"Mama!" my head snapped to see my little Sergei, his head sticking out of a motorcar's window containing him and the governess to Tatiana's children, another thing to get used to. "Sergei!" I exclaimed.

"I'm home!" he shouted as he jumped out of the car when it came to a halt and the driver opened his door. He bolted into my arms. "Did someone miss me?" I teased gently, embracing him. "Yes!" he exclaimed. "Auntie Tanya has so many little ones to look after, she couldn't read me a bedtime story." My face slightly fell at this. Sergei must have felt lost in a sea of so many other children. Perhaps she doesn't have a large family, but he is used to living with just me. He gets all the attention here, like he should. He should stay here.

"Oh, I am sorry about that. Did you have fun with your cousins?" I asked. I already knew he did, he loves having other children to play with. That's why I visit my sisters so often, partly to give Sergei more interaction with other children. That will be a benefit from this change, more playmates.

"Come, darling, let's get you settled inside." I took his hand and we entered the palace. "I missed you lots, it was so quiet without you." He smiled up at me. "Well, I am back forever!" he threw his hands up and raced down the hall. His energy was endless, which will be gone soon. He isn't back forever, which my heart breaks at. Does he not want to go back to Tatiana's house? Then I would have to be the one forcing him out...

His laughter filled my ears like water. He was chasing a butterfly in the garden, the sun shining on his rosy face. He was an uncanny copy of Alexei. Raising him felt like watching Alexei grow up again, but carefree without the lurking dangers of hemophilia.

I pulled out my polaroid. If my time raising Sergei was running short, I will embrace it. I took many photos of him running, grinning, and playing. He was so content, with all the attention on him. This is only going to make the good bye worse.

Shura came out to the garden holding a silver tray of lemonade and gingerbread. I waved her over to a little white table and we sat watching him climb a tree. "Are you alright?" she asked quietly. "No," I whispered back. "I can't see him go." she took my hand. "It will be alright, somehow."

"God, I hope so." I turned to her.

"I want you to know, you've been incredible these past five years. I appreciate so much how you helped me in raising Sergei when it was so unexpected. I know he'll be missing you as well."

"Nastya, there is no need to praise me, but thank you. You are the best adopted mother and Sergei was sent a blessing. He knows that."

"Thank you. I hope he doesn't miss me, at least not too much."

"Why, of course he will miss you, but he will adjust. Do not worry too much."

"I just don't want him to have to feel the pain I will." I said quietly. I rose from my seat, dropping Shura's hand. "Sergei," I called. "I am going to get you." he was inspecting flowers, but not anymore. I picked up my white lace skirt and we sped through the garden as he squealed and giggled and I laughed, running after him. "Oh no! You are too fast!" I said breathlessly as he danced in triumph. I scooped him up in my arms and rubbed his nose with mine like a mama bear holding her cub. He reached up and clasped my pocket watch necklace once again. In that moment, my heart has never been warmer. It went cold again as he leaped out of my arms to chase a squirrel. I don't mind. He must have his fun, which he deserves.

I sat back with Shura, and moments later Sergei came running up with two daisies. He presented one to me, kissing my hand, pretending to be a stiff courtier but he burst out an impish smile. He presented the other daisy to Shura, which he accompanied with a big hug. I took the opportunity to take lots of photos, including him grinning and snacking on gingerbread. I want to remember these moments for eternity.