I’m sorry I am late.” You hear some people chuckle.
“It’s okay, we are used to worse things.” You hear someone respond, their voice suiting and kind.

“It’s quite funny to be honest, I used to be very punctual. But I still need to get used to not being that obsessed with time. Well, we shall call it fashionably late right?”

“We shall.” Someone else says. “So are you ready Aaru?”

“Mentally sure, physically, I will only know once I see the footage.” He says while he laughs.

“So do you want anything specific to drink? Wine? Something other alcoholic?”

You hear a bit of laughter.

“No, not at all, I would love just some water. I’m far too innocent for anything else, I can’t take a sip without making a funny face.”

They put a glass on the table and another person emerges from behind the camera. His tanned skin almost reflects the lights on set. His trousers are abnormally wide and he is wearing a linen shirt with sunflowers embroidered on them. The way he moves is clumsy in an adorable way, but it’s also a bit apprehensive as if he is making sure he isn’t doing anything wrong. He sits down and smiles at the camera, his hazel eyes bright and happy. His curls reflect that same energy.

“It’s a bit cold here isn’t it?” he says as he unrolls his sleeves.
“And action.” They say as the clapperboard shuts.

“Last one here aren’t you Aaru. Tell me a bit about yourself.”
“Well, as mentioned my name is Aaru Saeed Mahmoud. I am Egyptian, I am from the beautiful city of Cairo, although I no longer live there. I am the youngest of the grieving six. And I am also the least interesting.” He says as he chuckles. “No, but I have always tried to keep a low profile since the incidents. Should I call it incidents? Anyway, that’s me.”

“Who decided that you should come to camp?”
“My aunt. She was the one taking care of me at the time. I was a mess and she was very worried about me so she searched for millions of ways to help me until she eventually stumbled upon the camp. Once she read about it, she immediately decided that I had to go there no matter what. I didn't want to go, as expected, but she forced me. She was so keen on me going to the camp, it was like she was the one going.” You hear laughter. “But she also told me later on that she was doing this for me because she wished she also has the opportunity when she was younger and was also going through a lot. So I had to go. I was grateful for everything she was doing for me as has done…up till this point.” His face looks a bit gloomy as he takes a sip of his water.

“Are you grateful you came to the camp?”
“Okay I didn’t want to say anything untrue so I went in blind here but I really should have read the questions.” He says as he grabs his glass and takes a sip, trying to stall time to gather his thoughts. “I wasn’t ungrateful, my parents had raised me better. But the camp made me incredibly anxious for some reason. I can no longer put my finger on it. I think I understood the appeal and the thought behind the camp but my emotional state didn’t let me appreciate the camp to its full length. I think I was too stubborn and too much of a control freak to be truly grateful.” He looks up as he tries to think. “I think it’s a difficult question because since I came back my opinion has changed. But I do remember I liked the fact that I was finally in Europe. It had been a dream of mine for a long time. And the mountains were beautiful even if we weren’t allowed to go there alone.”

“What were your first thoughts on the camp?”
“Visually I was absolutely blown away. It was nothing like home, with its wooden frames and its rustic décor, I loved the fireplaces, that was a nice touch to the common rooms. I fell in love with the European aesthetic because of this. Or at least in love with the Alpine aesthetic.” He says with a smile. “My first thoughts on the camp, I thought it was a rather bad idea to put every child who has had a bad experience in life in one concentrated place. It felt like dread and depression was often carried by the whole group. And personally I did not think that was uplifting. I always tried to stay positive but you can hurt people with being too positive when they might be going through a worse situation that you are. I thought the idea of walking on eggshells with the other campers was a bad idea but I didn’t really had the right words to express that feeling. For instance Santi seemed to have a problem with me for a long time, but eventually I made the effort to ask him and he explained his frustration to me. I understood but it didn’t make the cold shoulder he had given me any easier you know. I think personally that the grief was……. Contagious. If that makes sense.”

“It does make sense Aaru, you don’t have to check with us. If it’s not we will ask more questions.”
“Okay, good to know. Then I will just keep on complaining till someone stops.” He says with a smile as pinches the bridge of his nose.

“What was the first thing you did at camp?”
“I know I spent a lot of time making my schedule for the entire week. I…have to plan out almost everything I do because if I don't I will feel restless, like I'm going to forget something important. I fixed all the activities for camp first, then other things like times for our meals, then I used the remaining time to plan out what I'll be doing during my free time. Every single hour was planned. It was kind of concerning but I knew that it would always be better for me if I planned out so meticulously. Oh and of course once I had done that I played my oud.”

“Who was the first friend you made at camp?”
“Hmm…” he goes silent for a moment and he cocks his head from side to side as he thinks. “I don't know…I think most of the people that were my friends, I met them all at the same time at a campfire. But I don't know…I met Ezra first. He was the one who came into my room to invite me. We talked for a while but…I didn't actually become friends with him until after the whole campfire situation. That's a…long story I don't want to go into. So what I'm basically saying is…I didn't make a single friend at first. Most of my friends I met them all at the same time.”

“What was something about the camp that made it worth it?”
“Oh good question.” He reaches out carefully for his glass of water and takes a sip. “Among my group of friends, I was the youngest and I always felt like I was naïve, like I didn't really know anything. They didn't want to make me feel that way of course but it was…inevitable. Yet a good thing came out of it. Being around older people is always helpful, if they're the right company of course.” He laughs. “I learnt to be more mature than most people my age. I learnt a lot of things from them, lots of things that helped me and still are and I'm grateful for that. And my friends were amazing people, all of them. I learnt very valuable things from each of them so in the end it wasn't all so bad being the youngest.”

“Alright, do you remember something that made you wish you never came?”
“Well I think a lot of the camp made me feel that way. But it wasn’t because of the way they handled me it was because of the way I handled myself. I used to be a control freak, I think it was almost compulsive, or neurotic, whatever you wanted to call it. I had an incredible need to have some control over my life. And being a kid with that is hard as is, but then going to a camp where everything is decided for you makes it even worse. Yes, you have a schedule, but it always seems to change a bit throughout the day, and I made a strict schedule for myself.” He looks up and frowns, as if he needs to fight an emotion he is not familiar with. “I think that even though I hated it. The way the campers included me in the things they liked to do taught me how to be…. Human again.”
“It’s okay to get emotional Aaru.” 
He clears his throat and shakes his head. “It’s fine,” he exhales and chuckles. “Maybe I should’ve prepared better.” He says with a smile.

“What would you like to clear up for the public?”
“Most of my memories of the camp are happy ones. And though you really need to know whether your child is able to handle a camp like this there’s something human about it. Something that might be better for kids who aren’t traumatised or a mix of both. I think they could benefit from lifting the children up by making them feel normal. I think in some way the camp did make me feel normal We had campfires where most of the people drank beer, and we talked like you see in those high school dramas on the television. We baked cakes in the kitchen together. There was a sense of community and understanding apart from the grief, it was almost as if you were in college for a short while. Everyone was in the same boat. I think. And even though the structure of the camp made me crazy the idea behind it was pure. And the activities were well thought out. I think if I had been a normal child, or adolescent is perhaps a better word. I would have greatly benefited from it.”

“Why did you run away?”
“Ah…” he shifts in his chair and dusts his shirt lightly. “This is the biggest question here today isn't it?”

“It's the one we've all been waiting for.”
“Well…this probably sounds silly but…there was a point where it felt like everything was out of my control. It was like…everything else was in control of me. It was frustrating. The camp changed their own schedules randomly and spontaneously. You will just wake up one morning and hear that an activity that was set at let's say maybe ten in the morning, was moved to nine. It just messed up my schedule and it was so stressful trying to meet up and reschedule over and over again. It felt like they didn’t care about your time. It felt like they did not view you like a functioning human being, while I still considered myself a functioning human being. It made me feel strangely degraded and I got unnecessarily upset over such things. I had an incredible hunger for independence. so I couldn't take it anymore. I decided to run away. Not the smartest decision but yeah.”

“If you could do this again the exact same way would you?”
He sighs and looks up. “I wish I could have been less neurotic and accepted that I couldn’t control everything I was going to be doing in my life. I think I would have stayed in the camp, and although I would miss some of my favourite memories I might’ve made other favourite ones and my life would have been easier for me. I reckon, I can never know for sure of course. But…. My mother used to say you do not think what’s best or most enjoyable for your children. You look for what might be the easiest for them. And I think my mother would much prefer me to stay in the camp rather than to get lost in the woods. So, no, technically if everything would go the way that might be easiest for me. I would not do it the exact same way.”

“That’s a cut Aaru. You’ve done a great job. Were you nervous?” One of the crew members asks as they take off their headset.
“I tried not to be.” I say with a smile as I stand up.
“Well feelings do weird things to us.”
“Wonderful things you must mean.” I answer as I grab the container from my bag and give it to him. “I baked something for the crew, It might be a little sweet. It’s basbousa so not everyone might like it but I wanted to bring a little thank you for everyone.”
“How sweet.” He exclaims and I smile faintly.

I walk out of the studio and as I see the sun it invites me to take a little stroll. And because I cannot think of anything better to do I follow its call. The view is beautiful as the sun warms my face. My heart hits my chest calmly as I wonder what the others were feeling after these interviews. I have only really noticed how much I changed, the fact that I am no longer a slave to my own brain who cannot take no for an answer. I feel myself skip as a smile paints my face and I can see the shrubberies planted next to the studio, they’re beautiful. They remind me of clouds, or of something else, perhaps wool, or perhaps some other oddly shaped thing in nature that looks like it doesn’t quite belong, but it’s perfectly in its place. And it won’t move till it’s ready to. Maybe I will be a cloud someday, or maybe I am. I smile and remember the boy I once was, I never labelled myself as innocent but I could not see myself as anything other than that all those years ago. There was a strange naivety as I looked at life as an opportunity, not a happening, a storm we all must survive. Oh and how I have learned to sail, I enjoy sailing so much more than I thought I ever would. And the virtue has never been expectation, maybe the virtue is simply being. I sit down on the bench under a tree and look up. Being is definitely a virtue in itself.