Chapter One

Captain, the Ship Appears to be Sinking

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Yearning was not a foreign sensation, nor was it ever wanted. Thoughts of family (of missed birthdays and graduations and fun and laughter and life) drifted through his mind at moments where they were not needed. Laying a hand on Pidge's shoulder whilst beating down a boss caused his mouth to droop downward as memories of a younger –smiling, always smiling- brother swarmed him. Feeling free as he flew through the air, Blue humming in joy alongside him, made him sigh with nostalgia of an elder sibling -eyes so kind and knowing- swinging him through the air.

However, they, his family, were safe. He made sure no harm would come to them -always checking the star system to check their color change, and lo and behold, he has not yet failed in steering danger away from their direction.

But something was wrong.

Shiro was not safe.

Shiro was gone.

With the short amount of time the paladins had been together, Lance felt they had grown closer as the feeling of death around every corner crept in on all sides. Because of this, it was not long for Lance to feel that they were becoming like family- people able to come together and make the best memories (of flying, of food fights, of life) and yet-

This makeshift family had already been broken because-

Shiro was not safe.

Shiro was gone.

He couldn't help but feel responsible. That was maybe irrational, yes. Dumb, probably; however, feelings of inadequacy never failed to cling to him and bring him further down into the depths of sadness. This was not only due to thoughts of regret (if only he shot more, if only he flew faster, if only –he could have been the one to be taken-) but also something he was ashamed to admit.

Shiro was not safe.

Shiro was gone.

But Lance didn't feel that rippling pain of his heart being taken with him. He was never that close to Shiro, compared to the relationship between Pidge and Shiro or Shiro or Keith, and a part of him couldn't help but feel envious to those who were tightknit to his hero- the legend (the Champion). That's not to say he didn't feel the loss of presence or the sadness. To the contrary, the lack of command (the robot without its head), the loss of stability, and the absence of calm only allowed for a big dish of anxiety to be served to Lance because-

Shiro was not safe.

Shiro was gone.

And he took so much with him, leaving only confusion and weeping hearts.

Lance tried to fill that gap. Not to replace Shiro (was that even possible? Lance had always been following the backs of those better than him –Shiro, Keith- but to even think Lance could take command was laughable) or anything, but seeing Pidge drill themselves into a chair with fingers glued onto keys and eyes that were more red than white nowadays hurt. Watching Hunk fiddle with trinkets or different recipes wasn't as exciting anymore as steady hands were replaced with shaking ones. Allura didn't seem to feel the loss so much (What was one life compared to her entire race?); however, Lance could spot the far off look, the dazed expression of not knowing where to go from here. Coran tried his best; he was still the loud and warm man they all enjoyed but his happiness could not catch all of the tears their hearts had shed. And one person seemed to shut down and crumble the most. Long gone was the Keith of instinct. He seems to have been replaced with a robot only good to train and only programmed with one feeling: anger.

Anger because-

Shiro was not safe.

Shiro was gone.

And Keith was useless a second time as he watched his brother vanish from his life.

And Lance moved to patch the leaks. He brought food to Pidge's table and carried him to bed, tucking the blankets under his chin and placing a soft kiss into his hair (like his mother used to-). He would later tell him that he was tired and Lance would lay onto Pidge, much to the other's chagrin, but Lance was never pushed away and instead, rough yet small hands set courses in his hair. His steady hands (the same ones that stilled a sniper) gripped shaking ones and told Hunk to just breathe ("Hey buddy, can you tell me three things you see? Hmm- yes, I know I'm pretty, Hunk, but something other than me- okay, how about two smells? Oh yeah, I found this lemon smelling-"). Allura was nice to talk to. Her openness was refreshing to Lance as he watched her eyes light up when they watch the mice. He watched frown as his flirting did not amuse her one bit. He watched her fists clench as she spoke about her plans for the Galra. However, as of yet, he has not seen her smile since –

Shiro was not safe.

Shiro was gone.

See, the thing about Allura was that she used her entire body to smile. He would know, as that was one of the things that made her so attractive. Her eyes would grow smaller as cheeks pushed to accommodate the wide smile that had taken up most of her face. Her body would relax, her shoulders would shake with mirth, and her right hand would grip her thigh in order to stop her body from falling. Lance made it a mission to see her let loose, but until then he was satisfied with shakes of the head and the tilt of her lips ("Braiding? You know how to do that?" "Don't look so surprised, princess. Back in the day, all the girls would want my oh-so-talented hands." "Lance." "Alright alright, okay I learned when my sisters-").

Keith, on the other hand, was a whole different matter. Never wanted to talk, never wanted to hang out, never wanted company unless it was the form of a bot. If the conditions were met and a person passed, then preparations for the drive of Keith's sword through the chest must be made. All metaphors aside, nobody on the ship could get him to take better care of himself and the only person who could-

Lance wasn't going to finish that thought. He just needed to keep trying, simple as that. Keith had a right to be angered. Shiro was the close to him and Keith did not open up to just anyone (so of course it had to be Shiro from the Land of the Perfect). His brother was gone and Lance could not imagine what it felt like to go through not once, but twice now.

But that did not excuse his behavior at the moment.

"Keith? Keith! What the quiznak are you doing?" Lance turned right with the controls, Blue flying in that direction, just narrowly missing Keith as he flew too close. Lance cursed in Spanish under his breath as the move left him open to two more fighter pilots. A couple of ticks and shots later, the coast became clear.

Keith's voice rang out through the coms in reply. "Saving your ass. Maybe if you weren't too slow I wouldn't have to." Arrogance dripped off his every word, clouded with anger -hurt- maybe, but Lance was too rattled to care.

"What? You just- You are- Argh!" Lance took a large breath to steady his breathing and stopped the rapid pounding in his chest.

Lance mused that Keith was never fully filled with anger before. A shocking thought, but not any less true. He was quick to action, acting swiftly and riding on gut feelings, yet that was never a bad thing. Truthfully, that's what made him a good fighter and drove him to do the right thing. His anger then made things clear; they let Keith fight with stronger hits, with a clearer mind, and a better flight plan. Now, it only made him blind. It clouded his thoughts as he swung too wide, as he flew too close, as he rushed in too fast without taking heed of the team's warnings.

Lance wouldn't be too mad if it wasn't putting the rest of the team at risk. Formations were left with gaping blind spots as Keith left on his own, left them all behind just like he left- (just like he left the Garrison and Lance rose only because of that). Lance tried not to take it to heart, but he was saddened that Keith didn't feel close enough to anyone on the ship, to let them in and help Keith with his emotions until Shiro was found.

And he would be.

Lance would make sure of it.

But right now, Keith was a priority. He was hurting, he was confused, he was- well, Lance didn't know exactly what he was. He would not know until Keith opened up and told him (unlikely as that was, though it wouldn't damper him from trying).

Sighing as his hand rubbed his sore shoulder, Lance hopped out of Blue and walked leisurely to the lounge area. They always met there after an attack (whether on them or by them) and it was always the time for debriefing. They met for a discussion on what went right, what went wrong, and what they could change to better the mission or the defenses.

Nobody really said anything when they walked into the room, only that four out of five paladins sat down with a collective groan (Coran would be included, but he was busy with repairs down in the engine room). Allura and Keith stood, both firm and both unyielding in their gaze.

"Paladins, I am quite happy to say that this is yet another planet agreeing to aid the coalition." Hands clasped in front of her, Allura stood looking as regal as ever. "Let's keep up the good work."

Keith scoffed, arms crossed and with his scowl seemingly stitched upon his lips. Lance thought to himself he couldn't stitch something better himself. He watched Keith situate himself on the couch beside him, far away from the standing princess.

"Something to add Keith?" Allura asked in a challenging tone. Lance mused that she usually wasn't this openly hostile, but the tightness around her eyes screamed a lack of sleep.

"Just wondering why," Keith spat, "why we aren't out there looking for Shiro?"

Allura drew in a tired breath. "As I have said before, the more planets we liberate, the better chances we have of finding Shiro as doing so would accumulate eyes and ears on the lookout."

Hunk nodded. "Sounds like a good plan. I mean, we can't just search every planet in every system in every galaxy."

"So we're just going to liberate every planet in every system in every galaxy?" Pidge chimed in, hands moving to right his glasses.

Lance shrugged, making a slight sound of agreement. "Good one Pidge. But the princess wouldn't choose this plan if she didn't think it was the best course to find Shiro." Losing confidence with all eyes on him, he shakenly smiled Allura's way, "Right? Allura?" He was met with silence. "Allura?" He said a little more quietly.

"Lance..." She started, but quickly shook her head and sucked in a deep breath. "Actually, I've been meaning to tell all of you something; there has just never been an appropriate moment."

"No..." Lance peered over at Keith whose scowl became more prominent.

"I believe it is time to start looking for someone to pilot the Black-"

"No!" Surprisingly –and maybe not so surprisingly- it wasn't Keith who yelled out in outrage, but Pidge who stood up, chest heaving, and fists clenched at his side. "That's bullshit!" He yanked his hand away from Hunk's to take a step towards the princess.

Allura looked taken aback, never quite seeing this look on the Green Paladin's face. "Pardon?"

Keith's narrowed eyes raised goosebumps on Lance's spine. "What he's telling is that, your plan is void. It's invalid. There's no way we're just- replacing!- Shiro when he's still out there, waiting for us to rescue him. It hasn't even been a week and you're just tossing him aside as if he's dead."

"And unlike yours, Allura," Pidge took in a strangled breath and turned to walk away, "my family is still alive and waiting for me."

Silence met his words.

Hunk stood up abruptly. "I'm sorry princess, but Pidge probably needs someone right now." With a nod towards Lance, he followed the stewing Holt.

Lance watched him leave and turned back to face the princess. "Allura, don't-" He was struck dumb as she had already left. He sighed, shaking away the hurt, and turned to look Keith over- "Keith..." -only to find him gone as well. In fact, it seemed he was the only one left in the room.

And he would be lying if he said he didn't feel this loss.

Chapter One End

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