A dog's bark shattered the darkness. I was in the square again, at the bazaar. Suddenly, my hair started falling off my head, raining on my feet. That's when I was taken again by that man, who is now dead in the ground, my rapist. The alley is longer than it is in real life, and everything is in slow motion, my guards can't get to me, I am trapped between the walls and the disgusting man and it all happens again.
I wake up screaming, gasping for air and panicking. My palace was entirely dark. The dark is comforting to me, but this time I feel like I am being watched, so vulnerable like anyone could leap out of the shadows and hurt me again. I truly feel alone in the world for the first time, sitting in my bed shaking, when the door opens. I tried not to panic, but I see a candle is struck in the doorway and handed to a smaller figure who enters the room. Sergei appears at the end of my bed, the candle glowing in his blue eyes. His face was solemn, understanding that I am going through some kind of pain which he is unsure of. "Mama?" he asks softly. I wanted to burst into tears, for he is what I truly have made it through for, but I cannot scare him.
"Darling," I said, the tension within me unraveling.
"Are you alright, Mama?" His eyes were big and concerned. "Yes, darling, I am just fine." I replied soothingly.
"I heard you scream, Mama." he repeated "Mama" like he wouldn't be able to again.
"I hear you scream at night often, Mama."
"I know, Baby, I know. I don't mean to wake you."
"What happened, Mama? Why do you scream?"
"I don't know why I scream, sweet, why don't you come up here?" He climbed onto my bed. He stared at my necklace for a moment. "You know why you scream, Mama." His quick observance never failed. What to say to him?
"You are right, Sergei, I do."
"Why do you scream, Mama?"
"A man did something very awful to me, darling, something I wish you would never do to a woman. You must always respect women, and never do anything to them that they do not like. Do you understand, my child?" I looked into his eyes.
"Yes, I understand, Mama. Why would anyone do anything to someone who doesn't like it?"
"I don't know, Sergei, I wish I did. But I do not so I will teach you to never be the person who does. I love you very much."
"I love you too, Mama."
"Do not worry about me, dear, I will be just fine."
"Will you still scream?"
"I don't know. I will try not to."
"Thank you."
"I am sorry that I do."
"You can scream if something bad happened to you, I don't mind. So long as I know you are safe, Mama."
"I am, darling, I am safe."
"Good."
I hugged him tight. "Are you sleepy?" I asked softly. "No, Mama. I am not sleepy." he replied drowsily. "Are you sure?" his eyes flashed opened and looked up at me. "Yes," he moved off the bed, his little feet hitting the floor with a small 'thunk.' "I will walk myself back to my chamber now, Your Highness." he acted imperiously and lifted his chin, strolling proudly across my room to the door, where he waved good night with an impish grin. He was just a shadow now, and the taller figure took the candle from him before he vanished into the dark with another tall figure
The first tall figure entered my room. "Are you alright, Nastya?" Shura asked as she appeared at the end of my bed with the candle. "For now, yes I am." I said with fraying confidence. "Is Sergei alright?"
"Yes, he is with his governess now."
"Good,"
Shura walked over to where I was, sitting up in bed. She sat down beside me. "He loves you unconditionally, whether he is with Tatiana or not. He will miss you just as much as you'll miss him." She took my hand. "Remember you have a lot to do when he leaves. The orphanage, your foundation, helping Maria... you will not be alone."
I nodded. "Thank you."
"And nothing like what happened to you will ever happen again."
"I'd hope so. And I hope it won't happen to any other woman, with the help of our foundation."
"Yes. Well, good night dear."
"Good night, Shura."