My dearest Francis

I know a letter from me is the last thing you would want. I can only imagine just how you felt when I left. I know you want nothing more than an explanation for why I disappeared with our little Margaret. If it's of any consolation, she misses her father very much.

No words can ever make you hurt less but if you allow me I'd like to explain why I have left you. Allow me to start from the beginning.

The truth is that I was never a rich queen like my mother had your father believe. She told everyone that 'even the hay in our stables could turn into solid gold'. Thinking about it now, what kind of illiterate fool would believe that? Did people think I was a magician?

I know if  Henry had known the truth of how impoverished Scotland really was he would never have betrothed his only heir to me. And my mother knew that. Even before I was born she had already decided my fate. I was nothing more than a pawn for her and she made sure to benefit from my very existence.

The truth, Francis, is that my mother made a deal with France. Your father was to provide Scotland with military aid against England and the price of it was a portion of my supposed inheritance. Gold for military power. Henry knew that the only way to get the gold he wanted would be a political marriage between France and Scotland and thus our betrothal.

When I found out about the deal my mother made, I was hurt and terrified but it was too late to undo the damage. Your father was getting impatient. France had offered my countryman aid and I was offered a home and refuge. Now all that was left was for me to pay the debt I owed. To deliver the five hundred wagon full loads of gold as some sort of thank you gift and dowry.

Do you remember how you always chastised me for riding off into the woods behind the palace by myself? Well, those woods were always my place of comfort and that day I needed great comfort. The world was falling apart all around me and my mother wasn't here anymore to explain her blunder.

I was desperate, King Henry's birthday celebration was near and there was no way Scotland could not present him with a lavish gift, forget my dowry. As I sat by the woods crying my heart out wondering what to do a man approached me. He was dressed in the simplest of clothing but the threads were rich and of high quality. He asked me my name and what was bothering me. I know I should not have divulged my story to an absolute stranger - he could have been an assassin sent by the English monarchy for all I know but could not help myself. I told him who I was and my story.

I hadn't expected him to help me, honestly. The man offered to give me a wagon of gold in exchange for my necklace. As much as I cherished the old family heirloom - a gift from my mother - I decided to take a leap of faith. He was obviously some rich Lord or something. There was no way he would be willing to just give me the gold I required just like that. Perhaps he wanted an alliance and well, I was a little short on allies myself. And just like that he delivered a wagon of gold just as he had promised. I was able to plan a massive celebration for the King without any worries.

I thought for a little while my problems would be solved but nothing ever goes as you plan. Your father wanted a new Courtyard with a lavish new palace and I was to finance this project. Again I was backed into a corner and like last time, my mysterious rich savior appeared and this time all he asked for was my ring. Before you panic it wasn't the ring that bore my seal - thankfully. I don't know what I would have done if that was what he had asked for. I was able fund King Henry's building project and all was well. The people celebrated the new glorious palace.

You know what happened next. Your father decided to step down and give you the crown . Immediately after that, the King announced our wedding day. I was happy to finally marry you, Francis. Even though ours had been an arranged marriage we had grown to love each other. But I was to fund the wedding of course, because King Henry still believed I was some rich Queen and so far I had proved him right.

I rode to the woods once again hoping to find that man and I did, almost as if he had been waiting for me. He made me a deal. He would provide me with all the gold and wealth I would ever need but in return I was to give him my first born child. I was suspicious but honestly I had come too far to back down now. I also had no intention of giving him what he wanted but he didn't have to know that. So having made that deal, I got all the gold I desired, a thousand carriages filled with gold.

It was done, I had paid my debt to France and you and I were happy for a while. However, after our daughter was born that man suddenly appeared demanding his price.

I was stupid, I know. I should have seen this for what it really was. If I lost my child - your heir - what use as your consort would I be? I had to leave. Forgive me, my love, but until I find this man and ensure our daughter's safety I cannot return. I hope you understand.

Forever yours,

Mary Stuart