AEIRYN

WALKING down the open field of coconut trees while looking at Ryl supervising his workers absolutely gave me a dying boredom.

"Dumating na ba ang mga pabinhi?" he asked the man wearing a cap.

Hindi ko napigilan ang paniningkit ng mga mata ko nang bigla na lamang mautal ang lalake sa isasagot nito kay Ryl.

I immediately pulled my gun from my back pocket and held it without them noticing it.

"M–may dumating po, Sir Ryl. A–ang problema p–po ay ang mga fertilizer. N–ni-reject po ni Amy dahil p–puro po extender," utal-utal na wika nito na lalo kong pinagdudahan.

Biglang bumaling sa akin si Ryl at agad nanlaki ang mga mata niya nang mabalingan niya ang hawak kong baril. Agad tuloy akong napasauli ng baril sa likod ko.

Lumakad siya papalapit sa akin at tiningnan ako nang matiim sa mga mata. "What are you doing, babe?" he asked in a very serious tone.

"I'm just being alert. Danger could be everywhere," sagot ko naman sa kaniya saka ko pa itinaas ang isang kilay ko.

Bigla niyang binasa ng dila niya ang pang-itaas niyang labi saka namaywang sa harapan ko. "Babe, you're the most dangerous person for me right now. First, you are holding a gun, second, you are holding my heart. Kung mayroong may kakayahang dumurog sa akin, ikaw lang 'yon at wala ng iba," aniya at bigla ang naging kabog ng dibdib ko.

I was now torn between ipupukpok ko ba itong gun sa head niya or I'll turn my back at him because I could feel my damn cheeks burning.

I chose the latter.

Lalakad na sana ako pabalik ng mansyon nang bigla na lamang niya akong hawakan sa braso at marahan na iniharap sa kaniya.

"Where are you going?"

"I–I'm thirsty!" alibi ko and mukhang hindi niya balak na bilhin iyon dahil nginisian niya ako.

"You don't look like thirsty to me, babe. Uhaw sa mga labi ko, puwede pa," buwelta niya at sinamaan ko siya ng tingin ko pero hindi ko pa rin talaga mapigilan ang unti-unting pamumula ng mga pisngi ko.

"So conceited, Lawson," singhal ko at nakita ko kung paano mas lumawak ang pagkakangisi niya.

"You're giving me enough reason to be one, babe. Just imagine, I could make the mighty Aeiryn Lez Ricafort blush with my words. Now I'm pretty wondering, can I make you blush too when you are . . . at the peak of your climax?"

There, the nasty rancher just came out of its shell again.

"Shut your mouth—"

"You used to fight me back with your own nasty words, babe. What happened now?" he asked in a teasing tone.

Puwede bang sa kaniya ko na talaga ipukpok itong baril na hawak ko? Couldn't he feel that from the day that I felt something towards him I started to change myself? Nakakapikon. I was trying to behave and here he was, trying to provoke the demon out of me again!

"Come with me," utos ko sa kaniya at saka ko na muna tinapunan ng masamang tingin ang lalaking naka-cap.

Siya naman talaga ang reason at ang pagiging utal niya kaya nandito ako sa sitwasyon na ito ngayon. The innocent being with a shuttered voice. Siguraduhin niyang hindi siya traydor, dahil talagang gagawin ko siyang pulbos.

NAKAUPO ako ngayon dito sa may veranda at siya naman ay nakatayo habang nakatitig sa akin.

"What do you want to talk about?" basag niya sa katahimikan sa pagitan namin.

"Your unbelievable love for me," sagot ko sa kaniya at nakita kong kumunot ang noo niya sa akin na para bang hindi siya makapaniwala with the question I just asked.

Humakbang siya papalapit sa akin at medyo nagulat pa ako nang yumukod siya para pagtapatin ang mga mukha namin na tipong kalahating dangkal na lang ang pagitan. This man has a pool of surprises that you could get drowned into if you're not knowledgeable enough to swim and go with the flow.

"What about it?" aniya at pinagbangga ang tungki ng mga ilong namin. "Do I have to do something extreme for you to believe how much crazy I am for you?" dagdag pa niya.

I AM NOT FUCKING BREATHING FOR DAMN'S SAKE!

I pushed him a little and he chuckled. "Stop teasing me, Lawson. I am asking you seriously!"

He shrugged his shoulder and sat down in front of me.

"I was just nineteen back then, Mom asked me to stay and study abroad. She threw me out without me knowing that she did that to take me out of the scene of her betrayal towards my father. I obeyed her thinking it was the most convenient thing to do but I was wrong. Dad died while I was away. Nalaman ko rin na namatay siya while Mom was having an affair with Dad's bestfriend. I was so damn out of my mind, so when I heard that your university was in need of an exchange student, I volunteered myself without Mom's approval. Naglagi ako sa Pilipinas. I was a broken person. I was shattered. I was out of my own soul but you . . . you became my safe haven, my escape, without you actually knowing it."

Hindi ko halos ma-absorb ang mga narinig ko mula sa kaniya. Naiintindihan ko pero hindi sapat para maunawaan ko nang husto.

"Care to elaborate? Hindi ko ma-gets ang point. How did I become your safe haven? Like . . . how?"

He stared at my eyes for quite a while before he finally spoke. "It was when I saw you got betrayed by your own lover. What was his name again? PJ? Peter? Paul? I don't even want to remember his name, such a fucking ass," aniya at bahagya akong nagulat.

He was really there.

"It was Paul Jassen," I replied and he gave me a more serious look.

"Oh, that's the fucker's name? Not even worthy to remember," he replied in a nasty tone.

"Nagseselos ka ba?" I asked out of nowhere. "I just have this feeling na you're nagseselos, Ryl—"

"No, I'm not, Lez, huwag mong ipilit. I'm actually mad. I'm fucking mad na kahit na ilang taon na ang nakalipas ay gusto ko pa rin na iganti ka," putol niya sa akin at dinig ko sa boses niya ang kaseryosohan. "I don't quite get it. Paanong nagagawang ibasura ng iba ang gustong alagaan at mahalin ng iba?"

"Hindi mo 'ko biglaang mamahalin just because of that reason, Ryl. You fell for me just because you saw me broke—"

"I didn't fall for the broken you, that's out of the context. Sa 'yo mismo ako nahulog. I fell for your strength, for your weak side, the way I saw how you dealt with your brokenness, and your mindset," muli niyang putol sa akin at kung may mas isisinsero pa ang mga mata niya, siguro ay ito na 'yon. "I even told myself, we're so much opposite. You don't escape the pain, you face it. You don't run, you fight back. Ang layo ko sa 'yo. At first, ang iniisip ko ay gusto lang kita dahil ang mga katangian na hinahanap ko para sa sarili ko ay nasa iyo, but as time went on, I could no longer get you out of my mind. Pasikreto kitang pagmasdan at tingnan. Sa bawat laban mo sa volleyball events, nandoon ako. I was silently supporting and cheering for you. Ginusto kong magpakilala sa 'yo at sabihin ang intensyon ko sa 'yo pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. I told myself that . . . haharap lang ako sa 'yo kapag buo na ulit ako , kapag hindi ko na nakikita ang mga kakulangan ko sa sarili ko sa 'yo, at kapag . . . kaya na kitang harapin. I was a coward, Lez, so I went back to the States. I fixed myself."

I took a deep sigh before I spoke. "And?"

"It was fate who brought us together. The bar scene? I never expected that. Hindi ko inakala na sa muling pagkikita natin, ganoon ang mangyayari. Honestly, I searched for you, I asked a lot of your former classmates about you but no one could provide your information. My private investigators failed. Nawalan na ako noon ng pag-asa na muli kang makita, but then again . . . maybe you are really meant for me."

"Ryl . . . how did you not know about me? Tyron is your brother. You surely had an idea that he was having an affair."

There, I finally had the courage to ask the question I'd been dying to ask since our conversation started.

Ryl smiled at me, a sad one.

"We may be brothers, but his businesses are all his businesses alone. Hindi ko kahit na kailan pinakialaman ang buhay niya. I never ask about his life not unless my question will be about Tamara. How about you, Lez, how did you not know about me when you are insanely in love with my brother?" he asked me back and this time I had no idea what to answer.

Ibinaling ko sa iba ang tingin ko dahil wala talaga akong maisip na maaari kong isagot sa kaniya.

"Did you only fall for him and never ask for things that were needed to be asked?"

"Siya lang naman ang mahal ko at hindi ko nakikitang kailangan ko pang kilalanin ang iba," I replied in a cold tone. "I knew what I did was wrong. Hindi ko sinabing tama ang kumabit but I was blinded by love back then that my whole universe revolves around him alone."

But the truth was, Tyron never mentioned his family aside from Yula and Tamara. Tyron never mentioned that he has a brother . . . that his mom is still alive. I thought I knew him, but I only knew a part of him. Mataas lang talaga ang pride ko para isipin na kilala ko na siya dahil sa ipinapakita niyang pagmamahal, kahit ang totoo ay hindi pa.

Nagulat ako nang bigla na lamang siyang tumayo kaya napabaling ang atensyon ko sa kaniya.

Tumungo siya sa harapan ko at sa pagkabigla ko ay binuhat niya ako mula sa pagkakaupo ko at iniupo ako sa pasimano ng veranda bago niya inilagay ang kaliwang kamay niya gilid ko at ang kanan naman ay nakahapit sa baywang ko.

"You may did something terrible in your past but that doesn't define who you are right now, babe."

Pinaningkitan ko siya ng mata bago ako nagsalita. "Are you going go ask me to have sex with you? You're indirectly praising me, Ryl Lorenzo. Sanay ako sa mga ganiyang galawan," supalpal ko sa kaniya pero imbes na ngumisi at mapikon siya ay bigla niya akong nginitian nang ngiting gugustuhin mong paulit-ulit na mahulog sa kaniya.

Iniumang niya ang mga labi niya patungo sa punong tainga ko saka bumulong. "You may see yourself as a homewrecker, a whore or anything synonymous but I don't see you and I have never see you that way."

"W–why?"

"Whores, homewreckes, and sluts tend to offer their bodies to their lovers but you never gave yourself to Tyron . . . ako kasi ang una, kasi sa akin ka lang dapat mapunta. If you're a homewrecker, then why was I the one who got the homerun? You are pure, my Aeiryn Lez. You just fell for the wrong person before, but it will never be same anymore."

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