PARA akong nabato sa napagtanto ngunit halos manlambot din ang mga binti ko rito. Hindi ako lubos makapaniwala na sa teoryang ito, posibleng mawalan ng saysay ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko makatakas lamang sa Institusyon. Na ang kalayaang sa wakas ay dinaranas ko ngayon ay pawang sandaling ilusyon na magdadala rin sa 'kin bandang huli pabalik sa impiyerno. Na ang buhay na pilit kong sinasalba ay lalo ko lang pinahahamak sa bawat pagtangka ko na lumayo mula sa kaniya. 

I looked at my feet, contemplating the possibility of him going for Caesar instead of me. What if he's not hunting me because he wants me back? What if he's actually driving me away from Caesar so I won't hinder his plan to attack him in the future? After all, with me neither in the Institution nor on Caesar's side, nothing will stop him from finishing the quest. 

Unblinking, with his breathing turning ragged, he asked for the nth time. "What's wrong? Are you alright? Are you hurt anywhere?" It seemed like he was angry, yet the way he cupped my face with both his palms was nothing but gentle.

"You're really troublesome, Caesar Montelier," I said, whimpering at the hopelessness of our situation. It's almost funny how our fates have been tangled since the day I first met him. "Of all the people who could save me back then, it has to be you... haha..." 

"Huh? I can't hear you. What were you saying?"

Kapag nabura ang mga Montelier sa Central, wala nang matitirang pigura na may sapat na lakas at impluwensya para panatilihin ang balanse. 'Pagkat tanging ang paghinga na lamang ni Caesar ang hadlang para sa mga taong sa dilim nagkukubli. At para matiyak na mananatili sila roon... 

"I'm just disappointed," I smiled cheekily, making him more confused with his already wrinkled forehead and creased brows.

"With what?" He pulled his body back away from me slightly. "What do you mean?"

"You're here proposing, yet don't even have a ring."

Animo'y naplantsa ng mga katagang binitawan ko ang ekspresyon niya at mas pinalaylay naman nito ang bibig niyang nakabuka. "Wait... ang ibig mo bang sabihin..." Akma na sanang sisilay ang tagumpay sa kaniyang mukha pero nang hindi ko dinugtungan ang pangungusap ay nayuyukong hinayaan niya akong magsalita.

"What's the catch?" the young master asked, sensing the ulterior motive behind my response. "There must be since you were so opposed to the idea just a second ago. If there's a condition I must fulfill to make you say 'yes,' tell me and consider it done." 

"Makinig kang mabuti, Caesar Kinette Montelier," tuon ko sa kanya bago pa man mabigyang linaw ang magiging koneksyon naming dalawa. Sa pagkakabanggit ko sa buo niyang pangalan na 'di lantad sa publiko, tiyak kong may bumbilyang muli na lumiwanag sa gilid ng kanyang sentido. 'Pagkat dagdag patunay ito na nabibilang ako sa mundong nakakakilala nito.

Naitanggal niya ang mga palad niya sa mga pisngi ko. "I guess you are different," he commented before compressing his lips in a restrained, polite smile, almost as if holding back something that should instead be left unshown. "Go on. Tell me. What would it take for you to agree to be my wife?"

"I did bad things, you know. Really bad. Perhaps even worse than what's normal in our world," I confessed slowly, nodding at every word to assure him I meant every bit of it. "And you and the people around you might... no, you will hate me someday once you discover them all."

I bit my lower lip as soon as I slid that possibility into his head, still donning a bitter smile to mask my fear of that day manifesting in reality. After all, it was an inevitable consequence of what I did. But even so... 

"Truthfully, I do not wish for you to hate me," I revealed. "If you cannot assure me that you won't hate me, please take your proposal back." 

It was such a selfish ultimatum. What I did back then was unforgivable, and protecting him is not something he should compensate me for because I chose to do it of my own will, yet here I am, pleading something unreasonable that not even a saint could embrace with open arms. 

"Ganoon ba kahalaga ang impresyon ko sa 'yo?" he asked, amused and baffled at the same time. "Sobrang halaga na 'yon lang ang hihingin mong kapalit kahit na ba buhay mo ang nakasalalay sa oras na maging asawa kita?" 

If anything, being your wife is not something I really deserve. You deserve someone better. Pero kung ito lang din ang paraan para mapangalagaan kita sa isa pang pagkakataon, hinding-hindi na ako magdadalawang-isip pa. 

"Are you surprised? Don't worry; I won't ask for anything even after I wear the ring and your surname." I wouldn't dare. Your hate is the only thing I cannot take. And I know your agreement with this does not guarantee what will happen someday, but for now, give me permission to be bold enough and say 'yes.' 

"Alright. I promise I would never, but for the record... I can see it," he muttered breathily, his eyes carefully sweeping the surroundings for a second until they eventually fell back to mine. "You're were doing a really bad job dissuading me in the first half, Ms. de Agustin." Caesar even playfully tilted his head.

"I had to," I told him. "It's only fair for a bidder to know the defects of what he's trying to obtain." 

The last Montelier gave me a quizzical look, pondering still at the condition he doesn't seem to understand the importance. Alas, he meant business, so he let it slide and continued. "So that you know, I never say anything that will only become mere words in the end. My every word is my truth, and I hope you realize that it does. Whatever you did in the past cannot change that."

Hindi ko mawari kung tunay niyang pinakinggan ang maikli kong babala subalit nais kong maniwala na oo.'Pagkat sa kaalaman na hinandugan ko siya ng babala para pagdudahan ako, mapapanatag ako na kahit papaano'y naging patas ako. Nang sa ganoon, kung sakali mang lumundo ang kahit anong samahan na maaari naming mabuo, wala akong pagsisisihan.

"Ang sabi ko sa 'yo makinig ka nang mabuti," paalala ko sa kaniya. Para akong batang pilit nangungulit na paniwalaan ng isang nakatatanda na ang katigasan ng ulo ay malala.

"And I did," Caesar replied in an instant. "Now, will you listen to me this time?"

Tumango ako bilang kasagutan, tanggap na na sadyang hindi pa niya lubusang maiintindihan kung para saan ang babalang sa hangganan pa magkakaroon ng kahulugan. Hindi ba't gano'n naman tayong lahat? Madalas nating ipagkibit-balikat ang mga senyales sa ating harapan kaya't kapag huli na ang lahat, doon lamang tayo magsisisi nang lubusan.

"Hindi ko alam kung anong mga ginawa mo noon at magsisinungaling ako kung sasabihin kong hindi ako nahihiwagaan kung ano ang mga 'yon. Pero..." malumanay na aniya kasabay ng muli niyang pag-abot sa kaliwang kamay ko at pagpisil dito.

We took our steps toward a blue waiting shed nearby, where a few of its settlers were gone after leaving with the bus that had just passed. Caesar led me to a long bench, and there, we sat together, now safe from the burning morning sun but not from all the bustle in every direction.

"Those bad things, did you do them on your own accord?" he finally spoke after a nerve-wracking pause. From my left eye's peripheral view, I can see that he's looking far ahead of the road, urging me to speak freely as we conceal our presence amid the busy streets.

Tulad niya ay inihayag ko ang paningin ko sa aking harapan, iniisip na kunwari'y mga sibilyan lamang kami na nanonood ng mga nagkakarerahan sasakyan. At bilang mga manonood ay natural na magsalitan kami ng opinyon ukol sa kaniya-kaniyang pambato namin. 

"What if I say I'm not sure?" I nervously inquired. 

He squeezed my hand tighter and tapped it with his free hand. "Well, to be fair, everyone in the Underground is not sure either." 

"Caesar..." 

"You know..." he sighed. "I have yet to discover a lot about you, but one thing's certain. You're always attentive to every detail about everyone except yourself."

Do I?

"You said no one can just become a Montelier bride, but here you are. Overqualified, if I must say," Caesar playfully teased, and as if on cue, our gazes met, then he turned serious. "The person you speak to, that's your past. I bet she's a whole different person. She may be you... once... but no longer. I don't care about what she did; I care about what she has become now and who she'll be in the future."

I shut my eyes briefly as I was instantly robbed of excuses under my sleeves. Even if I still have one, I doubt it can compete further against his formidable persistence. I wouldn't even dare assume it, but I wonder. I wonder if he stated those things after deducing my inner feelings based on what I keep reciting in his sleep from a while ago.

"You are what you are. You are free now. You don't have to fear anything at all."

"So?" he lifted his chin expectantly. 

I would've wanted to smack his head for pretending to be uncertain of what I'll answer when it's already clear who's bringing home the bacon.

"I heard the proper response in these circumstances should be, I do."

And before I knew it, I sensed a cold piece of metal run past one of my fingers. "Quinzel de Agustin, take this ring as a token of my promise to respect you, to take care of you and everything you hold dear, and to ensure you a future where you'll no longer fear what's in the past."

Halos maiwan akong tuliro nang biglaang siyang mag-umpisang bumigkas ng panatang pangkasal. Ni hindi ko naditekta ang pagpuslit niya ng singsing mula sa bulsa. Ngayo'y lubos ko nang nakinita ang tunay na dahilan kung bakit siya ang pumarito at hindi ang alagad niya.

After carefully bringing a ring with a gorgeous pear-shaped sapphire from the tip of my finger to its end, he pretended to blow out a huff as if telling me that convincing me was such hard labor, causing us both to chuckle. "I shall keep this promise for as long as we both shall live," he finished.

Hindi pagkakamali o lakas ng apog ni Pherenn ang nagdala sa lalaking ito rito. Alam niya ang kailangan niya at alam din niya na kung para sa kaniya 'yon, siya dapat ang personal na kikilatis dito. Sa una pa lang, hindi niya ko itinakas nang iniisip na tatanggihan ko s'ya. Sadyang pumarito siya para kunin ako dahil tiyak siya na mapapapayag niya ko.

"I know you're not much of a talker, but can you please say some for me?" he awkwardly requested, but with anticipation, triumph painted all over his face. He's aware he's already won me over, yet he probably thinks it won't hurt to loot for more.

Napapilitik ako ng dila, batid sa sarili na wala akong kaalam-alam sa mga ganitong panata. Gayunpaman, sinamo ko ang lakas ng katawan ko upang suportahan ang paglabas ng boses ko sa isa pang pagkakataon at nagdesisyon na ipanata ang mga bagay na tiyak kong matutupad ko.

"Caesar Kinette Montelier, I have nothing but myself to offer you. As you've said, talking has never been my thing, so take my word when I tell you I'll devote this life to preserving your well-being at all costs, to protect you and those who you cherish, and to remain faithful to you for as long as our breaths persevere," I swore without looking away from him.

I also swore this to myself so I won't heed any fantasy. He may have been earnest in his words and genuine in his thoughts, but that doesn't change the nature of the promise itself. It is neither in the name of God nor of love; it is a deal. Regardless, I knew I poured all that I was into that oath because, finally, for the first time, I could say what I didn't back then.

"With our vows complete, we are now each other's counterparts,"  he beamed, and he warranted a light kiss upon the sapphire sitting on my finger. 

Matapos na maisarado ang kasunduan, sinundan muli namin ang daan patungo sa napag-usapang kitaan nina Caesar at ng ika nga niya'y susundo sa aming dalawa. Gayong may mga mata sa bawat sulok ng siyudad ang mga miyembro ng Red Circle gawa ng ito ang teritoryo nila, ikapapahamak lang namin lalo ang paglalakad sa kalsada habang papatirik nang papatirik ang araw. Ito rin ang rason kung bakit kami nakipagpalit ng damit kanina at kung bakit palinga-linga kami sa bawat pagkakataong makukuha namin.

"Given that you're different, kilala mo na sila siguro, ano?" kaswal na tanong sa akin ng kasama ko na hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin pinakakawalan ang kamay kong may singsing na. Kahit anong titig ko sa kanya para ipaalalang hindi ko tatangkain tumakbo dahil wala rin naman akong mapupuntahan, umaasta ito na para bang walang siyang nakikita at napapansin.

A little bit helpless and in disbelief that the so-called predator of the Underground was keeping a firm grip on my hand, I just allowed him to do as he pleased. "Whether I know them well or not, you're the one they might not recognize if you keep holding my hand so differently, husband,' I retorted with an almost exhausted sigh.

His mouth was left open, and his eyes narrowed when he turned to me. "Unfortunately for you, wife, you have to get used to it," he proudly countered. "After all, the Queen of the Hunt is nearing, and we'll do much of this during that occasion." He then threw his attention back to the road to watch out for his men.

On the other hand, I was instantly taken aback when it sank to me that he literally just mentioned Queen of the Hunt. The Queen of the Hunt! The beginning of the social season for the Underground.

"Hey, what..." I was about to urge him to feed me some details about it, considering the time I spent hidden under Calvin's shelter, but my attempt was cut short. It was cut short by an enthusiastic shout delivered by a grown-up man flapping his arm outside a trailer's window.

"Is that the missus? Waaaaah! Hello po!" masayang bati nito nang kitang-kita ang mapuputi niyang ngipin. "Madam, hindi ka naman napilitan diyan sa katabi mo po, ano?" Magkagayon man, mas namutawi sa impresyon ko sa kanya ang buhok niyang tila nakikipag-kumpetensya sa araw para sa gintong kulay.

It is almost like the color of Alexandria's hair.

"More than my hand, I'd recommend getting used to Rupert's limitless energy first," Caesar advised dispiritedly, his face unimpressed as he watched the supposed-to-be head trainer of all his associates act like how a seven-year-old kid would around their favorite adults.

Sa tabi ng tila isip-batang si Rupert ay isa pang hindi natutuwa sa aksyon ng kasamahan. Halos takpan niya ang sarili nang sa ganoon ay maipagkaila niya ang katabi. Even so, his sleek gold spectacles and formal suit immediately gave his identity away. I gulped as despite the noise beside him, he didn't let the chance pass to try and intimidate me with his notorious stare scanning me from head to toe.

That would be Reinald Cortez, the only servant that survived back then. The other boy was a living witness to the atrocities that day and the biggest disobedience I made.

Isn't this exciting that the other boy is now the Mafia Montelier's consigliere?

******

BETA READER x AUTHOR CORNER

Us when Quinzel keeps saying she's unworthy of being Mrs. Montelier:

My beta reader wondering why Quinzel really thinks she's unworthy:

Read. Like. Comment. Follow.

Defended na ang thesis, mga inday TT Road to graduation na talaga!