Brice came up from the covers, hovering over me as I caught my breath. He grinned. "You liked that?"

I could barely speak, so I opted for nodding. He pressed his bare body to mine, and his skin warmed mine. I couldn't believe I was at Brice's house, naked and in his bed after he just gave me extraordinary pleasure. I didn't understand why I was so hesitant to do this in the first place. We weren't having sex, but I liked fooling around.

Brice moved over to lay beside me, and I rested my head on his chest. He played with my hair. "Next time, you can continue practicing on me, if you want."

I wasn't experienced with things like this like Brice was, so I could use the practice. "After what you just did, definitely."

He chuckled. "This isn't so bad, right?"

"No," I said, "we're still not having sex, though."

"Technically, we are," he pointed out. "Just a different type of sex."

I guess he was right. "Mi Yun would applaud you for that statement, and she would condemn me for being heteronormative and cissexist."

Brice glanced down at me. "Am I supposed to know what those words mean?"

I smiled. "You'll learn."

"Speaking of Mi Yun," Brice started, "what's up with her and Sabrina? I saw them walking together in the hall. Didn't they break up?"

"They did," I said, "but Sabrina managed to bring Mi Yun back into her clutches."

"Sounds like homegirl," Brice said. "I don't know what it is about Sabrina, but she's like a drug. She pulls you in, even though she's bad for you. I'm amazed I got out."

It pissed me off. Sabrina hurt Mi Yun so badly, but she still managed to push her way into my friend's life again. When I questioned Mi Yun about it, she said she wanted to be there for Sabrina, if not as a girlfriend, then as a friend. Sabrina didn't deserve Mi Yun's friendship and loyalty. She didn't see Mi Yun's worth if she thought she was only some experiment.

"One good thing happened, though," Brice said while rubbing my shoulders. "Sadaf's back at school."

"Yeah," I said with a smile. "About time."

"It just sucks that she has cut off all contact from my boy."

Sadaf got her phone and computer back, to my surprise. I guess the Bagheris were giving her another chance to prove that they could trust her. More reasons why Sadaf had to stop her chats with Oliver. It was too soon and too risky.

"She had no other choice," I told him. "She can't risk another lockdown. There's more at stake here then some high school romance. If Sadaf isn't careful, she could be sent back to Iran."

Her parents decided they wouldn't send her back just yet, but she was on probation for now.

Brice raised a brow. "Are you trivializing high school romances? Like ours?"

"You know what I mean," I said. "Oliver is great and all, but he isn't worth Sadaf's future changing. And it will if she's sent back to Iran."

"I don't get what the big deal is."

"Like she said, we'll never get it," I said.

Brice scoffed. "Damn straight."

I sat up. "Wanna put some clothes on and find something to eat?"

He sat up with his eyes on me. "We can find other things to eat."

My eyes expanded, and I smacked his arm. "Brice!"

He laughed. "Your face is priceless." He patted my cheek. "Let's go."

We got off the bed and got dressed. We snuck glances at each other the whole time, and I had to admit, I liked Brice with less clothes on. In the end, he ended up keeping his shirt off. Then Jax came to mind. I almost groaned. There was no reason for me to feel guilty about being with my boyfriend in any way I wanted. I shouldn't have been thinking about another guy who didn't even want me.

He was into the idea of me liking him. He wasn't into me.

I pushed thoughts of him to the back of my mind, and Brice grabbed my hand to lead me into the kitchen. His father was at work, and his mother was currently at the partial hospitalization program she went to during the weekdays.

I sat on the counter while Brice washed his hands. "How's your mom, by the way?"

"Better," he said. "She's still recovering. Hospitalization can only stabilize you, but recovery usually takes months."

My eyes widened. "Months?"

He rested a hand on the counter to watch me. "It's easy for things to fall apart. It's harder to put them back together."

He moved to the cupboard to grab a pan. Then he grabbed the materials one by one. "You know, I never really realized how lucky I am," I said. "My life is pretty simple compared to most people's. The worst thing that ever happened to me was my mother's death, and that didn't happen to me. It happened to her. Most of all, it happened before I even got close to her, so it didn't even hurt that much. That sounds terrible, but it's hard to miss someone you barely remember."

Brice took some bread and began to put butter on both sides. "It still bothers you, though."

I clutched onto the edge of the counter. "What bothers me is that we never had a chance. I'll never know the type of person she was or know the kind of relationship we could have had. I had to grow up without a mother figure in my life. That's it. That's the one big thing in my life."

"And it's valid," he said. "The worst thing in my life is my mother's illness, and like you said, it's happening to her, not me."

"But it affects you," I reminded him. "It's not just your mother's reality. It's also yours. You have to be around for the episodes, the hospitalizations and even the hospitalization programs. You have to be around for all of that." He put light oil in the pan, and he placed the buttered bread in the pan. "What are you doing?"

"I hate toast," he said. "It's so dry, but I love this."

I hopped off the counter and moved to stand beside him. "What's the difference?"

He pressed down on the bread with the spatula. "Toast, you pop the dry bread in a toaster and butter it when it's done. This, you butter it first, on both sides, and pop it in the pan. It tastes so much better."

"I'll have to be the judge of that." I moved to the fridge. "Got apple juice?"

"Just for you."

I grabbed it with a grin. "Thanks, babe."

I moved over to lean on the counter to watch him cook, with my apple juice in one hand. This was perfect. I had my favorite drink and the guy I'd been wanting since freshman year. This was all I wanted and needed, so I didn't understand why I felt like something was missing. If the old me knew I was feeling this way, I would have slapped myself.

"Estella." Brice brought me back to the present. "You good?"

I smiled. "Perfect." I watched him. "How are you? With the whole Jax and us getting to know each other thing."

"I'm better." He was halfway done with the food. "I can talk to you about things that I'll never be able to talk to my boys about. Not because we aren't close, but we don't do that. We're not like girls who spend hours spilling our guts to each other." I sent him a fake glare. "If I want to do that, I can do it with you. My boys are there for me to do things with. Hang out in Oliver's man cave. Play ball. You name it. I guess I can't be mad at Velasco from keeping things from us. We don't do the whole heartfelt thing."

"You can still know," I said, "what each other's going through. You don't have to be a shoulder to cry on, but you can be aware of it."

"Yeah," he said with his face lightening up. "I think that's what we want. We want to be aware, so we're not blindsided. He doesn't have to cry about his family issues for us to console him, but he could confide in us."

"Sometimes, it's hard to vent to guys, though."

"Why?"

"Because you want to fix everything," I said. "Sometimes, we just want someone to listen, not someone to give us advice."

Jax did that sometimes. I would tell him something, and he would try to find a solution. It was endearing but irritating at the same time.

"We're giving advice because we care," Brice said. "What's the point of you telling us something if you don't want a solution?"

"It's for emotional support," I said. "Unless someone asks for advice, don't give it to them."

Brice's focus returned to the pan. "That makes no sense."

I rolled my eyes. "Boys."

He stuck his tongue out at me, and I snickered. "Okay, it's done." He turned off the stove and placed the pan in the sink. I got on my feet and followed him to the dining room table. He placed the plate on the table, and we sat down to eat. "How is it?" he asked while I took a bite.

"Mmm." I took another bite. "It's good. Very buttery and way different from toast."

He nodded in pride. "I told you." We continued eating in silence for some time. It was very relaxing. "Estella." He had my attention. "Can I tell you something I've never told my boys?"

"Go ahead."

He placed his bread down. "I'm afraid this is it." I tilted my head to the side in confusion. "I'm afraid this is the best it's gonna get for me. I'm young, in high school, apparently, I'm popular. I have hip-hop company. My boys. You. My dad is still taking care of me, so I benefit off his money."

My food was long forgotten. "What's your point?"

His eyes found mine. "When I grow up, what am I going to have? I have to make my own money. Being popular in high school isn't going to do shit for me in the real world. Will I still be cool with my boys? Will I still have you? I'm going to have to make something of my life, and I don't know if it's going to be a good one. I'm not smart like you and Velasco. I don't want to be insignificant, but I don't know how to be significant. What do I do?"

"I don't know," I said. "None of us do. Being smart doesn't mean your life is set. All of us can end up being anything, regardless of who we are now. You don't have to know, Brice. Just figure it out as you go, even if you end up taking a couple detours. Mi Yun once told me that we're teenagers, and we're not supposed to have it all figured out. We don't have to be mature. We have our whole lives for that."

I was sixteen. Mature or not, I was finding my way. A couple mistakes and pitfalls weren't the end of the world.

Brice sent me a crooked smile. "You right." He resumed eating. "It's just something that scares me, y'know?"

"I get it."

"It's nice to have someone to talk to," he said. "About things like this. The boys and I don't really do that, and I've never really done it with my exes. We didn't have a lot of heart to hearts."

"Because you were too busy having sex?"

He smirked. "Partially, but also because I didn't feel like it. A lot of girls didn't push for me to let them in."

"I always push," I said, "hence, why I'm annoying."

"Yeah," he said, "not the annoying part, though. Sometimes, we need some persistence. If that doesn't come from us, then we need it from someone else."

"You're not dumb, Brice," I said. "You're very intelligent—beyond book smarts. Don't be so afraid to show yourself to people. You don't have to be a certain way, just be your unapologetic self. I like who you show me."

Brice and Jax were two sides of the same coin.

He smiled. "You have no idea how much I appreciate that." I matched his grin. "Now, eat," he said while pointing to my food. "I may make you eggs after this."

He did make me eggs. He added milk to the eggs, and it tasted so much better. When it was time for me to leave, I wrapped my arms around his neck. "I appreciate you, Brice Abrams."

He chuckled. "I'm glad."

He pecked me on the lips, but I cupped his jaw and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. His arms wrapped around me as his lips followed mine, moving in sync. This was all I needed. At least, it should have been.

I pulled away, and Brice continued to kiss along my face. "What's wrong?"

I grabbed his face, so he would look at me. "I care about you."

"I care about you, too."

We stared into each other's eyes, and I meant it. I would never want to hurt Brice. He was a good person, and I wanted only the best for him.

"Let me take you home." He released me, and I put some space between us. "I don't want your dad getting worried."

"He's not home," I said.

"My mom will be coming home soon." He grabbed my hand and led me to his BMW. While we drove to my house, Brice peeked my way. "By the way, I've never met your dad."

"None of my boyfriends have." The AC was blasting, but all I wanted to do was open the window and stick my hand out of it. "It's nothing personal."

He bobbed his head. "I get it. You haven't met my parents either."

I looked at him. "I'm glad you take this relationship seriously."

He sent me a weird look. "Should I not?"

"You do have a reputation."

"You know there's more to me than that." He parked into my driveway and killed the engine. "Right?" He leaned my way, and I cupped his cheeks. "Answer me, Estella."

We searched through each other's eyes. "I know."

Then I was kissing him. His hand moved to my neck and hair while mine stayed on his face. The more we kissed, the less aggressive he was, as if he was realizing that I wasn't going anywhere. There was nothing to be urgent about. I relaxed as his lips and touch soothed me. Then a car parked beside Brice's.

Verda.

My eyes went round as I parted from Brice's lips. "What?" He stared me.

"Jax."

Brice glanced back right as Jax hopped out of the car. He made his way over to the driver side of the BMW. Brice and I pulled away from each other, and Brice opened his window. "Velasco," Brice said. "What're you doing here?"

Jax stood before Brice with his hands in his pockets. "I have to talk to Estella."

Brice scoffed. "Why am I not surprised?" I sent him a look. "More issues with your family?"

"Brice!" I scolded.

Jax narrowed his eyes. "I just need to talk."

Brice's lips were pursed with his jaw tensed. "Of course, you do. Because me and you have to hang out with Estella fifty-fifty, right?"

"Abrams, come on," Jax said. "I'm not trying to argue with you right now."

I didn't understand why there was this unspoken tension between Brice and Jax lately. They were both being smart and sarcastic with each other on a regular basis.

"Brice, please," I said, careful not to make him believe I was taking Jax's side. "Jax just needs a friend right now."

Brice shifted his focus to Jax. "Right. Because we're boys, and your boys aren't the ones you talk to for a shoulder to cry on." Jax ran his hand down his face while Brice continued to eye him, then Brice turned to me. "Go." I sighed in relief. "He needs a friend, and if that's you, so be it."

"Thank you," I mouthed before pulling him into a hug. I kissed him, short but deep, before he let me go.

I hopped out of the car and headed for Jax. "Let's go for a drive," he said, and we made it into Verda.

"Take it easy, Velasco," Brice said. "Most of all, take care of my girl."

I blew him a kiss. Then he reversed out and drove away. When he was gone, I put on my seat belt. "Where to?"

"Rowe Park," he answered, and we were off.

Jax blasted his favorite Avenged Sevenfold CD, and I stuck my arm out the window, enjoying the breeze. We didn't speak, but I could feel his presence, and that was enough. When we made it to the park, I bought us popcorn.

We munched on it. "I could have bought us popcorn," Jax said, taking another handful.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't let your male ego get in the way. There's nothing wrong with a woman paying sometimes."

He smirked. "So, now you're a woman? Not a girl?"

I shrugged. "I honestly don't care anymore. I'm Estella. I'll be what I become."

He looked impressed. "That's new."

We walked along a trail. "Why're we here, Jax?"

His hands returned to his pockets as he stared ahead. "I fucked up."

My pace slowed. "What'd you do?"

He still wouldn't look at me. "Oliver knows."

"Knows what?"

His eyes met mine. "He knows how I feel about you."

I reminded myself to breathe. "How do you feel about me?"

We stopped, and we faced each other. "Don't play dumb, Estella," he said.

I fought back a smile. "So, you like me?"

He released a deep breath. "Is that even a question?"

"You don't act like it."

"What do you want me to do?" he said in a voice louder than necessary. "Confess in front of the entire school? Want me to tell Brice, 'hey, man, just wanted to let you know that I have feelings for your girlfriend?'" He laughed nervously. "What do you want from me, Estella?"

I squinted my eyes at him. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you do this?" I asked. "We could have been together, but you stopped it. You did a complete 180." He tousled his hair. "Now, I'm with Brice, and you're doing this."

"I'm not trying to do anything."

We moved out of the way, so other people could pass. "If you like me, why didn't you want to be with me?" I asked. "What are you keeping from me?"

His expression crumbled, and he covered his face with his hands. "Estella, you don't understand."

I grabbed his arm, so we could sit at a bench. I turned my body towards him. "Make me understand."

Tears gathered in his eyes. "You'll never see me the same way again."

"Yes, I will." I put the popcorn down and grabbed his hands. "Look at me, Jax." He did as I told. "I'm not going anywhere."

He shook his head. "You say that now."

"Talk to me." I grabbed his face in my hands. "Please." His eyes watered more. "Jax, trust me."

He pulled out of my hold, avoiding my gaze. "Your mother died in a hit and run. The driver was never found." I wanted to speak, but I fought the urge, choosing to listen. "I know who the driver is."

"What?" I looked to the side, trying to gather my thoughts, before returning my attention to Jax. "Who?"

He gulped. "My dad." A tear fell down his cheek. "My dad killed your mom." My heart sank as my mind jumbled into a web of confusion. No. "He's been living with the guilt for over ten years." His hands wrapped around mine. "I'm not making excuses for him, but he was scared and thinking about our family. It was wrong, but he didn't realize the harm he'd done to yours. Not until it was too late." This couldn't be. I felt sick. "Estella, say something." I freed myself from his hold and stood up, not knowing how to feel or what to do. Jax rose off the bench as well. "I only kept it from you for your sake."

"Lies." I glared at him. "You kept it from me because you were afraid of how I'll react."

His lips quivered as more tears fell. "You're right. I didn't want to lose you." He took a step forward, and I took one back. Hurt flashed over his features. "I didn't want what my father did to affect us. I didn't want to pay for his crime. We shouldn't pay, Estella."

We were silent, staring into each other's eyes with differing expressions. His brown eyes weren't warm anymore. They were defeated. I didn't feel like a light anymore. All I felt was darkness. Darkness that made my heart sink.

"Take me home," I found my voice to say.

"Estella..."

I walked past him, already heading back to the car. It took a couple seconds, but footsteps followed behind me. The ride back was silent. For the first time, there was no comfort. Verda wasn't homey. She felt cold. My hands shook, but I wasn't sure if it was out of anger or something else. When we stopped at my house, I was quick to open the door, needing to get out of here.

"Estella." Jax grabbed my arm, and I turned to him. His eyes softened. "Please, don't hate me. Please, tell me we'll be okay." His eyes were wet again. "Tell me this isn't it."

I covered my mouth with my hand to suppress a cry. No. Not Jax. This couldn't be happening. "I have to go, Jax," I said, with my voice wavering, and I removed myself from his hold.

"Estella!"

I got out of the car, slammed the door shut and ran for my front door. I could hardly open it because my hands were shaking so badly. Verda was still parked in my driveway. He wouldn't leave. Why wouldn't he leave?

"Damn it!" I shouted, and the door finally gave way. I pushed through, and I slammed my back against the locked door. "Jax." The tears began to flow, and I slid down the door. "Why Jax?"

I always thought the day I found the identity of my mother's killer would be one of relief. Right now, all I felt was sorrow and confusion. Out of everyone's father, why Jax's? With that, I buried my face into my knees, and I cried.

I cried like I knew Jax was crying, too.