*One day...*

* * * * *

The Bride: *Crying* MY WEDDING IS RUINED!!!

Volley: Dammit Pearl gimme back my contraban!

Pearl: N O

* *
Steven: Ruby and Sapphire, I now pronounce you man and wife.

Peridot: *claps* It brings me to tears it's just so goddamn BEAUTIFUL!
**
Spinny: Sissy! Sissy where are you?!

Lapis: Spinny you just missed the most gaysbian wedding I've ever been to.

Spinny: Lapis have you seen sissy?

Bismuth: Isn't that her over there?

Spinny: *gasps* SISSY NO!

**

**In the present**

Peridot: Ok. *clears throat* You may be wondering what the hell happened. Well, it is a very complex story that is full of romance, heartbreak, and most of all, lesbianism. So...I suggest you get some Fritos, along with some Peanut Butter cups, and wash it down with a Capri-Sun while I tell this-

Spinny: Oh! And don't forget the mapley syrups!

Aquamarine: SHUT UP ABOUT THE MAPLE SYRUP ALREADY!

*Punch!*

Aquamarine: Ow, bitch!

Spinel: The only one allowed to talk to my sister like that is ME! GOT IT!?

Peridot: Can you guys save it!? I'm telling the readers about the story of the wedding.

Jasper: Oh please.

Connie: I'll get the popcorn.

Peridot: Anyways, it all started when White didn't show up to the daycare...

**

Blue Diamond: *sighs* Well, I guess she isn't turning up today. So that also means no geometry test today.

Everyone (sans Pearl): YES!

Pearl: *depression*

Spinel: So does that mean we can go home?

Luni: Yeah because I think I swallowed my paint-

Blue: Well ya know what Luni? That's your own damn problem. And No, you're here to lEaRn and get eDuCaTeD so no one's going home!

Volley: I thought we were here because our parents didn't want us so you have to deal with us.

Steven: That is so true.

Jasper: *crosses arms* And because there's nothing to do at home.

Volley: Besides, we all know you wana leave and get high on your weed, Blue.

Blue: *lying* What are you talking about? I don't-

Volley: Your stash is at home in your garage and there's more in your tire.

Blue: ....

Blue: I need to go...check my tires- BUT DON'T GO ANYWHERE!

Steven: Ok we won't!

*She Sonic dashes out the door*

Steven: Ok so what's the plan guys?

Pearl: Why can't we stay here and be dignified for once?

Spinel: Becaauusee... no one is as boring as you. No we needa get out of here, no way in H E L L am I staying here.

Spinny: *grins and raises hand* OH OH! I KNOW WHAT WE CAN DO!

Aquamarine: *rolls eyes* Bloody hell, Spins. NO ONE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT MAPLE SYRUP!

Spinny: WELL I DO!

Aquamarine: Read my lips: It's s t u p i d

Spinny: *Offended gasp*

Luni: Alright, this is getting no where.

Peridot: *on Blue's tablet* Guys! There's a party going on right now! See?!

*She shows a picture of a drawing where bride is being carried by the groom, where it gives the address*

Amethyst: We're going to a strip club?

Spinel: If we are, I'm broke.

Peridot: No! Well...later...but there's gonna be cake and music and cake...

Steven: *drooling* And the lady looks h a w t.

Spinel: *elbows him*

Steven: What? She has big titties. My dad says women with big titties are always good in bed, so I'm guessing if I'm good enough, she'll tuck me into bed and read a story UvU.

Jasper: If that's the case, I could use a big titty woman in my life...

Lapis: So are we gonna party or what?

Pearl: NO!

Connie: HELL YEAH!

Peridot: Then let's hurry the fuck up, Blue's probably coming back in a second.

**2 hours later**

Peridot: Alright, we should be here in a few minutes.

Aquamarine: You said that 2 FUCKING HOURS AGO-

Connie: Do you even know where we are?

Spinel: Yeah, I don't see a big titty bride anywhere.

Steven: *Sad puppy noises*

pearl: See? I told you guys this was-

Peridot: GUYS I SEE IT?!

Pearl: O-O

Luni: Are you sure?

Peridot: I see a big titty woman in a white dress and her husband being ignored like shit, hell yeah I'm sure!

Steven: YES!

Spinny: Do you think there's gonna be maple syrups here?

Aquamarine: *does white girl groan* Spinny. Shut. The fuck. Up.

Spinny: *sticks her tongue out at her* You're just jealous cause YOU don't have any mapley syrups!

Aquamarine: *inhales* YOU DON'T HAVE IT EITHER!

Spinel: Aye, yell at her again and I'll kick you like a soccerball, now shut it.

*The preschoolers go raiding the cake and presents*

Preacher: Do you, Cum Stain, take Titty Sprinkle to be your lawfully wedded wife?

Cum Stain: I do.

Preacher: Do you, Titty Sprinkle, take Cum Stain to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Titty Sprinkle: *tears of joy* I do.

Preacher: YOU MAY KISS THE TITTY SPRINKLE!

*Suddenly, every starts screaming as water starts sprinkling over everyone!*

Titty Sprinkle: *screams*

Pearl: VOLLEY!

Volley: *smoking Menthol* Aye Birdface, want some?

Pearl: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING-

Volley: Taking a smoke, what does it look like?

Pearl: You just set off the fucking sprinklers with your cOnTrAbAn!

Volley: And? The Bride was gonna get wet anyways, if you know what I mean.

Pearl: THAT'S IT- *snatches the drugs* THIS IS A DRUG FREE ZONE!

Titty Sprinkle: *crying* MY WEDDING IS RUINED!

Volley: Dammit Pearl, gimme back my contraban!

Pearl: N O.
* * *

*Violin music plays, Sapphire in on the balcony*

Sapphire: Oh Ruby... *dramatic lovesick voice* Our love for each other cannot be understood by those others. I see that huge woman and her husband, they are happy, but by looking at them you can see their love is just as questioned as ours.

Ruby: *dramatic voice* But, my love-

Sapphire: Alas, my love...I dont know how much longer I can keep this relationship a secret. I cannot stand to be a secret no longer.

Ruby: *holds her hand* Oh but Sapphire, this is just for your safety. You said it yourself; no one will understand. They are uncultured swines that don't understand true love.

Sapphire: Oh, but shall we let this get in the way of us? Of what we have? Because of the others' judgement? *dramatically puts hand on her forehead* I don't even know if you truly love me!

Ruby: *gasps* Oh but I do! And I will prove it!

Sapphire: And how is that?

Ruby: *takes her hand and gets on one knee* Sapphire, this is the only way to show you are truly the one for me.

Sapphire: *covers mouth with hand* Ruby...

Ruby: Sapphire, I am asking you to be mine through marriage.

*THUNDER*

Lapis: This is so gay, I love it...

Steven: You know what? I wanna be the one to wed them!

Lapis: But we need to know if she says yes!

Ruby: Sapphire...

Sapphire: Yes, my love! I WILL MARRY YOU!

Lapis: I CALL DIBS ON BEING A BRIDE MAID!

Steven: Come on Love birds, we have a wedding to make!

***

Spinny: Sissy! Sissy? Sissy where are you! *yells out* SISSY!

Volley: *runs into Spinny* OOF! Damn Spinny!

Spinny: Volley have you seen Sissy? I lost her.

Volley: Don't know, don't care, I gotta get that bitch that stole my contraban!! *pushes her into the table where the cake falls on top of her*

Spinny: .....FUCK!

***

Titty Sprinkle: *Crying* My life is over! THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!

Cum Stain: It'll be alright-

Titty Sprinkle: IT WONT BE ALRIGHT!

Connie: HEY! EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN!

Peridot: The hell is she talking about?

Aquamarine: I dunno but she's got a megaphone.

Connie: OK! SO! I have to say something VERY VERY IMPORTANT TO THE BRIDE! Miss Titty Sprinkle, I saw your poor excuse of a husband fuck your sister in the closet while you were trying on your dress!

Cum Stain: Wha-

Titty Sprinkle: YOU PIG! *hits him with her heel*

Connie: And one more thing...You're all gay.

*Mic drop*

Peridot: *claps* I couldn't have said it better myself.

Connie: Thank you, thank you :3 I think I just saved a wedding OwO

***

Steven: We are here today to celebrate the lesbian love of Ruby and Sapphire, both of which are very gay and couldn't be any gayer.

Lapis: WOOH! GAY PEOPLE!

Steven: Sapphy, do you take Ruby to be your gay wife?

Sapphire: I do.

Steven: Ruby, do you take Sapphy to be your gay wife?

Ruby: I do.

Steven: Ruby and Sapphire, I now pronounce you man and wife.

Lapis: *claps* It brings me to tears, it's just so goddamn BEAUTIFUL!

Ruby: Sapphire, I want you to know, I wanna spend the rest of my days with you.

Sapphire: And I wanna spend the rest of my days being gay OwO.

Lapis: Oh! And I have a gift you might like! *given them a soaked gift off the table* Open it!

Sapphire: ....

Ruby:....

Steven: Woah...it's so blue and sparkly! It's shaped like my dingy too!

Sapphire: What is it? *presses a button and it starts vibrating rapidly* OH MY GOD ITS ALIVE!

Ruby: My mom has one of those, except it red.

Sapphire: RUBY MAKE IT STOP VIBRATING!

Ruby: Maybe the sprinkler water will make it stop?

Lapis: Ah yes, young love. Such a beautiful thing...

Spinny: *covered in cake* Sissy! Sissy where are you?!

Lapis: Spinny you just missed the most gaysbian wedding I've ever been to.

Spinny: Lapis have you seen Sissy?

Bismuth: *out of nowhere* Isn't that her over there?

Spinny: *gasps* SISSY NO!

Aquamarine: *getting kicked* I will fucking kill you after this!

Spinel: BET!

Spinny: SISSY WTF-

Spinel: Oh hi, Spins. How are ya?

Spinny: Why are you kicking Aqua?

Spinel: Cause she's a hoe.

Aquamarine: CAUSE YOUR SISTER IS BLOODY INSANE!

Spinel: It took you that long to figure it out?

*Police siren noises intensifies*

Peridot: GUYS WE GOTTA GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!

Aquamarine: Fucking finally...

Ruby: *carrying Sapphire, who still has the vibrating dildo*

Lapis: Wait, what about Volley and Pearl?

Peridot: Fuck those 2, it's every hoe for themself! Now R U N

Spinel: *grabs Spinny's hand and runs* Let's get the hell outta here!

Spinny: But-

Spinel: Dammit Spinny, just run!

***
*Back at the preschool*

Peridot: As you can see...We totally crashed that wedding. Now what happened with Volley and Pearl? We still don't know. But hey, who even gives a damn?

Spinel: Aye, they had some goodass cake though.

Ruby: And Sapphire still doesn't know what that toy is.

Spinny: OH! CAN I PLAY WITH IT?!

Sapphire: Sure.

Spinel: Ok but like...

**

*At the bus stop*

Pearl: So...sorry I took your drugs...

Volley:...It's ok...

Pearl: *fiddles with her fingers* We're gonna be here a while...

Volley: *sighs* I'm gonna kill them next time I see them...

**

The end of day 5!

Ok, but if they crashed my wedding, I'd probably crash it with them XD