me and George took Elijah to Skegness to see the beach and sea. His bright eyes lit up when he saw the sea crashing against the soft sand. We spent the whole day there, eating ice cream and building sand castles in the warm summer day. It was a perfect day and so would Wednesday be too.

 "It's perfect."

 We put in my details and made sure that the hotel was booked. Smiles were stuck on our faces the entire time as the excitement of finally spending a whole day together set it.

 Usually we would just spend a few hours together – like today – after my shift and that would be it. We couldn't take any photos of each other in case George saw so the only memories we had of each other were the ones we had to replay in our minds. 

 The sky had begun to get darker and looking down at the time on my phone, it was already 6:00pm and time to head home. Saying thank you to the people at the counter, we walked out to my car.

 "I'll print the receipt off when I get home and make sure that it's hidden safely."

 "Good, we wouldn't want your husband finding out. That would be difficult to explain. You know, I think you shouldn't use your car. It'll be too easily recognisable. If people see you getting into my car, then it'll be questioned by others." he added.

 I hadn't thought about that. If I used my car, it would be able to be traced quicker and if he used his own then people would get suspicious to why I was in another person's car. We couldn't walk to Skegness, it'll take too long and by the time we got there, it would be time to come back. 

 Then, I knew what to do. 

 "I know what car to use. Just meet me here at 9:00am, and then we'll be able to go without anyone thinking anything of it." 

 "Secret plan, hey. Cute." he laughed and walked closer to me, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to him. His hot breath brushed the side of my face as he leaned closer to my ear, and whispered, "Make sure to wear that red dress."

 Looking into his blue eyes with disbelief, it finally made sense. He sent me that text. He sent me the box with the dress. He was always wanting to make life more exciting and take risks. I guess breaking into my house was his way of making our affair more exciting. To be honest, I was just relieved that it wasn't some stalker or burglar and just him.

 Hitting my fists against his chest that felt like rocks, I chuckled at his smirk on his face. 

 "I can't believe that was you. You nearly gave me a panic attack when you broke into my house."

 "Made it all more exciting, didn't it?" he smirked as he brung my body closer to his.

 Leaning closer to me, his lips connected with mine as his hands travelled over my body and further down my waist. Our hot breath brushing against each other's faces. Pushing my body against the car, I heard another car door open near us.

 Quickly pulling away, I looked to see a family getting into the car and driving away. For a moment, jealousy took over my broken heart. That family had everything I wanted and could never have. Granted, I could have another child, but it wouldn't be the same. It would feel like I was trying to replace Elijah and I couldn't do that. The guilt would be too strong.

 "You OK?" he asked, keeping his hands on my waist.

 "Yeah, I'm fine. Guess I'll see you on Wednesday."

 "Yeah, you will." he responded and leaned in for another kiss before saying goodbye.

 He walked away while I hopped into my car. I never saw him come here in a car or leave in a car. It was as if he didn't want anyone to see him driving. Maybe he couldn't drive at all as there are many people who don't have their driver's license, though that seemed unlikely for him as he had mentioned his car before. 

 Turning the engine back on, the dashboard lit up in the dark of the forest and displayed the time at 6:15pm. I had plenty of time to get back home and when I did, it would be time to sort out mine and his way of getting to and from Skegness.

After arriving back home, I opened the fridge door once again and grabbed a bottle of red wine. Pouring myself a glass, I looked back at the clock on the walls and watched the seconds hand move around. It was already 6:45pm and I had plenty of time.

 I didn't want to call him. In fact, it felt like I was going to throw up at the thought of talking to him again. But I had no choice. I needed a day away from this life, away from all these people who feel sympathy for me every time they see me. Who feel sorry for me as they see me walk out of the house ... alone. I didn't need or want people's pity, sympathy or commiseration. I wanted my son back, which was the one thing they couldn't give me.

 Scrolling through my phone, my hand trembled slightly as it reached the bottom of my contacts with the dreaded number. I still don't understand why I kept his number. When you break up with someone, you delete their number, but for some reason, I didn't. The ex that I broke up with 5 years ago. Botham Wade. 

 In all honesty, he was a nice guy, but had multiple problems. When we first met, he was sweet and kind. He was one of those people you could always confide in. Later on in our relationship, something changed and so did he. To this day, I still don't understand what happened to him or us. He quickly turned to drinking and would get drunk in the middle of the day. 

 Though the day I knew I needed to end things with him was when he was driving me back to my place, but he was drunk. I didn't know when he started driving how drunk he really was, but I soon found out when he nearly drove off the road and crashed the car. That was the night I knew I couldn't be with him anymore. Since then, we hadn't spoken.

 However, I needed a car. A car that people wouldn't be able to trace back to me or my mister. And I knew just how to get him to give me his car. With the information I knew that made my blood boil and myself feel repulsed towards him, there would be no way he wouldn't give me his car.

 My finger hovered over the call button, not wanting to press it. Come on Tanisha, you can do this. You have to do this. Taking a deep breath, I pressed the button, holding the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" a voice asked from the other side of the phone. He'd answered.

 "It's me. Tanisha."

 Silence. He must be contemplating on why I'm calling him and what I wanted, which he would soon find out.

 "We need to talk." I stated.

 "Is it about that night?" he whispered with his voice shaking slightly.

 "Slightly. Look, I just need a favour from you and you know I wouldn't be asking you if I wasn't desperate. Please Botham, please." I pleaded with him, hoping he wouldn't end the call on me.

 A sigh could be heard from the other side of the phone. He seemed better. At least he didn't answer the phone drunk.

 "OK, I'll meet you at this cafe near town tomorrow. I'll send you the address and time."

 "OK, see you then." I quickly ended the call, not bothering to say thank you.

 I had no right to. Not after what he did and the pain he caused me. We hadn't talked about what happened, but it was time to. 

 And I wasn't going to let him go easily. I would get that car and I will get my apology from him, even if it's the last thing I do.