Like Mary Bailey and Uncle Billy, Gladys and I took up a collection for Dougie and his duck stamp contest entry fee. Gladys offered all of her babysitting money, which was over fifty dollars. I offered the contents of my piggy bank, but as I had not yet become a grapefruit juice entrepreneur, this was maybe three dollars. Dougie's friends, who were gainful-ishly employed at various burger chain and food court establishments, were able to scrounge up eleven dollars, two joints, half a bottle of malt liquor, and the promise of discount cheeseburgers.

Dougie pondered our big (but not big enough) collection, picked up one of the five-dollar bills, and then told us not to worry about it. He'd just thought of a great way to make some money after all.