| Forty-Three || Presentations and Love |

Today was our presentation in my psych class. I was curious on what Brice did his on and when I made it to class, I waited for his arrival. When I saw his signature jean jacket, I grinned as he made his way my way. What shouldn't have been to my shock, he walked past me and sat a couple seats away from me. I shouldn't have been surprised. When I glanced back at him, he ignored my stare.

When Mr. Cline stood forward, he spoke a little before starting the presentations. People went, presenting on different mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia. I presented mine on PTSD, and when Brice stepped forward, I was looking forward to it. When he showed the title slide of his PowerPoint, I smiled.

Schizoaffective disorder.

"Schizoaffective disorder," he started. "What exactly is that? Many people know about mood disorders like depression and bipolar disorder, and contrarily to popular belief, most people who experience psychosis are not bad people. Schizoaffective disorder is an illness that consists of having a mood disorder and psychotic symptoms at the same time or different times." He stopped to look at the audience. "My mom has schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type."

I smiled as I watched him present, talking about the history, the symptoms, the prognosis and treatment and little details most people were ignorant about. Brice educated the class on his mother's experience with the illness, such as her treatment, hardships and hospitalizations and outpatient programs. I was proud of him for being so honest and vulnerable about something so personal.

When he finished, as he walked back to his seat, our eyes briefly locked. When the class was over, I ran to catch up to him.

"Brice!" I yelled, and he stopped to face me as I stood in front of him. "That was really brave of you."

"I did it for me," he said, "not because you told me to."

"It doesn't matter why you did it," I told him. "I'm just glad you did. Your mom will be proud of you. I'm proud of you."

"What do you want, Estella?" he said with his expression softening. "You don't want to be with me, which came out of nowhere. You blind-sided me."

"I didn't mean to."

"How can we move from dating one day to you wanting to be with Velasco instead and not wanting anything to do with me?"

"I didn't say I didn't want anything to do with you," I made sure to clarify. "Things just change."

"That quickly?" he asked. "It's like you were waiting for an excuse to be with Velasco. I gave you that excuse by breaking up with you."

"I'm sorry, Brice," I said. "I never meant to hurt you, and I still want to be in your life, even if we aren't dating."

"I'm still trying to wrap my head around you changing your mind so fast."

I didn't change my mind. I just finally went after what I wanted, and that was Jax.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. "I want to be there for you." He scoffed. "I'm serious. You may not be ready for that yet, but when you are, I'm here."

"Whatever," he said while looking away. "I guess our time together meant nothing."

"Brice..."

"Good luck with Velasco." He turned around and walked away.

I couldn't even call out his name because I knew it was pointless. He wasn't angry anymore. He was just hurt, and that seemed worse because the emotions of betrayal were finally hitting him.

Despite this, I couldn't help but be excited for my and Jax's date. We were having a picnic at Rowe Park, and he was bringing the food while I brought the drinks. After school, Jax picked me up, and we headed for the park. When we found a nice spot, we settled in and got everything out.

"I'm glad we're doing this," Jax said as we sat down with the food laid out. "We hang out all the time, but this is the first time we've actually seen this as a date."

"I know right," I said. "I like hanging out with you, Jax, but I think I like going on a date more."

He chuckled as he took hold of the chick stew. "Hopefully, eating rice and stew at a picnic isn't a big mess."

I took some rice, and he added some stew onto it. "I remember the first time you made me this. It was the time we watched Fight Club, and we almost kissed."

He got himself some food. "I remember. I was so scared because that was the defining moment that made me realize I may have liked you." I smiled. "Then my father barged in and ruined it."

We went silent, that familiar elephant returning. Jax and I didn't like to talk about his father or my mother because it was an awkward situation. I hadn't said anything about what his father did, and a part of me felt guilty, like I was betraying my mother, but at the same time, I didn't want to ruin Jax's family. I didn't do it for his father. I did it for Jax, but it was still weird.

Being with the son of the man who killed my mother.

I just had to keep reminding myself that this wasn't Jax's fault.

"I'm sorry," Jax said. "I shouldn't have brought him up."

"You're good," I reassured him. "We need to learn to stop being so awkward about it."

"Well, it is awkward now, so let's drop it."

"I'm good with that."

We started eating, and we drank apple juice with it. A part of me felt bad that I may have been imposing my preference onto him, but Jax assured me it was fine.

"I love being with you," I said, "but I wish I didn't feel so guilty."

He nodded. "I know. I wish Brice wasn't so pissed, and I wish he wasn't hurting." He paused for a second. "I just want my friend back." He looked up at me. "Before, I always prided myself on my independence and my ability to be alone, but I don't want that anymore. I want my friends. I want you." He smiled. "I even want my family. I don't want to be afraid anymore."

"You don't have to be," I said. "We're not going anywhere, and all we can hope for is that Brice comes around."

"He always said that we don't stay mad at each other for long," Jax said. "I hope this isn't an exception because it complicates things. Oliver and Tyler are in the middle, and there's this tension between us and him. I miss the way things were, but at the same time, I didn't have you then. I don't regret that, and I wonder if I would have ever gotten you if things didn't play out the way they did."

I drank some of my juice. "Brice said I blind-sighted him. He said I changed from dating him to not wanting to be with him in a day."

"I guess in a way you did," he said. "I was a little bit surprised that you would give up Brice so easily. He was the guy you always wanted. You told me once that I'm not Brice."

"I don't want you to be Brice," I said. "Yes, he was the one I wanted in the beginning, but things change. You're the one I want now. I've wanted to be with you for a while, but you were being a jerk." He chuckled. "And Brice was there. I guess he was right. I was just waiting for an excuse to be with you."

"When did it change?" he asked. "When did Brice move from being your dream guy to you wanting to be with me?"

"I don't know," I admitted, "but I'm glad it did. I can't imagine myself with anyone else." I reached for his hand. "You're the guy for me, Jax Velasco."

He watched me, silently and a little intensely. "I love you." My eyes widened. "I love you, Estella Gillon, and I don't know when it happened, but it did. I'm in love with you."

I had to remind myself to breath as his words seeped in. A couple months ago, I would have never expected Jax to be so honest about his feelings, especially feelings for me. Then I looked deep within myself and knew I felt nothing but love for Jax. I'd felt it for a while, but I was now accepting it now that he'd accepted it, too.

I squeezed his hand. "You may not have been my dream boy in the beginning, but you are the boy I love." He released a breath of relief. "Did you think I don't love you back?"

"You never know with these things," he said. "You're full of surprises."

Like I surprised Brice by choosing Jax. Like I surprised myself when I fell in love with Jax.

"I love you," I confessed. "We haven't known each other for years, but I know I do. We may seem different, but we work. I want us to keep working as long as possible."

We were in high school, and we weren't thinking about marriage or anything too serious, but I wanted to be with Jax. As long as possible, and as long as we both needed it to work.

"Even with all the baggage that comes with me?" he asked. "My dad. My issues. The whole Brice situation."

"Even with all of that," I said. "This isn't conditional. I'll take all of you and your baggage."

He placed his food down and moved closer to cup my cheek in his hands. "That's all I need."

He brought his lips down to mine, and I set my food down to hold onto him. I didn't care that we were kissing in the middle of a park and letting our food get cold. All I wanted was his lips against mine and him close by. I played with his hair while he brushed the pad of his fingers against my cheek, and the softness and warmth of his lips comforted me.

No one had ever made me feel this way, and I knew it couldn't be anything less than love. Love for the boy it took me so long to fully appreciate.

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* What do you guys think? What's going to happen next? With Brice? With Jax and Estella?

* Sorry for the long wait, but there are only a few chapters left of this story and then it's done.

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