He'd been a good kid. Brendon had first met Dallon not long into his relationship with Spencer, though nothing actually happened between them until Spencer had declared their first 'off' phase.

Technically it wasn't cheating, technically it was just Brendon moving between Dallon and Spencer whenever he pleased, the latter not even knowing that the former existed. And Brendon was a good liar, he was an excellent liar, because even in the public eye and all, he kept Dallon as his big, sinful secret.

And Dallon was perfect; young, ambitious, open to try any sort of consensual sexual act that Brendon wanted to experiment with. The complete opposite of Spencer, who was a 'get married, settle down, have kids' type of guy, despite the fact that Brendon clearly was not that and Brendon clearly did not want that, not until he was forty at least.

Brendon's only regret was getting him involved in the first place; if he'd never thought it a good idea to cheat on Spencer then maybe Dallon would still be alive.

At least, that's what he thought as he lay on the spot where Dallon and Spencer's parents were buried, after storming away from Ryan yet again. He lay on his front, cheek pressed against the dirt that was being dampened by yet more rain, his clothes soaked through. He had dirt in his fingernails and tears on his face, and he just wanted it all to be over.

"I thought I'd find you here."

He didn't have to look up to know that Ryan was there, and his heart sank. He did not want to see Ryan right now. He didn't want to see anyone.

"Bet this isn't the first time you've seen me with a filthy face, huh?" He mumbled, hearing Ryan laugh as he sat beside him.

"That's true. It's a different kind of filth though, right?"

Brendon snorted. "I suppose so, yeah."

There was a pause. "Listen, B, I -"

"I don't want to talk about it." He said, his voice muffled by dirt. "Sarah told me that Spencer's in a coma. Everyone hates me. I - I - how is it possible to be hurt this way and still have everyone hate you?"

Ryan reached out and stroked the younger's sodden hair, ignoring the grumble that came from him. "I'm sorry." He whispered, his voice lost in the rain. "I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen."

"But it fucking happened, didn't it."

"Brendon, please -"

"Spencer might die, and Dallon is dead...because of me."

Ryan hesitated, trying to think of something to say that wasn't related to this, and he sighed. "When's your next shoot?"

"I'm quitting."

It came like a punch to the gut. "You're what?!"

"I can't do it anymore. I give up. I don't want to be a pornstar anymore."

"But Brendon -"

"My entire life, for nearly seven years, has been dictated by sex and making people come and being messed around with to the point where I don't know who I am anymore. I don't want to do it, Ryan." He rolled onto his back, allowing the model to see, for the first time, his tear-stained, dirt-smeared face, and maybe Ryan loved him, maybe Ryan cared about him, but it was too late now. "I'm quitting pornography."

Ryan exhaled slowly and laid beside him, taking his hand. "If it makes you happier -"

Brendon turned his head to face him, and fixed him with a blank look. "The only thing that will make me happier is leaving."

~

Ryan followed him home through the rain, trying and failing to get his attention. It seemed as though Brendon was set in his decision, and no matter how many times Ryan grabbed his hand, he wasn't going to let the beautiful treacherous model persuade him to stay. Or, worse, let him go with him.

"Brendon, please!" Ryan begged, following the younger upstairs to his room. "You don't have to leave, just -"

"Why would I stay in a town where nobody wants me?!"

"I want you -"

"Stop lying to me, Ryan! All you've ever done is lie! You know what? I was actually beginning to fall in love with you!" He looked the model up and down in disgust. "Now I can see I was wrong."

Ryan was stunned into silence. "But Bren-"

"Just go!"

A few seconds passed, and then Ryan left, hearing Brendon break down into sobs just as he closed the bedroom door. He felt so guilty. If he could turn back time and change it all, he would, he'd make it so that they'd never even met.

The tables had turned. Brendon was the one with the hatred, and Ryan was the one that had fallen in love. It made for a pitiful sight, as the elder wandered towards his home, sorrow on his shoulders like a shroud. He hated the way things had turned out, not only for himself, but for Brendon, too. And Dallon, and Spencer. And everyone else.

Meanwhile, Brendon was haphazardly throwing everything into duffel bags, trying in vain to wipe the tears away. He'd never cried this much. Not over guys. Crying over guys was stupid, especially the ones he knew.

He tossed one full duffel bag onto the floor and picked up another one, opening drawers and shoving anything and everything in the bag. He had to get out of here. He hated this town and everyone in it, much like they hated him. Not even his fucking parents wanted him around these days.

He still had Jon's keys. He could still take the car. He could still leave. Just without Ryan.

He didn't know how to feel about this.

In all honestly, he hated himself now more than ever. He wasn't one for self-pity, what with being so conceited he could put Kanye West to shame and all, but he couldn't help but believe that what had happened was his fault.

He snorted to himself, zipping up the second bag. Nah. This was Spencer's fault. This was what Spencer wanted. And now Spencer was in hospital. Karma, huh?

Footsteps on the stairs made him freeze, and all of a sudden he was being spun around and kissed within an inch of his life. The kiss was ferocious and full of desire, and once he realised it was Ryan he found himself kissing back, but only for a moment.

He pulled away, shaking his head. "I told you to go, Ry, I -"

"No." Ryan said, clenching his fists. "I want to fix this. I want to fix us. I don't want to leave you thinking that you hate me."

"I don't think you -"

"Can't we just talk about this? Like, I don't know, go for a drive or something? Get out of here?"

His eyes pleaded with Brendon's, needing him to say yes. He just wanted to at least make some of what he'd done up to him. In the end, he was going to let Brendon leave, if that was what he really wanted, but he couldn't let him go without telling him how he felt. He just didn't want Brendon to be hurt anymore.

Brendon exhaled grudgingly, dragging a hand down his face. "Fine." He said, pushing past the model and heading downstairs.

Ryan followed, and together they got into Jon's car, Brendon driving, and they sped off town the road. Nothing was said for a full ten minutes, but they could both see the sun dipping below the horizon. There weren't many hours left in the day, not to mention that it was raining. Ryan didn't have long. Brendon was as stubborn as it got.

"I'm sorry. I know you're probably sick of hearing this but I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry. If I'd known that whatever the fuck Spencer had been planning would get this far, I would never have agreed to do it."

"Why did you agree then?" Brendon snarled, his grip tightening on the steering wheel.

"Because - because - I don't know, I guess I'd had enough of the way you treated people."

"I barely did anything to you." He flicked the lights on, the windshield wipers, going way above the speed limit as they slipped out of town. "I fucked up with Spencer and I fucked up with D-Dallon, but with you..."

"I know, I just - I don't know, they confronted me about it and -"

"Don't make yourself the innocent party here, Ryan Ross." He glanced at the model, who sighed. "Just don't."

Ryan hung his head, his hands knotting in his lap. "I'm sorry."

He slammed on the brakes in the middle of nowhere, nearly sending them both through the windscreen. "For the love of Pete, would you stop apologising! I don't want to hear those worthless words from your mouth! For all I know, they're just more lies!"

"Well you won't let me explain, so -"

"I don't want to let you explain! It's just gonna be horseshit, just like everything else you say!" He hit his fists against the steering wheel, face flushed with frustration. "You don't understand what it's like, do you?"

"If you won't tell me, if you won't let me at least try and fix this, then how am I supposed to -"

"The person I thought I loved betrayed me. He used me. He stabbed me in the back. How the fuck do you think that makes me feel?"

"I never used you -"

"People I thought cared about me turned their backs and pushed the knife further in as they did so, making sure I was well and truly alone."

"Y'know," Ryan sat straighter, getting tired of this shit. "Sarah was right. You're being a selfish pussy bitch and not giving a shit about what started this. If you hadn't -"

"No, Ryan," he prodded the elder in the chest. "if you hadn't decided that you were going to wreck my life, then we wouldn't be here."

"Oh, really, then how about -" he froze, his eyes widening at the sight through Brendon's window. "Bren-"

"It wasn't my idea to go on some stupid revenge spree, was it?"

"Brendon."

"It wasn't my idea to think 'oh, I'm gonna lie to his face'!"

"Brendon!"

"I'm not the one who lied and cheated and -"

"Brendon, move the car!" Ryan screamed, and Brendon turned his head, seeing the truck too late.

He'd barely gotten his foot on the accelerator before it hit them.

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