Mattie's POV

I don't think playing the saxophone in the middle of the night is healthy. Didn't really matter much for my household since no one really sleeps here so this was relatively normal. I mean, Al was finally here for once and I could practically feel his music being blasted from his room. Francis and dad are always downstairs talking about whatever with the TV on.

We are just naturally loud people. Except for me but my sax is the exception to that rule. I'm not sure why I felt like playing. Maybe I was just feeling really happy about everything. Happy enough to want to show it.

And, no, I didn't look sheet music for careless whisper-not that anyone really asked. I was really damn close to doing it. I was still looking up sheet music to familiar songs though. My sax laying on my messy bed gracefully shining against the cieling light.

My search was interrupted by Francis walking in. I'll admit, after a week, I'm starting to like him. The house seems livelier with him around. Dad even seems a lot calmer. And dad and Al haven't fought in days.

"Can I talk to you about something?" He asked as we walked closer to me.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Well, it's about you and Gil."

"Yeah? What about us?"

"Toni told me about what happened between you two."

"Where is this going exactly?" I looked at him.

"Were you two safe?"

"Oh my god-are you serious?"

"Yes, it's kind of important."

"I know that." I groaned. "Why would I even think of telling you? It's like I can really remember such a small detail."

"It is no small detail, Matthew."

"Well, it's one I can't really remember. What do you want me to do? Call him and ask him?" I frowned at him. He averted his eyes for a few seconds, watching the floor. He looked back at me.

"...Yes."

"Really."

"Yes, call him right now and ask."

"No way."

"Do it or I will tell Arthur." I froze at that.

"You wouldn't." I said slowly.

"But I would. Now do it."

"You are so childish." I grabbed my phone from my bedside table. "I can't believe you." I mumbled as the dial tone beeped at me.

"Yeah?" I heard but it sounded more like a confused grunt.

"Hey, Gil, I'm being forced to ask you something."

"What is it?" He sounded much more alive and coherent now.

"Did we use a condom?"

"Is it Francy that's forcing you?"

"Yeah."

"Put me on speaker." I did as told and held it out between Francis and I. "Hey, Francy, get out of my sex life." Francis went wide-eyed. "Okay, take me off speaker." I did and brought the phone back to my ear. "So, to answer your question; yes. Somehow."

"Alright thanks. Goodnight."

"Night." He hung up swiftly. I could barely process it actually. I paid more attention to Francis who looked almost nervous. He had that same kind of expression someone would have being caught jerking off. Meaning he was ungodly horrified. "Are you okay?" I found myself asking.

"I've been betrayed." I could swear he was crying as he hurried out the room.

~

I hung off the monkey bars swinging back and forth trying to get my feet hook onto them. I missed for the sixth time in a row.

"Don't you think you two are going a bit fast?" Tino asked, leaning against the end of the monkey bars to my back.

"Not really." I grunted in response, trying again and missing.

"Really? You've know him for like two weeks."

"Everything works differently for everyone, you know. Sometimes people just grow closer a lot faster than others." I managed to hook my feet in this time and let go. Tino came into my upside-down view with an incredibly skeptical look.

"That's true but something just seems a little off about it."

"That's probably because you waited like three years to ask Berwald anything."

"You couldn't possibly get my situation."

"And you can't get mine either." A swing bit of a and I managed to grab the nearest bar with my hands. I slowly unhooked my legs from the bar in front of me.

"To what extent do your feelings towards him go, Matt?"

"I'm not entirely sure." I let go and let myself drop. I landed with my knees bent and my hands lightly touch the ground. I stood up wiping dirt off my hands. "I don't really think too deeply into things with him, I just kind of go on impulse."

"Sounds like a bad influence."

"He's not a bad influence at all." I turned around. Admittedly, I was a bit wobbly with the head rush. "Far from it. I'm more of a bad influence on him, honestly."

"I'm not surprised." Tino pushed himself off the bars and walked closer. "You are quite the screwed up mystery."

"What do you mean?" I raised a brow. He walked passed me towards the swings. I could only follow after him.

"It's simple." He plopped down onto the swing. His feet moved slightly for a shallow couple of swings. "I don't know much about your life but I know it gives you some serious issues. Enough to have you with some pretty rude things to say and messed up ideas. Not to mention mood swings far more drastic than any pendulum."

"I feel like I should be offended."

"You can't really be offended because you know it's true."

"That just makes me feel like an asshole."

"You kind of are one." He swung a little more. "Speaking of assholes, how's Lovi?"

"Don't know, he hasn't talked to me in days and he wasn't at school today either."

"That's weird."

"Yeah, has he talked to you?"

"No."

"That's concerning."

"I don't know, he does this all the time."

"Yeah, but it feels off." Almost like an itch. I didn't add. I scratched at my arm feeling an oncoming itch though. "He could always just be being overdramatic."

"Overdramatic about what?"

"I don't know. Something always pisses him off."

"Guess you're right."

My phone started ringing. Coincidentally, it was Lovi calling. That was until I picked up.

"Hello?" I said cautiously as he was going to start screaming in my ear about whatever. Instead I got Feli's weirdly calm voice.

"Hey, Matthew." He said.

"What's up?"

"Um..." I heard a bit of a shift and some mumbling in the background. "Lovi's in the hospital."

"What?" I went stiff. My blood went cold. I swear I stopped breathing. Tino and I exchanged worried glances.

"You can come and visit him but...nevermind-nevermimd-I'll explain it to you when you get here."

"Okay, Tino and I will be there as soon as possible."

"Alright, bye."

"Bye." I hung up. Tino gave me a questionimg glance. "We have to get to the hospital right now." He immediately stood up and we were basically sprinting to my house.

~

A suicide attempt is what it was. He tried overdosing on his meds. Meds I didn't even know he had. Feli found him just in time for the ambulance to arrive and get his stomach pumped. That was few days ago apparently. They couldn't let anyone but family see him until now.

Lovi looked tired despite being asleep. He looked peaceful nonetheless. Almost satisfied. He probably thinks he's dead, living in his own paradise. God, I can only imagine how much he's going to be yelling when he wakes up. I really miss his yelling. The few days without it have been the worst. Because they were just too quiet. Tino would agree.

Toni sat right next to me looking almost guilty. He'd been crying nonstop for about ten minutes now. He was blabbing on and on about all the things he or I should've done. I agree with one. We should've given him more attention. We've both been ignoring him.

Even Toni had the goddamn mind to visit him the morning after. Guess it means that he's family in some way. I don't care. Being in the sterile room had my foot tapping impatient. Looking at him had me feeling itchy with guilt. I was scratching at my arm so hard I almost tore into the skin. Something I really wanted because I didn't want to be in my skin right now. I didn't want to be here watching Lovi at his lowest. I couldn't just leave him though. He's my best friend.

"Turn off the light." I heard mumbled. I looked at Tino who instantly shut his mouth and stopped his mumbling. "It's too bright." Another mumble came from Lovi. We both looked at him with wide eyes. He was squinting and trying to focus on the IV in his hand, confused as all hell by its existence. "Oh right." He finally muttered, dropping his hand back onto the hospital bed.

"You're awake!" Tino cheered much too loudly. Lovi squinted at him confused before his expression grew more relaxed. He looked at me and his face seemed to stiffen up again.

"Why are you two here?"

"We're your friends, silly." Tino's voice grew quieter.

"No, you're not."

"What?" He was bardly above a whisper, struggling to keep up a small smile.

"Wouldn't be here if I was."