Chapter 50: Drugs Drugs Drugs

"Sooo, that's it then?"

"Yep."

"Mhm, so your mom asked for therapy once a week, after it only being monthly because her daughter with anxiety had ......anxiety, at work?" Dr. Sanchez asks for the millionth time.

"Yes Doc, I mean, I'll give you your hour, but I have nothing to talk about. You got words with friends or something?" I ask. Dr. Sanchez damn near rolled her eyes.

  "Samantha, it's my profession to talk, so we're going to do just that. I'm no stranger to you. Which means I'm no stranger to your lies. Oh, I'm sorry, I mean half truths as you like to call it." She says scolding me from her fancy chair.

  "Quite frankly it's seems like your family is paying good money for you to lie to me. You haven't been honest with me from day one Samantha, let's get to the bottom of things, shall we?" She asks and I roll my eyes.

  "I'd love to but I'm afraid I've stalled for much too long." I say pointing at the clock.

  "Tick, tick, tick, and boom times up, so sorry! Maybe next time, I mean we will be seeing each other every week. Practically besties." I say as I hop out of my chair and rush for the door.

   "You give me a headache!" She yells.

  "But you love me anyway Bestie! Mwah!" I say as I'm practically down the hall. I'm going to be so late for work.

Although my boss pushed my schedule back for me, traffic doesn't accommodate the mentally ill.

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"Sammy! My knight in shining armor!" Brian yells from the register as I rush in the very crowded door.

  We were extra busy today. I run to the back, punch in and grab my apron.
  I go to the register while Brian was grinding coffee beans and take the next customer.

  "Hello, so sorry for the wait. Welcome to Jane's, what can I get for you?" I say as I throw my hair in a quick bun to the back.

  "Uh, yes I'll get a large black coffee and a dozen donut holes." She says pointing at the 7 donut holes in the glass.

  "Well, ma'am we only have 7, I could get you just those or I could make you a fresh batch of them but that'll be a 20 minute wait." I say politely.

  Her face looked offended though. Like I had just told her she was a walking pile of shit. I quietly sigh, knowing this was going to turn into a whole thing, when I have a diner filled with customers waiting to order.

  "I've already been waiting 10 minutes to order and now you're telling me I have to wait 20 more? Absolutely ridiculous." She says.

  "Actually I said you could take the 7, it just won't be a dozen like you want. I'll even throw in a few regular donuts so you'll get your full twelve." I say and she gets even more mad.

  "Did I say anything about regular donuts? I said I wanted donut holes, 12 of them!" She said, raising her voice and raising my blood pressure.

   "Well then step to the side and wait 20 minutes for your donut holes." I say calmly.

"I'm not waiting 20 minutes!" She exclaims. I blink at her, turn around, grab her coffee, slide it to her and sigh.

"This is on the house, have a great day, hope to see you again, bye!" I say with a smile and waving goodbye. She didn't move.

  Confused, I slide the coffee closer to her and keep smiling. She doesn't pick it up though.

  "I haven't gotten my donut holes." She says bewildered.

   "You just said you weren't waiting." I say and she blinks at me.

  "Where is your manager?" She asks and I tilt my head back to see if I can see Jane and I see her peaking around the corner shaking her head no and waving me off.

  "Sorry, we gave you clear options and you didn't take either. We don't negotiate with terrorists, bye!" I say with a smile again, pushing the coffee even closer and waving goodbye once more.

She frowns turns around and storms off. Slamming the door open with rage but the only thing you hear is a little bell.

  "Awwee, she didn't take her coffee!" I say poking out my lip and watching her stomp away through the window. I softly chuckle and wave up the next customer who was a lot less confrontational and 100 times more pleasant.

The day had gone fast and it was time to go home. Brian as always walked me to my car.

"You handled yourself well with that Karen today."  Brian says and I chuckle.

  "Brian you never get the crazies. It's not fair." I say and he rolls his eyes.

   "Instead of giving me a hard time they flirt with me. I could put half of those women in jail right now." He says and I couldn't help but laugh.

   "Rough! I'm glad I look 12, people are scared to flirt with me." I say and he scoffs.

  " You do not look 12." He says and I roll my eyes.

   "So how old do I look?" I ask.

"Well on a normal work day? 8." He says trying not to laugh at his own joke but failing.

  "Shut up! Not all of us can look 25 at 17!" I say and push him. He laughs and pushes me back.

   "Get in your car before I hit you with mine! Good night gremlin." He says ruffling my hair.

"Good night Benjamin Button!" I yell as he walks away.

He laughs and flips me off as we both enter our cars. I drive up to his car and roll down my window. So he rolls down his.

  "What are you doing tomorrow night?" I ask. He shrugs.

  "Wanna hang out?" I ask he lifts his eyebrow up and looks up as if he's thinking about it.

   "I guess." He says and I roll my eyes.

  " You are such an ass, see you tomorrow, Old man."

"See ya, youngin." He says and we both drive off.

Something about the fact that I had to go home and face Ethan again made my head hurt. I couldn't even form full sentences around him.

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 I enter the doors of my house and walk straight to the kitchen. I hadn't ate all day and was starving. As soon as I entered though, my appetite went away and what was left was a ball of anxiety. 

Oh, you want to know why? 

  "You thought my wife wouldn't tell me what's been going on? I'm extremely disappointed that neither one of you told me. I know I'm not here much, but I am the man of this house and I'd like to know everything from now on, understand?" 

"Yes sir, I-"

"Daddy, it's not his fault." I chime in.

"Sammy, how long have you been standing there?"

I look to Ethan and my father confused. I thought he was grilling Ethan out for our almost sex moment but they both look like a deer caught in headlights and now I'm confuddled.

 "Uhhmm... a few seconds. Enough to hear you grilling Ethan. Wait, what's going on?"

  "I was just... well we were just having a conversation about you..." My father says.

"About me? Why?" I ask confused looking at both of them back and forth, both of them still looking like idiots.

"Well.. I... I mean you've been acting strange from reports of your mother and I wanted to know what was going on." He says.

"So you decided to ask....  my ex and not me?" I ask in the most condescending voice I could muster.

" Wait, your ex? nobody told me that, I.."

"Exactly. Nobody asks me anything and then when they do they don't believe me and send me to therapy. You know, Ethan knows more about me than you two ever will because you both just seem so afraid to break me." I say to him and they both clear their throats.

 " I think I'm gonna let you two talk." Ethan says and stands up.

" Good idea." my dad says as Ethan walks away and I take his seat.

"Okay, It's just you and me. What's going on?"  My dad asks.

"Okay, you want the truth?" I ask and he nods.

"The truth is mom's worried I'm handling everything too well sense that... woman showed up. While I understand her concern, she never really cared about how I felt about it. She just pushed her worries on me. Daddy, I can't live in fear. It will kill me." I say and his eyes water.

  "How do you feel?" He asks and I sigh. Wow. 

Now that someone has actually asked I don't really know.

"I guess, I feel a little stuck. Like, I thought I was working on myself and getting better, but really I just ran away. I don't like that because I thought I was strong...but I guess I'm not." I say trying not to cry. My father grabs my hand and stands up. I stand with him.

He looks me in my eyes and just embraces me in a hug.

" Just because it's not easy getting better doesn't mean you aren't. You are the strongest person I know. That woman is the weakling. trying to tear down a kid because she raised a monster. You're better than the trauma you endured.

 I felt like shit everyday knowing I couldn't protect you, but everyday you smiled at me, gave me a kiss and told me you loved me, everyday you got up and got you and your siblings ready for school and kept going... It let me know that I did something right. Now I know you don't tell us everything and its probably other things you're going through. I want you to know that there's nobody I know who could get up and keep going more than you. I love you." He says.

Okay, so now I'm sobbing.

"Thank you Daddy, I really needed to hear that. I love you too." I say. He pulls away from the hug, gives me a kiss on my forehead and hugs me again before wiping my eyes and sitting back down.

  " Now, about this ex business. What's going on with you and Ethan." He asks and I roll my eyes.

  "I really don't want to talk about it. We're still friends. It just didn't work out. I gotta go do my homework." I say and run out the room. 

Geez.

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I sat on my bed doing my homework trying my hardest to focus and failing tremendously. 

At this point i had written the same sentence 10 times in different ways and i needed a break or my brain was going to explode.

I lay across my bed in agony, trying to restart my brain. I knew what to do i just had absolutely no energy to do it. I look around my room aimlessly for some type of distraction when suddenly i hear a knock.

  I loift up quickly and go to my door. Honestly whoever it is, is my savior.

I open it to see Ethan. Almost didnt want to let him in, scared of what our conversation might lead to and honestly, Id rather be doing my homework at this point.

Obviously i let him in though, sense when have i ever listened to myself?

  "Hey." Is all he says as he makes his way in and sits on my lazyboy.

   "Hey." I say back. Sitting on my bed, staring at my laptop and books scattered about. I dont know why i even have a desk in here.

  "I know you gotta get to your homework, but do you want to maybe grab a bite to eat? Im starving and everything in the refrigerator requires actual cooking skills that i dont have."  Ethan says and my eyes light up at the sound of food. I had almost forgotten my body needed to consume meals.

  "Ill always have time for food." I say standing up. He smiles and stands as well, gesturing for me to lead the way.

I ran downstairs faster than i thought i ever could and for the first time in a long time i knew exactly what i wanted.

  "So what do you have a taste for?" He asks as we get in his car.

  "Im thinking a good old fashioned sloppy burger." I say and he nods.

   "Its like you read my mind." He says as we pull off.

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"Can I get a large fry too please?" I say finishing my order and turn to Ethan.

   "I hope you know, you're paying." I say and he chuckles.

  "Of course." He says pulling out his wallet and tapping his card.

  "Now, find us somewhere to sit, would ya?" He asks and I rolly my eyes out of habit.

Finding a place to sit would dem difficult considering that every other table was filled, until i found a little corner seat and ran before someone could get it.

  I poke my head up and see Ethan on his way over with our drinks. He sets my sweet tea down in front of me and I smile. I can just smell the sweet.

"You know... Im really glad we went to being friends again." He says.

  " Me too, and honestly im so sordy for being such a huge jerk to you." I say and he scoffs.

"Are you kidding? I screwed up the most important thing to me and somehow you still forgave me and helped me...you still let me live with you after the lies and bullshit ive put you through." He says and I sigh.

"Ethan you're not this villian in my story that you're making yourself out to be. Yeah you made mistakes... mistakes any person would make in your position. Maybe we weren't ready for a relationship, but you're still one of my favorite people on the planet. You really take care of me and i will always love you for that." I say and he just stares at me. I look down at my drink realizing i may have said too much.

"I love you." He says and my head shoots up.

"I love you too." I say.

"No, i mean....Im still in love with you. Madly. I mean im kind of obsessed. You're the only thing i think about all day. And i know we aren't ready, but do you ever think we'll be..us again?"  He kind of babbles out and it leaves me speechless.

"I-"

"Dont say anything! Im sorry. That was alot. You dont have to answer that right now...lets just eat and get home...and you think about it." He says and i nod, finally taking a sip of my tea, right when our order gets called.

" I'll get it." He says and walks to the counter.

When he walks away it finally gave a chance to breathe and freak the flip out.

  I felt so overwhelmed. It felt like my chest was on fire.

Hearing Ethan talk like that made my heart hurt because im truly not ready for this.

I really thought i was, but knowing Ethan and what hes been through and knowing he truly has no one... it makes me being the only one he has so responsible for so much.

I can barely get myself together, how am i supposed to be a girlfriend to him?

I love him. I love him with all of my heart. Which is why i know i cant be with him. At least not right now.

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Im sorry its been so long guys, life has been ROUGHHHH. You dont even know the half of it. But i promise to update more frequently from now on. You'll be getting another chapter this week. Love, peace, nd hair grease.