Chapter 29: Raw
***TRIGGER WARNING***

How would they like me if they knew everything about me? All my flaws.

No doubt, they've seen me at my worst physically, but never mentally or emotionally.

   I've always laughed with them and talked to them about the present, but they don't know my past, in fact, the only people who know my past only my family, and Gabbie, not even Michelle knows.

     I've made a lot of mistakes in the short time of me living. A LOT and I want to make sure that the both of them know me inside and out.

   If I can't choose, maybe they can choose for me.

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As I walk down the hall I see Ethan rummaging through his locker and I take in a deep breath and walk to him.

I stand there waiting for him to notice me and when he does, he groans.

   "So are we talking to each other again, or are you just here to look at me?" He asks with an attitude and I roll my eyes.

   "We're talking." I say and Ethan looks up at me.

   "What changed your mind?" He asks, his attitude completely changed.

   "I want to try something else." I say and Ethan nods.

   "Like what?" He asks and I sigh.
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*TRIGGER STARTS IN THIS SECTION, VERY DEEP, VERY SERIOUS.*

***HUMAN TRAFFICKING TRIGGER, RAPE TRIGGER, ABUSE TRIGGER**

I sat, with my legs crossed in front of me, in the study hall lounge of our school.

It was a room with lots of tables, desks, computers, sofa seats, couches, bean bags, soft chairs, and plush rugs in the front of the school close to the principals office with every intention to convince parents that our school was nothing but the best choice for their children, when in all actuality this room was just a hangout.

No one studied here, they studied in the library which was filled with ancient, misused, unkempt books, out of date computers, leaning desks, and little, to no chairs all hidden on the top floor in a dim hallway.

The reason I'm in the study hall was because no one else was here. It's after school, after practice and I'm waiting for Alex and Ethan to get here.

The only reason school was still open was for a PTA meeting in the gym, and student council meeting in their office across the hall.

I convinced my principal to unlock the study hall door for me so I could have a "meeting" with fellow royalty and troubled student, to help with volunteer hours. Which is wrong, I know.

But I need privacy for my VERY vulnerable and intimate secrets that I'm going to be sharing.

I twist my pen around in my fingers, anxiously waiting to hear the doors open.

After a few moments I hear a two pairs of heavy foots steps make their way to me and my heart began to beat a little faster than normal.

I look up to meet the eyes of two important men in my life, who I wanted to stay in my life. Both looking very confused and horrified at the same time.

So was I, I'm sure of it. I felt the wrinkles of fear on my forehead crease as I try to come up with different ways to actually speak my feelings.

"Hi." Was all that could form for now. They both respond with a confused, shaky greeting.

"Uhm, you probably are wondering why you're here." I say opening my arms and gesturing to the room,as they both sit in the chairs I purposefully sat in front of me.

They both nod and I sigh.

"Well, I want to be open and very vulnerable with you, about my past and I know you might think that the past is in the past, but it completely and utterly still does affect my now, and my....always." I say, shifting eye contact between the both of them, trying not to cry just thinking about it.

They both nod in understanding, Alex, gesturing me to go on.

I take in a deep breath.

"So I'll just get right to it." I say with my voice cracking already.

"When I was 15, I was a victim of sex trafficking." I say and the reactions will forever stay in my mind. Ethan flinched. He... flinched and his eyes got glossy. I have never seen him like that before.

And Alex's hands shot up to his temples, his face turning red, and eyes glowing with sympathy.

"I wasn't kidnapped or anything or a victim of pedophilia, the person who did it to me was my boyfriend." I say, actually tearing up this time, but not letting the tears fall yet.

Clearing my throat I continue.

"Instead of pampering me, like most sex traffickers do, he completely broke me down until I thought of myself as a complete object." I say, finally letting the knot in my throat free, and the river of tears precipitate down my cheek.

"I saw no value in myself. I couldn't look in the mirror and see someone, I saw a body. He would sneak me to parties and get me super drunk and let his friends do whatever to me. I would wake up and be in so much pain and I wouldn't know why. Until one night, I told him I couldn't drink because my mom smelled alcohol on my breath and knew I had been sneaking out, so he gave me a soda with drugs in it, without me knowing, I drank enough to get me faded, but not enough to stay that way. That night, I.....I woke up in the middle of a boy on top of me." I say, my lip and body uncontrollably shaking. At this point all of us were crying.

I never seen any of them like that. It broke me to see them crying and it broke me to tell this story, but I had to.

"Not only did I see him on top of me, I saw my boyfriend... in the corner, counting money. I freaked out, I really freaked out, but the boy was way bigger than me, and he pinned me down and he didnt stop and my boyfriend made eye contact with me and he didn't help me, he stared me down with the....coldest stare I have ever seen. It's like he hated me, like he would do anything in the world to make my life miserable." I wipe my face with my sleeve and take a deep breathe.

"I thought I was going to die that night. The way he looked at me....I thought I was going to die and it only got worse after that. After that night, he threatened to kill me if I told anybody or tried to stop and I told him I didn't care, so then he threatened he'd do it to Sarah and I couldn't let that happen. So I snuck out with him every night, and I got drunk on my own and had sex with those boys, all just so he wouldn't do it to Sarah. Until one day, I got caught and words can't describe how happy I was. I got caught smelling like alcohol again and after that my mom caught me sneaking in the house and she knew it wasn't me, she knew it was something wrong and she pushed and she pushed until I told her everything, everything except the part about Sarah, I've never told anyone that part." I sniffle, looking at the ground trying to wrap up the story.

"I suffer from manic depression, and anxiety, but I'm getting better. I used to see a therapist every week, but now I only do it once a month. I pressed charges on my ex boyfriend, and because he was 17 at the time, he got tried as an adult. We didn't move because my dad got a promotion here, we moved because my dad applied for a job here. So that my family and I could feel safe again, because my anxiety and depression wasn't getting any better living in the same place and seeing his mom and sister in the local grocery store, with them calling me a 'lying whore' and trying to attack me like I did something wrong." I say through tears.

" I'm telling you this, because my life hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows and I'm going to always have this story, it will forever be a part of me and I don't trust easily, but I trust the both of you, I've trusted you from the beginning, and that means a lot to me. I want you to know all of me and I hope that one day you'll share the same with me." I finish, trying to stop crying.

"Sammy..." Ethan starts.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but thank you for being so vulnerable with us, it means a lot." He says and I nod, standing up and so do they.

"You are so strong, girl." Alex says and smiles at me, opening up his arms to give me a hug.

I hug him and Ethan joins in after a while.

"You looked like you needed a group hug." He whispered in my ear and I chuckled.

We all wiped our faces and headed out of the study hall, and to our cars.

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I know that this chapter is very out of theme to this story, but I really REALLY wanted to spread awareness of this subject. Sometimes trafficking is the little things you don't pay attention to and the people closest to you and I just urge everyone to BE SAFE and TRUST YOUR GUT!! Your body gives you warnings when you meet bad people, do NOT ignore them everyone! I LOVE YOU, be safe, be positive, be careful!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️