The slow parting of my eyelids allowed my retina to adjust to the lights above the bed. I scrubbed my palm over my face, wiping away any drowsiness that remained. After which, I took a survey of the room. Only to realize I wasn’t at my house, wasn’t in my bed, and worst of all, the body draped around mine wasn’t Cathy’s. 

‘Fuck! Why are you such a fuck up, Derek,’ I internally cursed myself. 

With caution, I untangled myself from the witch I called a girlfriend and slipped from the bed. She turned, and stretched, already missing the heat from my body. I grabbed the nearest pillow and rested it beside her. She noticed the new comfort and curled herself towards it. I blew out a silent breath, thanking the heavens it didn’t wake her.  

I didn't get it. How could someone so beautiful be so manipulative? Be so crazy? Sure, no one’s perfect but wasn't pretty people supposed to be sane? I thought older folks were supposed to have their shit together. It was like a hidden rule or something. 

My parents flashed to mind. They were always organized and so sure of themselves. Heck, I had never seen them argue. They were somewhat perfect. I didn’t expect any less from Lisa. She was a successful lawyer for crying out loud. Lawyers were always badass and organized aka have their shit together. So, what was wrong with Lisa? 

My fingers searched my pockets, ensuring I had everything. I didn’t even bother to cover Lisa before I departed her den. 

Outside, I was tempted to push the car a distance down the road to ensure safety before starting it up. At the last minute, I resisted the urge and got in the vehicle. Turning the key in the ignition, the vehicle came to life. The time glowed, ripping a full paragraph of expletives from my lips as I sped out the driveway. 

Not too long after, I was parking in my apartment complex. One of the many perks of driving at two in the morning. No traffic. 

My heart took a scuba dive once the vehicle died. I took two deep breaths with a, “Don’t worry, Derek. She’s not going to be awake.”

Even as the words left my lips, I knew they weren’t true. I could just see Cathy there, awaiting my arrival. She always did it. 

Mustering as much courage, I got out of the vehicle, and strolled into the elevator. 

Up I went to face my judgment. Out of the frying pan, into the fire. And, I was definitely feeling the heat. So much I had to loosen the top buttons of my shirt. Even my shoes got too tight.

The closer I got to the apartment, the higher my heart rate went. 

A shaky laugh left my lips.

 'Why are you so nervous, Derek?'

 It was not like I had to tell Cathy Lisa was pregnant. Lisa, herself wasn't sure. Why should I concern Cathy with news that wasn't a hundred percent accurate? It would be like giving out fake information. I was sure Cathy was already upset with me for staying out late again. I didn't want to add salt to injury. 

'Right, Derek, chill.'

The elevator dinged and all my self-preparation went out the door. I was so fucked. 

No, I could do this!

I dragged my feet to my apartment door. I hesitated for a slight second before turning the key in the lock, wincing at the loud click that came along with it. Slowly pushing the door ajar, I peeked inside. Satisfied the coast was clear, I kicked off my boots and tiptoed inside, gently closing the door behind me. 

I traveled deeper into the apartment, the heels of my feet barely touching the tiles. Now, I wished I had taken ballet classes. Those Ballard looked so comfortable on their toes all day it seemed like a walk in the park. Sure enough, being a master of the art would have done me wonders, especially right now. 

Through the living room, past the kitchen, I neared the staircase. A few steps up, my stomach betrayed me with an audible growl. A soft curse slipped out at not detouring to the kitchen. On a mission, I dismissed the sound, and continued up the steps, scanning for any signs of movement. 

Almost at the top now. I could taste the victory. 

“Derek? What are you doing?”

I jumped. My eyes squeezed shut. 

Fuck! Maybe if I ignored the sound she would disappear and I could escape. All I had to do was tell her I didn’t hear her when she asked about it tomorrow; that I was too tired. 

However, I paused for a second too long. 

“Derek?” she repeated. 

Damn it!

 A smile plastered on my lips, our eyes locked. There Cathy was, at the top of the stairs with her hands on her hips.

So busted. 

“I’m doing…ah…bed.” I bobbed my head, my throat getting too tight. 

She narrowed her eyes at me, then did the weirdest thing. She backed away from the stairs. “Okay.”

I resumed ascending the stairs. “Look, I know I stayed out late again which I promised I wouldn’t, but I…wait, what?”

An amused look played on her face. “I said it’s okay. After all, I didn’t expect you to leave Ms. Hooks while she’s ill.”

If you only knew. ‘And, she won’t know,’  an inner voice scolded. 

An uncertain laugh was released. I scratched the back of my head. “Yeah, right.”

At the top of the stairs, I zapped past her, afraid she would have sniffed out the truth. Sprinting to my room, I threw a glance over my shoulder before pushing the door shut. Grateful she hadn’t followed me. I leaned against it, praising my small success. 

Great. Derek, you did just fine.

With a satisfied grin and a light pat on my back, I whistled to the bathroom. 

Ten minutes later, I was fresh and clothed. 

My stomach once again argued to be fed. I was not quite sure when was the last time I ate. I decided to lessen the punishment by heading down to the kitchen. The worst decision I ever made; I walked right into Cathy again. And, again, I stopped short as the knowledge I'll be keeping something from her hit me like a ton of bricks. We would turn into one of those couples— not that we were a couple but still— that kept secrets and lied to each other. To be honest, that was fucking terrifying. Not to mention, Cathy hated secrets and lies. 

I shook my head. 

All I wanted to do was blurt out the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Nevertheless, I gracefully tried to pretend everything was normal. 

“Are you okay?” Cathy asked. Her brows knitted together. 

I swallowed and nodded. 

She accepted my answer and removed a plate from the microwave. I didn’t even see when she put it there. Gosh, she must have known I was coming down. I was just too predictable. After a long exhale, I sat around the counter. Without another word, she placed the plate in front of me, then returned to her plate. 

The chattering of forks and places consumed the room. 

“How is Lisa?” Cathy questioned in attempting to kill the silence. 

At the question, a worm of spaghetti slipped down my throat. I tried multiple swallows to get it down before my brain formulated, “She’s now sleeping.” My eyes never dared to stray from my meal.

“That’s good,” was Cathy's simple reply. She fetched me a cup of water which I took after a low thank you. 

Her plate appeared in my peripheral vision. “Did you eat at the restaurant?” 

She dug into the piece of cake. “Yeah, but nothing fancy, though.”

My lips tilted. A feeling of hope bubbled in my chest. Hope there could be an us one day, that she still needed me for something. 

Not so useless after all. 

If everything else went to shits that simple detail would keep me sane. 

“Are you finished?”

I cast a glance at my plate, immediately feeling sluggish. “Yeah.”

Cathy removed the plate and began washing up. 

“I'm going to bed, ” I resigned. 

“Hmmm.”

In slow strides, I was able to make it to my room. In the bathroom, my toothbrush was found. The cleansing ritual was done with the same effort. I felt numb, and my brain refused to shut down even after my head met the pillow. 

“It’s going to be okay, Derek. Just take it one second at a time,” I murmured. 

I wasn't going to lose Cathy. I used a condom with Lisa. Every time. I was going to be okay. 

A sigh left my lips and I turned on my side. 

I was not sure how long I laid there, but then my bedroom door swung open. The sound of feet padded on the tile came after, followed by a dip in the mattress. A hand and foot were then thrown over me. 

“She’s going to be alright,” was the intruder's reassuring words. 

I never made an attempt to move nor correct her. Lisa being okay was the least of my concerns. Instead, I squeezed my lids shut and prayed tomorrow would be a better day.