"ANO?!" Ni hindi ko na nga napigilan pa ang sarili kong boses sa pag-ariba, lalo na't may higit pa palang hindi kapani-paniwala na balak ang natitirang Montelier sa mundo. Ang Montelier na kung tutuusin ay dapat pinahahalagahan ang kaniyang buhay gayong maaaring matapos ang halos pitong henerasyon na kasaysayan ng pamilya niya sa kanya.

Pumatigil ako sa mabilisan kong paglalakad at marahas siyang nilingon, buhat-buhat ng wangis ko ang mga kilay na magkasalubong. "Not just any woman can become a Montelier bride," I insisted greatly with my teeth gritting.

Caesar, exhausted from continuously trying to catch up with my pace, then rolled his eyes over. "Ako 'yong groom. Tingin mo hindi ko alam 'yon? Tingin mo gusto kong magpakasal sa kahit na sino?" sarkastikong balik niya sa kabila ng paghangos.

Nang abang tinitigan ko lang siya ay huminto na rin ang mga paa niya. Kasabay ng mabigat na buntong-hininga, napa-pamewang ito na animo'y ako pa ang wumiwika nang 'di kapani-paniwala.

"Do you really think I'd give myself away to someone unworthy just because it's a contract?" he irritatingly asked. With him now wearing a casual dark grey shirt and black basketball shorts, he blended more with the people than he was a while ago. But it also made us seem like a young couple bantering beside the busy city streets.

Kaya nga kami nakipagpalit ng damit sa may-ari ng inn at sa asawa nito para ilayo ang atensyon mula sa amin, pero heto't tila kabaliktaran pa ang dulot nito.

Frustrated about making him understand that it's not a position I'd want or deserve to fill, I clicked my tongue loudly. "I am unworthy," I told him, shaking my head. "Unworthy of the title. Unworthy of having such a prestigious name on mine..." I paused for a second, reminding myself again why even contacting him was dangerous in the very beginning.

"I'm unworthy of you," I said once and for all, my eyes falling to the cemented road. I am willing to die for you. Make me your pawn, not the queen piece that could alter the game's course. It's too risky. Even I know I am a menace regardless of who I ally myself with.

Marami pa sana akong masasabi para maipaintindi 'yon sa kaniya ngunit hindi ako hahayaan ng kasalukuyan kong kondisyon. The last thing I could ever wish in our situation is to puke blood sa publiko sa katirikan ng araw. At paano nga ba ilantad ang kwentong may hila-hilang mga alaala ng mga bangkay?

Bago ko pa man harapin muli ang daan nang kagat-kagat ang labi, agad na hinablot ni Caesar ang kanang kamay ko para patigilin ako sandali. "Kapag ba naikonekta ko sa 'yo lahat ng pamantayan para maging asawa ko, papayag ka na?" seryoso't diretsa niyang ani na taliwas sa nauna niyang naging reaksyon sa pagtutol ko.

Parang umurong ang dila ko. Ni hindi pa nga niya naiki-kwento sa 'kin ba't kailangang magkautang na loob sa kaniya ang neutral faction pero heto siya't handang magdugtong-dugtong ng kung anu-ano.

"In this case, I'll treat your silence as a yes," he stubbornly decided, bearing a straight face even if he didn't give me enough time to protest.

He then clasped our hands tighter and recited, "A Montelier bride is supposed to be exquisitely alluring in the eyes of those who are enlightened and blind, for beauty is one sharp weapon only a few were blessed to have."

Not breaking the connection our gazes has despite being already the center of everyone's curious stares, he took my other hand as well on his grasp. "Hindi ko alam kung may salamin o wala sa bahay ni Aguirre o sadyang manhid ka lang pero... Ms. de Agustin." Napahinto siya't napahinga nang malalim, animo'y may ilalahad na matinding lihim.

"Pygmalion sculpted your eyes into the shape of the bitter yet sweet almonds. Into them, the immaculate Aphrodite gifted you topazes that are said to cure lunacy in myths. Psecas, a faithful nymph of Artemis, blessed your hair to be as brown as the woods in her mistress' grounds, while Apollo seemed to shy away from kissing your skin, turning it white as ivory," he said, every word delivered gently and fluently at the same time, leaving me on a daze.

Sa pangalawang beses, binigo ako ng sarili kong bibig. Ang mga salitang binitiwan niya, para bang diretsong nanggaling mula sa isang bida na sa pahina lang ng mga libro matatagpuan.

Taking advantage of that split of time again, he closes the remaining gap between us and swiftly places himself right by my side— the very thing I'd want to prevent by walking all this time hastily.

"A Montelier bride is supposed to know how to fight, for there are monsters lurking on the other side," he continued.

Ang pagsisimula niya sa pangalawang dahilan, nag-udyok ng pagsisimula muli ng aming paglalakad. Sa kabila ng napakaagang oras, kay dami na ring mga tao ang nasa labas at naglalakad mula at papunta sa iba't ibang direksyon ng siyudad. Sa paglusong namin sa kumpulan na ito, mas naging madali ang hindi mapansin, mas naging madali ang lumayo sa pinanggalingan naming lugar ng krimen.

"At base sa memorya ko, kahit kailan ay hindi pa nakiusap si Eldridge Pherenn para sa taong maaaring bumigo sa mga ekspektasyon ko," aniya sa 'kin nang maabutan kami nang pagpula ng stoplight. Parehong ang tingin nami'y nakatuon sa pagmamasid, gayong 'di namin batid kung may sumusunod sa amin o isa ito sa mga kapwa naghihintay din ng pagkakataong tumawid.

"And you know what?" Napatingin ako sa kanya habang ilang segundo na lang ang natitira bago lumipat ang liwanag mula sa pula pa-luntian.

"Seeing how you defended yourself back in the inn and how you know the weight of my schemes, I don't think Eldridge Pherenn disappointed me this time either," Caesar revealed, a proud smirk pasted on his face as soon as he found me dumbfounded at his words. "Rather, he impressed me. Very much so. He led me to someone who exceeded my expectations."

Gayak-gayak ang ngisi na 'yon, hinatak niya ko sa segundong nagsitigil na ang mga sasakyan para sa pagdaan naming kanina pa naghihintay. Wala pa naman kaming aktuwal na tinatakbuhan pero nasaksihan ko ang mga binti ko na sabayan siya sa para bang paglipad sa mga puting linya ng pedestrian. At sa matagumpay naming karera, nakita ko na lang din ang sarili kong may kasing lawak na ngiti tulad niya.

The heir of Montelier laughed even with other people looking at him as ridiculous and crazy, and I, despite not really knowing what's funny about our race, can't help but do the same. Whether it was the mess the wind caused to our hair, the rush of adrenaline in our veins as we ran like kids, or that fleeting moment of doing something out of our character, it didn't matter. It was a blissful glitter.

"You're such an idiot," I giggled, and we gladfully shared the same fate of being seen as drunk of madness. "You're up for a deadly ride, yet you don't seem to mind it at all."

When that glitter slowly faded, we silently proceeded on walking forward, our hands knitted tightly like blankets weaved for the winter solstice. And as we did, I caught Caesar observing me again so keenly. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it made me a little conscious, mainly after he associated my facial features with gifts from the divine creatures of Greek mythology.

"Hmmm. I like it," he commented approvingly.

"Like what? Being called an idiot?"

"Geez, no," he scoffed in disbelief at me outwitting him. "It's you talking to me like I'm just any other person."

"So dramatic," I sneered. "No matter what differences people may have, we're all the same. We just simply deny our similarities and suffer from it to enjoy the illusion of being unique." 

"Am I the same with the Red Circle's men then?" 

"Yes, but you're better than any of them. That's why whatever you intend to do, I'm sure there's hope. There just might be a chance, I think." 

"Agree to my proposal, and the chances might double, if not triple." He went at it again.

Amused at his persistence, I smirked. "Baka pag-isipan ko kung sasabihin mo sa 'kin kung ano ang balak mo kapag napatumba mo na ang organisasyon." 

Sa kabila ng tuloy-tuloy na tapunan ng mga mensahe, hindi sinakripisyo ni Caesar ang katangi-tanging kasagutan para mapapayag ako. Bagkus, hinawi niya ang alok ko't ibinalik sa naunang paksa ang usapan. Hindi ko siya masisi. Bakit naman niya sasabihin kung 'di niya pa nasusuotan ng singsing ang daliri ko? 

"The Montelier bride must be her own person, for she is the family's heart while the heir serves as its mind. The brain may function still, but when the heart is gone, all is gone," he stated genuinely to the air—hearing him say it as if longing for someone puts the madness from a while ago into shame and hides away.

Tanggap ko na kulang pa ang pagmamaang-maangan upang maging matibay na pader laban kay Caesar at mga salita niya. Kasalanan ko rin naman gawa ng binigyan ko siya ng rason para humantong sa ganitong konklusyon. Gayunpaman, hindi ko pa rin madala ang sarili na magpadaloy sa indak ng alon.

"Hindi rin ba nila nasabi sa 'yo na dapat galing sa respetado at mayamang pamilya ang mapapangasawa mo?" banggit ko. Sa pagkakataong ito, hindi na 'ko nagpahatak pa sa kamay niyang nakalingkis sa akin.

Sa paghinto ko ay siyang pagpwersa sa kaniya na huminto rin. "If you want to take them down, you ought to seek someone who can support you and provide for you. Really support you, in money and in influence," pagdiriin ko, nagbabaka-sakaling may tiyansa pang iba ang trabahong ipasalo niya sa 'kin. Basta hindi ito. Basta hindi bilang asawa niya.

Kay laki ng diperensya sa kanina at ngayon. Kung kanina'y hindi niya matanggal ang pagkakatitig sa 'kin, ngayo'y hindi niya ako magawang lingunin. "Ms. de Agustin."

At ang kaninang kay kaswal na boses, tila naiwan na sa pagkakahimbing.

"Hindi pera o katayuan ang pambili sa epilyido ko," malamig niyang tugon na nakapagpabigat sa dibdib ko. "Kung 'yon lang din ang pamantayan, tiyak kong patay na ako ngayon."

Mabilis na hinigit ng huling pangungusap na 'yon ang isang eksena sa nakaraan ko na hanggang ngayon, 'di ko mapagnilayan kung lilimutin o dadalhin ko habang buhay. Bilang Montelier, wala naman na siyang ibang materyal na bagay pa na kailangang maatim sa pamamagitan ng tulong ng iba. At kung ako ang nasa katayuan niya, kung ipagbibili ko lang din ang epilyidong naipasa sa akin, tiwala ang gugustuhin kong kapalit. 'Pagkat ang tunay na tiwala'y walang katumbas na titulo o salapi.

"And for your information, the only relative I have left, my great-grandmother who married to the family, never hailed from grandeur. She rose from mud and blood," he mentioned with his back facing me still. "Seeing how she protected me with her life for years, I have no second thoughts about marrying a woman born from the same pool of dirt because even the rarest of golds and jewels can be found in it."

Bahagyang bumaling sa akin si Caesar sa gilid ng kanyang paningin, tila ba hinihintay kung sa puntong ito ay mayroon na akong masasabi na hindi ikapanlalamig lalo ng tinig niya o makaiinsulto sa kanya. At nang wala ay yumuko siya para tingnan ang magkabigkis naming mga kamay.

'Natatakot kasi ako,'  Ito ang nais kong ipaalam sa kaniya. Subalit, Quinzel, kailan ka ba dinala sa mabuti ng takot mo? Hindi ba't wala ka rin rito ngayon kausap siya kung takot ang pinairal mo noong araw na sinira mo ang pangako mo kay Maxon at tumakas sa Institusyon?

Convicted and damned by my own conscience, I held his hand tighter like the way I pleaded to my first love not to abandon me at the most crucial time. This scene reminded me of how blind I was before, faithfully entrusting my whole existence to a person who eventually left me to fend for myself when I didn't meet his expectations. His words were just as cold. Perhaps, even more.

"You chose this, Ash. You chose to ruin the mission, so you have to pay the price for it."

Sa pagkakarinig muli ng boses na iyon ay nataranta akong napakapit sa taong tanging pamilyar sa 'kin sa siyudad na 'to. The chills that suddenly drilled upon my spine as I recall that fateful day was inconsolable. Too inconsolable that even when I'm embracing the very reason why I continue to pay the price of it, it doesn't get better. 

"D-Don't abandon me..." garalgal na boses kong utal. "Please, I'll do better."

"Ms. de Agustin?" I heard Caesar calling me, but it wasn't as clear as before, the voice of the boy I met when I was eight casting a shadow on any other tone. Distinguishing only his voice had me panting as if everything around me turned underwater, and I became a fish that did not know how to breathe water.

"You should've done it when you had the chance. He'll die sooner or later, anyway."

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry," I begged, my words shaking as hard as my whole body did when I was thrown to the cold dungeons located at the bottom pits of the Institution building. The cold dungeons where rats, dirt, and poison are only my dear companions.

"Anong silbi ng kampeon na hindi man lang makakalabit ng gatilyo sa harap ng kalaban? Remember who you are. You are not a savior, you're his executio—"

"QUINZEL!"

Napasinghap ako pagkakatakas ko sa memoryang 'yon. Humahangos at nagugulumihanan na natapon ang paningin ko sa mga taong hindi ko na masipat kung bumubungisngis ba sa biglaan kong pagkataranta sa gilid ng daan o pawang dumaraan lang. Taas-baba ang dibdib ko hanggang sa unti-unting nawala ang tila malakas na echo na nakabara sa magkabilang tenga ko.

"—wrong? Quinzel, are you alright?!" I found Caesar's face finally, stunned and paled, his bronze-colored eyes wavering as they scanned me from head to toe.

Naiwang nakabuka ang bibig ko, panay ang habol sa hininga imbes na maglabas ng kasagutan. I don't even know what to say, even if I want to force my lips to move. I was scared of being brought back to that memory, but more so with the realization that dawned on me. It scared me more and more as long as I looked at Caesar's face.

My failure back then has never truly ended the quest. If he can abandon me so easily out of one mistake, my departure from the Institution won't do the trick either. He won't quit until the quest is finished. And the quest is right here in front of me, alive because of me.

But he wouldn't be for long—because the last person that could only hinder the quest is no longer there to protect him—me.

******

BETA READER x AUTHOR CORNER

Us when Caesar is describing Quinzel's features:

My beta reader already imagining the pain of Quin's backstory later on:

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Good luck sa mga magfa-finals! Lezzgo! We can do this!