"I can't do this anymore," I told Ximena as we sat in her dorm. "We have to break up."

Her eyes widened, and it took her a second to find her voice. "Wow. Where's this coming from?"

"We're not happy, Ximena," I said. "You don't love me, and I don't love you."

"Why do we need love?" she asked. "Since when do you want love?" I didn't respond. "If you did, you never would have gotten with me in the first place."

"We can't keep going like this."

I couldn't believe I was doing this. I lost Estella because of my unwillingness to let go of Ximena, and now Estella was with Brice, so I didn't understand why I was doing it now, but I had to. Being with Ximena was suffocating me, and I needed to breathe.

She watched me. "Is it because of Estella?" I didn't speak. "It's because of her, isn't it?" I looked away. "Wow, I guess you really like her. Like her enough to want something real."

"I don't know what I want," I said.

"Regardless of what you tell yourself, you want Estella," she stated. "If you didn't, you wouldn't be doing this. She's with Brice, but you're still breaking up with me."

"You're not going to be heartbroken, Ximena," I said. "This was never real, for either one of us."

"It wasn't," she said. "But it was good enough. Fun. Safe."

"Too safe," I said. "I've been playing safe my whole life, and I'm tired of it."

I pushed people away to be safe. I pushed Estella away, and now I lost her. I didn't know if I could ever get her back, but I had to break free from this loveless relationship with Ximena.

"You deserve to be with someone you love and who loves you back," I told her. "This isn't it, and I'm not that guy."

"You have a girl who cares about you, and who you care about," she said, "but you gave it up. I would have done the same thing."

"That's why we're not good for each other," I said. "We re-enforce each other's toxic habits."

I was done being with girls like Ximena and Sabrina. The ones who allowed me to continue being the toxic person I was. The ones who allowed me to stay in my comfort zone.

"I guess we do," Ximena said. "What's it like?"

"What's what like?"

She smiled. "What's it like to give a damn about someone?"

Frightening.

Amazing.

"Is it worth the pain?" she asked.

"Sometimes it doesn't feel like it is," I said. "Sometimes I just wish I could stop feeling this way about her."

Estella drove me crazy. She brought the best and the worst emotions out of me. She challenged me in a way no girl had ever done before. At times, I wished I still saw her as that annoying girl from French class.

Then I would see her smile. I would feel her hugs. I would hear her words. I would feel her emotions. All of it would hit me, and I couldn't help but want more. Want more of this feeling that wouldn't leave. Want more of her.

"Especially with her being with Brice," I said with a nervous chuckle. "I fucked that one up, but she's Estella. I can't turn away."

What my dad did wasn't enough. His disapproval wasn't enough. My fear wasn't enough. Even Brice wasn't enough. Nothing could make me turn away from Estella.

"It sounds awful," Ximena said, "but oddly beautiful."

"Deep down, you want to love someone."

She had to, or she wouldn't have been trying so hard to avoid it.

"I know," she said, "but it's bad for me. Can't be lonely and desperate like Ana."

"You're not your mother."

"Not yet," she said. "But it must be nice. Loving someone." She smiled at me. "Good job, Jax. I'm proud of you for breaking free."

"You can, too," I reminded her.

She shook her head. "I don't want to. I don't have an Estella."

"Good luck, Ximena," I said while planting a kiss on her forehead before standing up from her bed. "I wish you the best."

She stood up as well. "Be happy, Jax. You deserve it."

"You do, too, Ximena," I said.

I may not have loved Ximena, but I only wished good things for her. I didn't regret our time together because it taught me what I didn't want. In a way, Sabrina did as well. There was only one girl I wanted, and she was taken by my best friend.

Again, it was no one's fault but mine.

After saying goodbye to Ximena, I made the ride back to south Creek. I was tempted to call Estella since we had agreed to still be friends. Things could never go back to the way they were before, but we could be there for each other. I was just grateful she was still in my life.

When I entered my house, that was when the noise hit me. My mother and father stood in front of each other, yelling and making wild hand gestures. They spoke rapidly in Spanish, bantering back and forth. It was so fast and aggressive that I had a hard time wrapping my head around what they were saying.

"You can't keep doing this, Jorge," my mother said, bursting into tears. "You're making us lose our sons."

I stood frozen in the back as my father approached my mother. "Priscilla," he said in a gentler voice. "I'm trying. Por favor."

"No," she said. "This isn't enough."

"Mama," I said, capturing her attention. "Estas bien?"

She shook her head. "No, none of it is okay."

That was when I noticed her suitcases. The blood drained from my face. "Mama..."

"Priscilla." Tears collected in my father's eyes. "We'll be okay."

"We won't," she said. "We've already lost Santiago and Diego. They rarely call home. Then you punch Iago, and you're pushing him away."

I approached her. "I'm not going anywhere, Mama. Okay?"

"Something isn't right with you, Jorge," my mother said. "It hasn't been right for a while. Then now, I see this darkness in Iago." Her focus shifted to me. "Something isn't right with him either. It's different now."

I swallowed, not knowing what to say.

"I can't do this anymore," she said. "Ten years, and I finally give up. It's not going to get better." She grabbed her suitcases. No. "I have to do something. I have to save my family."

She made it for the door. "Mama!" I shouted, and she stopped to look back at me.

"Va a estar bien," she said. "I'll come back for you." I shook my head, fighting my own tears. "I promise I'll come back, Iago. I just need to get settled in myself, and then I'll come for you. I promise, mijo."

"Priscilla, por favor!" my father pleaded, but my mother slammed the door behind her.

I was frozen at first, not believing my mother just left. Then I glared at my father. "What did you just do?" He shook his head in disbelief. "Papa, what did you do?"

"Ever since you brought that Estella girl to our house, things haven't been the same."

"This is not Estella's fault," I said. "Stop blaming her for what you did. You're ruining this family. You killed her mother, so you have no right to be angry at her. Take responsibility for once."

"The moment I killed that woman, things have been different."

"Because of you!" I yelled. "You're the one who became an abusive alcoholic. You're the one who hit her and drove off. Now, you're trying to pull me away from her daughter. Estella should be the least of your concerns."

A tear fell from his eyes. "You don't understand, Iago." I began to walk backwards towards the stairs. "Just listen to me."

"No." I turned and ran up the stairs.

"Iago!" My father was right behind me. I made it to my room and slammed the door shut. As my father banged on it, I locked it with my back pressed against it. "Iago, open the door!"

I was shaking as everything hit me all at once. My mother leaving. This fucked up situation with my father. Ximena. Estella. Brice. Everything. I slid down to the floor with my back still pressed against the door as my father continued to pound on it.

With my eyes blurring, I called the one person I could think of.

"Jax?" Estella answered, and she paused as the only sound hitting our ears were the banging from my father. "What's going on?"

"My dad," I let out. "My fucking dad. Estella, I don't know if I can do this anymore. My mom just left, and it's just me and him. I don't know if I can be alone with him. I can't do this!"

"Okay, calm down," she said with her voice leveled, keeping it together for the both of us. My breathing was ragged as the shaking intensified in my hands. I could barely hold my phone. "Just breathe. Slowly and deeply." I listened to her, focusing on my breathing as the pounding stopped. "Breathe, Jax."

"Iago," my father called out, and I'd never heard his voice so broken. "Please open the door."

"Just focus on my voice," Estella said. "Forget about everything else. Just me and you."

"My mom..."

"I know," Estella said. "Right now, just focus on yourself. You'll be okay." Her voice soothed me. "I'll make sure you're okay because I'm not going anywhere."

"You're probably busy," I said. "I'm bothering you."

"No, you're not," she said. "Brice can wait. Right now, it's about you."

She was with Brice.

But here she was talking to me.

"I'm not leaving you, Jax."

I knew she wasn't. And that was all I needed to relax and rest my head against the door. My father was silent, and the door didn't rattle anymore. All I could hear was my breath evening out, and Estella's calming voice.

With her by my side, I could do this.