~The first lesson~
Varun Reddy

May 7th

6:55AM

Poverty.

It grips me like a vise, squeezing my wants and needs into dust.

Each day, I walk on the tightrope. There's no safety net below, just jagged rocks of desperation.

Choices disappear like the morning mist with the first ray of sun. The menu of life is reduced to scraps and crumbs.

Shame burns hot, a constant shadow.

I did what I had to survive.

I swallowed my pride and pawned my dignity.

Just like that poverty has the last laugh.

I glanced at my watch for what feels like the hundredth time: 7:45 AM.

My irritation spiked. Where was she? I had been here since 6:30, each passing minute felt like a personal insult. My fingers drummed a rhythm on the freshly cleaned cafe table, my other hand wrapped around a cup of coffee that was rapidly losing its warmth.

The aroma of burnt beans mingled with the sharp scent of sweat and grass, courtesy of the soccer team occupying the corner table. Their boisterous laughter punctuated the otherwise quiet morning. Their loud chatter sent jolts of annoyance through me. I tried to focus on anything else, but eyes kept drifting to their table.

They were everything I was not- athletic, carefree and happy. A pang of envy twisted in my gut as I watched them, all easy smiles and inside jokes.

Ayushman Nayyar, the only player I knew by name, playfully shoved his friend. He had earned a reputation as one of the university's all-time great strikers. Our university took great pride in its history of developing top-notch soccer talent for the country, and Ayushman was the latest star in that legacy. They all erupted in laughter again. I wonder what it was like to be that comfortable among other people, that confident in your own skin.

I adjusted my glasses, pushing them up the bridge of my nose.

This whole situation was absurd. Why is it that the universe always plays cruel jokes on me? It would dangle a promise of a solution in front of me, only to yank it away at the last moment. Was it too much to ask for one thing - just one small thing - to go right?

The bitterness of my thoughts matched the acrid taste of the cooling coffee as I took another sip. I grimaced, setting the cup down with more force than necessary. A few drops splashed onto my hand, and I wiped them away with a frustrated swipe.

My gaze drifted back to the soccer players. Ayushman caught my eye and raised an eyebrow with a smirk. I quickly looked away, embarrassed to be caught staring. But not before I noticed the easy way he carried himself, the relaxed set of his shoulders. No worry lines etched into his forehead, no tension in his jaw. What must that be like?

I pulled out my phone, hoping against hope for a message explaining the delay. Nothing. Of course. I kept forgetting that I didn't have her number. The screen reflected my own face back at me - lips pressed into a thin line, brow furrowed.

7:50 AM. The soccer team started to disperse, gathering their gear with a cacophony of zippers and friendly slaps on backs. Most of them leave the cafeteria to get ready for the classes except Ayushman and three other players.

I sighed heavily, my breath fogging my lenses. As I cleaned them, a familiar wave of self-pity washed over me. How did I end up here? Waiting on someone who clearly didn't value my time. Was this her immature way of getting back at me?

Ten more minutes, I decided, setting my newly cleaned glasses back on my nose. Ten more minutes of this humiliation, and then I was out. I'll find another way to help pay for mom's surgery.

As I wallowed in my frustration, the cafeteria door swung open. I sighed when I realized it wasn't Sanjana. Instead, it was Tabassum - not quite a friend, but the closest thing I have to one. Probably because we are both outcasts. She spotted me and started to make her way over. As she passed by the remaining soccer players, one of them- Ayushman- looked up. Their eyes met for a fraction of a second. Her step faltered almost subtly, her shoulders tensing. Ayushman's smile flickered, replaced by something I couldn't read. Then, as quickly as it happened, the moment passed. Tabassum continued walking towards me, her face as usual brimming with cheerfulness while he turned back to his teammates, his laughter a touch too loud.

"Hey," she said softly, carefully setting the pot in front of me. She turned her chair with a slight screech, angling her back to the players. Her smile widened, dimples deepening.

She adjusted the chair so her back faced the players. Her smile grew, dimples and all. I wondered how she could be so positive all the time. "You stood me up yesterday. Where were you?"

I rubbed my eyebrow, avoiding her gaze. "I lost track of time studying."

She leaned forward, eyes narrowing. "I'll remember that next time you need help for something," she said, crossing her arms with a dramatic huff.

I couldn't help but smile, shaking my head at her theatrics. "How was your event?" I asked, hoping to change the subject. "Did anyone show?"

Her face fell, lips curling into a pout. "Seventy-five people," she sighed, counting off on her fingers. "Three were volunteers from CAB, eight faculty members, and the security guard from the main gate." She threw her hands up in exasperation. "We were giving these away for free! Who turns down a free succulent?"

"Another flop?" I winced sympathetically. "Keep this up and you'll lose your position as CAB head."

"I don't care," she said, her voice tinged with frustration. She slumped in her chair, eyes downcast. "Nobody wants to do anything but drink and party." Suddenly, her demeanor shifted, and she perked up. "Anyway... I brought you this." She nudged the pot closer to me. "Your dorm could use some life."

I picked up the succulent, turning it to read the inscription: I'm rooting for you, always. My lips quirked in amusement. "Leftover stock, right?"

"Do you want it or not?" she asked, her tone playful but with a hint of defensiveness. She reached for the pot, but I quickly snatched it away.

"Thanks, for this," I said, genuinely touched by the gesture. When's the next event?"

"Talent show. And I've already signed you up to volunteer."

"Why?" I groaned, running a hand through my hair.

"It'll look good on your resume," she said, leaning back with a self-satisfied smirk. "Plus, we need the help."

"No, I'm busy. I have—" I started to protest, my voice rising slightly.

"No, you're not," she interrupted, wagging a finger at me. "Come on! It'll be fun."

"You aren't," she said. "Come on! It'll be fun."

I wanted to argue, but the determined set of her jaw told me she'd made up her mind. Besides, I needed a favor. I took a deep breath, steeling myself. "Tabassum, I need to ask you something." My voice dropped. I hated dragging her into this mess, but I had no choice. I'd dug my grave; now I had to lie in it for my mother's sake.

Her expression softened, sensing the shift in mood. "What is it?" she asked gently, leaning in closer.

I swallowed hard, my throat suddenly dry. "I... My mother isn't—" My voice cracked, the words sticking in my throat as I struggled to continue.

The cafeteria door swung open with a soft creak, and Sanjana glided in. As always, she was dressed in a ridiculously expensive outfit, her designer purse dangling from one hand while the other clutched her books. Her eyes swept across the room before landing on me. A wide smile curved her lips as she sashayed towards our table.

Tabassum's nose wrinkled slightly. "What's the queen bee doing here this early in the morning?"

I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "I'm tutoring her."

Tabassum's eyes widened in disbelief, her jaw dropping. "You are what?" she hissed.

Before I could respond, Sanjana arrived at our table, her sickeningly sweet perfume enveloping us like a cloud. "Hi! I thought you said it's just going to be me and you." she chirped, her voice grating on my nerves. Her gaze flicked over Tabassum before settling on me. "But I guess we are going to have company."

Tabassum's gaze oscillated between Sanjana and me before shaking her head. "No, I just stopped by to say hi to Varun."

Sanjana opened her mouth to say something, but was interrupted by Ayushman. He sauntered up to us and casually draped an arm around Sanjana. "Hi, what are you doing here?" he asked, grinning.

Sanjana recoiled dramatically, her face contorting in exaggerated disgust. "Yuck. You smell," she snapped, shoving his arm away and smoothing her outfit.

Tossing her hair over her shoulder, she announced, "Varun is tutoring me," as if bestowing a great honor. Her purse and books landed on the table with a loud thud.

His eyebrows shot up, an impressed whistle escaping his lips. "I see. So will we have a new topper this year or what?"

"You never know. Studious is my vibe for the rest of the semester," Sanjana preened, her eyes glittering with excitement. She waved her hand dismissively. "Now, shoo... You're wasting our time. I need to study."

Ayushman chuckled, shaking his head. "Good luck. You're really going to need it," he said to me, with a wink. With a final nod, he and his teammates left the cafeteria.

"Alright then I'll let you be," Tabassum said, rising from her chair. "We'll talk later."

As the cafeteria emptied, Sanjana slid into Tabassum's vacated seat, crossing her legs and leaning forward. A cat-like grin spread across her face. "So..." she purred, drumming her burgundy painted nails on the table.

"You are late," I said through gritted teeth.

"I know, I know," she sighed dramatically, waving her hands. "I woke up on time and everything. But then I couldn't find my lucky white shirt. I always wear it when starting a new project. And then my curler wouldn't turn on, so I had to borrow Maya's. But her curler is 1 inch, and I only use the 1.5 inch for everyday use. The 1 inch makes the curls a bit tighter. So—"

"I don't care," I said, interrupting her annoying rant. My patience was already wearing thin. "Sorry, I asked. Now, do you have your old quizzes and assignments?"

She nodded, reaching into her oversized purse. After a moment of rummaging, she pulled out a sparkly purple folder with a flourish. "Here you go," she said, sliding it across the table. "Spoiler alert: it's not very pretty."

I knew that. It was why we were here. I reached for the papers, but before I could even look at them, Sanjana had already whipped out her phone and was scrolling through it, completely disengaged. Shaking my head, I combed through her quizzes, making mental notes of where she needed help.

"Sanjana," I said, my voice tight with barely contained frustration. "Could you put the phone away, please? We need to focus."

"Huh?" She glanced up, looking surprised, as if she'd forgotten I was there. "Oh, okay." Thankfully, she put it away, then placed her elbow on the table, cradling her chin on her hand. Her expression was one of exaggerated attentiveness.

"Alright, first, can you give me your phone number?" I asked, handing her my cell phone. "I'll need it for us to communicate," I added hastily when I saw her smirk.

Once she entered her number, I sent a text message to her so she had mine as well. Then I pulled out my general notes and the examination timetable. "So we have five subjects. Do you have a particular grade you're aiming for in any of them?"

"I need to get at least 85% in all of them."

I couldn't hide my shock, my eyebrows shooting up. With her laid-back attitude, I'd be surprised if she even passed. "Okay," I said, trying to keep my voice neutral. "We'll have to work really hard if you want at least 85%. How about we do this? We can study in the morning for two hours and then two hours at night after dinner."

She shrugged. "Sure." Her attention wandered, and she reached out to grab the succulent pot. "Just off topic... this is so cute. Where did you get it? I want one too."

I sighed, trying to refocus. "Tabassum gave it to me. They did a free giveaway yesterday at the amphitheater."

Her eyes lit up with interest. "Aww... I guess you're very special to her if she got you something that reads: 'I'm rooting for you, always.'" When I refused to dignify her comment with a response, she leaned in. "Are you guys dating? Do you guys like... like each other or something? What's the scene?"

"Nothing," I said flatly. "Can we focus?"

I tried again. "So, I was thinking we can do Economics on Saturday, Marketing on Monday and Wednesday—"

"Just one more question," she interrupted, leaning even closer. "If not Tabassum, then who do you like?"

"No one," I snapped, glaring at her. My patience had finally run out.

"Come on!" she exclaimed. "That's not possible. You are telling me you have been here four years and haven't had a crush on anyone?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose, exhaling slowly as I counted to ten in my head. My jaw clenched as I struggled to maintain composure. "Why do you care so much about my love life?"

She immediately backpedaled, her posture straightening as she sensed my irritation. She gave me a nervous smile, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her notebook. "No, nothing like that. I was just making conversation. Don't tell me."

"I wasn't planning to," I said, rolling my eyes. "And anyway, how is this conversation helping you? You are simply wasting both our time."

"I was just trying to make conversation."

"Look Sanjana, if we are going to be doing this then we need to establish some ground rules here."

Her eyes widened in mock horror. "Ground rules? Sounds serious. Are you going to make me write lines? Or give me a time out?"

"No phones during our session. Be on time. Be prepared to learn and actually engage with your work and most importantly stop asking irrelevant questions. Clear?"

She pondered for a moment, tapping her chin dramatically. "Fine," she sighed, shoulders slumping in defeat. "I promise I'll be on time tomorrow."

"Tonight, you mean?" I corrected, my eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"Tonight?" Sanjana echoed, genuine surprise coloring her features.

I felt a headache coming on. "Yeah. After dinner..." My voice trailed off as realization dawned. "Did you hear a word I said earlier?"

"Of course!" she chirped. She nervously shifted in her seat, tucking a stray curl behind her ear nervously. "When are we meeting again in the evening?"

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "After dinner. We can do it at the boys' dorm's common area?"

"Let's just do it in my room. It'll be easier."

"Your room?" I asked, my eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

"Yeah, why?" She leaned forward, her smile widening. "Are you scared? You have been to a girl's room before right?"

Of course I had. For group studies and projects. However, going to her room seemed different. I shook my head, trying to dispel the notion. Why would it be different? She was like any other classmate. In fact, the only difference would be that she actually needed a lot of help. Like, a lot. "Fine," I said, my voice firm. "Now can we focus?"

To my relief, for the remaining hour, Sanjana remained surprisingly quiet and attentive. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she listened, occasionally nodding or jotting down notes. At around 8:50, I started packing up my things. I needed to give Ms. Chauhan my essay for a university application. She had offered to look over it and give me suggestions.

As I was gathering my stuff, Sanjana held up a folded wad of cash. "Your fees."

Bile rose in the back of my throat. It wasn't the first time I had been offered money like this, but something about it made my stomach churn. Beggars couldn't be choosers, I reminded myself. Slowly, I raised my hand to take it.

Sanjana suddenly pulled it away. "Sorry. I think I calculated the amount wrong. I'll fix it and give it to you tonight."

I nodded. Without another word, I slung my bag over my shoulder and rushed out of the cafeteria. As I pushed through the doors, I took a deep breath of the cool morning air, trying to calm my racing thoughts.