There was a silent standoff as Skip and I stared at each other with Lirk in between. Her dark eyes remained confident, and a poisonous smile was plastered across her face. Soft winds rustled the leaves overhead and caused the green tails of Skip's cloak to wave back and forth. The skeleton seemed completely oblivious to the tension, repeatedly turning to look at Skip then back to me for orders.

"You must be this Lirk that I have heard so much about," Skip finally called out. She began to slowly climb down the rocks and inch toward us. Her hand never left the carved bone hilt of the knife jutting out from her belt. "Nice to finally meet you."

Lirk turned to me with his effervescent skeletal grin. "A new friend, Master?"

"Not quite," I answered, watching the ruby glow around her neck. "Kind of the opposite, really. She's not very nice."

His skull turned back to Skip, then toward me again. "But she said it was nice to meet me."

Before I could explain the concept of sarcasm to Lirk again, Mog came rumbling out of the forest, leaving a path of broken branches and small craters for footprints. He thundered right up to where Lirk stood, putting the skeleton in between his massive, tree-trunk-sized legs. His head emerged from the treetops as he leaned down close for a better look. Unlike any sane human, Lirk didn't seem intimidated by the ogre's size and looks, nor did he seem to notice the repulsive smell that had nearly knocked me unconscious when I'd first met Mog. The ogre studied the skeleton for a moment, squinting his big eyes. Then he turned back to Skip: "SMOOSH?"

"No, Mog," Skip said, using a saccharine sweet tone. "Lirk is right. We're new friends!" The Ruby still glowed around her neck; she knew exactly what would happen if they threatened Lirk. She'd be turned into a pile of dust just like those Paladins.

"We're going to leave now," I announced to Skip, taking a step back down the riverbed. "Come on, Lirk. They're not going to be coming with us." I watched Skip for any reaction, but she just continued grinning. "Oh, and give me the necklace back too. It belongs to Lirk."

"Not going to happen," Skip answered with one hand grasping the delicate chain. "This will fetch a hefty price when we get to the city, and someone's got to pay for Mog's bar tab. You'd be surprised how much beer a fellow of his size can drink." Skip studied me for a moment with no emotion on her face whatsoever. I stared back, doing my best to look intimidating. "Lirk can go," she said at last. Then she drew the bow from behind her back and casually rested an arrow against the bowstring. "But not you, Winston."

"Don't do this, Skip." I gestured at the necklace, trying to remind her of its power. I didn't want to disintegrate them, but it was a better alternative than being turned over to the Paladins. Surely she'd see the sense in that. "You know what will happen now that Lirk is back. Don't make me do it."

"As I understand it," she answered, "the Ruby will only activate if Lirk is in danger, right?"

"Well... I... yeah, I guess." Ok, maybe that is accurate. The Ruby only seemed to care what happened to Lirk. But I could command Lirk!

"So," Skip said. "Lirk is in no danger from me, or from Mog. He seems like a fine fellow. We like him!" Lirk grinned; skeletons don't have much body language (you know, given the whole lack of an actual body thing), but I could swear that he seemed proud to hear that.

"That's not how it works!" I shouted back. "Lirk will do what I tell him, including attack you. If you don't let us go, that is. Now, I'm warning you: put down the bow, and we'll just walk away."

Skip just smiled. "Not happening."

I took another step back in our game of chicken. Lirk continued standing between us, still in Mog's shadow, awaiting an order from me. Mog kept looking back at Skip with the exact same expression as the skeleton, waiting for her to tell him what to do.

"Last warning," I told Skip. "We're leaving now. Lirk, follow me." I turned my back to Skip and re-entered the forest that we'd just come through. I could feel their eyes boring into me as we left. My hands were shaking and my heart was pounding, but I tried not to let it show. Lirk's bony feet clacked against the stones as he followed me down the river bed. And then an obsidian arrowhead buried itself into the bark of the tree next to me, leaving the shaft quivering just inches from my left ear.

"Attack them, Lirk! Kill them!!" I ducked behind the tree, but there were no additional arrows incoming. Both Skip and Mog just watched as the skeleton rushed obediently toward them. Lirk got right next to them and slapped at Mog's leathery skin with his bony hands. It didn't even make a scratch. He slapped and clawed furiously at Mog's ankle, and didn't even leave a mark. Right, I realized. Probably should have found a weapon for Lirk first. He posed no more threat to Mog than a flea would to me.

"Tickles!" Mog announced with a giddy laugh. He waved his arms and wiggled his fingers, obviously doing his best not to move his big legs so that he wouldn't accidentally crush the skeleton attacking him.

"Come on, Winston," Skip called out. "We don't want to hurt you, or Lirk."

"Get her, you idiot!" I shouted, ignoring her pleas. "Attack the girl, Lirk!" At least she was a somewhat equal size and couldn't just ignore him. She'd have to defend herself. 

As commanded, Lirk stopped tickling Mog and turned towards Skip. His bony feet scrabbled for purchase on the dry river rocks as he charged forward. You'd be surprised how hard it is to get some traction when you don't have any heels or skin on your toes. His bony arms reached out toward her neck, completely determined to choke the life out of her. I continued hiding behind my tree, watching the battle.

Skip stepped nimbly to the side, sending Lirk flying past her and into a thicket of ferns. He stopped and turned around, like he was confused about how he could have missed. But he got Skip in his sights once again and ran towards her. She dodged again, looking slightly amused as Lirk went stumbling into the trunk of a tree head first.

"Come on, Winston. Don't torture Lirk like this anymore," she taunted me. The Ruby around her neck continued to glow and pulse with flashes of red, but it certainly wasn't disintegrating her.

Lirk readjusted his skull, which seemed to have been knocked loose when he hit that tree. Then he turned and charged at Skip once more. The look of amusement on her face had changed to a slightly bored smirk, and she stepped out of the way once again right in the nick of time. Lirk went running past her, and his foot caught on a root jutting out of the ground. One of his legs popped out of his hip, and he managed to hop for about two more steps before his entire skeletal frame went crashing down in the river bed.

Mog leaned close and looked at the bones scattered about. "Broke," he declared.

"Sorry, Master," Lirk's skull called out from the riverbed. Moving his jaw made the skull rattle and roll around on the rocks.

"Well, that's it, Winston," Skip called out, walking toward my hiding spot. She lifted the bow once again and readied an arrow. "Unless Lirk can put himself back together, I think we're done here. You can either come quietly, or Mog can hold you between his toes till you give in." Mog held up one massive foot and wiggled them. "And you don't want to find out what's growing in there."

I considered just making a break for it. She wouldn't really shoot me, would she? Though they'd still probably get a bounty for bringing my body to the Paladins. And both of them could probably catch me pretty easily if they did want me alive. Or she would just shoot me in the leg or something.

I stepped out from behind the tree.

"There we go!" she said with the same tone that she'd use with a puppy. "Good boy, Winston!" She took my bag from me and began to tie my wrists. "We'll just make sure that we don't have any more incidents like this."

"At least let me pick up Lirk," I told her. "I don't want to leave him here."

She consented, and let me stuff his bones into my bag. At least he'd tried to help. Once that was completed, she finished trussing me up like a turkey, with knots so tight that I could barely move. Mog plucked me from the ground and put me in his big backpack, along with the bag containing Lirk's still-animated remains.

We rode in silence for a while. Each one of Mog's giant steps sent Lirk and I tumbling and rolling about on top of the boxes. I couldn't even keep myself steady because I was bound so tightly.

"They seemed nice," Lirk finally said.

Mog took another step, sending me sliding head-first into a nearby crate. "Shut up, Lirk," I answered.

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