Hey, please listen to Spiegel im spiegel

I almost legit cried while writing this so have fun. Also, I'm so sorry to say that in ch. 2, things won't be lining up too much. It says that Lizzie had to pull Jimmy away from Tango's grave, yeah, I'm changing that. When writing this chapter, I thought of a much better way to write it, so I'm sticking with it. Enjoy! :)

Jimmy's Perspective-

I took a deep breath as me and my family entered the church.

Some people were already there, sitting down.

We took our seats near the front, and I took a deep breath.

After a couple of minutes, Tango's parents stood up front.

"Thank you, everyone, for coming today." Tango's father said.

"All of you are special to our son, Tango. Whether you're a relative or just a good friend, or maybe even something more than that, we thank you."

"Today, we are mourning the death of Tango as he tragically died in a car crash. I do not want to talk long as a couple of us have made speeches for him, but I ask us all to please stand for a moment of silence."

Everyone stood and we all put our heads down; some people were praying, but I just stood there.

I looked down at my speech that my parents had printed out and I started to get nervous.

"Thank you." Tango's father said after a minute, "You may sit down."

Everyone followed his instruction and he let his wife speak.

-

"Now, will Jimmy please come up?" Tango's mother asked.

I stood up and walked up.

Tango's parents smiled at me and stepped to the crowd, sitting down.

I took a deep breath as I looked at my speech.

"Tango was my boyfriend." I started, "He loved me just as much as I loved him."

The realization then hit me.

The realization that this was going to be Tango's final resting place.

That I would never see him again.

That this was...it.

No more fun times.

No more of his stupidly cute laugh and smile.

No more hugs or kisses.

No one to turn to whenever something bad happened.

No one that I would know would love me for me.

None of that.

It was all gone.

Tango and all of the things that came with him.

Forever.

My breath started rushing as tears formed in my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I said shakily before dashing out of the church, sobbing.

I bolted out to the car and started crying in there.

About half an hour later, my sister came out.

She sat down next to me, listening to me sniff and hiccup.

"What?" I demanded.

Lizzie sighed and looked up at me, tears gleaming in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry, James." She whispered.

My eyes widened; she never used my full name unless she was serious.

"I know this is really hard for you and I wish I could help you. You keep pushing me and Grian away when I know you need us. I know you need someone to talk to."

"You don't understand."

"Then let me understand." She said before sighing again, "I want to help you, James. You have to let me help you."

I nodded and she looked at me.

"That's all I'm gonna get out of you, isn't- "

"I'm sorry." I said, interrupting her, my voice shaking and weak.

"I don't mean to push everyone away; I just don't know what to do. I've never felt so lost and empty and...and meaningless!"

I could feel a sob making its way up my throat and threatening to escape, but I tried hard to keep it down.

"I'm trying to keep going, but I don't have that anchor, that ground. I feel like I'm drowning and don't have someone to help me. Like I'm constantly trying to make my way up to the surface, trying to get up and through all of it, but another wave just forces me back down."

"I can't do this without Tango. He was always there for me but now I have no one. I feel alone. I feel disoriented. I feel...I feel like I don't have a purpose. Like I'm just here for the ride."

Lizzie was about to say something when our parents walked out of the church and opened the door.

"James, would you want to see Tango's grave now? Most people have left." My mother said.

Lizzie looked over at me, concerned, but I nodded.

"Yeah...I wanna see it."

-

My family hung back as I walked up to Tango's grave.

I stopped about three feet from it and stared at it.

"I'm sorry." I said, aware of the tears falling, but I wasn't wiping them away.

"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault."

I crouched down, sobbing into my knees.

"I can't do anything right." I cried, "I just mess up all the time. This is all my fault. This should've never happened if I was just being more careful."

"James, there was no way you could've stopped this." My sister said.

"I should've- I should've been better and- "

"There's nothing you could've done." Lizzie repeated.

I shook my head.

"I have to be better!"

"But you couldn't've done any- "

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" I shouted, shoving my sister to the ground.

We all froze, and my breath started rushing.

"You don't get it." I said shakily, tears falling, "Do you know how many things left with Tango? Do you know how lost and hopeless I feel? Do you know how I will never feel loved again?!"

I sighed and wiped my eyes, "No. You don't. Get away from me."

I then sobbed and started running off.

"JAMES!" My family shouted but I shook my head and started running faster.