Chapter 40- Flashback Friday

"I can't believe you went through all that. You're my hero."

I woke up to the sound of my alarm blasting.

Lately, I haven't been sleeping much and when I do, it's memories of Sarah. It seems like she's dead, like I'll never see her again. My mom and dad are very optimistic and I used to be, but I'm just not anymore.

I throw my covers off of me and stare at my T.V. which played loonie toones.

    I frowned not understanding why until I looked at my sofa and saw a sleeping Steven.

I sigh and stand up, picking him up and laying him on my bed. I put my blanket over him and turned the T.V. off.

   "Sammy, can you please turn it back? The best part was coming!" Sarah yelled as I turned on Hannah Montana. I frown at her statement and turn it back to her cartoon.
One of the many downfalls to being a big sibling is that the doe eyes work on you too.

"Hey, you okay?" I hear Ethan whisper to me through the door as I stare down at Steven.

"Ye-yeah... I'm fine." I say and walk to him, engulfing him in a much needed hug.

"You know, there's a meeting with your lawyer today at 12." He says and I sigh, breaking away from the hug. Way to ruin the mood.

"Yes, I'm aware." I say rolling my eyes.
I go to my closet and grab a dress that I got from Forever 21 a while ago.

   I grab some underwear and socks out the drawer and a jean jacket off of my door.

  "I'm about to go change." I say and walk out the room.

   It's so weird not having Sarah here to help me pick out an outfit.

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For the last couple of days, breakfast has been silent and depressing.

  No one talks to each other, no one barely even eats.

   I stand in the kitchen, cutting an apple and staring at my numb family.

"Uhm, your dad and I are both going to that meeting with you. We're going to carpool." My mom says, breaking the silence.

    "I was actually going to drive there, so I have time alone to clear my mind." I say.

    "Do you think driving is the best time to clear your head? You kind of need your head to drive. " My father says with a full mouth of oatmeal.

    I stare at him in disgust as I eat my apple. When I'm done chewing, I give him a look.

   "I'm driving by myself. " I say more declarative.

    "Fine." He says sternly.

   "Just be careful, and don't be late." My mom says.

   I nod and leave the kitchen.
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       I sit in my car looking at the clock.
It was only 10:30 but I wanted Starbucks which is 13 minutes out and my lawyers office is 35 minutes away from that Starbucks so I'm just trying to not be late.

   I start my car and drive to Starbucks. The line was long and I was impatient so I just went through the drive through.

   I park at the law firm and spot my parents car. I sigh before cutting off the car and walking in.

    "Hi, I'm here to see Andrew Chapman." I say to the middle aged woman at the information desk.

   She points down the hall to the elevators and says, "4th floor to your right." I nod and head that way.

    "Hey, why weren't you answering your phone?" My parents say as I enter the conference room short of a lawyer.

    "I was driving, what do you want from me? Geez." I say, rolling my eyes and sitting down.

   My parents sigh and roll their eyes and sit down too.

   After about 12 minutes, our lawyer walks in with a couple of binders.

   
  I sigh, not ready to be a part of this legal discussion.

    "Samantha, are you sure you want to press charges?" Says Jill Ross, my attorney.

   "No, I don't. I'm being forced to." I say in tears.

   "Well don't you want him to be away, unable to hurt anyone else?" She asks.

   "Do you always ask your clients opinions and then try to convince them to change their mind?" I ask, rolling my eyes.

   "Sammy, I'm just trying to help." She says with a smile that I could see right through.

She was just trying to get paid. This was a case she knew she could win and she and my parents were all willing to do it, despite my wishes.

   "First of all, my name is Samantha and if we do this, It will go public. This town is small. Everyone loves him, they'll hate me and they'll blame me. I don't want this!"

    "Samantha, just think about it." My mother chimes in, I roll my eyes and sigh.

   Then suddenly I think, he said if I told someone he'd do this to Sarah, and I couldn't let this happen.

    "Fine, I'll do it, but if I get attacked because of it, it's all on you." I say.

They all smile in relief and the meeting continued.

  "Okay, so we all know, that you attacked this girl, but we have a great chance of this back firing on her or even possibly the school. What I do know is that you both have manic depression, legally, they are supposed to check up on students with mental health issues and provide counseling yet they haven't checked on either of you." He says and my dad frowns.

    "You are not using our daughters mental health or that poor girls mental health to win this. That girl attacked my daughter and my other daughter defended her, that's all."

    "Yes, but we are trying to counter attack here. We want a big win!" The lawyer says.

   "Look, I get it. This is your career. You make more money by us making money, but we aren't here for money. My sister is in a coma. My rage got the better of me. I hurt that girl, she hurt my sister. All we need you to do is make sure I don't go to prison and you'll get your money." I say and my parents look at me proudly.

   "She took the words right out my mouth." My mother says.

   "Okay, okay. I understand, I apologize for attempting that approach. Well, what we can do is turn the tables on this situation. As much as you don't want to involve your mental health, it does play a good part. You've been through things Samantha, things you can't just ignore." He says and I sigh.

    "What are you saying?" I ask.

   "What I need from you is to go to therapy. I need an analysis from a therapist or psychiatrist explaining why you did what you did. From the looks in your file, you don't have a history of violence. I think your PTSD was triggered. I think you saw your sister unconscious and you lost it. You weren't thinking about that girl, you were thinking about that boy. The monster who did those things to you." He says and I blink out a tear.

   "Well, you're wrong. I saw my sister hurt and I defended her. You know what? Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I should just work I it out and get community service or something. I can't do this." I say, getting up and running out the room so no one could see my tears.

The truth is, I think he was right. It's just.... My parents have so much going on right now, I can't imagine them having to deal with this too.

   "Sammy! Are you alright?" My dad says as he sees the tears roll down my cheek.

  I quickly turn around and wipe them away as if that would fix anything.

   "Im fine." I say.

  "Sweetie, look at me." He says and I slowly turn to face him, almost sure my eyes were blood shot.
   
My dad places his hand gently on my face, looking at me with warmth in his eyes.

   "I know what you're doing. You're trying to hide your pain. I know because I do it all the time. The truth is I hurt everyday because I couldn't do the one job I was born to do.... protect my angels. This family is suffering and it's hard right now and the more we hide our feelings the harder it gets. I want you to know that I know you are hurting. We don't have to talk about it, but you do need to talk about it with someone. As much as this lawyer is a jackass, he's also right." My father says and a tear trickles down my cheek.

   "I could never understand what you been through, but I want to try. Just talk to me." Says Sarah in tears outside my bedroom door.

   It had been a week sense my exes conviction and I had already been sent hundreds of hate messages. I locked myself  in my room, it  felt like the world had ended. I shut everyone out, but hearing Sarah plead with me. To see how much she cared, it just felt so wrong to turn my back to that. I opened my door and let her in, spilling my guts to her as she ran her fingers through my hair and comforted me.

She was literally my rock.

"I will go to therapy, I will tell my story, I don't care. As long as I'm free and can talk to my sister and help her get better, it's all that matters. Thank you dad, I needed that. I love you." I say squeezing him in a hug. He hugs me back and kisses my forehead, escorting me back into the conference room.

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   "Yeah, it's fine. I'll come pick him up in.... let's say 40 minutes....yeah. Okay bye." I say, hanging up the phone with Gabbie.

    She asked if I could take Travis to see Sarah today and of course I couldn't refuse.

    He really loves Sarah, I see it in his eyes every time her name is brought up.

   He's been taking it really hard, just as hard as the family.

    I was eating lunch with my parents at a diner not too far from the Laywers office. We talked it out with the lawyer and I'll start seeing a psychologist to see if I was suffering from PTSD the day I attacked Seth's stalker.

    I'm ready to get this all over with.

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"Can I be alone with her for a second?" Travis says and I nod.

   My parents went to get some blankets for Sarah because her body was little cold.

    I stood outside the door and let Travis spend some time with her.

   After about 10 minutes I heard Travis calling a nurse and it made my heart drop.

    I run in, along with my parents and nurses and see that everything is fine, Sarah's heart rate was just extremely elevated.

   Travis, by my surprise was smiling.

   "What happened?" I ask and he doesn't take his eyes off Sarah, but he responds.

   "She can really hear us. It's like she reacted to my words." He said sounding like he had hope. A lot happier than he sounded earlier.

    "I-I-I t-told her that I lo-....nevermind, I just told her something crazy and her heart rate elevated." Travis says and my heart melted.

   "You said the 'L' word?" I whisper to him and he blushes.

   "Just.....don't tell Gabbie." He says looking at me with an embarrassed look on his face.

   "She loves you too." I say.

   "Yeah I know she loves me, she's my sister but she doesn't need to know my personal lif-" he babbles.

   "Im talking about Sarah, nemwit." I interrupt.

   "What?...Ohhh!" He says.

"You're impossible." I say and he chuckles and looks back at Sarah with a grin.

   "She has to get better. I have to hear her say it." He says and I smile at him.

   I hope I get to hear her say it too. This is her first love, I know it and I think that they could really work.

   From what she told me, they have almost nothing in common but their values are the same and that's what counts.

   He's a really good kid and they seem so happy just as friends, I can only imagine the happiness my sister would feel being in love. She deserves it more than anyone I know.

    "We'll keep talking to her. Keep getting her to react and she'll be back to normal in no time." I say and he nods.

   We say our goodbyes and give my parents time with Sarah alone.

I took Travis home and finally went home myself to an empty house.

   Seth was at a friend's, Aunt Rosa took Steven to the park and Ethan was out with Alex.

   Alone in my house and my thoughts, I thought it was time to face the thing I had been avoiding.... Sarah's room and our bathroom.

    I enter the bathroom, where it had a faint scent of pine sol and nail polish remover.

I sigh and breathe it in.

   If Sarah was here it would smell more like poop and an overwhelming amount of apple cinnamon air freshener to cover it up.

Then, I slowly turn the handle to her door and push it open. Getting a waft of air the smelled like paint and wood. I sigh.

   The abscense of her was prominent.
If she were here, it would be lit with vanilla and hickory bath and body works candles.

   Her Lava Lamp would be plugged in and I would occasionally hear a yelp from her burning herself on it by mistake.

There'd be a loud thud every time she shifted in her bed because it was a loose screw on her head bored.

   A faint sound of her meditation music playing every night while she was doing her homework....or my favorite thing of all.

   Her finding something funny on Instagram and you hear her laugh and all of a sudden you're getting sent a DM of something hilarious and 2 seconds later she's in your room checking to see if you thought it was funny too.

   I missed my sister, so much that it hurt.

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I'm so sorry for the wait, I wont keep you guys waiting this long ever again😭