Chapter One
Raya St Claire, aged 23

The only thing I saw in front of me was complete darkness. My feet has a mind of their own because they practically force me to step forward, into the endless pit of darkness when the only thing I wanted to do was stay put.

I reach my hands out in front of me, knowing that it was a lost cause because there was absolutely nothing but cold and empty air in front of me. The coldness of the air made me shiver from head to toe, and if I could see something, I would say that my skin was enclosed in a layer of goose bumps.

I stop in my tracks when I hear a voice call out to me through the darkness. “RayRay, why didn’t you save me?” It was my six year old brother’s voice.

A loud sob escapes my lips before I could stop it.

I press a shaky hand against my mouth, stifling the sob. “I’m coming!” I yell. I swallow down the bile that rose in my throat and started to push forward, hoping to see my little brother, alive, at the end of the darkness, but the darkness stretches, making it impossible to reach my little brother.

“RayRay!”

I start to run even faster, not even caring that I might run into something. I need to get to the voice before it disappears again. I need to find my brother.

I ignore the tears streaming down my cheeks as I ran. “I’m coming!” I yell again, hoping that my little brother can hear me from wherever he was. “Stay where you are! I am coming!”

I spot a literal white light at the end of the hallway, and force my feet to run faster. The white light became clearer the more I ran toward it, but before I could get to it, and my little brother, I was being pulled backward, as if there was something that didn’t want me to reach the light, to reach my brother.

I scream, feeling my body being pulled backward, away from the light.

“No!” I yell. “No!” I swallow hard, feeling my throat scratch when I did. My eyes open, landing on the ceiling fan’s blades going around in circles above me.

I swallow hard, feeling my throat scratch when I did.

I swipe a hand across my face angrily and take in a few deep breaths before I continued to watch the ceiling fan’s blades go round and round in quick circles.

The nightmare always ended the same way, with me running after my little brother, and when the light comes into view, I get pulled back into darkness.

The same nightmare has been going on for seven years and I never, ever managed to find my little brother and I never, ever managed to reach him. It was as if something didn’t want me to reach my little brother. It wouldn’t really make any difference anyways. My little brother was dead; he was murdered along with my father and my mother. I could never reach him ever again.

I release a shaky breath and wipe the sweat that covered my forehead with the back of my hand.

I turn my head and see the sunlight shining through my partially covered windows and look at my alarm clock resting on my nightstand. It read; 5:05 am.

“Great.” I huff, shaking my head. “I could’ve slept a little longer.”

I throw my comforter over my body and step out of my bed, my foot collides with the cold hardwood floor and I shut my eyes, liking how cold I suddenly became; a shiver actually descended my spine.

I sit on my bed for what feels like another hour just staring into nothingness when I finally decided to get up from my bed. I ignore the echoes inside my mind as I make my way to my en suite bathroom. The voice was like a record, playing every time I simply just blink, and sometimes, to my utter dismay, I can see his little face in front of me, pleading for me to help him… to rescue him.

His question haunts me; it makes my heart hurt every time it happens.

I shouldn’t have let him climbed out of the window first; there was enough time for me to climb out of the window to catch him, but I let him climb out first. That was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life and now I lived with the consequences thereof.

I pause in front of my bathroom door, seeing the black door in front of me as I just stood there. I place both my hands onto the wooden door, and lean with my forehead against the black door.

Taking in a deep breath, I close my eyes.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you go out alone. I should’ve stayed with you. I shouldn’t have let you out first. I’m so sorry.” I say, hoping by some miracle that wherever my little brother was that he would hear my apology somehow.

I open my eyes, feeling tears collecting at the bottom of my eyelids.

I smack both my palms against the black door, feeling the sting of the blows thereafter.

The white tiles of my bathroom were a change of colour comparing to my black and grey wallpapered walls of my bedroom, but seeing those colours every day made me feel like I was to blame for everything that happened, and I guess it was fair to feel blame each time, seeing that everything that happened was my fault and that I needed to be reminded of the consequences of my actions. It also reminded me of how alone I actually was, every single day of my life after what happened to my family that damn night. I miss them more and more every day.

The colour grey did after all represent loss, so the colour was perfect for my room.

The nightmares made me dread going to sleep at nights. I didn’t want to hear his frightening screams or pleas; I just wanted to hear his little voice and cute laugh one more time. But my brother’s screams… they were unbearable to hear.

I trudge towards the vanity to the side of the bathroom and nearly cringed at myself looking at my reflection in the mirror. Dark circles covered the bottom of my eyes, and I looked paler than ever. My hair stuck to my forehead due to the sweat, and my hands still shook heavily when I reached the sink to clutch it.

A loud knock or more like a bang from behind my door, followed by a loud yell made me nearly jump out of my skin. “Rayyaaaaaa!”

I let go of the sink to clutch my rapidly beating heart.

“Fuck.” I mutter, feeling my heart finally start to beat normally again.

Even though he poked his head through the little opening of the bathroom door, he still had his other hand shielding his eyes in case I wasn’t clothed. “Is everything clothed?” He asks.

When I don’t answer him, he uncovers his eyes and smiles widely at me before stepping fully into the bathroom. He really was like an older brother I never had, who didn’t take privacy very seriously.

I glare at him. “Is it necessary to bang on my door and yell like a damn madman, Bear? You’re going to wake up the entire house, and you know Storm doesn’t like to be disturbed when he’s asleep! He’ll cut off your damn ear.” I rebuke, my one hand still clutched at my beating heart in my chest.

“Well, everyone is already awake,” he says, “except for Rossi. I think he’s taking a nap on the couch.”

“Is he okay?”

“No. You’re taking too damn long.” Bear says.

I frown at him. “Is there something important going on or something? Why should I hurry? Did Archie call a meeting?”

Now Bear was the one to frown at me. “Have you forgotten something, Raya?”

I shake my head at him. “Have I forgotten what?” I ask.

I try to remember what day it was, but I can’t even remember what I ate for dinner yesterday. I was still trying to wake up fully and my brain was still fuzzy from the nightmare I had moments ago, so it was impossible to think clearly.

Bear looks at me like I’ve grown another set of eyes. He shakes his head at me as if he was disappointed that I forgot whatever it was I should have remembered. “You really have forgotten, haven’t you?”

“Bear, would you quit speaking in riddles and just tell me what I forgot”

He grins at me before he does the unthinkable.

He pulls me into a hug. A tight one.

I couldn’t escape his arms and my head was pressed tightly into his chest, I couldn’t escape the strong smell of his cologne.

I try pulling him off of me, but his grip was too strong, so I just let him hug me.

“It’s your birthday!” He yells, his words vibrating through his chest. “You’re twenty three today!” He then places a kiss against my forehead. “Happy birthday Raya.”

When his brown eyes lock onto mine again, I shoot him yet another glare.

I wanted to reprimand him for hugging me, but then it occurred to me.

It’s my birthday today.

I was officially twenty three years old.

Birthdays in the NC meant being fussed over, birthday cakes, a lot of smiling and unavoidable hugs.

“Ah great.” I huff, running my fingers through my dampened wavy brown hair.

“Not the reaction I was quite expecting.” He says scratching the back of his neck. “I mean… Raya… it’s your birthday today. It’s all about celebrating.”

“Do you want me to jump up and cheer just because it’s my birthday?”

He nods.

“I don’t do birthdays.” I say. “It’s just another day for me and you know that.”

I don’t like being fussed over, especially not by the gang. I wasn’t some girly girl who needed a Louis Vuitton purse or who needed to do my nails for a party…No. just take me to the training room, be my sparring partner and I’ll be as happy as a child on Christmas day, but celebrating my birthday was a big no, although having a chocolate cake by myself sounded quite tempting, but still no.

Bear’s face dropped. “The NC planned something for y—” He stops mid-sentence and slaps his face. “Fuck.” He mutters. “I just ruined the surprise.”

“They planned something for me?” My eyes widened on the spot. I couldn’t even hide the horror in my tone, or on my face. “We agreed on no surprises. I tolerated birthday cakes and smiles, but surprises? No, Bear.”

“We can’t not celebrate your birthday, Raya.” Bear says. “And besides, they wanted to do something special for you. While you’re celebrating your birthday, some of us are celebrating the fact that we have known you for five years.”

“Okay, fine.” I sigh. “I will meet you downstairs. I just have to take a shower.”

Bear grins and wanted to snake his arm around my waist to hug me, but I shoved him away. “Celebrating my birthday and planning a surprise are two things I will tolerate today, but no touching or fussing over me. Alright?”

He chuckles before backing out of the bathroom in two long strides, but before he left, he turns around and places his hand on the doorframe. “Meet you downstairs.” He says, winking before he walked out of the bathroom.

I shut the bathroom door and make my way to the shower before opening the taps.

I don’t wait for the shower to heat up; I immediately get in after I undressed.