"Good evening, Mashka." I chirped to my sister as her maid peeled my coat off in the foyer. "Hello, darling, how are you?" she replied with her usual sweetness. "Hi Auntie!" Sergei exclaimed and threw his arms up to hug Mashka. "Hello my sweet! Would you like to see your cousins?" she gestured to the doorway across the foyer where her children stood, anxious to play with their cousin. "Not too long, now, bedtime is in an hour." she called to her children as Sergei raced to greet them.

"How are you, Nastya?" she strung her arm through mine as we strolled to a small sitting room where two glasses of wine awaited us. "Good, and you?" I replied, taking my seat by the window out looking the gardens. "Fine," she sat across from me. "Have you visited with Mama lately?"

"Not in a while. I spent a weekend with her two weeks ago. I've been busy with my orphanage." I oversee a large orphanage in St. Petersburg, where I run fundraisers and donations, and supply purchases. I help make clothing and toys for the children and I encourage the noble women of my class to do the same.

"I understand. Shall we visit together next week?"

"Sure." We clink our glasses. I saw a purple bruise on her wrist, which I noticed was veiled with her gold bracelet when she brought her hand down.

"Did you hurt yourself?" I asked casually, glancing at her from over the rim of my glass as I sipped on my wine. "Yes," she replied quickly. "I knocked over a glass last night at dinner, it left a mark."

"It is indeed a shame that lying is a sin. You'll have to confess this Sunday."

"I didn't lie."

"Ah, but you just did. Twice, in fact."

"No,"

"Thrice,"

"Enough!"

I nearly jumped at her snap. "I am sorry." I muttered.

"No, I am. I shouldn't have lied." She looked at her hands, which I took in mine. "You can tell me anything." She looked away. "But I shouldn't. He could know."

"If you are worried about your husband knowing you speak to your sister, you shouldn't be married to him. Mashka-" I put my hand on her cheek, turning her eyes to mine. "Please. Leave him. This is appalling. This isn't safe for you, for your children-"

"I know. Things have been worse in the last few months."

"What do you mean, worse?" my eyes widened. I don't think I want to know, but I must.

"He doesn't come home a lot of nights. Or he has a party here, and when I confront him about his drunkenness, he- well, he-" She stuttered.

"What does he do?"

"Hits me. This mark is from when he grabbed my wrist as he was yelling at me. He says he's the man, so he can do what I please, and I can stay shut up in the nursery with the 'weak' children I gave him. He finds the children disappointing, with a hemophiliac and the rest of them not taking interest in the things he hoped they would, like rugby. But they are so young! They are children, but he wanted to mold them exactly how he wanted from a young age. He doesn't care anymore. The children mean nothing to him anymore." I expected her eyes to fill with tears, but they didn't. She looks resigned to the fate of her marriage.

"When has this started? This need for dominance?"

"Five months ago." her big blue eyes flashed up at me.

I know what that means.

Five months ago was the night where Louis humiliated Maria by disobeying her, after Papa's funeral. He gave the children the cigarettes in front of the family when she told him not to.

We're going back in time once again.

She paced the room in fury. "Mashka, please. Do it for yourself, for your children, for us all. Tatiana is Tsarina now. She will grant the divorce."

"No, I would be an embarrassment to our family." she shook her head.

"You know that's not true. If the public knows what he does-"

"I am not telling the public about his abuse! I hardly told Papa when he was here, and I tell little to Mama now. I will not be so petty to vent to the Russian people. They wouldn't care anyway."

I buried my head in my hands. Mashka has never been one to be stubborn. In this case, she is as stubborn as a mule, if not, more so.

"I know that you wanted a fairytale marriage." Her eyes turned to mine. "You had the perfect wedding and that's where the affection died. You aren't ready to throw that out because you think there is a chance for change and a rebuilding of your relationship." I was right. I hit a nerve.

"I can't accept that after everything we've built together... it's going to be wasted. Why can't he just stay and care for our family, if not for me at least?" Tears filled her eyes.

"I wish he would." I said, stroking her hair. After a moment she fell asleep on the chaise. That was my time. I should've stayed to be with Mashka when she woke, I know that now. But I didn't and now she's paying the price for my stupidity.

I marched down the hall and threw open his door. He was reclining on the leather sofa in his bedroom, cigarette in one hand and whisky in the other. A cigarette had not been lit in months in the palace until he came back. He slurped down English whisky from his homeland, where I wish he would return to forever.

Did he stand out of respect for the daughter of the Tsar's entrance? No, of course not. I am a woman, why would I get respect? That would be atrocious.

I stood at his reclined feet, staring his grey eyes down with my violet ones, engulfed by flames of fury.

"Do you not stand in the presence of Her Imperial Highness?" I demanded, hands on my hips.

"You earn respect when you give it." he replied coolly.

"I've tried to respect you. I'm at my wits end for toleration. Get up. Face me like a man, you coward." I barked.

"You are correct to be standing for me. The people of the lower sex stand for the superior."

"Are you so incompetent, or drunk, to not understand that most of the Imperial Family, which you married into, are women?"

"And that's why they shouldn't be ruling the largest country on Earth."

"You really think you'd be a better leader? Sitting here with your cigarettes, which killed our Tsar, and pathetic whisky, acting like you know best when you do not even know well enough to respect women, not even your wife?"

"Women do not need respect. Get off your highest of horses, your Majesty."

"You moronic swine. I am Her Imperial Highness. If you cannot get Imperial titles right, then you do not deserve one. I hope you soon get the fuck out of my country before I chase you out with a whip."

"It isn't polite for a woman to swear."

"It isn't polite for a man to be a womanizer."

"Listen to me right now. Women are for one thing: bearing children. How do you bear children?-"

"I know how children are made, you-"

"Sex. Therefore, women are only needed for sex. And if my wife will not bear me good enough children, then she is useless for sex or giving birth, so she doesn't get any respect, and I do not care. You are not married, so you do not have a say."'

"But I am a woman! We deserve respect! And you are abusing my sister, because you have nothing to do with your pathetic, worthless self!"

"You know what? I don't give a shit. I really don't! It's my life, my wife, who is my property. She knew that when she married me. Get your act together and fix your life to get yourself a husband, then you can tell me how to be a good husband. Until then, I can do whatever the fuck I want to Maria, and you will not stop it. Get out."

"No, you get out. Get the hell out. I hate you and I hope you know that until the day you die. I know I will. Abusing your wife doesn't make you any more a man. Misogyny doesn't either. God save you, you'll need saving." I turned on my heel and marched out the door.

"He's asserted his misogyny into the household now. He has an insult for anything I do. I give up." she clenched her wine glass.

"Maria- I didn't-" I began.
"I know you didn't mean for this to happen. But you did it. And it happened. I told you not to go. I told you to stay out of my marriage problems, but did you? No." She cut me off, eyes narrow.

I looked helplessly at her face, collapsed into the chair. I messed everything up. I let him get under my skin and show my hatred. He has the satisfaction of knowing I detest him. Now Mashka has to suffer for my stupidity.

She still stared me down. "I have nothing to say in my defense. It was wrong of me. I am sorry, more than you'll know. I wish I could go back and change it-" I said meekly.

"But you cannot." her words hung in the air. I lifted myself out of the chair. I kissed her cheek. "Good night, Mashka. I wish you the best. Come stay with me whenever you may need, I won't mind." I said softly and swept out of the room.

In the foyer, I called to Sergei. "Come, darling, it is time to go home." I approached the doorway of the parlor where the children had assembled, playing hide and seek. I took his hand, "No, Mama, we are playing." he resisted. "I am sorry, but it is time to go." He hung his head and waved goodbye to his cousins and escorted me to our car. As we were whisked into the night, I looked to the window of the sitting room. Mashka wrapped herself in a shawl and watched me leave, wild fear in her eyes.

Louis' car passed ours on the road. I squinted to see Mashka from a distance.

The lights were off in the sitting room and the parlor where her children were. They were hiding.

She is bait in a large cage, but the tiger always finds her. She is trapped. It's my fault.

I drowned in guilt as sleep suffocated me.