AEIRYN

STARING at the man who was once the reason why my world was shuttered, was like staring at the pit of hell. I couldn't organize my thoughts. I was too fucked up.

The smoke totally subsided and I could clearly see his confused eyes.

"Let's go upstairs. May amoy pa rin ng usok dito," said Ryl as he grabbed my waist and guided me to walk upstairs.

We reached the balcony and I sat down opposite to where Tyron sat down while Ryl sat beside me.

I shifted my gaze at the stars thinking that I could organize my thoughts this way but I failed. Kahit sa iba ako nakatingin, pinakikiramdaman ko ang bawat galaw ni Tyrone.

"I thought you were gone for good, Ty. What made you come back?" It was Ryl breaking the silence.

Hindi ako lumilingon sa kanila pero ramdam ko na sa akin nakatingin si Tyron. Ramdam kong halos lusawin na ako ng titig niya.

"I thought the same thing too, bro. By the way, who is she . . . to you?"

Bigla na ang pagkabog ng dibdib ko nang marinig ko ang sinabi niyang iyon lalo na ang dulong tanong. It was like he was trying to trap me. Good work, Tyron. You didn't change.

"Oh, fuck. She's Lez, my—"

"His bodyguard," I said cutting Ryl off.

Hindi ko alam bakit ko iyon ginawa at kung anong intemsyon ko, but clearly . . . my intentions wasn't for me nor for Ryl. I was getting insane.

I was caught off-guard when Ryl suddenly reached for my chin and he forced me to shift my gaze towards his eyes.

"My bodyguard, my girlfriend, and . . . soon-to-be wife," he said direct to my eyes without any hesitation.

Bigla ay parang nawala si Tyron sa abot ng pakiramdam ko. At this moment, all I could see was Ryl, his intense stare and his mischievous smile.

Tyron took a huge a part of me before, pero sa mga oras na 'to, Ryl took the smallest spot while penetrating deeper. Hindi ko maintindihan ang pagkabog ng dibdib ko nang matindi. Pakiramdam ko may nagwawala sa loob ko, but I just couldn't figure out what was it.

"Sweet," said a voice that caught both of our attention.

Tumikhim ako kaya't inalis na ni Ryl ang pagkakahawak niya sa baba ko at bumaling kay Tyron. "I badly want her to feel that she's all I want just like what you did to that woman before," Ryl replied and I couldn't explain it but there was something more in that sentence.

"She's all I want too, Ryl. She's all I need and she's all I love."

Napalingon ako sa kaniya at nakita kong nakatitig na siya sa mga mata ko na para bang gusto niyang iparating sa akin na ako iyon . . . that woman they were talking about was me.

"That was too long ago, bro. By the way, how was Yula and your daughter?"

Mabilis kong inalis sa mga mata niya ang titig ko nang marinig ko ang tanong na iyon ni Ryl.

"Yula is doing just fine and as for Tamara, she's fully recovered and healed—"

"W–why!? What happened to Tammy?!"

I didn't expect myself to be this careless. I said those words without thinking.

"She's very much okay now," Tyron replied with an assurance.

I took a deep sigh with what I heard but the atmosphere suddenly became heavy.

Nilingon ko si Ryl at nakita kong nakatitig na siya ngayon kay Tyron. "How did you know her?" he asked in a very cold tone.

Tyron grin at Ryl before he spoke. "She's that woman, Ryl."

Gulantang ako sa isinagot ni Tyron kay Ryl at alam kong ganoon din di Ryl. Hindi ko inaasahan na bigla niyang aaminin ang lahat.

"She's the woman I betrayed and she's the woman I left. Your bodyguard, your girlfriend and your . . . soon-to-be wife, is the only woman I am willing to die for, bro. Ibabalik mo na ba siya sa akin?"

Bigla akong nilingon ni Ryl at tinitigan ako nang seryoso bago muling bumaling kay Tyron.

Akala ko ay magsasalita siya ngunit nagkamali ako. He reached for my right hand and took it. Pinakahigpit niya ang hawak niya roon na para bang wala na halos dumadaloy na dugo sa kamay ko.

"No wonder she's so damn broken, tarantado pala talaga ang nanakit sa kaniya. You can leave now, bro. Usap na lang tayo ulit sa susunod," ani Ryl kay Tyron saka siya tumayo at natangay rin ako patayo. "Ohh . . . as for your question if you could take her again? Die first, Tyron."

DALAWANG oras na ako sa ilalim ng shower at hindi ko pa rin magawang lumabas. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko haharapin si Ryl. Hindi ko pa alam anong sasabihin ko sa kaniya or where should I start?

Papatayin ko na sana ang shower nang makarinig ako ng pagbukas at sara ng pinto. Ililislis ko na ang shower curtain but the person behind it already did it for me.

My naked body was totally exposed in front of him and his wasn't even surprised. He was actually giving me cold stares.

Pinatay na muna niya ang shower at saka inabot niya ang tuwalya ko sa sabitan at ibinalot ito sa akin. Bahagya pa akong nagulat nang binuhat niya ako na tila bagong kasal nang matapos niya akong ibalot sa tuwalya at saka ako inilabas ng banyo.

Ibinaba niya ako sa walk-in closet nang tahimik pa rin siya bago niya inalis ang tuwalya at pinalitan niya iyon ng roba.

Iba ang kabog ng dibdib ko sa katahimikan niya. Iba ang kabog ng dibdib ko sa inaasal niya. Pakiramdam ko ay any moment, sasabog na siya.

Matapos niya akong suotan ng roba ay muli niya akong binuhat palabas ng walk-in closet at iniupo sa harap ng salamin. Kumuha siya ng isang maliit na tuwalya at saka niya sinimulang tuyuin ang buhok ko gamit iyon.

"I have a lot of question for you but I won't insist asking them if you're not ready. I once told you that your past do not matter to me and it is still my stand. I don't fucking care about your past with my brother," he said with a stern voice.

Bigla akong napahawak sa isang kamay niya na nagtutuyo ng buhok ko para lang huminto siya.

"W–what—"

"You're shaking," putol niya sa akin at saka kinuha ang kamay kong nakahawak sa kaniya. "Tyron Maximus Yue–Avillando is my half-brother. He's my mother's first child," aniya na lalo kong ikinagulat.

Nanginginig ako at hindi maipaliwanag ang kabiglaan na nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko mahanap ang mga salitang gusto kong sabihin at iparating. Nabablangko ako sa narinig ko.

Hindi pa nga kita lubusang kilala, Ryl . . . at maging si Tyron na inakala ko na lubusan ko nang kilala, hindi pa rin pala. How could I be this fucked up?

Inagaw ko ang kamay ko mula sa pagkakahawak niya. Tumayo ako, hinarap ko siya at tinitigan sa mga mata. "I am your brother's mistress. I am the one who took him from his wife—Yula, and from his daughter—Tamara. I took the father of a happy family because I am selfish. I prioritized my own happiness back then I and don't regret what I did. Ngayon mo sabihin na mahal mo 'ko, na tanggap mo 'ko, na ako pa rin, Ryl? Paano mo 'kong tatanggapin? I am the reason why your niece had her heart broken because of her cheating father, and I am the very reason why your brother cheated on his wife. Paano mong tatanggapin—Hmpppppp!"

HE KISSED ME!

Pinilit kong kumawala, pinilit ko siyang itulak, pero hindi ako nagtagumpay . . . o baka hindi ko talaga pinilit.

His kisses went deeper and more aggressive. I didn't want to respond. I wanted him to pull off so I could talk and tell him how unworthy of person I was but I failed. His kisses was so captivating that I almost forgot everything. I responded with the same intensity.

We were both gasping for air when we pulled off.

Tinitigan niya ako sa mga mata bago niya sinakop ng mga kamay niya ang magkabilang pisngi ko.

"Tanggap pa rin kita, walang makakapagpabago n'on. I still love you, it's you I want, and it will always be you, Aeiryn Lez. No amount of your past could ever change how I feel. No amount of anger could ever erase this feeling. No amount of doubt could ever pull me away from you. Mahal kita sa sarili kong paraan. I love you and your past. I love you and your emotional baggages."

Napakagat-labi ako sa narinig ko mula sa kaniya maging sa sinseridad ng mga mata niya.

"What you and my brother had in the past has nothing to do with you and me in the present, dahil kung nandoon ako sa nakaraan mo . . . I will never let you have your heart broken. I will protect you at all cost and with all my might."

I was melting. This was the first time I ever felt this way . . . na para bang napakahalaga ko na kahit ang nakaraan ko ay hindi mababago ang nararamdaman niya.

Ramdam ko na may namumuong luha sa mga mata ko at ayaw kong makita niya na pumatak ang mga iyon kaya't itinapon ang katawan ko sa kaniya para yakapin siya nang sobrang higpit.

"T–thank you for loving me this way. Thank you, Ryl. Hindi ko alam kung paano mo nagagawang intindihin ako o kung paano mo nagagawang maintindihan ang sitwasyon na pinanggalingan ko without judgement."

Inilayo niya ako sa kaniya saka marahang hinaplos ang pisngi ko. "You don't have to thank me, Lez. I once told you that I'll make you fall for me, so . . . I am just doing my assignment. I'll make you go crazy about me as I go crazier about you."

Umumang siya sa noo ko at hinalikan ako roon. Dahil hindi ko alam ang iaakto ko ay isinandal ko ang ulo ko sa dibdib niya saka ko siya niyakap sa may baywang.

"Your brother was my first in everything, Ryl, and I don't want you to feel inferior over—"

"He's not your first in everything, Lez," putol niya sa akin kaya't napaangat ako ng ulo ko mula sa pagkakasandal at tiningala siya. I saw his serious eyes. "I was the one who took your virginity at the bar the first time we met. He may be your first in everything, but only I, myself, was the first to take your most precious thing. And one more thing, babe . . ." He smiled. ". . . you love me and you're going crazy about me, doon pa lang ay lamang na lamang na 'ko."

My eyes widened as I heard what he just said.

He knows.

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