Glasses clinked. Elegant gowns swept the floor as various traditional Russian dances were performed. Mama made her appearance but nothing more. She seldom stays even for dinner. However, OTMA was reassembled with Olga back from Romania, unfortunately with her swine of a husband. However, I was delighted to see dear Igor, as it has been too long since I'd seen him. Tatiana was pleasantly enjoying the evening with her beaming husband, the only happy marriage of us daughters. Maria mostly conversed with me, trying to unnoticeably stay away from Louis.

"Do you see the way that Igor looks to Olga from across the room?" She exclaimed quietly to me. "They're so sweet." She looked down, disappointed that she cannot find a man she loves like how Olga loves Igor. "They are very darling. What a shame they cannot be together without causing a scandal." I replied, sternly gazing over the room. I wasn't upset at the evening, but at the idea that Olga gave into the marriage with such resignation, worn down from the hell of proposals.

During the cocktails, we mingled more and Igor stood near OTMA speaking with a prince. "Well," the prince said with a sly smile on his face. "There is indeed a woman you love." My jaw dropped and Olga's face turned blue as she restrained her coughs from choking on her champagne. Carol glared at his wife. He couldn't lash out at her in front of both Romanian and Russian courts. Tatiana quietly carried on with her conversation and I pointed out the lovely gardens to Mashka. We could not acknowledge this affair.

Although it is public knowledge, it is not to be discussed in public. The prince intended no harm, as it was a harmless remark. Olga and Igor both wish for their relationship to be public, but a divorced king and queen would be atrocious.

"I know he just wanted to poke fun and anger Carol," Olga murmured as she paced. "But Carol has the power to kill Igor. The prince was being a fool."

"Tell him that. Tell him he was being a fool." Tatiana replied. We were sitting in the guest bedroom that Olga occupied in Tatiana's palace, where the evening's ball was held.

"We have thought about..." Olga looked at her hands. "Leaving. The two of us. Leaving Romania to be alone for some time, and to demand a divorce. The people know about his affairs, they sympathize with me more than him. I wouldn't mind coming home to Russia."

"Olga! You have to think about this more seriously! You yourself said that Carol has the power to kill Igor. He can kill you too! Or he could imprison or torture you both." Tatiana exclaimed.

"The public is on my side, Tatiana, his reputation would be below hell if word gets out if he does that to us."

"That doesn't matter to him. If he really cared about his reputation, he would have his shit together and stop chasing women and partying. He would do whatever he wants and still not care about what people think of him." Tatiana grabbed Olga's hand. "Please, just don't do this."

Olga took her hand away. "Do you not care for my happiness? For my love or my freedom?" she scowled.

"I certainly care for all of those things but you will not have any of that if Carol imprisons you. I care for your well being, and if you can shut out Carol for the most part, stay quiet with Igor, then you are safe."

"I will never be safe. A prison is better than what I have now. I would rather be in a cold cell alone for the rest of my days than have to wear this ring on my finger in a comfortable palace with any riches I could ever desire."

Silence fell over the room. Maria and I sat silently like we were sitting on a bomb that would explode with the opening of our mouths.

"We just want to be happy, to be married..." Olga whispered and burst into sobs. Tatiana wrapped her arms around her as she crumpled to the floor. Maria burst into tears as well. She doesn't like to see others cry, it makes her cry too, but I am sure she is thinking about how she wants out of her marriage too. Tears slid down Tatiana's face as well, seeing our sisters so miserable. I began to cry too. Why does Sergei have to leave? Why did the people have to die at my fundraiser? Why did I have to be raped?

So, in a puddle of tears on the floor, OTMA wept for ourselves and for each other.

"I love my Dima so much... but," Tatiana whispered, choking on her shaky breaths. "I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can be Tsarina." she wept more as I wrapped my arms around her.

"We've built so much together." Maria cried. "Why does he have to hit me? Why am I not good enough for him?" We let that marinate in the room as we hugged each other more.

"Why do I have to part with Sergei? Why was I raped?" I wailed.

We cried for what felt like days. We really were just a mess. Nothing more. Not a Queen and a Tsarina and Grand Duchesses, just women looking to their sisters for comfort, whether it be about their marriages, duties, trauma... we were just hopeless women.

I finally stopped crying and looked at my sisters. Olga was curled up with Tatiana, holding each other. Maria was lying on the floor, staring at nothing. I just sat. I hugged my knees. We wiped each other's cheeks of our tears and gathered ourselves back together. "We are OTMA," I whispered and my sisters met my eyes. "Yes," Olga said softly. "Forever and always." Tatiana agreed. Maria silently nodded. After a moment, she looked at Tatiana.
"Tatya?" she asked. Her voice was tired and small, like when she was a child. "Yes, darling?" Tatiana replied. "I am divorcing Louis." Maria said, her strength in her voice returned. "It is time."

"I understand." Tatiana nodded. A small smile darted across my face. "I am proud of you, Mashka." I said. "Thank you," she replied. She didn't look happy, but resigned.

"Nastya?" Mashka then asked me. "Yes?" I replied. She was silent for a moment.
"Does it still hurt anymore?" she asked, deadly quiet. I was shocked.

I sighed quietly. "Every moment my heart beats, it does." I closed my eyes and put my head down. That memory haunts me through my days and nights. It lurks in the day and attacks at night in my dreams. "It hurts in my dreams, too." I didn't cry again. I couldn't.

I felt frozen as I put my head in Olga's lap and my sisters hugged me.

"We will never let this happen again, not to anyone." Tatiana whispered.