If the town square was looking fancier than ever for this all-important night, the royal ballroom was the ultimate display of grandiosity.

From the massive chandeliers to the sparkling floral centerpieces adorning every table, upper crust citizens would experience a night to remember.

Despite the Enraptured Kingdom's paltry headcount of noble citizens, the ballroom welcomed a sell-out crowd, as visitors from the Enchanted Kingdom had paid top coin for a chance to witness the reality show finale for themselves. The exclusivity of the spectacle was on par with Anna Wintour's all-exclusive Met Gala, and the elevated fashion of the 'Enchanted bourgeoisie' was two years ahead of the local nobles.

Red-carpeted steps led up to the vast royal stage, where the venerable King Edward, smarmy Prince Charming, doting Queen Frances, and overly-injected Cinderella settled in beside the resident royals. King Gastronso leaned in for a quick chat with King Edward, and after briefly rubbing matching amulets in B-F-F solidarity, he hopped down the steps and hurried over to the massive dessert station.

For once in the king's gluttony-charged existence, he paid no mind to the endless rows of pies or chocolate ganache tortes or creamy custards laid out across the table. Instead he was focused on the rare empty section of the table. It was incredibly out of character for the king to leave 'dessert table real estate' unassigned, but as his eyes lasered in on the ballroom doors, it was clear that he had something else in mind. "Please work perfectly," he whispered. "This is the most important thing we'll ever do."

He closed his eyes and crossed his fingers like a pair of desperate sausage links. The meaty superstition must've worked, because a few seconds later two servants held the double doors open, while two others carried in a massive dessert tower.

As "oohs" and "ahhs" permeated throughout the ballroom, the king opened his eyes and his face was overcome with joy. "My masterpiece!"

Like an overly dressed air traffic controller in a world without airplanes, the king used his stalky arms to guide the massive tower through the maze of tables, and onto its designated spot at the dessert station. Once it was secure he could finally admire it: four levels of pies, baked into a massive cake, and surrounded by a dome of gold-dusted éclairs that were adhered together with honey and topped with perfect dollops of whipped cream. He beamed like a father full of pride, as generous tears poured down his rounded cheeks. "It's everything I ever dreamed of," he whispered.

As the king continued to admire his beloved food-child, Gianni came up behind him and gave him a little nudge. "It's time to bring out the girls and get started," he urged.

Gianni's presence seemed to agitate the king. "Let's get one thing straight: those girls are just an after-thought to the true unveiling of the night. Now go up there and announce it!"

Gianni looked around in confusion. "Announce what?"

The king whispered something in Gianni's ear, and as Gianni's brain absorbed the king's instructions, his face had the sort of look that wished the king would roll down an endless hill and never find his way back. He managed a smile that was obviously low-key loathsome. "Yes of course, your majesty."

Gianni made his way up the red-carpeted steps, confident in his secretly heeled boots that made him three inches taller. He gestured to a nearby servant to sound a horn, and once he had the crowd's attention he plastered on his spotlight-loving grin. "Good evening, fair citizens of the Enchanted Kingdom!"

Queen Enevere frowned and kicked the back of Gianni's leg, and in doing so she temporarily dislodged his secret calf insert. It was a circular stage with nowhere to hide, so all he could do was tap the fake calf back into place, desperately hoping that no one would notice. When no one called him out or burst into laughter he felt confident that his secret was safe. He turned back and glared at the queen. "What was that for?"

"Did you really think it was appropriate to announce their kingdom first?" She whispered it in a way that threatened further malice, and he wasn't about to have his other calf insert trifled with as well.

He nodded apologetically and returned his gaze to the expectant crowd. "As I was saying...good evening to our wonderful hosts in the Enraptured Kingdom! And let's not forget...the honored guests from my home who were table to make the trip!"

Queen Enevere seemed satisfied with his on-the-spot revision, so with his calf inserts now officially out of danger he focused on the king's dumb request. "Before we begin...his majesty King Gastronso would like to draw your attention to the dessert table!"

King Gastronso stood by the table and groaned. "It's not before we begin, it is the beginning!" He sighed and shook his head. "Desserts truly are the unsung heroes of society..."

There were murmurings in the crowd as they tried to unlock the mystery of the massive dessert. King Gastronso whistled to Gianni. "Tell them!"

Gianni harnessed his annoyance with a deep breath, and when he let it out, his token demented clown smile came along with it. "The king would like to share with you this never-before-seen creation which he invented all by himself!" The king clapped happily. "So behold...the first ever dessert-in-a-dessert-in-a-dessert, a piecakéclair!"

The guests still found themselves slightly confused but they applauded fiercely, and with every clap the king became a pioneer of excess in all things food. His legacy would live on for centuries to come, and despite the occasional challenges of 'portion control' in the nineties and liquid diets in the early 'two thousands,' excess would inevitably rise again. The reincarnations of everything the king held dear would be aplenty, like that KFC sandwich thingy composed of two fried patties instead of a bun, or that 'turkducken' thingy that was a chicken cooked inside of a duck cooked inside of a turkey (had there ever been a happier Thanksgiving?), or that 'piecaken' delight which was the closest modern homage to the king's epic dessert. Between all of those things and the fried globs of butter sold at carnivals across North America, the king could rest easy that his legacy would last forever.

For the moment the king was tempted to pop off an éclair and have a taste, but it was too soon in the night to risk a tragic dessert collapse caused by gluttony (he made a mental note to do it later when no one would notice).

As the audience continued to cheer his excessive efforts, he skipped up the stairs and plopped back into his throne. King Edward shook his hand in sincere congratulations, and they rubbed their matching amulets once more as B-F-Fs are wont to do.

Gianni tapped his boot in an urgent rhythm, waiting for them to finish their little moment. Once their amulets were tucked back into their coats it was as good as a green light, so turned to the crowd and his storytelling aura appeared. "Now I don't need to tell you why you're here tonight..."

The king groaned again. "It's because of the revolutionary dessert!"

"But I can ask you question," he went on, no longer permitting the king to interfere with the stunning conclusion to his book. "And the question would be...is everyone having a good time tonight?" He was met with a chorus of dignified applause but nothing more; it wasn't the reaction that would work for the book so he decided to bring out the big guns. "I said...is everyone having a good time?" Confetti rained down and the Enchanted Kingdom's flashy troupe of all-male dancers burst in. On this special occasion the dancers' tights were emerald green and their feathered overcoats bright purple, while their moves were just as fierce as they'd been on the eleventh-month anniversary for Cinderella.

As the dancers kicked, sashayed, and thrust their groins to high heaven, Gianni found himself wanting to join the dance troupe, or at least invite them to dinner by the fire with a bottle of fine champagne. He pushed the lingering thought from his mind and zeroed in on the mood at every table. Champagne was flowing freely now, and people were feeling comfortable enough to engage in flirty physical contact. The audience was primed to be delighted with a 'happily ever after,' and his calculated stare flashed with all the coin that would soon be his.

Once the dancers finished their stellar routine, the pre-show confetti was cleaned off the floor and the next phase was ready to begin.

"It started with a kingdom of hopefuls," he said, the audience now quieting to a hush, "and tonight it will go down to the final one, the next Cinderella of the seven lands..."

Cinderella sneered at Gianni. "I hate when he devalues my name," she muttered. She nudged Prince Charming when he didn't respond to her complaint. "If he de-values my name it will affect the annual sales growth of my lip-enhancing pig-fat injections!"

She finally had Prince Charming's attention until his gaze got lost in her cleavage. "That sounds so awful, darling..."

She dug her nails into his thigh. "It will be awful when there's no one to pay for your crotch inserts!"

Prince Rainier overheard her and laughed, a rare spark of joy on this otherwise obligatory night.

Gianni could hear the echo of Cinderella's whining but programed himself to ignore it. "Right now you're probably wondering: where are they now?"

The audience murmured with interest.

"For the last few days," he said dramatically, "the contestants were sequestered under the guidance of our beloved Fairy Godmother." He knew that her version of 'guidance' was more of an absentee and/or drunken show of support, but these little lies were meant to frame the mood, and as he saw the audience's captivated eyes he knew it had done the trick. "Let's bring her out now for an exclusive account of how the last few days unfolded!"

Fairy Godmother entered the hall in a daze, somewhere between her last hangover and her latest buzz. She was dressed in her official magical fairy costume, complete with glittery wings that were as useful as her wand. She shook hands with the fans who idolized her alter ego, and even tossed some glitter for an added flourish.

By the time she made it to the stage she was dizzy, but it was exactly the state she needed to be in to tolerate standing close to the couple she so loathed. As she carefully kept Cinderella out of her sight line, she could hardly believe that she was about to play a hand in forming another terrible couple

"Give us the exclusive then!" Gianni urged.

Fairy Godmother had no choice but to embrace this final phase of her duties. "Let's see...in the last few days...Josselyn almost choked herself with a corset, Bella is incapable of learning the fox trot, and Myrielle has a problem with flatulence."

Gianni glared at her final rogue remark that was totally off the books, and as the audience delighted in the lowly peasant gossip he pulled her aside. "What was that about?"

"What? Do they really want a princess who drops silent killers at a moment's notice?" Gianni winced as the nasal imagery took hold. "I know the results are officially in, but maybe..." She seemed torn. "Maybe you should do a recount." It was her last ditch-attempt to save Myrielle, and she crossed her fingers that Gianni would be compelled to get on board.

Without saying a word about her strange suggestion he returned to address the crowd. "I think we've kept the prince waiting long enough, don't you? Let's bring out the final three!"

Fairy Godmother sighed at her last failed attempt, knowing that the only thing left to do now was get drunk(er).

The prince was having his own adverse reaction to the night, as he realized that before the stroke of midnight, he would be sentenced to a life with a serial farter...

[WRITER'S COMMENTARY: There are many things that happen in a royal ball, and I definitely wanted King Gastronso to experience his peak moment in life before we get to the matter of the princess hehe, hope you enjoyed it!]