“How are you feeling? You seem a bit tense.”

“I’m literally shaking. I'm so not good in front of cameras.”

”Don't worry, you'll do great.”

A young beautiful lady strolls into the frame. She tugs on her black knee length dress that looks very simple but stylish. The dark colour of the dress clashes with her rather shy and gentle demeanour.

She smiles and sits down on the chair before crossing her legs elegantly.

She looks down at her nails briefly and then looks up, her dazzling two coloured eyes piercing into the front of the camera.
She takes a deep breath and then puts on a charming smile.

“Alright, I'm ready.”

The clapper board is picked up and then shut quickly.

“And…action!”

She straightens up in her chair.

Glad to have you here today. Can you give us your name?

“I'm Siena Maria Rossi. I'm from Siena in Italy. That's where I got my name from.” She smiles shyly. “I'm part of the grieving six and I'm happy to be sharing the story of my experience at camp and the rest of us as well.”

Tell us, who decided that you should go to the camp?

“My parents begged me to come to camp. I was doing really really bad and they had never ever seen me that way before so it genuinely scared them. They wanted to help me so much, they had so many ideas but in the end they decided that coming to the camp was the best option for me. They knew I wouldn't like it though so they made all these promises to me and in the end I agreed to come. It took a while for me to agree though.”

Are you grateful you came to the camp?

“I don’t think so. What has healed me throughout the years has not been the camp at all. I suppose it was a good incentive but it did not work for me. The world will always focus their programs and standards on people who are more or les extraverted.” She smiles. “I can’t say I had a bad time there though, I was quite fortunate to slip under the radar. I always try to do so, it is surprisingly easy.” She says with a nervous laugh as she picks up the glass of water and takes a small sip. She clears her throat and frown, looking slightly up. “Grateful, no, but I did believe it could work. I think I did have some faith in it. So that is my answer I suppose.”

What was your first thought on the camp?
She smiles “Well, I remember thinking is was beautiful. Half-timbered houses are always cozy in my opinion. They remind me of Christmas in a way, and I am not quite certain why. Anyway, that’s a whole other story, I remember thinking it was peaceful, not a lot of people were talking and you could hear the wind howling through the streets. Which reminded me of one of the old villages my nonna lives in. There was this atmosphere of letting the normal world go and replacing it with the simplicity of the camp, I didn’t mind, this dissociation was one of the only things that helped me through the camp. It was a good idea, a good concept, and they had spent a lot of money to realise something like this. I still admire them, but We all must remember that not every kid would profit from this.”

So what would your conclusion be?

She chuckles and shakes her head. “To conclude if you insist, I would say that a child must always choose whether this would be a good decision for them. Maybe there should be open days before the kids choose to go there.”

Do you remember the first thing you did at camp?

She looks towards the ceiling in thought and then begins slowly,
“I remember…a few minutes after I arrived, the orientation began. Then after that I was in my room, journalling. Then I met my roommate, she was really jolly…note the sarcasm.” You hear people laugh. “It was a really uneventful first day to be honest.”

Do you remember the first friend you made?

“I found Elaine very very interesting the first time I met her. So all the campers, we were coming back from an activity and I was walking alone in the crowd, lost in my thoughts when I started to hear someone shout hello a couple of times. I didn't expect it to be me because…people don't usually talk to me you know. But the voice was still coming over and over again and I began to wonder, why isn't this person answering? I didn't know it was me.

“So by the time I register that hey it could be me who's being called it's too late. I don't see the girl who I just run into. And funny, it was the second time I was running into someone in camp. The first person was actually Santi. I apologise and she tells me it's alright. And then we walk in silence and I'm so confused. Why is she following me? I think but eventually we begin to talk and we become friends. And I'm so grateful to have met someone as wonderful as she is. I will admit that at first I was kind of intimidated by her but it all faded away when I got to really know her.”

What was something that made you wish you never came to the camp?

“There was a lot actually, I think it is mostly the mistakes I made. I was very vulnerable than and peer pressure always works best at times like those. So I did some things I am not particularly proud of, although they were not my ideas I still feel guilty about them sometimes.” She shakes her head. “I might be a bit of a goody two shoes to be honest, I can be rather tight about rules. It is not something I am proud of either but I would rather be a goody two shoes than being manipulated into things I did not want to do.”

What would you like to clear up for the public?

She chuckles. “Well, this is going to sound very silly but I cannot come up with anything else on the spot right now. I am often portrayed as the pretty girl in the series. I have never felt like that suited me, I was far too shy to think that of myself. I also must criticise the way they most often write me rather one dimensional. What am I? A blank canvas? Come on screenwriters you must be able to do better than that. Have a bit of imagination!” There’s soft laughter in the background. “Seriously though, they need to understand that I was more than shy eye candy. I mean I am flattered but also offended” she says with a light-hearted laugh

Why did you run away from camp?

She looks down at her dress and picks at the edges.
“I don't like talking about this but I will just for the sake of it.” She takes a deep breath. “I used to be really shy and I admit I am still, but a lot less than before. At camp everyone knew that I was shy. It wasn't a secret. But it never really bothered me and no one really cared until this girl…long story short, she liked to bully me. Sometimes she'd tell me to give her my meals or join her in doing something illegal or something like that and if I didn't agree to do anything she wanted, she'll threaten to hit me. So one time I was so fed up with the whole thing that I refused to follow her do something I can't even remember and then she actually used a knife on me.”

Oh my God! I'm so sorry you had to go through this. And you didn't tell a counsellor?

“I probably should have done that but I was so scared and angry and I just didn't want anything to do with the camp anymore. I didn't know what to do, I didn't even think about anything anymore, not my friends, not my parents, I just wanted to leave and so I packed a small duffel bag and ran.”

No one knew of this bullying?

No, no one knew. I was scared to mention it. And I know that was a stupid thing to do. I should've stood up for myself, protected myself. I've learnt that now though.

The knife cut, did your friends see it?

Elaine spotted it although I tried hard to hide it but I told her it was from a fall ans waved it away. That was the last conversation we had before I ran away.

Amidst all these things you've gone through, was there anything at camp that made it worth it? Was there something that could've at least made you rethink running away?

My friends of course, they made me happier and more…myself. And I would admit that staying at camp for those first few weeks really helped me and my mental health. It had gotten so much better since I left home. If the whole bullying thing didn't happen, I would've stayed back for my friends and just for the help the camp gave me.

If you could do this again the exact same way would you?
“The first half of this absolutely crazy journey, definitely not, I would call someone to come get me if I would get bullied. But that is because I have found my voice in the second half of the journey, and I would not want to change anything about that. It made me who I am, and I have become resilient, I have become confident and I have become loved. I needed those months of growth, the months of loss and the mountains that I needed to climb were high and steep. And trust me, If that growth could’ve been easier I would have liked it. But I would never change it anymore. I am happy with where I have landed.” She says with a smile as she brushes her hair out of her face. “We need to understand life is not as easy as we want it to be.”

“That was perfect Siena. Thank you.”

“No problem, I tried my best.”

“You did very well.”

I nod as I stand up and straighten my dress. My high heels hurt as I walk towards the table with small sandwiches, I look at one and wonder why movies love miniature food, give me a normal sized sandwich for god’s sake. I smile when I see that my hand is not trembling. I don’t think I ever thought I would be here, happiness and luck is very interesting, not to mention very fleeting. I walk out of the studio and the sun hits my face, but I notice the small tears of heaven streaming down. I close my eyes and welcome the rain before looking for the colour scheme of hope that must be here right now.