I only called it One time
Maybe it was two times
Don't think it was three times
Can't be more than four times.

Tootimetootimetootime by The 1975

I found myself inside the car with Hoseok. He was pretty quiet but I saw him observing me through the rearview mirror. I shook my head.

Why is my heart pounding like this? I thought I already mastered not to get affected by him when we see each other... But heck!

I sighed.

"Where do we go, Sir?" I raised my brows. What happened to him and he called me Sir?

"Anywhere but home." I said. He nodded his head and drove. I was just looking at the window. The traffic is bad but for the first time, I didn't got pissed. I need as much time as I can have to dwell with this. We bought beer along the way. Maybe I can escape this hell just for a mean time. To forget Taehyung for a mean time.

Is sighed.

Taehyung is an asshole. A stupid fuck.

Not a moment later we parked. I looked around the place, I don't know where it is but it's beautiful. It's already 11pm, the city lights were the only thing we see and our car wad our only source of light. I looked at the sky and saw that it is dusted with stars.

He accompanied me to sit on the grass. It's disgusting but I don't care about that anymore. He sat beside me taking care of our beers. I was just eyeing him. He has really good features but I like his nose most especially. He is not lying when he said that he's handsome but I won't admit it to his face or I won't hear the end of it.

"Stop looking at me, Jin. I know I'm handsome but I'm playing hard to get. You won't get into my pants so easily." He said. I didn't know that he was already looking back at me.

I felt embarrassed and hit his face.

"Oh my god! I said not my face!" He exclaimed.

"You're so vain."

"No, I just appreciate and love my face. My handsomeness and hotness." He even touched his chin like and looked far away.

I rolled my eyes.

"Do you think you're God's gift to women?"

He looked back at me, there's a glint of playfulness in his eyes. A childlike vibe, he looked carefree and happy. The things I lost when I loved Taehyung.

"Of course I am! Have you seen me? I'm the epitome of protection. And correction, mister, men and women."

Oh! My! god!

We just sat there. After that nobody bothered to talk again. Me, I was busy thinking about Taehyung. All the hate I felt for him. All the tears I cried in London, Greece, New York, Mexico and more. I think about how stupid I am for loving him. I just sat there while Hoseok eats all the food we bought. He stuffed his mouth with it even nodding his head and moaning at how delicious it is.

As I look at him, I can't help but wonder about one thing, "So what's your back story?" I asked before drinking my beer. He just shrugged his shoulders. It seemed like he doesn't want to talk. "Come on! Everyone has a back story."

"Fine, since you started this, what's your back story?"

I paused. It got me thinking, no one really knew about what me and Taehyung had. Not my Mom, my Dad, not anyone in the family, not any soul. So why would I be ashamed to tell him what happened? I don't know him on a personal level and Hoseok is my employee, so what the heck?

"The man back in the hotel was ..." I started. I don't even know how to define him? He said he's not even my boyfriend.

"Your ex?"

"Ex yes ... But not my boyfriend."

"You're not a thing?"

"Nope." It stings. "We're more than friends but less than lovers. We have no label. He said that were happy and that's enough. What an ass right?"

"But?" He said. He's waiting for another part of the story.

"I was in love with him. I thought I was special. But when he got bored of me, he found another man, they didn't even last long. It was as if what we had was nothing. I even thought I was just his flavor of the month."

"You were young. You don't know that."

"Yes but he's fourty one then. He know things. More things."

"What?!" He looks like he can't believe it. "He's old enough to be your uncle."

"In love nothing matters even if it's about age, Hoseok. I was young and I was in love. Everything was perfect, everything has rainbows and butterflies, and everything was sweet and joyful ..."

"But he's old. How old was he now?"

"Fourty six." I answered. "I haven't told anyone about this. Not even my Mom. I don't want her to know that once in my life I was ready to give up being her son just to be with a man 20 years older than me. I was willing to give up my surname, myself just to be with him. I was so in love with him ..."

I teared up, "But you know why it hurts the most? It's because he never loved me, Hoseok. He only told me that he loves me once, twice? He made me feel special and wanted but then it turns out that it was just for nothing. To spite my Mom that her son, who she was very proud of, was helplessly begging for a man like him. He's a monster ... A savage one, he didn't even think twice, he just hurt me."

Hoseok grabbed a bottle of beer. He joined drinking with me. I don't mind, I like letting it all out.

"What if, Jin ..." He looked at me. Suddenly, I was interested in what he's going to say. "Just what if, what if he was really in love with you too? But he was put in a certain situation that caused him to refrain himself from loving you? What if one day that situation will come to light? What will you do?"

I stared at him for a moment and I answered him back.

"I'll slap the fuck out of him." I said, "My Mom said, if a person loves you, no matter what the situation is, he will choose you over and over again. If someone loves you, they love you. You won't leave, you won't choose something else. Your love will be the only choice. My Dad was put in a certain situation too, but he sued that moment for the betterment of himself, and when they were put in that situation all over again, he chose my Mama over anything else because he loves her. If Taehyung has his own situation, then he should've chosen me, if he really loves me then, that should have more weight. But then he left ne hanging. He never loved me, or if he did, it was not enough."

Silence filled the air.

But then Hoseok said something ...

"What you said is true ... But my handsome face is truer."

I ended up laughing because of his words. I heard him chuckle with me too.

"Oh my god. I can't believe I'm laughing at you."

"Again, you're wrong. You're laughing with me. That's different."

"Fine. You're talking shit again."

"At least you laughed. Anyway, does it still hurt?"

"Yeah. Some nights I still cry but I don't want to be known for that. I want to be known as Seokjin who loved but got better and stronger." I smiled to myself. "You, what do you want to be known for?"

"Simple," he shrugged his shoulder. "Handsome, Yummy, and can make panties wet. Not to mention make straight men gay."

"Hey!" I pushed him lightly and laughed.

"You're more handsome when you laugh. I feel horny all of a sudden."

"You're a perv." I scoffed at him but at the same time I wanted to laugh. My Mama said I should laugh without a sound but I can't suppress it now Hoseok is just so funny.

But my resistance fell and I laughed hard. Hoseok looked at me with awe he too smiled with me.

"You should be flattered! The second most handsome man is finding you attractive."

"Second? Who's the first?" I asked in curiosity.

"First of course is my father. The carrier of these glorious genes."

"You're conceited."

"Yes. I am my father's son." He shrugged his shoulders. "You know, Jin, everyone has their own back story but it depends on you how you will react upon it. Jin, this is serious, as serious as my handsome face. It's either you're going to live in the past or you're gonna throw it away to embrace your future."

"You're right ..." I said. Well he is. What should I say?

"You know what. We should dance." He said.

He smiled at me and I took a glimpse of his dimples. We stood up and when I thought he was about to dance with me sweetly, but instead he danced so funnily making circles with his arms.

Our eyes met.

He was smiling.

And underneath the skies I found myself smiling back at him.

I seldom see 2seok in a fic so ... 😘