"Did you use lube?"

Ryan spluttered, staring at Dallon as if he'd just announced he was part-elephant. "How can that be your most important question?!"

"Just answer it!"

He blushed. "No."

"That must've hurt."

"Brendon likes that sort of thing." Spencer piped up, chin-in-hand. "He's weird."

"Yes, but -"

Dallon waved a hand, effectively shutting him up. "Okay, whatever. We now know that Ryan knows fuck-all about sex." Ryan opened his mouth to protest, but the younger continued. "Anyway, the next step: Brendon's favorite thing is oral." The model grimaced. "The one way to get him to really like you is to give him a really good blowjob."

"No."

"C'mon, Ry - you've already had sex with him."

"Exactly!"

"And you didn't even use lube."

"We were in a rush!"

"Lube, dude!"

"Don't question my life choices!"

Dallon and Ryan's eyes met in a comic kind of standoff, at which Spencer rolled his own eyes, more amused than anything. He sighed before nudging Dallon, knocking him out of it, and when the younger looked towards him, he pointed at the door.

Ryan looked too, seeing a woman stood there, arms folded. Her hair was black and it tumbled over her shoulders, and she was very, very attractive. Definitely someone he'd go for, if he were straight. She was wearing the most clothes he'd ever seen on a woman, because the women he were accustomed to seeing were either the 'that'll be fifty dollars please' kind, or the 'let's see how much I can drink before I pass out' kind.

"No, by all means, carry on." She said, gesturing towards Dallon and Ryan, and the latter recognised her voice as the one that had called the supposedly emergency meeting. "Seems like our little glamour model here has got some issues."

"Ryan, this is Sarah." Spencer said, as she sat down on his other side, leaving Ryan with three pairs of eyes on him and the worst uncomfortable feeling in his chest. He'd prefer to be back at Brendon's by far, the post-sex euphoria encouraging them to watch a movie or two, or even some porn, which was more Brendon's style. And he couldn't believe his thoughts, because preferring Brendon's to this was surely a crime in itself. "She's a victim of Brendon's, too."

"I prefer the term ex-girlfriend, but we'll go with yours if you wish." She rolled her eyes, pushing her hair back.

"In all honesty," Ryan said, laughing shakily. "I'm really not surprised."

She flashed Spencer and Dallon a smile. "See? He's learning."

Spencer glanced towards the ceiling in one of those 'fucking hell' glances, before tapping his fingers on the table. They were gathered at the house Spencer shared with his parents, only said parents were in Italy, so Spencer could do what he liked for now - which was plotting against his ex, it seemed.

"So you finally did it, then." He said, and Ryan nodded. "Didn't think you had it in you."

"Well technically I didn't, Brendon had it in him, but yeah, same thing." He shrugged, and to his surprise, Spencer smiled.

"Well done, Ryan. Thank you. I think this might actually work."

~

Brendon opened the door, and it took Ryan all of three seconds to step in and grab the front of his shirt, their mouths meeting halfway. He pushed hard against the pornstar, the younger's arms winding around his waist as he backed them against the wall.

"I've never before seen Ryan Ross so eager to see me." Brendon almost giggled once they broke apart. "I can't believe you actually missed me."

"So what if I did?" And Ryan found himself blushing, because he had kinda missed Brendon in the fourteen hours they'd been apart, and being teased for it wasn't exactly on the agenda.

"It means that someone appreciates my company for once." He grinned wickedly. "And that you want to have sex with me again."

"Maybe I do." Ryan buried his face in the pornstar's neck, kissing and biting and sucking and earning a moan for his troubles.

"I think I liked it better when you were a little virgin, if I'm honest." Brendon said, and the elder scoffed, picking him up and letting his legs wrap around his waist.

"Oh, how you lie." He led them both into the front room, dropping Brendon onto the couch and hovering over him. "You just don't like it when the tables are turned."

"You're right, I don't." He flipped them over, straddling Ryan's waist and grinning down at him. "So what did Spencer want yesterday?"

"Me. My body. My naked body, covered in honey."

Brendon grimaced. "Honey's kinda gross. It's too strong." He slipped his hands up Ryan's waist, consequently bunching up his shirt. "You should go for chocolate sauce; it's less sticky."

"Chocolate sauce is too generic, it's overdone." Ryan inclined his head, his hands settled on the younger's thighs. "Strawberry sauce?"

"Have you ever tried marshmallow fluff?"

Ryan's nose wrinkled. "Sounds disgusting."

"No, it's great!"

His eyebrows rose. "What's wrong with edible body paint?"

"I can guarantee you, if you walk into a shop and buy edible body paint, everybody is going to know what you're going to do with it." Brendon leaned closer, locking eyes with Ryan. "But if you buy whipped cream, and then buy raspberries, meringue, ice cream and maybe a strawberry or two, people will think you're gonna make a pleasant dessert, when in fact I'd be making the pleasant dessert on your body."

Ryan flushed pink, even as Brendon's mouth brushed against his, even as his fingernails dragged lightly up his sides. The younger chuckled, pulling back, only to bite down on his lower lip.

"In all seriousness though, what did Spencer want?"

Ryan arched an eyebrow, before running his hands up Brendon's back and pulling his lips down to meet his own, kissing him briefly. "I, uh, got introduced to your ex-girlfriend."

He pulled back sharply, eyebrows drawing together. "You met - how? Why?"

"Spencer. He, uh, I don't know, just pulled her outta nowhere. I didn't know you had a girlfriend." Brendon shrugged. "What?"

"Nobody knew. Spencer wasn't even supposed to know. We agreed to keep quiet about it when we broke up." He put his head in his hands and exhaled heavily. "Why'd you meet her?"

"I don't know." He groaned, and Ryan took his hands from his face. "Hey, it's fine. She doesn't really seem your type, to be honest."

Brendon managed to crack a smile. "No, you're much more my type."

~

"Do you think he'll actually be able to do it?"

Spencer turned his head, giving Dallon a levelled deadpan glare. "Of course." He replied. Ryan and Sarah had long-gone, leaving Spencer and the constant hanger-on that was Dallon fucking Weekes.

"It's just..." He sighed, sitting down opposite him at the dining table. "How do you know Ryan won't do what we did?"

Spencer went back to his book, a Mills & Boon, no less. "Because he hated Brendon from the start. We were stupid and got blinded by how good he looks."

"Yeah, but there's a very thin line between love and hate."

"There's no way Ryan Ross will ever fall in love with Brendon."

"But -"

Spencer snapped his book shut, gritting his teeth and closing his eyes in exasperation. "Anyone would think that you didn't want the plan to go ahead."

There was a pause, and then Dallon said in a small voice, "I just think Brendon deserves better, is all..."

"Deserves better?!" And if looks could kill, Dallon would be taking a dark mahogany coffin lined with black silk, please. "You think that Brendon Urie deserves better than to be humiliated? You think that Brendon Urie deserves anything good at all?"

"No, I just -"

Spencer set his palms on the table, standing up. "Just what, Dallon? Don't you want to get revenge on the man that used you?"

"He didn't use me -"

"Oh right, of course he didn't. You know what? I think you're happy that I broke up with him. I think you're absolutely fucking ecstatic, because that means he can be yours, once and for all." Dallon said nothing. "Go on, then. Go back to your precious little pornstar, but don't come crying to me when you end up spreading herpes to the entire state."

"What are you trying to say?"

The elder leaned closer, rage twisting his naturally calm features. "That you're just a stupid little slut, and you'll do anything that anyone will a boner will tell you."

Dallon shot to his feet, chair scraping against the floor, and he stormed from the house, leaving an echoing and taunting silence behind him. Spencer sank down into his seat, pinching the bridge of his nose, and he took several deep breaths before opening his book once more and continuing to read. As if he didn't care, because he didn't care, not at all. Even if the pain shooting through his hand from how hard he was clenching his fist said otherwise.

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