"What's the best orgasm you've ever had?"

Ryan almost spat out his tea, even though the question was so Brendon, he'd be the first to endorse it if it were to become a product.

He'd taken off his pants, opting to sit on the couch with his legs in Brendon's lap, in just a t-shirt and his briefs. Brendon was having too much fun with Ryan's legs, touching and stroking and just generally unable to keep his hands off of them. Ryan didn't seem to mind, though, meeting his eyes every so often and smiling...until now.

"I could tell you mine." Brendon grinned, and Ryan didn't even bother to protest; he knew he was going to be told. "In fact, I will." Point proven. "Actually, I have two." He was all serious when he spoke, and Ryan hid behind his mug, eyes peeking out over the rim, his face getting only redder and redder. "One was the last time I had sex with Spencer -"

"Please don't give me the gory details." Ryan protested, lowering his mug - but only slightly.

Brendon's eyebrows rose, as if the act itself was suited for a Shakespearean play. "Oh honey, you're gonna get the gory details." He lifted Ryan's left leg and pressed his lips against his calf before continuing. "We'd had a fight about something, I don't remember what, and then we were fucking, and it was so good, and it was just hard and fast and rough and I bottomed of course -"

"What do you mean, of course?" Ryan's eyebrows drew together, and his mug ended up in his lap.

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Not really. I thought you would've...y'know..."

"Because I'm so charming?" He grinned, and Ryan prodded his stomach with his toes.

"No, because you're an arrogant little shit."

Brendon laughed. "Okay, what about Gee?" Ryan made a face of disgust. "Do you think he bottoms?"

The elder shrugged, deliberating. "Um...maybe? Yeah?"

He scoffed. "Oh honey, trust me, Gee is a very good top." He paused. "And we're getting off-topic! That's your fault, Ross." He lightly smacked Ryan's shin, getting an 'ow!' and a glare in response. "Right. Spencer. Yes. I swear I never came so hard in my life..." He trailed off, staring wistfully into the distance, before snapping out of it. "And the second time was that one time I fucked myself with a vibrator."

Ryan groaned, screwing his eyes shut. "What? No! Fuck off!"

Brendon was laughing, and he took the mug from Ryan's hands, setting it on the coffee table. "It's not that gross, not really."

"Yes it is, it's..." He trailed off as he realised just how close Brendon's face had gotten to his. He didn't pull back, nor did he blink, almost challenging the younger man.

And then he was kissing him, lips so questionably soft (like his hands - what moisturiser did he use, god damn?!), and Ryan, in a moment of weakness - or that was what he'd tell himself later - let him. He sank into it, his hand on Brendon's face, as the pornstar's hand drifted up his thigh.

"You're practically wearing a thong, Ryan Ross." He murmured, pulling away.

"It's not a thong." Ryan protested, but it was useless.

"It is."

"It is not."

"It almost is."

"It's not!"

"There's so little material on it -"

Ryan just grumbled and pulled Brendon's mouth back to his. The younger smiled into the kiss, obviously enjoying the fact that Ryan was willing to kiss him, because then it meant that it would happen again and again, and Brendon liked kissing Ryan more than he'd care to admit. The pornstar's hand ended up cupping Ryan's ass, slipped beneath the briefs, and he pushed against the model, mouths hot against each other's and tongues colliding messily.

"You didn't answer my question." He said quietly, pulling away. His hand was at the front of Ryan's briefs, pressing gently, enough for him to feel it. The elder gasped, biting down on his lower lip. "Ryan."

"Ye-yeah?" Ryan choked out, holding his breath as Brendon's mouth went to his neck.

"You didn't answer me. Tell me about your best orgasm."

Ryan's heartbeat shot up. He couldn't really say that it was the handjob he'd just gotten from Brendon, which was the truth, nor could he say that it was that one time he masturbated in the shower, which was a lie. If he lied, Brendon would surely know, or in the very least guess, because he was an arrogant shit who thought everything was always about him.

"I - I - um - well - there was this one time -" the pornstar smiled against his neck, his hand pressing harder against the model's crotch, and the elder's eyes screwed further shut. "- I was in the shower, and -" Brendon bit into his skin, sending shivers down his spine, and he was barely able to contain his gasp. "Okay, okay, it was the one I had about half an hour ago!"

And then Brendon pulled away. "I thought so."

~

Going shopping with Brendon Urie hadn't been on Ryan's to-do list.

Going food shopping with Brendon Urie was even further off his to-do list.

But nevertheless, wandering around the supermarket with America's (questionably) biggest pornstar was something he found himself doing, all because Brendon claimed he needed to buy milk. Ryan said nothing, only accompanied him as requested, picking up a few items he needed himself along the way.

He wasn't even going to mention earlier.

"I would've though that someone as high-profile as you would get someone else to do your shopping." He said, arching an eyebrow, and Brendon laughed.

"Someone as high-profile as me? Honey, I'm not exactly Obama."

"Yes, but -" he shrugged. "Don't you have servants? Butlers? Bitches?"

"I'm not the Queen, either." He grinned that killer grin of his, eyes crinkling up and making Ryan's heart twist. "I am allowed to do my own shopping, y'know."

Ryan was about to reply, when he heard a cry of "En garde!", and the clack of high heels. His heart jumped out of his chest as Gee Way whirled around the corner, wielding a cucumber and so obviously on something.

Brendon stared for a moment before bursting into laughter, while Gee let out a pot giggle and adjusted his miniskirt. "Hey, officer." He said, his words slurring.

"No, Gee, it's Brendon."

Gee gasped. "Brendon!" He threw himself on the younger man, hugging him so tight that Ryan actually feared for his life. And he was still holding that damned cucumber.

"Gee - um -" he wriggled from the crossdresser's hold, frowning. "How high are you?"

"On a scale of lying on the ground to sitting on top of the Empire State Building, I'd say..." He licked his lips. "Halfway up Empire State?"

"I'd say it was much more than that, Way." Ryan had never seen anything so embarrassing in his life. Gee was clearly wasted, his t-shirt rumpled and his miniskirt riding up every time he moved, and he was surprised he hadn't fallen into the tins of baked beans yet, because he was wobbling dangerously on those heels of his. "Who the fuck let you out?"

"I don't know. My mom let me out of her vagina when I was born, so let's say her." He paused, and then held the object in his hand out to his fellow pornstar-in-crime. "Brendon Urine, do you want this cucumber?"

Brendon arched an eyebrow. "Depends. Has it been in your ass?"

He glanced at the long green fruit. "Not this one."

"I'm outta here." Ryan turned and walked away, ending up in the alcohol aisle, and while he was deciding how much vodka to buy, there was some sort of commotion going on in the fruit and veg aisle.

And that was the day Ryan would forever remember as the day Brendon Urie and Gee Way got kicked out of a supermarket for cucumber-sword fighting.

~

"C'mon, you've got to spread love like herpes." Spencer paused, eyebrows drawing together. "Except herpes isn't that good." He turned to Dallon. "And you actually spread herpes."

Ryan choked a little on his coffee as Dallon turned bright red, and Spencer simply shrugged, cool as a cucumber (thankfully one that hadn't been up Gee Way's ass). Of course, going to see Dallon and Spencer was the best therapy for his most recent traumatic experience, and walking outside the supermarket to see Brendon and Gee giggling like schoolgirls was really quite confusing.

And no, Gee hadn't bought that cucumber in the end.

"Flirt with him, dammit." Ryan squirmed. "What? Don't tell me you can't flirt. You're an internationally famous model, for Pete's sake."

"First of all, Wentz has nothing to do with this. Secondly, I'm not internationally famous. And thirdly, I'm on the cover of porn magazines; I don't have to flirt."

"You just have to bat your eyelashes and they come right in their pants. Literal orgasm on sight."

"Piss off, Spencer."

"Look, Ryan," Dallon piped up. "it's relatively easy to charm Brendon into bed. It's like his mind is hot-wired."

"I don't want to charm Brendon into bed, though." Two sets of eyebrows rose. "No way. When I lose my virginity, it will be on my own terms."

"At least go for dinner with him, then." Spencer said, and Ryan looked at him as if he'd just suggested he cook meth in a rented RV. "Go on, it'll be fun."

"Brendon? Go for dinner?"

"Yeah!"

"Think about it, Ryan." Dallon said. "It'll make him think you're interested in him, and then he'll want to know why. It's the first piece of bait."

Ryan exhaled through his nose. They had a point. They really did. But...

"Ugh, fine. I'll ask him."

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