While I wait to hear back from universities, George gives me a part-time job at the rink. I just clean up and answer the phone, and on a slow day, I buy a big calendar and organize every lesson and event. George laughs real loud and claps me on the back when he sees it.

"You're a wonder, Sam," he says, which makes me feel good.

I put down my pen - red for hockey lessons, blue for figure skating, green for birthday parties, purple for bigger events like a show or a tournament - and glance at him. "It's nothing, really."

"Don't know how I ran this place without you!"

He walks away, humming, and I smile. It feels good to succeed at something. Even something small.

~

Cameron leaves me, brushes past my shoulder without giving me a second glance, his face cold. He gets in a car with a guy, attractive and fully-gay, and they drive off as I scream at him to wait. And when I wake up, gasping for air, Cameron is asleep beside me. The moonlight catches on his face, and his chest rises slowly, steadily.

I trace my fingers through Cam's hair as my heartbeat settles. That was the first nightmare I've had in awhile. I've been having less of those lately. I close my eyes and try to match my breathing to his until I fall back asleep.

We're doing much better, Cam and I. Elizabeth says all relationships are put to the test sometimes. I still see her twice a week. Sometimes I'm sad, or nauseous and tired from the antidepressants, but other days I'm genuinely happy. Usually after a shift with George, or before one of Cam's games. Or when I spend time with the Becketts, which is most of the time. Veronica keeps practicing makeup on me. I don't mind it. Cameron says I look like a model. I think he's lying.

January freezes into February, and on the first Friday night, the whole family - besides Tom, who decides to stay home and rest but insists on us having fun - goes to the city to figure skate. The outdoor rink downtown is famous, city lights and the glowing Toronto sign reflecting on the ice.

The rink is fairly busy, the night air cold and crisp, and I breathe it in. Toronto is lit up and alive, skyscrapers stretching towards the moon. Hailey and I sit on a bench as Cameron laces our skates, and I lean back on my hands and watch couples and families skate on the ice. Around us, people drink steaming hot chocolate and share poutine.

"I'm gonna do a jump," Hailey says beside me. She's wearing a blue knit hat, so big is nearly falls in front of her eyes. "Like the Olympics. You gotta watch me, Sam."

"Okay, I'll watch you. Promise."

"You want to skate with me?"

"Of course!"

She slips her mittened hand into mine, and Cameron winks as he finishes tying our skates. Hailey and I circle the rink a few times, and she laughs and nearly pulls me down with her when she stumbles. It's freezing outside, but I don't really mind it. Hailey makes me smile. Cameron skates up to us after awhile, unbelievably graceful on the ice, of course, his hands in his coat pockets.

"Can I steal him, Hailey?"

She pouts. "No fair."

"Mom is standing over there with hot chocolate, if you want some."

She thinks it over. "Okay. Fine. But we're skating more together later."

She toddles to the boards where Ms. Beckett is watching, and Cameron takes my hand. I lean into his shoulder. "So," he says, and I glance at his face, olive skin washed over in blue and white lights. He smiles handsomely, cheeks flushed from the bitter breeze. "We're skating together."

"Yeah, we are."

"New life plan. You become a hockey star, get drafted to the Maple Leafs. Teammates, boyfriends, same thing. We could be Olympic champions together."

"Hm. Seems a little ambitious."

He grins. "Does it?"

I laugh, and he throws his arm around my shoulder. The bruise on his eye has mostly fainted, but there's still a trace of darkened skin that makes him look more tired than hurt. I want to kiss it better, suddenly.

"You excited to go to uni here?"

I look away. "Oh. Yeah, I don't know. Let's talk about it later."

"Okay."

"We have to wait for the news to come back first. I don't want to - I don't know."

We skate in silence for a moment, and I make brief eye contact with strangers skating nearby.

"Hey," I say. "People are looking at us."

"Yeah, that happens."

"They probably recognize you."

"Probably."

"Do you mind? And do they - do they mind?"

He kisses my temple. "No."

I breathe in deeply. Toronto, all lit up and alive.

~

February melts into March, and puddles of slush line every street. It's finally warm enough to bring flowers to my parents' grave. I haven't gone to church, not since I went with Pierce, but Cameron still goes because it makes his mom happy. I think about Willem a lot, though. Still not sure if thinking counts as praying.

One day at work as I'm filing paperwork, a figure skating lesson happening on the ice, someone walks up to the counter and says in an oddly familiar voice - "Sam?"

I look up and lose my voice for a second, nearly dropping my pen. "Trina?"

Trina's eyes are wide like she's looking at a ghost. I haven't seen her since graduation, but she pretty much looks the same - dark hair pulled back in a tight ponytail, rectangular glasses, her classic purple turtleneck.

"What are you doing here?" she asks, then breaks into a genuine smile. "Sam, it's good to see you!"

"I - I work here now," I manage to stutter. "Just part-time. I'm transferring schools. What are you doing here?"

"I'm home from McGill just for the weekend, I'm leaving tomorrow. I'm picking up my cousin from his lesson." She leans her elbows on the counter and tilts her head, studying me intently. "How are you? You look older. Thinner, kind of. Still blushing."

Nope, she definitely hasn't changed. Always says what's on her mind. "I've been alright," I say, which I think is a fair enough word.

"So Harvard didn't work out?"

I choke on my words. "No," I say awkwardly. "Not really. It - no. But - it's fine."

"So do you know where you're going next semester?"

"Not yet."

She smiles. "Well, whatever. In my opinion, Harvard is overrated anyway."

I stare at her. Maybe she has changed.

She pushes herself off the counter. "Well, I have to grab my cousin. I'm so glad I ran into you, Sam."

"You too," I say. When she walks away, I exhale deeply and run my fingers through my hair. Trina was a whole chapter in my life, one of my only real friends throughout high school. And I guess it's weird now, almost a year later, to open that chapter again.

Before I can think about it more, my phone rings in my pocket. "Hello?"

"Sam!" It's Tom. "Letters just came in the mail!"

"Letters?"

"University letters!"

"Oh. Oh."

He sounds more energized than I've heard him in a long time. "Come on, come open them!"

"Okay. The rink closes soon, and then I'll be home."

I hang up and stare at my phone. I guess this new university will be a new chapter. I hate how life is made up of chapters. Hate it and love it. Some chapters I want to last forever.

And some I'm glad to be over with.

A/N speaking of, i think only a couple chapters are left!  aksjdhaksjdha if you are reading this you are WONDERFUL and i LOVE YOU