This is the last time.

A lie I've been telling myself every sun cycle since I was ten.

Girls gotta eat. I shrug it off as I rush through the busy market place, the smell of fish that's been out in the sun too long and the sting of the hot stones under my feet barely even garner my notice anymore.

"I wondered where you were, little fists." Mags laughs as I slide around the baker's rickety stand, tipping my chin to her on my way by and to the back of the small trader's building.

"Had a run in with the butcher." I wave over my shoulder to Mags.

She shakes her stringy grey hair and turns back to her next customer. "Luck be with yee."

Ha! Like I need it.

I skid to a stop as I round the corner, entering beneath the low hung banner that serves as our small bit of protection from any prying eyes, not that the Oh Great And Wonderful are that interested in what we do anyway. As long as we are out of their perfect hair and not breathing their perfect un-fishy air, what do they care?

Still, we try not to bring too much attention to what goes on back here. It's not totally illegal per say, but maybe it isn't exactly allowed either. A glance to the sundial tells me I've got less than half an hour to make my coins and git before the patrol will walk through, their noses held high.

Plenty of time for me.

"Malikah, cutting it close, aren't we?" The Fightmaster claps for me to follow him to the small ring. "That means you get to fight my friend here, he's new, but he looks up to the challenge."

I follow behind old Fighty, I don't know his real name, I'm not important enough. I'm so busy making fun of his funny wide gait walk that I don't even notice the boy he's lined me up with. The boy has noticed me though, looking me up and down quickly with his big brown eyes, hiding a smile behind his fist.

"You're joking." He doesn't speak to me, but to Fighty.

Fighty grins down at me, a hint of his golden front tooth gleaming. "Ask anyone from the Ring, I'm not much of a joker." He turns from us and to the small crowd gathered around the outer edge of the sand covered small fighting ring me and the new boy are in. "Place your bets."

The boy shakes his head. "I can't fight this girl." He sounds shocked, like he actually did think that the Fightmaster was just pulling his leg.

"I am not a little girl." I say coolly. "And you're welcome to forfeit right now if you want. I'm hungry, so I'd happily take my winnings and run by the slop shop before Fanny runs out of the not gray stuff." I shuffle my bare feet in the white sand. Pretty soon it'll have blood in it, but it won't be mine.

Almost like he heard my smug thoughts, new guy grins down at me from his freakishly tall height. "You're on."

"Great." I shuffle again, shaking out my arms as I bounce on the balls of my feet, loosening up my joints. "Food always tastes best when I know I've earned it."

I hear the crowd behind us whisper and Fighty holds up his hands as he backs away from the two of us. "Fighters ready?" He doesn't wait for our responses, but the new kid turns his eyes to him, giving me the in I need. "Go."

Quicker than quick, I dip low into a crouch and throw my full weight into the center mass of my opponent. Tall people lack balance. He sways, his feet coming off of the sand. With a quick spin, I kick out my left leg, locking it behind his knee and taking him down hard. He hits the sand with a gasp.

He hadn't been ready.

But I had.

I rolled out of the way before he could land on me, getting a little sand in my mouth, but I don't let it slow me down. The second he goes to push himself up with his hands, I fling myself onto his back, holding on like dinner depends on it, then reach around and whip one of his arms back.

We crash down to the sand again and he tries to roll to get me beneath him, but I dig in my knees, squeezing him under the ribs and pull his arm back harder, holding it just to the point of breaking it. "Give in?" I ask in his ear sweetly, like the little girl he called me earlier. He grunts, still trying to fight, but he can't breathe with his face in the sand, my knees digging in harder under his ribs, and his arm aching behind his back. "I can snap this bone, buddy." To prove the point I twist the arm just a touch more.

"GIVE!" He rumbles into the sand.

I glance back to the Fightmaster to be sure he heard it too before I release him, hopping up and shaking my head as the guy slumps into the sand weakly. "He all you got today?" I ask, looking at the dial again. That fight took two minutes tops, and most of it was talking.

Fighty nods. "Your reputation precedes you, Malikah. No one wants to get shown up every sun cycle by a girl with big goo goo eyes and the body mass of a twelve year old."

I tilt my head at him and put my hands onto my hips, looping my thumbs into the top of my leathers. "Oh come on, Fighty." I shake my head. "Where have you ever seen a twelve year old as big as me?"

Fighty smiles, the one golden front tooth shining as he looks back into the crowd. "How old are you?" He points to a boy standing with what looks to be his father.

The boy looks from his father to Fighty before clearing his throat and looking down at the cracking sandals on his dirty feet. "Eleven, Sir."

Fighty crosses his arms and smiles harder as he looks over to me. "I should have made you bet on it."

"Like I'd be dumb enough to gamble my coins." I roll my eyes and then look back to the boy. "And for the record, that kid is a giant." I shrug my narrow shoulders. "I'm normal sized for a sixteen year old."

"From the Ring, maybe." Fighty nods, looking bored with the conversation now. He doesn't make coins by running his mouth with kids. "Collect your loot and go, girl."

"See you next sun cycle." I skip away, holding out my hands for the small copper coins from the crowd.

Three little dirty coins. When they were first made, probably by the scum of the Ring like me, they would have sparkled with beauty. Now they match the rest of us, dull and practically worthless. Three coins won't even get me a nice pastry from Mags and she thinks I'm cute. No slop shop for me...again.

"That was fast." Mags already has a golden, but stale, loaf of bread outstretched towards me when I come out from behind the trader's building. "This is all I can spare, little fists."

"I thank yee anyway." I bow before her little stand then straighten and take the loaf, offering her the coins that I know she won't take from me. But even though she doesn't want my coin, I don't eat for free. I wave her off, shooing her home to Mr. Mags. He fell ill long ago, and her bread barely pays the apothecary for the FlanRoot he needs to keep the pain away. At sunup I'll take two of the coins to the apothecary for Mr. Mags as I usually do.

As I watch her waddle away, I clean up the stand for her, yanking off big bites of the crunchy bread and chewing it quickly.

Mags and Mr. Mags are the only two people in the Ring that pay me any mind. Children starve out here every day, but they always made sure I had at least a stale piece of bread to keep my stomach from getting the pains.

I get the cart looking right tidy and take what scraps are left with me to pass out down in the wallows. There's always someone hungrier than you down there.

With the scraps in the small bag, and my remaining coin tucked into the small pocket on my leather vest, I head off for the wallows, but a kick of dust has me turning.

The kid I'd beat in the ring comes out from behind the trader's place, kicks up the sand and then slinks to sit down on the ground, his feet out in front of him. I notice how clean he is for the first time. Clean as you can be here, anyway.

Before all I'd looked at was his height and then I strategized how I would take him down. I didn't notice the fullness to his cheeks or the way his clothes still have a color to them, not all worn out from wear or bleached by the hot sun.

He rubs his stomach with his hands, looking up and down the way before he catches me watching, half a loaf of bread hanging out the side of my mouth.

I jerk it out, then wipe the back of my hand across my mouth.

Git, Malikah, Tawny'll be waiting.

I should listen to the little voice in my head. The one who tries to make me be smart, act right, do right. But as per the usual, I ignore it.

I shuffle over to where the boy sits and I look down at him.

"You really are new, huh?" I ask and he turns his big brown eyes up at me. "What'd you do to piss off The Great and Holy Ones?"

My heart quickens when I remember the time. Patrols will be soon and I don't need to be caught mouthing off about the Worthy. I'm already cursed to the Ring, don't need to add the stockade to it.

The boy looks just as shocked by my open dislike for them. "I see why you were sent here."

"Wasn't my smart mouth, if that's what you're implying." I shrug, then look back down at him. "But the way I see it, you're ignoring the question of the person who is thinking about doing you a favor."

"Why do I want a favor from you?" He spits, literally, right into the sand by my bare feet, stained brown as the dirty sand I stand in.

Prideful.

"Here." I stretch out my hand with the rest of my loaf of bread.

He shakes his head, trying really hard not to look at it, but his eyes drift back. "Don't need it." He says gruffly.

"You've never been hungry before." It's a guess, but I know it's probably true. "Take it."

He looks between me and it twice before swallowing back hard.

Definitely pride.

"Take it." I say again, holding it closer. "Tastes like dirt but it'll fill you up. Just eat it and follow me."

"Follow you where?" The boy shrugs. "Who are you?"

I can tell the patrol is coming, there's a hush falling through the market place.

"I'm assuming you're alone, so I'll take you were all of us alone kids go." I wave him forward, not wanting to get caught out here with a bag full of bread scraps. Patrol will assume I stole it, and they'll take my coin if they find it. Thankfully he stands, seeming to notice the change in the mood of the people around us. "My name is Malikah, I've been here since I was four."

He follows my lead, finally taking the bread, even though guilt fills his eyes as he does it. "Four?" He asks around a big bite. "What could a four year old possibly-."

His question dies in his dry throat as we cut between huts and circle back behind the villages. Filling the ditches dug out by our own hands are dozens of children. Ages ranging from two to as old as me and the new boy.

"You'd be amazed." I says quietly. "What do I call you anyway?"

"My name?" He asks and I shrug.

"Doesn't have to be your name." I know lots of people here who either were two young when they came to even know their names, or ones who just up and chose to take new ones. "Can be whatever you want."

"Mark." He says it lowly under his breath, his eyes still wide as he takes in the dirtiness of his new home. I'll bet he's used to much better. Mark from Utopia, sparkling streets and beautiful people. Not like Malikah from the Ring, no streets, filthy starving people.

"How old are you, Mark?" The littlest kids, rush me, hungry hands reaching out for the small scraps I put into their skinny fingers.

Mark doesn't answer at first and I think he may not have heard me over the roar of the children demanding more. He looks to his hand with the last few bites of the loaf in it, then he holds it out to a red-haired little boy who takes it greedily before running away with it.

"Fifteen."

My jaw hangs open. "Gods, you're huge for fifteen." I gape. He's at least two full heads taller than me.

"Gods." He scoffs, and I can't help but smile.

Nodding I brush the last of the crumbs off of my fingers, scanning the crowd for Tawny. She should be here by now.

"So quick to turn on the Gods, are you?" I turn back to Mark as the last of the littles runs back to play in the mud from last moon's rains. His big brown eyes grow wider, looking at me like I'm not right in the head, a look I'm quite used to. "What? A girl from the Ring can't hold reverence for her mighty creators?" I have to try hard not to smile at the total look of loss on his face.

"You grew up here." I don't miss the crinkle of his straight nose. "How could someone like you hold anything but hate for the God's?"

"Hate?" I'm actually surprised. It's not a word thrown around lightly. "Strong word for someone who just arrived here. Usually takes a little longer to break you older newbies."

"You calling me weak?" He snaps, throwing out a hand to slap me, but I saw the twitch in his hand a half a beat before his hand came up. I block the move, leaning my face out of the way and then grabbing his arm while he was thrown off, twisting it back. He drops to the ground to relieve the pressure in his joint but I hold it tight as he goes down. "Let me go." He demands.

"I don't take orders." I tell him, not even a breath out of place. "I'm going to let you go, but first it's time for lesson one in the Ring. You don't matter anymore. Whatever nice little life you're coming here from is over. This is it. We all wish we weren't here, but we are and we will be. Until our bodies turn to dirt just like this dirt under our feet, we are nothing. You'll have to learn to make a place for yourself here." I loosen my grip just a fraction, letting him breathe easier. "You'll start here, with us, at sunup you'll try to find something you're good at. Get yourself a job, get some coins, buy or trade for what you need, but don't expect anyone here to feel sorry for you. You'll have to work tooth and bone for what you need around here. My first piece of advice for you is to learn your new place." I let go of his arm and give him a shove away, turning away as he rubs his arm like a child. "Raise a hand to me again outside of the Fightmaster's white sand ring, and I'll snap every bone in your hand."

I leave him where he is.

He's going to have to learn his way here or get crushed under the brutality of the Ring. If he thinks that arm is sore, he'd really not want to know what would have happened had he dared pull that on someone other than me. He'd not have survived his first sun cycle.

"You brought in a stray." Tawny's voice comes from behind me.

I turn to find her smiling, shaking her straw colored hair at me. With a shrug I walk off to the side with her. "It's the place for strays, right?" I counter, looking her over carefully, making sure she is alright. I might be the one who fights to earn my way, but Tawny just seems too delicate for a place like this. I know she's tougher than she looks, so am I, but I worry just the same.

Tawny doesn't deserve to be here, not that anyone can really deserve to live like this while the others walk down streets paved with solid gold and live in marble mansions, but still. Tawny is different. She's one of the very few here that are actually here by choice.

She refused to conform to the way of The Worthy, and so she's been here ever since.

At nineteen Tawny is like a mother to all of the kids out here. Especially the younger ones. She'd even been the one to pluck me from the mud when I first arrived at a tiny age of four and she put me onto the path for success in the Ring.

Although when she'd said, "find what you're good at, then find a way to make coin doing it." She likely didn't mean getting my butt kicked every sun cycle, but once I'd gotten good and I finally brought in my first coin from my first win, she finally came around to at least not give me grief about what I chose to do.

Unlike me.

"Tawny, you didn't go through West Bend again, did you?" I can see the guilt in her deep set topaz eyes.

"I was quick, and I survived, as you can see." She rolls her eyes, fanning a hand over herself and then tries to give me a Tawny grin that would back me off of my interrogation.

I cross my arms at her though. I'm not that easy. "That's not the point." I scold her, even though not only is she older but also much bigger both in height and mass than me. "We talked about this. You can't save everyone."

Her eyes narrow on mine and I already know what she's going say.

"Oh, that's great coming from the girl who just brought in a new boy herself." We both glance sidelong to where Mark is sitting on the edge of the ditch, sulking still. "As you'll notice, I didn't bring anyone back from West Bend."

Her mood shifts noticeably and I put a hand onto her wide bare shoulder.

"I know." I bow my head to her. "I'm sorry."

Tawny tries to make as many trips down to West Bend as she can. Besides the fact that it's the most dangerous place in the whole Ring, it's also the drop off site for those who no longer fit into the mold laid out by The Worthy in Utopia.

All that separates us from them is a mile of tar-like black mud pits, eight feet deep in some places. Perfection is what is required in Utopia, and if you fall from grace, you fall hard. Right into that mud.

For most, though it can be difficult, it isn't impossible to cross the mud divide at the drop off. But for others...

It was that very killer mud that Tawny saved me from. Children have the hardest time making it across and the depths of that mud pit hold many who weren't as lucky as me.

It's incredibly dangerous for Tawny to even be seen loitering in West Bend, but if she were to ever be caught by one of the many patrols that watch over that area actually going out into the drop off pits, they'd assume she was trying to escape and they'd kill her on the spot.

It's a risk she's willing to take though if it means she can save more children.

Any trip she makes without a successful rescue always weighs heavily on her.

"Let's just not talk about it." She sighs after a minute, then tilts my head up to look at her. "Well?" She forces a smile. "Did you get it?"

I know she's hiding her pain and I want her to talk to me about it, but my excitement at the little coin tucked away in my pockets makes me let it go this time. My smile stretches slowly across my face, making my eyes squint a little. "Yeah. I've finally got enough." I nod enthusiastically, but then my eyes stray around the ditch littered with little kids and even to Tawny, none of who have shoes on either. The mix of mud, dirt, and sand seemingly forever stuck to the soles of our weather hardened leathery feet almost like a part of our Ring uniform.

"You know, maybe-." I start but I'm quickly cut off with a wave of Tawny's hand.

"No." Her firm voice makes me clamp my jaw shut. "You have been saving up for a pair of shoes for years and tonight just so happens to be the secret market." She reminds me of the coincidence I hadn't even realized. "Every single time you've gotten close to having enough coin before, you end up giving it away or spending it on someone else. You never look out for yourself, and despite what they will teach you back in Utopia, its ok to be selfish sometimes."

She puts her hands on her hips and lifts her chin, waiting for me to argue.

"Yeah, but-." I try again but she isn't having it.

"But nothing this time, Mali! You already give over half of your earnings to help out Mr. Mags. It's time you do something for yourself and I don't want to hear another word about it."

She narrows her eyes, waiting for me to try again, but I don't.

The thought of being able to run faster without being stabbed with jagged rocks or being stuck with tiny sticks does sound nice. Plus, with shoes to protect my feet, I could be more productive in the fighting pits and bring back even more coin than before to help out around the Wallows.

"I guess so." I finally nod, the excitement creeping back up my spine again.

That night the darkness was cut wide open by the bright full shine of our star.

The secret market only takes place every second full star and I still don't know how the fact that that happened to be tonight, the same day I earned my final coin, had escaped my knowledge, but it was incredibly lucky.

I took this as just another sign that I should totally be doing this.

Slowly, and quietly, I sat up carefully from my mat, not wanting to wake any of the snoozing young ones around me. I wait another second, making sure I didn't wake anyone before lifting the top corner of my mat to expose the little hidden makeshift pocket Tawny had helped me sew on to hide my coin stash and I gingerly slid each dull coin out to slide into my vest pocket with the other.

"Be careful." Tawny's sleep filled voice filters out of the ditch as I edge out of the area.

I move in the shadows, staying vigilant for any handsy looking robbers as I skirt the edge of town, looking for the hole in the side of the storage area fence out behind the trading post.

I find it easily enough, and my size makes it even easier to creep in and blend into the wall as I scan over the small crowd. Different vendors are set up with their goods all over the small area, their things laid out on the dirt in front of them.

It's eerily quiet for there to be so many people, but the number one rule about the secret market is "never ask questions unless it's the price", so there isn't much talking to be done.

Quickly enough I spot Lady Star, that's not my nickname for her, that's literally what she wants people to call her. Without thinking I begin sliding through the small throngs of people, able to see the last dirty tan pair of fabric and hard bottomed shoes sitting right in front of her.

She smiles when she notices me coming and I pick up the pace until something shiny catches my eye to my left, making me stop in my path.

There is an actual table set up, the only one in the whole area, with all sorts of strange little knickknacks littering the top, but right in the dead center, laying on a piece of soft looking fabric is a stunning silver and blue pendant attached to an elegant looking delicate silver chain.

"Nice, isn't it?" A voice breaks into my one track thoughts, but I can't look away.

"Uh-huh." I mumble quietly.

Two dark tan hands scoop the necklace off of the table and I follow it with my eyes up to where a boy...no, a man...maybe a boy...holds it out for me. Any other time I'd probably be taken aback by his auburn hair swept over his dark brows, or the electric blue eyes set beneath them, but all I could see right now was that necklace.

"Touch it, Malikah."

My name whispered on the lips of this strange and mysterious stranger should have alerted me, but it didn't. My hand rose and crept towards the center stone on the pendant. I was mesmerized by the way the light of our star glittered on its surface.

I felt a pull inside of myself.

Something unexplainable calling to me to touch this stone.

Touch it, buy it, own it, wear it.

It was easily the most beautiful thing in all of the Ring and I couldn't fathom how no one else had bought it yet.

I hesitated with my fingers less than an inch away. My dirty hands weren't worthy of touching something so extraordinary.

"Go ahead, Malikah." The guy urges again. "It will look beautiful on you."

I can't hold back anymore.

My fingers touch the stone and the night is cut again by a bright blue light that shines out from the center of the stone, casting mine and this stranger's face in its glorious light that no one else seems to notice.

"What's happening?" I ask, finally able to look up at the stranger.

He's nearly as nice to look at as the necklace.

"Exactly what's supposed to happen." He whispers, warm cinnamon breath blowing across my face. I hadn't even noticed how close he was until now.

Logic and reason seem to ease back in suddenly and I back up, clenching my fist around the necklace and glaring at this stranger who has spoken to me twice by name.

"Who are you? Why do you know my name?" I demand from a good half a foot below his height.

"I'm Oliver, and I've been looking for you."