I hesitated, then knocked. Quiet at first, then harder. The door creaked open; two yellow eyes staring back at me.

    "Amaya? What are you doing here? It's 2am." He looked at me, shocked. I didn't even notice the time. I spent the rest of the day after I left Niki's prepping myself for this conversation. There was really no way to prep for this guy though. I never saw untamed hair look so good. It took me only a few seconds to notice he was shirtless. I tried not to stare but couldn't bring my eyes to move. He was wearing jeans and no shirt. It took a lot of effort to restrain myself from running my hands down his chiseled eight-pack.

"We need to talk." But I couldn't remember why.

"Now?" He asked, eyebrows raised.

"I know it's late, but.." I stammered.

   "Come in." He opened the door and stepped out of the way. I walked into his apartment cautiously. It was cleaner than I had expected it to be, everything neatly put into place. We had always met at my apartment. This was the first time I'd been inside his.

"Water?" He asked, heading to the fridge.

    I shook my head, "No thank you." He pulled one out for himself, taking a drink and came back in front of me.

    "Follow me." He said walking down the hall. I obeyed. Eventually, we stopped in front of a door near the end of his hallway. He looked back at me, hesitated, and opened the door. This room was drastically different from the others. There were clothes scattered about, closet doors opened, dresser drawers opened, but the bed was made. There was a duffle bag sitting in the middle of the room, half-filled. I realized it must be his bedroom.

"I'm sorry, is this a bad time?" I asked, looking at the half-packed duffle.

   "I have some time." He said, throwing stuff into his bag. He was moving so quickly that I couldn't quite see what he was throwing in there. Then I made out a walkie-talkie. Why does he need a walkie-talkie? I tired not to look like I was staring, I stood awkwardly in the doorway. After a moment he looked back at me and laughed a laugh that melted my heart. I didn't know if I could have this conversation with him. I studied him hunched over the bag looking perfect, in case this was the last time I was able to.

   "What are you doing?" He said, smiling. When I didn't respond, he zipped up his duffle and walked over to me.

   "Amaya, what's wrong." He looked at me, concerned. I looked back down at his stomach and was tongue-tied. He squinted at me. He took my hand and pulled me to the bed, sitting me down. He sat down beside me, waiting.

   "I've loved spending time with you. It's been great, probably the most fun I've ever had." I struggled with the words.

   "I've loved spending time with you too, but I don't..." He said, searching my face for an explanation.

"I'm not capable of being long-term." I looked at my dangling feet.

    I witnessed as my words registered with him. "What is this about Amaya?" He sounded frustrated, almost angry. In the weeks we'd been hanging out I'd never seen him angry.

   "Don't you want something great? Something that'll last." I did my best to steady my wavering breaths.

"Yes." He said, standing up. "Why don't you think we could have that?" He paced in front of me.

I sat silent for a minute. "You deserve someone that knows how to stay."

He stopped in front of me, "Do you like me?"

My throat felt dry. I silently wished I had accepted the water he offered. "Yes." I whispered.

"Do you want to leave right now?" He moved in a little closer, watching me.

I shook my head, "No. But that doesn't matter." I said, unable to make eye contact.

"Then what matters?" He asked, leaning down inches from my face. My hands yearned to touch his face, pull him closer.

What matters? I thought about this. "You matter to me." I said.

   "Prove it." He said, unmoving. Butterflies did back-flips in my stomach. I couldn't make myself move. He started to pace again.

   I stood up and grabbed his arm. "Stop!" I begged. He turned fast and we were pushed into the dresser right next to each other. His eyes widened. Being so close to him made my hands shake. I shoved them down into my pant pockets.

He pulled them out. "Why are you shaking?" He whispered.

"You. Being this close. I've never..." My voice shook.

He held my hands. "Why not?"

"I don't know, I guess I never really wanted to." I said, half laughing.

He stepped away. "Why do you hold back from me? Do what you want." His voice was firm.

    I walked up to him, as he was turned away from me. I took his arm in my hands and he faced me. He stood solid as a statue. He looked afraid to scare me away. I reached out and ran my hands over his abs.

I felt his chest lift and lower as he laughed softly. "That's what you wanted to do?"

  "They're umm beautiful." I said resting my hands in the center of his pecks. I could feel his heart pounding. I was sure mine was doing the same.

He shook his head, "Are you okay?" I smacked him on the arm.

"I guess I just haven't been this attracted to someone before." I put my hands at my sides.

"Then don't push me away."

   "I can't help it. I always do. It's not fair, to you or Nikki." I hoped he would understand. I needed him to understand.

    "Then do it. Push me away right now." He moved to close any space between us. He put his hand on the nape of my neck and leaned in. He kissed me hard. I lost all control of myself. I kissed him back. I wrapped my arms around him, reaching up on my tiptoes. My feet lifted off the ground as he picked me up and my legs tightened around him. He moved to the bed, slowly and laid me down. He pushed up, looking down at me questioningly. I pulled him back down to me. I lifted my arms above my head as he removed my red floral shirt. I then rolled to the other side of the bed, away from him. He shifted onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. We sat there our breaths coming in heavy.

"We can't." I sat up, knees to chest.

   "Because of her or because you don't want to?" He questioned me. I looked over at him, he was stretched out, his hands on his stomach.

I inched over and sat close, looking down at him. "Because of you."

   He sat up and stared at me in disbelief. "I want you Amaya. I don't know how many times I have to say it. I don't want your friend, or anyone else for that matter."

   I wanted to make him relax, wipe the frustration off his face, but I couldn't. I felt a chill and remembered I was in my bra. I was thankful I wore one of my nicer bras that day.

"It really isn't you Blade." I began.

   He glared at me, "It's not you, it's me. Really?" He laughed coldly. "Save it." He got off the bed and threw my shirt at me. I threw it back.

   "I don't understand you. You say you're done with me, but you came here. You didn't push me away when I kissed you. Then you won't even put your freaking shirt on?" He walked back and forth, flailing his arms. He kept my shirt tightly in his one hand. "I mean do you want me or not? Let's just be real with each other." On his way back I stepped in front of him. He stared down at me, looking at my bra and shook his head.

"What's your real name?" I asked, hoping he would finally give me an answer.

He froze. "Doesn't matter." He answered shortly.

"Why won't you tell me your name?" I pushed.

"Are you for real right now?" He moved closer to me.

   I pointed my finger into his rock-hard abs. "I absolutely am. You haven't been completely honest with me from the start. When you ask me about myself I give you a straight answer."

    He looked intensely at me, "Don't worry, I'm sure your precious friend Nikayla will learn my name soon enough."

    I smacked him. His eyes grew wide, big yellow circles of disbelief. I still couldn't turn away from his eyes. I wanted to reach and press my lips to his, cut this tension.

   "I have to go." He said, handing me my shirt. We stood there a minute, looking at each other. This was the first time I didn't want to leave, but I did.