They asked me today about my feelings. About what I feel and what I go through. I gave myself a fraction of a moment to think. But then as quickly realized that there was nothing to think about. You are 24/7 on my mind, can I tell them about you? 

Honestly It's not like I feel nothing. But...I feel too much. Happiness, Anticipation, sadness, anger, Excitement, trust, surprise, disgust and Fear. I feel all of them. Slowly sweeping me away in it's velvety flow then arresting my mind, heart and soul into it's dynamic grip. Like a cherry blossom flower which flew due to the fast winds and fell into a nearby river, but quickly engulfed into the water.

But yes, I don't think I can relate these feelings to a place or event, but to a person. A person who is worthy enough not just of my words, but my thoughts too. A person who makes me feel that any coming day will be better than the one that passes. It will bring joy and success. I relate it to a person who makes me think about all the blessings I have gotten from my Lord. Whose very existence makes me smile, whose one word, No...one little action, as small as a sparkle in the eyes keeps me alive and wondering, thinking about the beauties this world possesses. I relate it to only one person.... YOU. Yes, I seriously do. All these raw emotions, all these succulent feelings, breakable as glass, yet strong as a stone itself, I relate it all to you. 

I always think that I shouldn't feel too much. As feeling too much can break you apart in so many ways you can't even think of. It crushes you to pieces, not attachable, not stable enough that you can rebuild yourself. I am scared of feeling too much about you. Really. But at the same time I  wonder that you cannot break me...after all, the one who put me back together cannot be my breaker? can he?

So I let me do it. Let me feel you. Let me enjoy you. Let me find happiness in you. I love it. Genuinely. Really. Kind of. Surely. Literally love this feeling which only comes from you. My feelings for you are like water in an ocean. Beautifully alluring. I let myself drown in you. Fully immersed into you. I cannot breathe, I am left gasping for air. A little pain is felt in the chest. I know that I cannot stay there for long. You can't live in water. Stay? yeah...but not survive. Neither can I. So I let myself drown. Drown until I know that the life is going out of me. Then I come out of you. I breathe again. Allow myself some air. Let the chest pain get less.

It's not that I don't want to die.

It's just that if I die today, I won't be able to drown myself into you again.

And I want to keep drowning myself into you.

Because it is only YOU, who can make pain seem like peace.

And at this point in life...I need peace the most.