Gil's POV

It smelled awful on my way home. Rancid like a rusty pipe. I couldn't quite pick out the smell but it was familiar. It smelled alot like home. Is Germany really even my home anymore? I'm probably never going to return to it. It never really ever felt like home. It was just where I lived but I feel comfortable over here. What is a home anyway? It's definitely not where your heart is, that's a stupid saying. Home is where you'd want to go after a long ass day.

I don't really want to go back to the house either. Luddy's barely around and when he is, he's mostly ignoring me. It always feels so empty and quiet. I hate it. Reading doesn't even help it sometimes. It's exhausting and suffocating. I don't want to be there.

I stopped in my tracks. Where should I go then? I don't really know the area. Just the route home. I don't know much else. Even in trying to escape I'm still trapped somewhere.

I kept walking. Ended up at the house with Luddy having friends over. I didn't want to mingle or disrupt, really, so I just went upstairs to my room. I threw my bag down and flopped onto my bed. I'm glad it existed. I would be balling by now if I didn't have it. I'm just so damn exhausted and nothing is helping. I haven't had a good cry in awhile either. I just need some kind of release. Crying will at least relieve me somewhat.

Can't force myself to cry so instead I lie here to suffer. What misery I must face to survive. It's pure agony and as melodramatic as Shakespearean writing. It's insane, really. This is my biggest problem. No looming figure, no having to protect Luddy, no loneliness, no one leaving me. It's just the question of what is home to me and how exhausting it is to be here.

I can say for a fact that this isn't home. There's no life, no connections. Maybe I'm just not warmed up to it yet. Maybe I'm right. Either way, it's annoying the hell out of me. When I got here, I thought I would get to spend all the time in the world with Luddy. I missed him so much. Instead I'm left alone half the time. A bad idea for several reasons and he knows that.

The distance made him so-well-distant towards me.

~

"How were your friends?" I barely woke up from a long nap after opting to sleep rather than wait for Luddy's friends to leave. I looked like I mess honestly.

"They were fine. We had a group project." He was on his bulky phone probably texting Feli.

"For what?" I grabbed the milk jug out of the fridge and in a terrible cliche I drank out of it.

"English."

"Hm." I hummed, closing the jug back up and putting it back in the fridge.

"How has school been for you?"

"A little this, a little that." I shrugged. "It's pretty alright."

"A lot more different than you thought it would be?"

"Not really. The school's really similar. Less strict I guess." I opened the fridge back up for something to eat. Redundant but I don't care. "The people are different though."

"What do you mean?"

"I made a friend."

"Really? Who?"

"His name's Matthew, he's interesting."

"He's not a specimen, Gil."

"I know that." I grabbed all I needed to make a sandwich and set it on the counter, closing the fridge while I was at it. "Doesn't make me any less curious."

"What's he like?"

"He's...cute."

"Cute?"

"Yeah." I heard him chuckle to himself.

"Anything else about him?"

"Yeah, he's got a really nice ass." I finished making my sandwich and put everything back. "And the weirdest opinion on British people."

"Certainly an interesting fellow."

"God, you sound like a 50s housewife." I took a bite of my perfected sandwich.

"That's really specific."

"I know." I swallowed. "How have you been, anyway?"

"I've been good."

"That's good."

"Mhm." He's so minimal and it kind of pisses me off. Maybe I expected him to be too much like he was the time I saw him before I came here. Like that little brother who looked so highly of me and would create conversation with enthusiasm. The distance is killing me. Then again, it's like I'm meeting a different person with the same name. Doesn't matter though, he's always going to be my precious little brother. I just wish it really felt like it.

~

Gil: get here sooner

Francy: it's just two weeks gil

Toni: yeah

Gil: but I really miss you guys

Toni: we miss you too QWQ

Gil: Toni don't you dare

Toni: whatever do you mean ÒWÓ

Francy: oh god

Gil: why are you like this?

Francy: SO hows that guy?

Toni: oh yeah your friend

Gil: he's alright

Gil: I think

Francy: what's that mean?

Gil: he's probably got some family issues going on bc he looked like he was about to scream today

Toni: oh geez

Gil: it's alright though I made him get outta the funk

Francy: gay

Gil: I was being a good friend

Toni: gay

Gil: alright then

Francy: you think we'll get to meet the guy once we get there?

Gil: perhaps

Toni: say that one more time and I'll shoot myself ;^)

Gil: Perhaps I'll stop

Toni: SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE